Episode 215. Empowering Your Military Transition: Confidence Building for Military Women

April 17, 2024

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As a woman transitioning out of the military and considering your next career move, it’s common to feel a mix of excitement and uncertainty about the future. In today’s episode, we focus is on empowering military women during their transition into civilian life. 
Transitioning from the military to the civilian sector is a significant step filled with both challenges and opportunities.Regardless of the stage of your career transition, I want to remind you of the value you bring by embracing confidence, taking deliberate steps towards self-awareness, and seeking support when needed, military women can navigate this transition with a renewed sense of purpose and determination.


Join me on May 15th at 12PM ET for “How Women Veterans Can Navigate a Stressful Military Transition with Confidence”



[00:00:00] Wendi: Hello ladies. And welcome to episode 215. I am super excited that you’re here today. And I’m excited to be back on camera recording behind the mic to share with you another topic that in hopes is beneficial for you for your career now, and also in the future, especially if you’re thinking about transitioning out of the military anytime soon. This episode today is a resource and a starting point. For you to not only gain confidence about your transition, about the civilian sector, but also to help you in your current job, your current role now. Because what I’ve learned, at least from what I hear. I’m on LinkedIn right here on other platforms is that as women, we are losing confidence. When we’re transitioning out of the military, which by the way, could be inedible, right.

[00:00:53] Wendi: And something that we are going to naturally do, because we’re doing something different. We’re doing [00:01:00] something new. And it’s completely. Okay. And so today I want to invite you to. Really focus on where you are now in your career, and also to take a moment. And consider the future, your future career or the career that you’re wanting desiring to go into, because today is all about gaining confidence in your career either now, or even when you get out of the military or maybe in the next five years, maybe you’re already transitioned out and you’re like, this is. A great place to start, but I also want to start planning my next three year mark or my next five-year mark. Y, because that’s what we do.

[00:01:41] Wendi: We are geared to planning most of the time, especially as leaders, especially as women, that to want to continue to further. Your your career and grow in your industry or grow in your current role. And so today, but you too. Really figure out where you are [00:02:00] on your confidence. Um, what I like to call the confidence scale. If I were to ask you. On a scale of one to 10, 10 being really confident in who you are as, um, that leader in that position, what would you be?

[00:02:18] Wendi: And of course, one would be not confident at all, but I think most of us. Would fall under the five and 10. And now if you’re below five, it’s completely. Okay. But I want to empower you. And also at the same time challenge, you. To consider. That there could be more confidence, right? That you could continue to build on your confidence.

[00:02:41] Wendi: And that’s true for everyone. Because for the most part, we are constantly learning something new. We’re constantly evolving. We’re constantly. Focused on what could be the next step? What could be the next milestone? What could be the next promotion? And as individuals that [00:03:00] are used to the opportunities that is out there for the, um, the growth, the growth opportunities. We in the military could see that right.

[00:03:09] Wendi: We knew what the next milestone would be with the next promotion. What that would look like the time period. But as we transition into the civilian sector and you, if you are in a sibling sector, You’ll learn really quickly that there really isn’t a timeline. It’s all just dependent on your role and, you know, depending on the company, the organization that you’re with. And honestly, just dependent on you.

[00:03:33] Wendi: If you’re an individual that wants to keep growing or maybe wants to move. Um, in the lateral way. And not necessarily go up in the, in, in, in the structure right in the organization. And so what is it for you? And so for someone that is probably not thinking of getting out and you’re like, oh, I’m. I’m at an eight.

[00:03:58] Wendi: Like, I am really confident in [00:04:00] what I’m doing. I’ve been in for eight years. I love what I’m doing. But now I also want to consider. What could it be out there? Right. I’m not as confident. If I were to get out in the next month or the next six months. I wouldn’t be as confident in my new career. And so if that is the case, that’s completely okay.

[00:04:21] Wendi: And I want to offer you today to really understand. You know where you are and be honest with yourself, because I think that that’s really the step that we sometimes forget that we are not honest with ourselves and we don’t understand, you know, why we sometimes feel stuck or not motivated. In her current role in a current position. And it’s because we have lost a little bit of confidence and also, um, the hunger of, of growth.

[00:04:49] Wendi: We have lost a little bit of that because we can’t see ourselves in that next role or in that next position. Or it might able to, you know, be [00:05:00] that senior NCO or am I able to really be that company commander that I always thought I wanted to be. We tend to lose a little bit of confidence because we gained self doubt. The reason we gained self doubt is because we are most of the time overthinking of what we’re capable of doing. Or even what other people will think about us, if we’re capable of doing this one thing. And most of the time that happens because we either maybe didn’t score a high. Um, Score on your physical training test. Or maybe you’re not keeping up with others, maybe you’re falling back.

[00:05:38] Wendi: Um, not only physically, but also maybe intellectually, right? Maybe you’re not going to school. And you know, another peer is now getting their bachelor’s degree or their associate’s degree, their master’s degree. And now you’re like, okay, I’m falling behind. And you may lose a little bit of that confidence because of what you’re thinking about. What others may be thinking about you or you’re overthinking the, the opportunity you’re [00:06:00] overthinking the role you’re overthinking of what you. Already have learned. And you are overthinking that you may not be capable of doing it, or maybe not be able to do it. To the extent that others are doing it in. And so when that happens, we lose motivation because now we’re like, okay, Why would I want to keep showing up?

[00:06:23] Wendi: Why would I want to continue to grow in this role if I’m already falling behind or I’m thinking all of these things, all of these things were coming up for me. And so why would I want to continue to be better or do better instead of we kinda shed. Um, not shed, but we dim our light instead of continuing to shine, shine her light. We dim a little bit.

[00:06:47] Wendi: We fall back a little bit, because again, the self-doubt is kicking it. And if you’ve been following him, you before, and you’ve been following this podcast, listening and tuning into this podcast, you know, that the way our [00:07:00] fillings are created or the way we create our emotions or by what we’re thinking. What we’re thinking while we’re constantly. Are believing about ourselves or about even this one thing. And so that’s how. The negative emotion gets created.

[00:07:17] Wendi: That’s how we then start to. Um, kit into and sucked into this spiral of self doubt, either through your current role, through your future role, maybe the opportunities that you thought you wanted to get done. And now you’re like, maybe that’s not for me because. Have, you know, this one incident or this one situation. Instead of focusing on what you have accomplished. What opportunities and roles you are. You’ve been able to accomplish. And even more so to where you weren’t now.

[00:07:54] Wendi: Right? And so for most of us, especially as women. We get sucked in. [00:08:00] To this idea that we’re not good enough. We’re not worthy of it. And that, you know, we sometimes fear success. We fear to get to the even, you know, That higher expectation or that other level, because then we’re thinking, what if we can’t maintain it?

[00:08:16] Wendi: What if it’s not sustainable? And so again, when all of this gets created, of course, we’re not going to be as confident as we thought we were going to be, or as we imagined or expected us to be. And so today I want to go over a 10 minute exercise that I want to offer you to only take 10 minutes and doing no more than 10 minutes, because what I’ve learned.

[00:08:38] Wendi: And at least for me, and some of the clients that I’ve worked with when we don’t allow ourselves to just focus on that amount of time, we will intentionally. Or unconsciously. Lose track of time and then say that we don’t have enough time to do that because it’s taken too long. Or that we just don’t have the time to even consider it.

[00:08:59] Wendi: And so today that’s [00:09:00] why I want to offer you 10 minutes. Just take 10 minutes. And allow yourself to really ask yourself. How can I now continue to evolve? Within my self-concept. And I’ll go over what self-concept really means, but the reason why, why we want to really look and evaluate. On, you know, who we are or what our self concept is.

[00:09:28] Wendi: It’s because we want to get reminded of who we really are. And that’s really what our self-concept is, who we are in the value that we bring. Who we are. How do we show up who we are as a leader, who you are as an individual, like who I am as Wendy, right? What. What is it, or who am I? How can I describe who I am? I’m a servant leader.

[00:09:55] Wendi: I want to continue to support and [00:10:00] encourage people. That’s who I am. I am a woman of guide. Here are my values. And when you do that and you start answering that. It will help you see. Your actual self-concept without the emotions, without the expectations. And also when you’re thinking about yourself concept, I want you to also consider the value that you bring. Who you are, right?

[00:10:29] Wendi: Like who you are. As an individual in the value that comes along with. Yourself with who you are. Filling your name for me, it’d be one D who I am as, as Wendy. Like what do I bring? As an individual. Not only as you know, your rank, um, or your position or your title, but just you as an individual. What value do you bring? And this is what I want you to focus on when we talk about the value. [00:11:00] Not only as a professional. In the skills that you bring, but also the emotional. Aspect of it. Meaning your humanist. You know, are you a mother?

[00:11:13] Wendi: Are you. Um, an individual that is caring for someone. Or your caregiver? Are you someone that is. The, the one that is, you know, compassionate and always focusing on other sparks for the most part, most women are going to be in this natural weight. Right. We’re always, constantly thinking. About our families.

[00:11:38] Wendi: We’re constantly thinking about everybody else bought a butter selves. And that is the beauty of who you are. Everyone will have different things that come along. Right. For me, I’m not the most patient. So that would probably be at the very, very bottom of my list. Have, you know, how the value that I [00:12:00] bring, I’m not the most patient. But it’s also a good thing, right?

[00:12:03] Wendi: Because I’m not as patient. I won’t wait. In order to follow up or whatever it may be in this case. But for you, if you are patient. If you are, you know, you go above and beyond. Um, you know, for people you’re a servant leader, you are someone that just cares deeply. Then that’s also a good thing, right?

[00:12:25] Wendi: Like how do you show up when there is chaos? Like, I want you to write all of it down. Or if you want to do voice notes, that works too. But when you write it down or you have it on your voice notes, voice notes, and you’re able to read it. Or you’re able to listen to it. It religious reminds you. Of the individual that you are. It brings you back to this person. That is needed. And it reminds you that. You [00:13:00] are needed.

[00:13:00] Wendi: It reminds you that you are not alone because when you look at this and you can look at how you’ve grown from when maybe you started in the military, where you. We’re even thinking about the military. To who you are now. It’s really going to ignite this fire in their belly. It’s going to ignite. The feeling of empowerment, determination. Motivation, whatever it is for you.

[00:13:31] Wendi: For me, it’s always determination and empowerment. But it’s going to help you see that you haven’t done this alone. You are not who you are because of yourself. There are others that have been involved. Maybe your family and your soldiers, your friends, your family. Your loved ones. They have helped you evolve into the person, the leader that you are now. And yes, that even includes the leaders that [00:14:00] we did not like working for, did not like working with. And so it gives you a moment. To really see.

[00:14:07] Wendi: Okay. This is who I was before. This is who I am now. And this is who I know I can become as a leader or in that role, or even get through the transition. Because you’ve gotten through so much already. Trust me. You as an individual have gotten through so much, not only intellectually, mentally, physically of course. The most importantly, emotionally. And so when you read this list or you listened to this list and you answer these questions about your self-concept, who you are and the value that you bring, not only as a professional, but also. Personally as an individual, right?

[00:14:50] Wendi: If you’re a mother, if you’re a wife, If you’re a believer, whatever it may be for you. You want to be able to, to see [00:15:00] it, to refer back to it. Because I trust me, it’s going to help you. Gain that confidence and also build upon it. Because here’s the thing repetition. Is what is going to help you to continue to believe in the person that you are. And so when we’re thinking about recurrent career, when you’re thinking about maybe the transition. Maybe pivoting your career.

[00:15:27] Wendi: Maybe you’ve been out for a couple of years. And now you want to do something completely different. Maybe you want to go into real estate. Or do you want to start your business or you just want to pivot in your journey, your career journey. I want you to take a moment and really do this exercise. And focus on. How you can continue to get back into. Feeling confident because confidence is the fuel that we need to get us in to take an action. What I’ve noticed along the way with helping women that are getting out of the [00:16:00] military with, you know, their interview prep or their, their resume. What I’ve noticed a lot is that they don’t understand. That the value that they’ve already acquired the skills. The experience that they have is so valuable. In the civilian sector. And the reason that they don’t believe that, or they don’t know, or they don’t even get to believe it before they start applying and doing all these things. Is because they have stopped.

[00:16:32] Wendi: They got stuck. And they took no action. Into considering opportunities considering other opportunities outside. Of their current career field. And that’s because they got stuck. They got stuck in self-doubt. And. They go into the spiral of. I’m just going to look at opportunities that are way below my experience level.

[00:16:58] Wendi: I’m going to start there [00:17:00] and I won’t even consider anything different. Because they weren’t able to deal or get out of the self-doubt career-wise. And so they just settled to there. And what I’m offering you today is to not settle, don’t settle and be stuck in the self-doubt. Self-doubts going to come up, it’s going to happen.

[00:17:20] Wendi: We can’t avoid it. It’s inevitable. We are going to feel self doubt at every point of our career. I mean, even with my kids, I’m like, oh my gosh, am I going to make it through middle school? With my kids. Because now I’m at a point where my daughter is in middle school and I’m like, I don’t know how to be the mom. That she needs right now. There’s a little bit of self doubt of how I’m parenting. But that’s a good thing. Because then it gets me into gear of how can I now need confidence? As a mom that has a child in middle school and can help her through this moment.

[00:17:54] Wendi: This. Pivotal moment of her. Of her education of her life really? [00:18:00] You know, how can I now? Not only focus on the mom that I’ve been, but also how can I help her and how can I help her gain confidence by showing her what I’m considering or what I’m doing and how I’m. You know, gaining confidence as a mom because let’s face it.

[00:18:18] Wendi: It’s hard. Everything that we do and we love, and we’re passionate about it’s going to be hard. And so I want to invite you to take a moment and just focus on 10 minutes, especially if you’re feeling stuck and you’re like, I don’t know where to begin. There’s too much out there. I want you to begin here. I want you to really understand where you are. In your comp in your career with, with confidence. Your confidence level in your career? And then I also want you to really explore your self-concept and that is again, Um, answering the question who you are as a leader and as a personal individual. And also the value that you bring. Not only professionally, but [00:19:00] also as a human being. That emotional. Um, aspect of it. And when you do that. In hopes that it. Helps you see. Where you are right with your skillset, with everything that you’ve done, your experiences. To really motivate you and encourage you. To keep moving along to encourage you that there’s so much out there. The opportunities are endless while you’re in the service and out of the military. And so I encourage you to do this and also really see where that self doubt is stemming from.

[00:19:40] Wendi: What are you thinking about yourself? What are you thinking about your career? What are you thinking about? Your transition? What is it? Are there any challenges? Are there any struggles because when you can identify that and you can. You know, shove some light on it. You’ll be able to determine if it’s just a thought, [00:20:00] an idea. Um, in opinion. If it’s just an expectation. Or is it the truth or is it an actual fact?

[00:20:10] Wendi: Because most of the time, ladies. All the drama is up here. It’s not necessarily true. And we get sucked in into believing it and we’re constantly thinking about it and repeating it. So now we’re like, so it’s so true. We. You’re believing it. And now we’re again in a spiral of. Of disbelief or in the spiral of self doubt.

[00:20:30] Wendi: And so I encourage you to focus on this start here. And listen. I also want to invite you if you’re going through the transition now, or you’re thinking about the transition and you’ve already identified some challenges and your you’re struggling with confidence. I invite you to join me to a webinar that I’ll be hosting and actually collaborating with the wounded warrior project. I’m so happy and excited that I am able to be a resource to them and [00:21:00] help women that are going through the transition the link and the information is in the show notes. This event will take place on May 15th at 12:00 PM Eastern standard time.

[00:21:11] Wendi: So come join me, bring somebody with you. Uh, another lady that you know, that is transitioning and maybe doesn’t know how to navigate this challenging. Stressful time. I want you to invite them because during this webinar, during this one hour, that we’re together, I am going to walk you through how you can navigate this stressful transition with confidence. You’re going to walk away with a resource that it’s going to help you along the way along that journey. All right, ladies. I hope that this was helpful. Please share this episode with another military woman, another woman veteran that you know, this will be helpful for. Have a beautiful rest of your day. Talk to you soon. Bye.