Emotional Health

Episode 187. MVP: Indulging in “IDK”? 3 ways to know if you are…

October 11, 2023

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Have you ever found yourself trapped in the “I don’t know” mindset? Let me share a story with you about a client, who was so unsure of her future that her automatic response was “I don’t know”. This phrase can become a dangerous pattern, preventing us from exploring potential avenues, making decisions, and overcoming our fears. So, if you’re finding yourself stuck in the ‘IDK’ tune in to today’s episode.


Next Steps:


[00:00:56] Wendi: Hello ladies. And welcome to episode [00:01:00] 123. I hope that you are having a great week so far. I hope that you’re doing well. You’re feeling great. And you’re staying grateful at all times, because when I tell you, I am just beyond blessed and beyond grateful of how I’m feeling and the energy that I have.

[00:01:15] Wendi: Um, being that I’m in my third trimester now. So there’s a lot going on here. But I’m just so, so, so, so, so, so, so grateful that I get to spend some time with you. I get to share. Um, today’s topic, which is all about indulging in IDK. Also known as, I don’t know. Which, by the way, y’all. I sometimes can, um, show my age or.

[00:01:42] Wendi: Um, my kids always mess around with me because there are so many acronyms that they use, like to text. And I’m not used to it. I know like the IDK. And the SMH, you know, like the very, like, you know, five, seven years ago, type of acronym [00:02:00] to texts. And now they have like, A thousand different acronyms that they use and they expect me to know them and I’m like, no, just write out the entire phrase.

[00:02:09] Wendi: Because it makes no sense to me, but anyhow, Today we are talking about indulging in. I don’t know. And one of the reasons, or the main reason. I’m talking about this is because yes, I’ve heard it from too many people that I’ve been talking to. And of course, one of my clients. Um, Decided to tell me that she didn’t know what she wanted to do when she got out, which by the way, she’s getting out in two years.

[00:02:39] Wendi: And I completely get it. We sometimes do not know, but the way it came out of it and rolled out of her tongue, it was like, I felt like I hadn’t, I hadn’t finished my son, my sentence or my question. And it was an immediate, I don’t know. And that was it. Like I waited. For [00:03:00] more information to come out. Like, I don’t know. Haven’t thought about that yet. Or I don’t know that this is what I have in mind. I don’t know. And you know, X, Y, Z,

[00:03:09] Wendi: But nothing else came out. I was just like, I don’t know. And there was a long pause, which is completely fine. I am okay with there being a pause and nothing else said after you are or have said something. Especially if you’re still processing the question, if you are still trying to understand what that answer may look like.

[00:03:34] Wendi: But I gave her plenty of time. And by that, I mean, like I waited, I said, Hey, take your time. As much time as you, as you, as you want. And it was just a continued, I don’t know. I don’t know. I really don’t know. I don’t know. I was like a multiple time. Multiple times of, I don’t know. And so, again, obviously I’ve done this before. I’m sure you’ve done this before as well. And [00:04:00] you’re like, no, I really don’t know.

[00:04:01] Wendi: And I really don’t want to know. And you just kind of like stay in the, I don’t know, land and you keep moving along with. Something else. Which is completely fine. Right. But when you start to notice that you’re doing this. And a lot of areas of your life and different things that you at that moment don’t want to make a decision on when you at that moment are even scared of even thinking about what the possibility could be.

[00:04:28] Wendi: Or what that would look like. And I get it. Like we’ve all been there. I’ve been there. I had no idea what I wanted to do. After the military. I had no idea what I wanted to do. With my life while I was in the military. Hence why I decided to name this podcast beyond the military, because I want you to start thinking about what it is that you want to do, even when you are in the military active duty.

[00:04:54] Wendi: And be able to have a life outside of your [00:05:00] career. Be okay with taking a break, be okay with not working 20 hours a day. Okay. Maybe that was a little too much, but some days it will be 20 hours a day. When you’re not focused in constantly. You know, thinking about work and your company and your platoon or your section, your team.

[00:05:20] Wendi: Because again, it’s more than just your career. It’s more than just the title of the position that you have. And that’s what I want to offer you today, right? It doesn’t have to be. Um, you know, you asking yourself what you’re gonna do after the military, but religious asking yourself right now, you know,

[00:05:37] Wendi: Are you indulging? And I don’t know when it comes to. Everything else that, that involves your life other than your primary career, your military career, or even if you’re like already out and you’re like, no, I’m completely. Consumed by my career. And I’m over working a full exhausted, and, you know, for like I’m grinding again. And I just feel like on this cycle that I like no end [00:06:00] whatsoever. And I feel like I have, I don’t have enough time to do any hobby.

[00:06:04] Wendi: Or do anything else that I like dating or maybe consider. Um, starting a different certification, a degree, a business investing, whatever that might look like for you. If that is something that you’re struggling with, I highly recommend that you really take a moment to. Really be honest with yourself and if you aren’t judging and I don’t know.

[00:06:25] Wendi: I want you to really pay close attention. If these are only three ways that you are doing it. And obviously there are more, but I think that these are the most common ones. That I’ve heard of. And I personally have experienced because I completely understand the world of buffering and not wanting to really face the reality and do the work and actually take the time to.

[00:06:50] Wendi: Be intentional about what I really want. Even though it may not even sound like it’s quote unquote realistic, even though I may not even sound as if I am [00:07:00] capable. Or confident enough to do that. One thing that I know I want to do, but it’s just scary to even just think about it, say it, and even share it with others.

[00:07:11] Wendi: So, if that is you. Highly recommend that you just, you know, listen to this episode and you. You know, listen to it again, if you need to take some notes, but seriously, this is something that I highly encourage you to start really focusing on. And considering that you may be indulging in the IDK phrase because it’s so easy.

[00:07:33] Wendi: Rolls off. Um, rolls auto her tongue very easily because we’re just so used to. Saying that we’re so used to just being in the, I don’t know, land and it’s easier. It’s not stressful and I don’t want to get overwhelmed. I don’t want to feel confused, whatever that may look like. So. The first way, you know, that.

[00:07:52] Wendi: You are indulging and I don’t know, not just necessarily being an Ida, I don’t know Lynn, but. Really indulging it, meaning [00:08:00] that you’re constantly that like, that’s your go-to, that’s your default answer? That’s like your immediate reaction. Response to any questions. Um, that you are given when that you are asked whenever.

[00:08:14] Wendi: Um, you are. You know, faced or confronted with something that you don’t want to think about. That’s. You know, um, outside of your military career, outside of, you know, what you’re doing in that moment. And so the first way is one that you’re an immediate response and it’s your, it’s your default answer for everything for.

[00:08:36] Wendi: And for everything, I mean, Maybe even planning the next day, maybe even planning. Um, you know, a couple of weeks from now. And the reason you’re, that’s your immediate response because you’re constantly wanting to avoid. Two even. Think. Consider thinking. About what that answer could look like. So you’re not even [00:09:00] like,

[00:09:00] Wendi: In the initial phase of considering our brainstorming, what that would look like. So then you possibly find. It a, um, a, um, An escape or a distraction. To help you immediately. Go from, I don’t know, into like this buffering. Um, this buffering environment, which most of the time could be social media.

[00:09:28] Wendi: Or even, this is what I used to do. I used to get more busy at work. I’m like, there’s other things that I can be doing or other things that needs my attention. That’s immediate. That’s like really yelling at me right now that I need to get done so that I had no time or never leave early or on time from work.

[00:09:46] Wendi: And then be so consumed with work and just continue to overwork and over work and over work. And that was my escape. I mean, it made no sense. But then later it was, you know, social media is that became to evolve [00:10:00] and then. I became, um, the whole Netflix Netflix thing, because I actually just got on Hulu not too long ago.

[00:10:07] Wendi: But that was another one, right. Or maybe even like the eating or the drinking, whatever that may be looking like for you. I mean, who knows what you’re doing, that you are. Um, using as a distraction or is it an escape? So that’s the first way. The second way. Is that. You are. Intentionally or maybe not intentionally, but unconsciously, I will say.

[00:10:32] Wendi: Unconsciously just allowing yourself. To be on standby. Versus doing the work. Meaning you’re wasting time, possibly even resources or maybe even opportunities. And you’re okay with that because you’re like, you know what? Uh, this may come up again in a year and six months in three months. And. A couple of weeks.

[00:10:58] Wendi: And you’re just like [00:11:00] prolonging. Um, this ability to get to work or like, no, I’m just not, I’m not going to do it. And there’s going, there’s other things that come up right. That. Are quote unquote, possibly more important or you’re like, you know what, I’m just going to go on this trip. I’m going to like, forget. I mean,

[00:11:19] Wendi: To go on a vacation and I’m just going to, like, I don’t even think about it. And you’re literally just standing behind. On the opportunity of you actually getting to work. So you’re like, I don’t want to put any effort to this at all whatsoever. So that’s the second thing. The third thing or the third way, you know, if you are indulging and, um, I don’t know is by.

[00:11:46] Wendi: Not making a decision. And the reason you’re not making a decision. Or maybe even. Trying to decide on something is because you’re scared of the outcome or that result ahead of time. So, Let’s just say [00:12:00] you want to have your own business. That’s what you want to do when you get out, you’re retiring and you’re like, I wanna start my own business and whatever industry.

[00:12:10] Wendi: And now. Or let’s just say a coach just to kinda make it. Either an example here. If that is. What you really want? And you’re like, no, that’s my decision. But I’m not going to make the decision because I’m scared of one. Everything that’s going to come up for you. Fear, doubt, confusion. All of that’s going to come up.

[00:12:34] Wendi: Come up for you. And then on top of that, you’re like, well, wait a minute. What happens when I do get certified, what happens when I do start this business? What if it doesn’t go well, what if I lose money? What if. You know, I go bankrupt. What if no one. Likes me as a coach. What if no one believes me as a coach? What if no one listens to me? What if they don’t create the results that I want them to do?

[00:12:54] Wendi: Or that I, they, they want. What if they don’t create the results that they want based on [00:13:00] what I asked them to do based on, um, you know, the things, the tasks, or maybe the, um, You know, after your coaching sessions, after they don’t do the homework, whatever that may look like. And so you are scared.

[00:13:16] Wendi: You are not wanting to fail pretty much. Or not wanting to really see what the outcome could have looked like.

[00:13:27] Wendi: And make it mean something about you. Ahead of time. And so all that fear, you’re like, oh my gosh, all of these things are not going to go well, yada, yada, yada. And now you’re like, I’m just not going to, I’m just not gonna decide. I’m just going to continue. To be in, I don’t know, land and just continue to research and if you’re researching great, but if you’re not, and you’re again, tiptoeing around all these, you know,

[00:13:52] Wendi: Um, potential desires or desires that you have. Then you’re just honestly, just prolonging [00:14:00] to make a decision. And this is what I want to add to. I always want to emphasize. That. Yes, of course. Do your research. Yes. Pray about what you think is next for you. I don’t know. You may not know. Nobody may know right. Only God knows what.

[00:14:17] Wendi: He has in store for you, what his plans are for you. But that also doesn’t mean that you don’t have work to do, right. Like, I don’t think God was just like, okay, here, Wendy, this is what I want. Here’s your. Your op order. Or your orders and go get to it right. That’s not how it works. Like I. You know, communicated it with God. I prayed about it.

[00:14:41] Wendi: And if it was something that I knew that, you know, seeing that was in store for me, and that’s something that he wanted him in, wanted me to do and encouraged me to do. Yes, I have to do the work. Right. I have to wake up earlier. I have to do more research after we. You know, X books. I have to look at certifications, different certifications.

[00:14:59] Wendi: There are things [00:15:00] that come along because we’re not going to be given this map. And I think that that is one of the reasons that most of us are like, Where’s the blueprint. How can I just do a step-by-step and how do I get this done? And I just want to know all the details right now, so that I can reassure myself because we think that the external is going to guarantee a result when really.

[00:15:24] Wendi: We’re guaranteeing a result or actions or actions are created by your emotions or emotions that are created by our thoughts. And so, again, Understanding that yes, there will be times where we do not know for real what it is that we want. But when you can begin to open that door and really take a moment.

[00:15:46] Wendi: To ask her, so, okay. If I were to consider. That my transition could start at any moment and that I need to be ready to make the transition. What would that be? What would that look like? And give yourself a [00:16:00] deadline. Like I would like to decide by the end of the week, what’s one thing I would want to focus on maybe a new hobby.

[00:16:06] Wendi: Maybe I started a new degree. Maybe I start investing. Maybe I start this new portfolio, financial portfolio, whatever that might look like for you, a relationship. Maybe I’ll consider dating. What apps or what locations, what events can I attend? All of these things that were like, I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. We can really just take a moment.

[00:16:29] Wendi: To focus on what it could be. That. We don’t want to, um, what’s the word, dig up under. Because we’re sometimes scared. We’re like, oh my gosh. Like, what if that is the thing? And then like, I, I try to do it and I don’t pass, or, you know, you start tiptoeing around things and you dealt just, you know, takes over.

[00:16:54] Wendi: I mean, there are so many excuses that our brain comes up. Comes up with for [00:17:00] no reason. I mean, seriously, like it. Literally encourages you to be an, I don’t know. And it’s kind of like Let’s just stay safe and remember, that’s just the way our brain works. Our brain wants to keep us safe. That’s our primitive brain. That is the part of our brain that wants to ensure that we.

[00:17:15] Wendi: Um, avoid any, any, um, pain. That we reduce any effort and that we. Um, stay in. Pleasure. Pleasure. Most of the time. We’re like, yeah, pleasure here. Let’s go do it. Let’s go to school on social media. Let’s go get on that flex at school. You know, eat that chocolate cake, whatever that may be cookies.

[00:17:36] Wendi: And so when it comes time to. You know, really focused on what that outcome could be, what that could look like our brains, like, Nope. Don’t even worry about it, Wendy, like you have plenty of time. Let’s focus on something more immediate, something a little more reasonable and realistic for this moment.

[00:17:55] Wendi: Which by the way, I that’s what I wanna offer you today to not [00:18:00] do and really take a moment to ask yourself, am I indulging in? I don’t know. And if any of these three things, three ways of you knowing anything stood out to you is because. You are indulging and it’s time for you to take. Sometime. And consider, you know, what is it exactly.

[00:18:19] Wendi: That you want to uncover. And by the way, if you haven’t heard episode number 40. Self-doubt slowing you down and I give you five things to do when you’re in self doubt. I want you to go listen to that episode as well, because it’s very, very important for you to understand that self-doubt. Is obviously going to come up. I mean, come on. Y’all, especially as Christian woman, we can’t do anything alone. Of course. We’re going to doubt ourselves. We have no control over circumstances. We don’t know what is.

[00:18:49] Wendi: Going to happen in the next second or so. And the next day, next week, next month. And so I want you to be okay with doubt coming [00:19:00] up. I want you to be okay with that negative emotion and I highly recommend that you go. Check this one out so that you can really understand, you know, that it’s okay. Like that’s why it’s called self doubt. Like, you’re going to doubt yourself. You’re supposed to.

[00:19:12] Wendi: You can’t ever don’t guide. I mean, you can, if you want to, but I will never do that. Cause he’s, you know, not only promised me way more than I can ever imagine anything that my mind and brain can ever handle. But he’s got he separate from us. He started creator. So. With that. I hope that you. Not only recognize.

[00:19:32] Wendi: Or really become aware of your indulging it, I don’t know. And really take a moment and encourage you to release her, taking. You know, action into how you want to start to. I don’t identify with the answers that you possibly know that you need to, um, really consider, but also be okay with. Seeing it not only to yourself, but also to others.

[00:19:58] Wendi: Because at the end of the day, no one [00:20:00] knows. Really what they want. Until they get to that, that point or that time. In that season of their lives, but at the end of the day, there’s always something that you want to uncover sooner than later. All right, ladies, I pray that this episode blesses you and encourages you to not only be aware of how much indulging you’re doing it. I don’t know, but also to start taking action to help you to make some progress towards what you were really, really, really want. All right, have a beautiful rest of your week Bye.