Emotional Health

Episode 186. Goals, Grace, & Growth: Meet yourself where you are in the becoming phase

October 4, 2023

< back to blog home

Do you give yourself enough grace in the pursuit of your goals? That’s what we are exploring in today’s episode, offering a fresh perspective on meeting ourselves exactly where we are.

Are you ready to find grace and make progress in your goals as the year ends? Let’s dive into how our emotions, values, and commitments shape our objectives and the conscious strides we need to take to prioritize our wellbeing. Emphasizing the significance of planning intentionally, we urge you to meet yourself where you are. It’s a truth we often overlook, but it’s a crucial part of personal development and growth.

Next Steps:

[00:00:00] Wendi: Hey sis, welcome to Beyond the Military Podcast, where faith led military women overcome burnout and create more balance. Just imagine having enough time to focus on your faith family, and have more fun while also serving as a woman leader. In this podcast, you’ll walk away with the tools to help you navigate the busy life of a military woman, organize your mind, overcome overwhelm, create a prioritization playbook, and a balance blueprint for integrating faith, family, and career.

[00:00:28] Wendi: Yes sis, in that order. Hi, I’m Wendi Wray , woman of God wife, mama of two army veteran and certified life coach, and I’m here to help you create a life of meaning outside of the military, a life of laughter, joy, and intentional free time. If you are ready to overcome burnout and create balance as a faith led military woman, sis, this podcast is for you.

[00:00:50] Wendi: So loosen up your laces and grab your coffee because it’s time to step into freedom and peace.

[00:00:55] Wendi: Hello. Hello ladies. And welcome to episode [00:01:00] 186. I hope that you are doing well. And I hope that you enjoyed the most valuable podcast episodes that I featured here. The last couple of three in September. You all September has been a great month. But it also has been a challenging month. I know I need to do another episode about balancing emotions and September. There’s a lot that happens for those of you that may or may not know. So my birthday is in September, but it was also my sister’s birthday. And so for me, it’s always going to be difficult, um, in a sense where, you know, I am longing and missing and still grieving my little sister. But it’s also a time to celebrate and just peace soak. Super grateful. That I continue to live another year. Right? So again, it’s one of those moments where it’s it’s. It’s great. It’s exciting, but it’s also hard and challenging. Um, and then there’s also a lot going on in September here in my personal life. [00:02:00] Um, as you guys know, I’m struggling through some personal things going on right now, emotionally. Um, and also. A lot going on for work. And it’s exciting. I love what I’m doing. And. You know, I’ve actually got a chance to travel twice this month, which is crazy because I work remotely and I typically don’t ever come out out of my office or just out of the whole, um, home when it comes to working. And so. Being able to travel. Um, even out of the state to, um, be a part and witnessed the work that’s been going on behind the scenes was amazing. And of course, as you all know, my son is. Playing sports. And so there’s just a lot going on happening behind the scenes. And again, I’m grateful that Sharon has taken on, you know, a lot of the duties, a lot of the responsibilities and, you know, has been there in my absence. So again, I’m grateful. Cod is good all the time, as you know. And so again, September [00:03:00] was one of those months that I really had to ask myself. You know, do I really want to cram this content and have it available? Um, during this time, even though there’s a lot going on, do I want to do that and sacrifice my sleep? The answer was no. And so I provided. A better, um, alternate route. And that was her option, I would say. And that was just providing you again with the most valuable podcasts. And how do I know that was valuable because it has one of the highest rankings for that week, for that month. And so when I went back in August and I looked what was trending, cause it tells you on the platform that I use for my podcasting. What episodes or downloaded the most for that week or even, you know, for that month or what episode? Um, again, started to, um, have more downloads. And so I picked those episodes based on what was trending in August. And so I may do another MVP for the holidays. And that’s again, in the [00:04:00] plan for Q4 for this quarter, as we are already in October, when you listen to this episode, it will be October 4th, so happy October, and we’re getting into the end of the year. And so when I was thinking, um, This week on, you know, we’re about to hit October. What is it that I want to share with my audience? What is it that I want to share with you? What resonates, what will resonate with you and what will help you in this moment? And you all. As I said before everything, you know, God is always in the right time. Just everything happens at the right time, according to his time. And according to his well, And when I tell you that, um, everything that I’m reading, that I’m focusing on. That I am really putting my attention to is really just making a lot of sense and it’s all working together and there’s just so many great things happening. Um, but at the same time, there’s also challenging moments that I’m going through. And so, again, I know that. Um, you know, the [00:05:00] holy spirit is with me, it’s working within me and it’s just providing so much guidance because not only am I. You know, staying in the word, but I’m also staying close to God through prayer. I am taking time alone. And I want to recommend and suggest that to you. Um, but what I want to get to here is that I am reading this book called a holy pursuit as a part of the book club that I need with my friends and. This chapter. That we read and the chapter that I’m reading for the following week. It just all came together and of course was like shouting and yelling on today’s topic. And today’s topic is all about meeting yourself, who you are, where you are. In the becoming face. So most of us are always keeping after the goal that we have for that day, for that week, for that month, for that quarter, for the year. Right. And as we’re approaching. This last quarter, because it [00:06:00] was something that I did that I do all the time is really asking myself, where am I with my goal? Where am I with the progress? You know, have I made any progress? And what does it look like? You know, predicting that I will make that goal. Yes or no. Right. Depending on what that is or where am I with just life goals in general, just. You know, now I’m 34, right? Like where am I with the goals that I’ve had for not only this year, but also to, you know, where I’m going when I’m 35. And so, again, Not to go like super deep on goals and everything today. But. Just understanding. That who you are when you’re in the becoming a face. Really starts with meeting yourself exactly where you are in the present moment. And so, like I mentioned before, We’re all going to have difficult moments. We’re going to have great moments and sometimes at the same time, right. Kind of like what I’m going through right now. [00:07:00] And there will always be good and there’ll always be bad. There will always be positive. It’ll always be negative. That’s literally how we know that it’s positive because when we experienced the negative, right, we wouldn’t know what happiness is. If we’ve never experienced sadness or disappointment or any other negative emotion that you can think of, or that you constantly are going through. And so I figured why not focus on this topic today so that we can continue to compound on how to continue to make progress for the end of the year, right. Or to help us. Continue to stay committed and focused. On where we are now and continuing to have grace for, for where we are in our circumstance, where we are with our goal, whatever it may be. Right. Because we’ll all make goals at the beginning of the year, beginning of the year. I’m sorry. I’m like literally talking fast because I’m trying to catch up to my brain as. As I’m looking at my notes. And so I want to [00:08:00] make sure that yes, we continue to pursue. The goals that we, or to continue to make progress. Um, too, with the goals that we’ve made for ourselves. Now. Goals are gonna change, right? Timelines are gonna change and that’s fine. Or should I say. Timelines are going to change. The goals may not always, but it’s okay if it changes every now and then, right. Based on your values. Based on your commitment based on where you are with the responsibility, the bandwidth that you have, and it’s completely okay. Too. Um, postpone a goal. If it’s interfering with your mental health, with your emotional health, like I said earlier in this episode, I was not willing to sacrifice my sleep in order to create or actually record. The new content. Because I have the content here on my clipboard. But it was the whole [00:09:00] effort and time and energy. To record that episode just to have them out on time and on the blog and everything else that comes with it, the email, so on and so forth. There’s like a thousand steps to this episode. And so again, if it’s not going to meet. Or really check the block on your wellbeing, then it’s not worth it. And this is what I continue to stand by and continue to encourage you and emphasize. That we want to be able to focus our time on what is not only going to help. You be. An amazing. Individual. And to still have time to focus on God on the word. On your relationship with him? Versus trying to please, or, um, religious give yourself this like dopamine hit of, oh, I accomplished it. But yet you’re like feeling burnt out and you’re lacking [00:10:00] sleep and you’re just not showing up as your best self because. You put one. Um, One task or one thing above. What your ultimate goal is right. Is for you to. You know, ultimately be happy and ultimately ultimately be healthy and ultimately live a longer life for whatever it may be. I’m just kinda thinking out loud here based on what my. You know, values are in what I prioritize. So based on your priorities, And so. Being that we’re in the last quarter or we just started the last quarter of this year. I want to encourage you. To give yourself grace and meet yourself where you are today, based on where you want to go with your goals. Right. So to give you an example. If you were thinking of, or your goal was to lose 20 pounds, but now you’re at 10 pounds and you have the rest of the quarter to [00:11:00] lose those 10 pounds, you know, give yourself grace to where you are in this moment. And allow yourself. To really be in this present moment and plan. Consciously and intentionally on the next 10 pounds that you have left. Now you may not get to those 10 pounds, but how can you make progress? How can you get closer to that? And that’s exactly what we’re going to talk about today. Because here’s the thing. We cannot change circumstances, situations that are facts that are happening. We cannot change them. What we can change is what we think about them. And also. How we want to think about or make it mean. Based on where we are now. So I’ll say this again. We can only change.

[00:11:57] Wendi: What we think about our [00:12:00] circumstance and what we want to make it mean. So. How do you want to think about it? What is it exactly that you want to think about? You. Needing to lose an next 10 pounds. Okay. This is where I am. I need to lose some pounds. It’s neither good nor bad. I’m just going to continue to keep moving forward. What are you going to make it mean? Are you going to make it mean that you’re a terrible person? Are you going to make it mean that Hey. I’m going to give myself grace because this challenge. It came up. And this challenge happened to involve my family, my kids. And so I put that challenge before everything else. And so I made a decision to prioritize what I was going to focus on. So, of course you didn’t focus on meal planning. You didn’t focus on. Um, going to the gym or whatever, it may be the things that you needed to do to lose that weight because you prioritized something else [00:13:00] that was more important or more valuable to you. And that of course, was your family. And so again, Really. Understanding that where you are. Is not only. A good thing. But also an opportunity for you to keep going. And to really. Understand that this is the gap that you need to fill in. This is where you are in the becoming phase, right? Because just imagine if it was just simple. Or if it was just a goal that you could meet any, any day than it really wouldn’t be a goal, right? Like it wouldn’t take that necessary effort that’s required for you to take. That extra push or for you to actually move that additional inch or yard or whatever. However you want to measure it. And [00:14:00] so again, giving yourself grace. Meeting yourself. Where you are in this moment. With the additional 10 pounds or with the less, you know, $5,000 that you wanted to save or with the less profit. You know that you’ve made in your business or with maybe the classes that you haven’t taken. Wherever it may be. I want to encourage you.

[00:14:26] Wendi: To meet yourself where you are now. You’re probably thinking, okay, when you, so how do I do this? So this is why I’m here. I want to provide you with the tools. Something that you can do in like 10 minutes or less for you to start. Not only. Making progress, but also understanding. The growth they, that you are making that you can make the possibility, the opportunity. Because again, when we stay grounded, not only in our faith, in our foundation, in our [00:15:00] values and our priorities. We can’t then lose sight. Of what’s important. We can’t lose sight of what we really stand for because we’re constantly focused on it. And so, again, like I told, like I said before, I really value my sleep. Like I am a cranky adult. If I don’t get enough sleep. Now there are times that, of course, I know ahead of time that I won’t get my eight hours of sleep. And that’s okay. Like I. Have learned to. Manage my mind. And when I am feeling. Grumpy when I’m feeling cranky, whatever word you want to use. Because I know that it’s temporary. But if you were to ask me to sleep four hours each night, every day for the next seven days, I would tell you now that it’s just not worth it. It’s just not going. I’m not going to perform. I’m not going to be. The Wendy that I want to be. So it’s just not worth it, whatever it [00:16:00] is. I’ll just take it out. And so, again for you, what is that right? Like what is it that you are valuing that you’re prioritizing. That you want to continue to prioritize, but at the same time, Still be able to pursue the goal that you, you know, that you, that you want. And now, like I mentioned before, I’m reading this book called a holy pursuit by. Diane Jayco, I think is how you pronounce your last name by the way. Great book, highly recommended. Aye. Probably we’ll try to bring her on the podcast here soon. I can’t make any promises, but I have considered it. And so. I love this title, how the gospel frees us to follow and lay down or dreams. And so you’re probably thinking like, when do you wait, this is a complete opposite of what you’re talking about. And so here’s the thing. We all have goals. We all have trainings. But at some point we want to be honest with ourselves. Is this something really that I want to pursue? If [00:17:00] it’s not, then you need to let it go. And how do you know is through prayer? You want to pray about this one thing that you think is a priority or that you keep pursuing. And that may be. Or something that’s not working. Right. And I’m not saying you need to let go of it. If it’s not working, that’s not what I’m saying here. What I’m saying is. You want to identify if this is really a goal and that’s where you begin. You identify if this is something that you know is for you. If this goal is something that, you know, You know, Cod has not only gifted you with this. Idea with this dream, with this goal. But is this aligning to where you are now? Right. So again, going back to my example, Of me being the mom. I mean doing what I need to do in this moment. Regardless of the circumstances that are happening in my life. That are painful.

[00:17:59] Wendi: [00:18:00] Do I have the bandwidth to continue? Two. To the things that I might, the goals that I have on my list, the goals that I have here in the next. Three months. If the answer is no, if it’s not serving me, if it’s taken me away from being the mom from. The work that I’m doing now. Then it’s not the goal that I need to keep pursuing. And so me identifying that, the only way I can fully believe and fully be. In line with what God wants me to do is to stay connected with him is to stay in the word. Stay in prayer with him and ask him every single day to please guide me to please guide me to where he wants me to be. Do I need to let this go. If the answer is, yes, I need to let it go. And remember that it’s not the goal that I needed to be focused on, but [00:19:00] the goal giver himself. So again, You want to begin with where you are? And your circumstance and your situation, maybe you’re struggling through something. Maybe you’re going through. A challenge as well. You know, maybe it could be at work maybe as family. Maybe it’s personal. Maybe it’s. Whatever. The challenge may be, and you have the scoring it like, oh my gosh, how do I continue to pursue this? How do I know if this is just a distraction from the enemy? You pray about it. You continue to pray. You’re saying the word. So if that’s still the goal. And it’s in your heart. And you know that God has wants you to continue to fulfill this to not only to glorify him to bring others to his kingdom, then you continue with that goal. But you meet yourself where you are. You give yourself grace. And you pray about it. You, I cannot emphasize this enough. You pray about where you are. You ask God for strength. And you continue to [00:20:00] make. Progress, even if it’s small, even if it’s tiny steps towards that goal. Because that’s literally what I’m doing now. So then the next thing after you identify, this is a goal. You make a plan on how you’re going to continue. Two. Not only. Give yourself grace. But to also see the growth. Of this plan, right? So give yourself a longer time to accomplish this goal. So for example, for me, I know that I can get myself an additional or I will. It’s probably best for me to give myself an additional three months. Two. Continue with my goal. Uh, or continue to fulfill my goal. Right? One of them be in my podcasting downloads. I might need another additional three months and that’s okay. I may not meet my goal in December. But I know I can meet my goal in March and if I don’t, so what I’ll continue [00:21:00] to have that goal. ’cause I know that’s something that I want to continue to do because it is where I continue to share God’s glory. And I continue to share these tools to military women, to the audience that I love for free. And so there’s nothing, there’s no lose, lose situation. I love what I’m doing behind the mic. I have a system in place, a process in place where it’s completely smooth. All I have to do is hit the record button record and everything else. Is already like muscle memory because I’ve done it. 186 episodes already. And so, again, Something as simple as that already have my plan. Okay. I’m doing it. I’m all in. And the last thing is committing just fully committing to.

[00:21:43] Wendi: This becoming phase. And this. This, um, opportunity. Of where, you know, You, there are things that you have to let go, or you have to continue to push forward. So some things, um, that you have to unlearn, right. [00:22:00] Things that are going to. Um, Hold you back or spend time on that, you know, is not valuable to the goal or to. Um, yourself, then you need to let, let it go. Oh, very great. Example for me is Netflix. I just, I need to let it go. Right. That’s something that I need to let go. For every Friday. That I use because now I want to make more time to either get in the word. I want to read more. I want to be able to create more content. Um, all of that stuff. Right. And that’s just one example. There are so many other things that I need to let go or unlearn for that routine that I set in place. Which not to say that I’m going to completely let it go. Right. There’s always going to be an opportunity for me to say, okay, I’m going to do an hour. Or focus on an hour and then I’m going to keep it moving right for the weekend, which by the way, that’s what I mean for the weekend. Um, because throughout the [00:23:00] week, it’s just, I mean, Or there’s no way. That that’s something that I could do, or even anyone that has a full agenda of, of things to do. And so again, being able to meet yourself where you are re. Cardless, regardless of what the situation may be. And giving yourself grace. Because it’s so important. For you too. Not only understand that. You have no control over what’s happening in your life in this moment. And so the only best thing to do. Or what I recommend everyone to do is really accept where you are. And in that might take time. It takes time for different people. And for everyone it’s different, right? It might take me. One more time to accept something. And may take you shorter time. What I’m saying here is to just give yourself grace to [00:24:00] accept. Who you are. And to accept. Where you are. And this season in this phase and this becoming phase. Because here’s the thing. It’s not supposed to be easy. Meeting your goals is not supposed to be easy. Living this life on earth. It’s not supposed to be easy. And you, my friend can do hard things. How do I know? Because you’re in the military. There’s so many things that we’re responsible for. So many hats that we wear. And so I know that you can do the hard things, but how we can con know that we can continue to do the hard things and keep pushing forward. We lean in and willing then on God. We stay grounded and in the foundation that he has given us a faith. Through his word.

[00:24:48] Wendi: All right, ladies. I really hope this topic has helped you and will continue to encourage you to meet yourself where you are right now In the becoming phase

[00:24:58] Wendi: and listen, if this [00:25:00] episode resonated with you. And you’re like, I’m feeling stuck right now. There’s so many choices that I have to make, and I just need someone to help me make this plan. I need accountability. I want to invite you to schedule a free consultation. Call with me where you’ll spend a 45 minutes with me not only going over what you’re stuck with, or maybe the choices that you need to make decisions or the indecision.

[00:25:21] Wendi: That you’re in. And I will walk you through a step-by-step plan of exactly what’s going to help you move forward. So again, I want to invite you to schedule a free consultation with me. All you have to do. Is going to www.wendiwray.com/consult also in the show notes so that you can schedule a call with me. All right. Have a great rest of your week. Talk to you soon bye

[00:25:43] Wendi: hey lady. If this podcast helped you, challenged you or inspired you in some way, please leave me a written review for the show on Apple Podcast and share it with another military sister. Helping you integrate balance, prioritization and growth in your relationship with God is my ultimate calling. I’m [00:26:00] so blessed that you are here, and please join us in the faith led military women community on Facebook at bit.ly/beyondthemilitarygrp

[00:26:10] Wendi: again, it is bit.ly/beyondthemilitarygrp all right. Talk to you soon. Bye.