Ever wondered how much your attention is worth? Today, we explore the concept of ‘return on attention,’ and how it influences our daily habits and motivation.
Also, will be shedding light on the power of intentional attention and how it impacts various aspects of our lives, such as family time and our work environment. Let’s learn to be mindful of where we are investing our attention and ensure that it yields positive results.
With the help of the coaching model, I’ll reveal how we can understand our thoughts, emotions, and actions to create a meaningful life outside the military.
- Schedule Consult Call: https://wendiwray.com/consult
- Download Free Guide: 5 Steps to Minimize the Mental & Emotional Load
- Join us in the Facebook Faith-led Military Women Community at bit.ly/beyondthemilitarygrp
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[00:00:00] Wendi: Hello ladies. And welcome to episode 156. [00:01:00] I am so happy to be here behind the mic. I am really excited for this topic. I just love to talk about attention and our focus and how that is benefiting us. And so today’s topic is all about return on attention. So what is it about us wanting to. Not only want to get things back right away for that. I’m speaking more of how’s it going to benefit me?
[00:01:30] Wendi: Right away. So anything that I do. How is that going to give me an immediate dopamine hint. Meaning, um, how is this going to benefit me in this moment? So as you guys know, Um, as you ladies know. I love talking about how our mind works and really, um, going even deeper on our human behavior and what you.
[00:01:57] Wendi: Really gets motivated by us doing things. [00:02:00] And by that I also use, um, not only the things that I’ve learned. Um, throughout. You know, the years on the books that I’ve read on, you know, like how our habits get created and you know, how do we continue to. Build and compound on even the bad habits that we don’t like.
[00:02:16] Wendi: And one of the tools that I love to use is the cultural model, as I’ve said this before. And if you’re new here welcome, um, and you know, I really invite you to go back and check out one of the episodes on where I talk about the coaching model, when. And really how does that even come into play when it comes to us not taking action or when it comes to us, not, um, doing the things that we want to do, the goals that we set for ourselves. So I want you to take a moment to go back to a previous episode.
[00:02:47] Wendi: Where I talk about the coaching model and. That is episode. 90. And that was air April 25th. So it’s episode 90. How to be intentional with your thinking, using the coaching model. [00:03:00] To kind of help you understand, but I’m going to go over it here real briefly. So what the coaching model is pretty much going over, what is going on in your mind based on the circumstance. And it always doesn’t necessarily have to be, um, a specific circumstance. Most of the time you can really just, um, pick a thought that you were having, or even an action or a filling that’s going on.
[00:03:23] Wendi: You know, if you, like, why are you feeling overwhelmed? Or, you know, why are you feeling stuck? Or why are you procrastinating? Or maybe it is a circumstance that you want to kind of understand, you know, what your thoughts are about the situation. And so what the cultural model is. It’s a way for you to see exactly what thoughts are fueling your emotion.
[00:03:46] Wendi: And I’m sorry, what thoughts are creating your emotion and what, and how that emotion is fueling your action or inaction? And so the way it works is. You really get to [00:04:00] look at kind of like your brain in a way where you’ve never seen it before. And by that, I mean, you get to explore what’s going on in your mind, right? Like how many times did we do that a day? Like how often does someone just tell us, Hey, take a moment to think about what you were thinking.
[00:04:15] Wendi: And most of us will say, well, I don’t have any time. I’m busy all the time or I’m working. And I worked 20 hours a day, or I have kids. I’m a mom, I’m a wife. And oh, by the way, I’m a believer. So, you know, I don’t have time to do this, but what I want to offer you today is to not only take a moment to really start exploring what is going on in your mind, by using the coaching model, again, go to episode 90.
[00:04:37] Wendi: I highly recommend that you. Take a moment to do that today. And start taking inventory of what’s going on in your mind. Because when I tell you this is really helpful, not only for you to do on a daily basis, but also to be honest with yourself. And really explore why you are not only creating this emotion, but possibly even compounding on [00:05:00] it. Now I’m not saying that that’s something wrong, you know, we will always feel negative emotion. This is why we’re here. This is why.
[00:05:07] Wendi: We can experience a positive emotion because we know what the negative emotion feels like now. For most of us, we don’t want to feel that negative emotion. We don’t want to be in that discomfort. Right. Because we don’t like feeling unhappy, sad, disappointed, discouraged. And that’s okay. Or even, you know, to the means of, you know, stressed out or overwhelmed, which by the way, you know, stress doesn’t have to be negative all the time. Right.
[00:05:33] Wendi: And so. Depending on what it is. You want to be able to take a moment and really sit with that negative emotion and even understand why you keep thinking. The thoughts that are. You know, compounding that emotion, um, maybe more often than you would like for it to. And so what I offered today is for us to look at what is it that you are.
[00:05:59] Wendi: [00:06:00] Investing your time on. When it comes to your attention, like what. Uh, 10, what are you giving attention to? Which, by the way, you’re also giving your time. And is that something that’s benefiting you? Because we all, like I said earlier, we all want to benefit from the attention that we’re giving it. Right. So a lot of us, I mean, I’m speaking for myself here, you know, when we go on this like new, um, workout regimen or new, um, way of living this new lifestyle, when you know, those are food or just habits and new routine.
[00:06:35] Wendi: We want the immediate results, right? We’re like, okay, I’m going to lose 20 pounds. And. Um, I’m going to, you know, my arms are gonna look better. My legs are gonna look better. My Tommy’s gonna be nice and firm and tight. But at the end of the day, that’s not really how it happens, right. It hasn’t happened automatically. It doesn’t happen in that instance.
[00:06:53] Wendi: And that’s something that I’m, you know, talking to my kids about more specifically, my daughter, like I love her. She is. Such a [00:07:00] bright child and she’s just so, um, what’s the word like, she’s just so curious and she’s like, she asked me, um, And this was like, not too long ago, maybe like a week or so ago. And she said, why does everyone want to lose weight?
[00:07:14] Wendi: I didn’t know what to say. I was like, ah, because they want to look better. They want to feel better. But the reality is that, you know, most of us just have these goals because we just, you know, obviously want to feel better and look better. But at the same time, we don’t realize that sometimes we are setting the same goal and not putting it to any attention to it. And so.
[00:07:37] Wendi: Um, I’ll talk about the conversation that she and I had at a different episode, because I think it’s something that we need to talk about too. Especially as moms with daughters, because it’s, you know, we’re in a. Um, time now where, you know, body image is also something that is coming up more and more, um, not only within, you know, how we communicate about what we’re [00:08:00] going to wear or how we look, but also with the conversations that they’re having at school.
[00:08:04] Wendi: And so. What I want to focus on today. Is again, offer you this question of what is it that you are giving your attention to? And are you getting return on that attention? And he could be a positive or negative thing, right. You know, if I were to tell you, you know, I am putting all my attention on Netflix.
[00:08:25] Wendi: And the return that I’m getting is I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I’m not making any progress on things that I, or goals or tasks that need to get done. Then that’s what you’re getting. Right. That’s what you’re putting in. But if I were to say, Hey, I am, you know, um, not only understanding more of what I love to do in coaching, because I am spending hours reading a week on a specific topic like productivity.
[00:08:48] Wendi: Um, like how to really set goal. Actual goals that set you up for success. You know, maybe building better habits. Uh, so on and so forth, you know, that I can say I am [00:09:00] incorporating it into this program that I’m working on. I am moving forward with my podcast because my numbers are just growing and growing, which by the way, we’re exceeding, we’re really close at 12 K downloads. And if I didn’t say this before, or you haven’t listened to this before.
[00:09:15] Wendi: The episode where I mentioned that our goal for this year is 25 K downloads. And so. Again, You know, Am I putting the attention required to meet that goal? And that’s what I want to ask you today. Take a moment today and really take inventory of where you’re putting your attention to. Are you taking the time to talk to your kids? Are you helping them with their homework or you creating this, um, environment at work where you are showing up as, as a leader or you’re showing up as.
[00:09:45] Wendi: Not only a person that really cares, but also is working hard towards making that environment better. Um, and religious, you know, bringing it, bringing it all or bringing your all to this environment, or [00:10:00] you come in to work or come in to this leadership position, to this role, kind of like, you know, not motivated and not wanting to be there and not really showing up as yourself.
[00:10:10] Wendi: And that’s probably what you’re getting. Right? You, maybe you have coworkers or teammates or even. Some of your soldiers or Marines are not showing up. Because again, they don’t see a role model or they don’t see someone that is. Really, um, Doing the same. And so are you getting that in return? And by that, I mean, and everything you write with your spouse are you having conversations are y’all spending time together.
[00:10:33] Wendi: Are you sending any attention to that in being intentional with that? Because if you’re not, then you’ll see that you’re not getting any return. Right. So kind of like return on investment. If you don’t have an investment, you’re not getting a return on it on it because you don’t have an investment.
[00:10:47] Wendi: And so it’s the same thing with your attention. You know, what is it that you’re putting your attention to? And not only that, but you’re actually focused on, you know, and just to give you another example for me personally, I haven’t been putting much attention into my, [00:11:00] um, workout routine. I, you know, I’m, wishy-washy with it, but again, it’s not something that I’ve set my attention to.
[00:11:06] Wendi: Just yet. That’s still something that I know I need to set my attention this month because it’s something that I am working towards my goal for this year. And so again, what is it for you? Right. So I know that I need to set my attention even more now, before I even start my day for my routine workout.
[00:11:24] Wendi: What is it that I’m going to do? Am I, am I going to be more intentional with, okay. I’m actually going to break down my workout. Or am I just going to. You know, not put any attention to it. And then here comes one may and I’m like, oh, I’m still where I started. Or I still have this baby fat or, you know, my body’s not toned the way I expected it to be.
[00:11:46] Wendi: Whatever it may be, but again, I’m not getting any return on it because I’m not setting my attention there. I’m not putting my attention there. And so for you, what is it in this moment or what is it that you think you need to put your attention on that [00:12:00] you’ve been lacking or you’ve been procrastinating on.
[00:12:03] Wendi: That you want to start sending your attention to. Now. W by the time this airs, um, March 8th. We are pretty much getting towards the end of the first quarter. You know, do you have a first quarter goal? Do you have a goal for this week? For this month? And if so, are you putting your attention towards that goal where you need.
[00:12:25] Wendi: What do you need it to go? Because sometimes we’re putting our attention in areas that are not going to help us make any progress toward a goal. And so today I want to offer you to do that. I want you to really take a moment and be honest with yourself because that’s what I’m doing now. And when I recorded, this is before the month of March, but I want to really just offer.
[00:12:48] Wendi: That it does take time. Two. Take inventory. It does take time to be intentional about where you want to set your attention now. [00:13:00] Just because it takes time doesn’t mean that it’s not beneficial. It doesn’t mean that it’s not going to help me down the line. Because if I don’t take the time to invest 30 minutes out of my day,
[00:13:12] Wendi: Once a week for this podcast, it’s not going to happen. And I’m just not going to be intentional with what episodes are coming up next. And so that’s what I want to offer you to take a moment and really, um, Take inventory, you know, are you really being intentional with that workout? With, you know, getting into the word.
[00:13:31] Wendi: You want to get closer to God? You want to build a relationship with God. What are you taking a time to pray? Are you taking the time to. I get into the word and meditate on his word. Are you talking to your kids about God, are you talking to. Really anyone when you feel compelled or, you know, even driven by the holy spirit where you need, and you have this.
[00:13:52] Wendi: Ability to share the word to be loving. Whatever it may be for you. I may be as simple as getting more, [00:14:00] more sleep at night. Are you setting that attention? To where, you know, you need to be able to go to sleep at a certain time. Whatever that may look like for you. Maybe you’re thinking about getting out.
[00:14:13] Wendi: Are you setting any attention? To your military transition into the civilian sector into whatever it may be into your business. What is it that you need to. Put your attention to so that you can get the return of that attention. The benefits of it. The progress. Because when I tell you that sometimes we just literally get up.
[00:14:37] Wendi: And just. Execute on whatever needs to happen. And not even keeping in mind that there is an intention behind the attention that you want to provide and give. And then it’s like 10:00 PM and you’re like, what happened today? I have no idea what I got accomplished and I’m not making any progress on that book that need to be reading.
[00:14:58] Wendi: On [00:15:00] this workout regimen on my career after the military. I mean, so many things right on paying off my credit, whatever it may look like for you. My credit, but your debt. I meant to say, being out of your day. So. My question to you is how do you want to keep showing up? And. Who are you going to become when you do set this intention on your return on attention?
[00:15:28] Wendi: Which means that it’s going to benefit. What you set your attention on? Not necessarily in this moment, but it will benefit you in the future. And it will benefit you. In the next week and the next three months and the next six months and the next year. Because I promise you what you set your attention to.
[00:15:45] Wendi: Is what you are going to get back. It’s the return that you will get. Is going to be completely different than what you unconsciously. Are sending your attention to now. [00:16:00] So either it’d be social media. Netflixing. I mean just random activities that are possibly just keeping you from progress. To the benefits that you’re looking for to the results they are looking for.
[00:16:15] Wendi: So today I challenge you to take a moment to one take inventory of what’s happening in your mind. Go back to episode 90, the coaching model. And then really explore, you know, what is it that you’re giving your attention to? And it’s okay if it’s Netflix. It’s okay. If it’s the other things that are not helping you make any progress, as long as you can course. Correct.
[00:16:38] Wendi: And really understand that, Hey, maybe this is my time. To take a moment and really be honest with myself. And is this really a goal that I have? Is this something that I’m committed to? Because if, if it isn’t, then you don’t want to waste any attention to going into it. Right. So.
[00:16:55] Wendi: I challenge you today to take a moment and explore [00:17:00] what it is that’s going on in your mind using the coaching model, and then really ask yourself, how do I want to show up intentionally every single day where I know where my attention is going so that I can get the return on investment. And who do I want to become? Who am I going to become in the next three weeks in the next three months?
[00:17:19] Wendi: When I do get that return on attention. All right. That’s all that I have for you ladies. Have a beautiful rest of your week. Bye.