Emotional Health

Episode 168. What to do with judgmental thoughts?

May 31, 2023

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Have you noticed how judgmental your mind can get about yourself? Everything could be going well or even getting better but yet your brain wants to offer you judgmental thoughts. Well I am here to remind you that is completely normal. Sucks I know but it’s just how our minds are wired on this broken world. 

In today’s episode you’ll learn to become aware of future judgmental thoughts and what you can do to minimize the chatter. We want our brains to be working for us not against us. I hope this episodes helps you stay aware of your negative thoughts and encourages to be present of the great moments you may be missing out on. Enjoy! 

Next Steps:

Check out military mental health resources:

Listen to Mental Health Related Episodes:

Episode 146:  MVP: 3 simple steps to set priorities as an overwhelmed military mama!

Episode: 135: Being okay with NOT feeling okay! Embracing negative and positive emotions

Episode: 96: The two types of insecurities that impact mental health?

Episode: 95: How to balance negative and positive emotions

Episode 94: 3 most common indulgent emotions distracting you from making progress

Episode 93: The question to ask yourself to help you face mental health one day at a time

Episode 92: Why is Mental Health Awareness so important within the military community?

Episode 16: Investing in your mental health through therapy or coach

woman in orange dress in front of window looking out


[00:00:55] Wendi: Hello ladies. And welcome to episode [00:01:00] 168. I am so happy to be here today, and I hope that you are too. And by the way, if this is your first time tuning in, I want to welcome you. And if you’ve been tuning in with me for the last 167 episodes, thank you for tuning in every single week. And, um, not only that, but giving me a little bit of space, either in your car and your earbuds, wherever you are.

[00:01:21] Wendi: Thank you. I really appreciate your support and. Um, I needed to say this before I get started, because I am seeing and noticing that our downloads are pretty much going up. Has. It has, you know, I am really excited to not only share with you, but also as expected because I know that each and every single week, some of you.

[00:01:43] Wendi: Um, may find me either through this platform or maybe a social media post. And I am just super happy to not only share this with you, but also really, um, know that it could also be helping you maybe not at this exact moment, but maybe in the future. Um, [00:02:00] or maybe you’re also sharing this with someone that, you know, that may need it. So I want to thank you. And.

[00:02:05] Wendi: I want to share with you all kind of like what’s coming and you know why I’m getting super excited for a lot of the things that, um, I actually didn’t even have planned. It, it really has been kind of just, um, Ben, I don’t want to say fall in my lap, but it has been presented to me in a way where I have found that it’s definitely something that I need to be involved in.

[00:02:27] Wendi: And to be completely honest, it’s really just pushing me to. Really continue to serve in a way where I love to serve, and that is through coaching and this platform. And so I just know that it’s all in God’s timing and know that he’s always behind. You know, big things. Had I never really even had a plan. And so again, thank you so much for all of you that been.

[00:02:51] Wendi: You know, sharing my podcast or even just reaching out and, you know, saying hello through either LinkedIn or Instagram, which [00:03:00] by the way, I had a couple of, um, people reach out to me through LinkedIn that I actually did not even know. Um, or reaching out to me on direct messaging, but somehow it was going into like a spam folder that I could not see.

[00:03:13] Wendi: So. I just am really happy that I am able to connect again with all of you that have been reaching out and just sending me great messages. Thank you. Thank you so much. And what I also wanted to share is that. You know what I have in store or at least, um, Didn’t have planned again. Um, for these upcoming episodes, I would love for you to, you know, stay tuned for, you know, the next coming months, June and July, we’re going to be having.

[00:03:41] Wendi: Or actually I’m going to be interviewing. A couple of ladies at tool. Not only be a part of this great event that we’re planning for next year. But we’re also bringing in other organizations that are helping military woman. And so I’m thinking along the lines of maybe making [00:04:00] something that is helping military woman or their tradition, or maybe helping.

[00:04:04] Wendi: Um, female veterans, you know, navigate through that transition emotionally. There’s just so many things, so many ideas that I have in mind, but if you have a recommendation or you’re like, hey, I really would love to learn more about X, Y, Z, about this topic.

[00:04:17] Wendi: Please share it with me. I would love to hear from you. All you have to do is go to windy raid.com for slash podcast, and you’ll see that there is a suggested topic portion. If you scroll to the bottom or you can use also the, um, the menu tab to take a directly there. And you can suggest your topic idea there, and I’ll be happy to not only provide more information on there, but also to help to help you and guide you possibly with.

[00:04:47] Wendi: You know, some simple steps for you to start taking action on. All right, ladies. Well, today’s topic. Is all about. Understanding our judgmental thoughts and how. In [00:05:00] order for us to really not only have grace for ourselves, but also to help ourselves a little bit. Because here’s the truth. We will always get detriment, judgemental thoughts, no matter what, even if we’re having the most amazing day, the most.

[00:05:19] Wendi: Amazing experience and everything is going well, there will still be. Times where our mind is going to provide us. Either judgemental, negative thoughts and just provide us something that. Is not going to benefit us in that moment. And so today I want to not only, um, elaborate on this topic, but also.

[00:05:46] Wendi: Give you. Um, some tips on how you can then, um, really guide your mind and really just, um, be okay with where you are in that moment, because. Most of the [00:06:00] time when we allow our minds to like, take over and not in a way where we’re like, yeah, just go ahead and take over brain. But when we don’t notice it, when we don’t become aware of it,

[00:06:12] Wendi: It becomes really easy for us to take advantage of those great moments to really, um, be present with those great experiences, Dole streets, those great moments. And. I personally think that we are not doing ourselves a favor or, you know, benefiting our emotional and mental health. When we do that, where right when we take away from.

[00:06:38] Wendi: What is going so well, what is, you know, um, that is working out for us in the moment where we are in our progress. And I think that when. We are not aware when we allow our minds to just continue to be judgmental and beat ourselves up. And provide these negative. You know, um, Um, not necessarily sentences, but [00:07:00] just opinions. I want to say.

[00:07:02] Wendi: Um, or just sentences opinions in general, because everyone is going to take. Um, different things, you know, either negatively or positively, for the most part, we all know what negative thoughts are, right? Like we know that it’s something that doesn’t serve us. And that only, um, is used against us, meaning that we’re saying things or repeatedly thinking things.

[00:07:22] Wendi: That are working against us, meaning slowing us down, keeping us stuck, keeping us in this cycle of just overwhelm or even a worry of being worried. And so that’s what I want to elaborate on today and really help you. With, um, really acknowledging and becoming aware of when it’s happening and then what you can do.

[00:07:43] Wendi: So the reason I thought about. Um, bringing this up. Not only because of course we’re like closing out already, by the way. It’s like the last day of may, we’re closing out our segment on, um, mental health. Um, awareness month. [00:08:00] And we want to be aware that not only, um, we, you know, we needed to take care of herself, so we need to take care of her.

[00:08:08] Wendi: For mine, we need to take care of what is going on in our brain and really be conscious of. You know, what’s happening. But also to do so even after this month, right. To do it in a way where it’s serving us and not using it against us again. And so. This conversation started because, um, I can’t remember exactly what I was thinking or what I had a planned.

[00:08:32] Wendi: And immediately, my brain was like, okay, you are just not the person to be doing this at the moment. Oh, I remember now. I was trying to, um, transfer, um, my calendar into a whole nother my. My platform that I’m using now into another platform. And I immediately was like, okay. I, I right now am not the person to be doing this because I don’t have the patients.

[00:08:59] Wendi: And [00:09:00] because I don’t have the patience, then I’m just not the right person to do this. And now I didn’t mean it in like a negative way. Like, oh, Wendy, you’re such a terrible person. You’re an impatient person and you suck or any, anything of that sort. But what I did do I postponed that, um, transition into another date because at that moment I was like, I’m not prepared, but here’s what really happened. It’s not that I wasn’t prepared. I had everything already.

[00:09:27] Wendi: Time on one platform. All I literally had to do was copy and paste. And this is something small, but we do this with bigger things. And so for me, it was, you know, someone else is. Going to be better at doing this. And of course I could pay somebody else to. To do it, um, you know, something very minimal that I’m like, okay, I can get it done. I I’m just not the person for this right now. And then here’s what happened. It went into, oh my gosh, I shouldn’t even be doing this. Um, you know, trying to move this into another platform [00:10:00] because who am I to think that.

[00:10:02] Wendi: I am going to now to better with this platform or how am I going to now? Um, automate this into my current platform that I use, which is click up. And so all these things started coming up for me. I was not only judging my work that I have had, have been doing on that platform already, but I was already judging the work that I was going to do.

[00:10:23] Wendi: And this new platform that I wanted to, um, automate into the platform that I’m using. And so all of that was going into this whole trip go effect. Um, okay. How am I going to ever get my, um, my other platform ready for my coaching. Right? Cause it’s a whole nother platform that I’m using. And then my brain just immediately started going into this hole of like, okay, you are not the right person to be doing this right now, or you’re not the one that is smart enough to be doing all of this.

[00:10:58] Wendi: You know, tech back [00:11:00] and stuff. And so. I then realized like hours later, I’m like, oh my gosh, I could have literally done that transition. And like maybe 20 minutes. And then focused my energy. On figuring out how to implement it. And the big platform or the other platform. Um, that I will be using.

[00:11:23] Wendi: And then making those automations in the big platform, which is the one that I use, which is click up. And so I was thinking like, why did my mind to take me there? And then again, it took me into this answer of like, because there are other successful people. That are not only doing this correctly because they have the tools they have.

[00:11:46] Wendi: You know, they have all these other things that they can work on. You know, they can focus more, they can, you know, do things quicker. They can do all these things and that’s why they’re successful. And then I’m like, wait a minute. No, that’s not what that means. And so [00:12:00] all of this to say, That regardless of where you are on your path, right. You may be struggling with anxiety.

[00:12:06] Wendi: You may be like me. You may be self-diagnosing yourself with ADHD. I dunno, which by the way, I think I’m going to check out if, um, if I am a seriously. Um, ADHD, because again, a lot of the things have been checking the block. But I think for me, it’s more so like, okay. I am, I’m learning about it. I’m reading about it.

[00:12:29] Wendi: And I don’t need to take. More action on it. But, you know, I was having this conversation with my best friend and she was like, I, you know, why not? Like it wouldn’t hurt and you know, you should check it out. Maybe getting more medical advice will help. And so I’m pretty much taking her up on that and I’ll keep y’all posted on how that goes, you know, to see if I am or not, or have, you know, ADHD or not, but the way I’m taking it now, it’s very neutral for me. If I do, I at least know what, you know, sometimes keeps me less focused.

[00:12:59] Wendi: And if I don’t, [00:13:00] I know that maybe there’s a lot of different things that I need to work on to help me say focus, which again, I have come a long way from, like, if you were to talk to me three years ago, I had nothing in place. I had no system, I had nothing to help me kind of focus or narrow down, you know, the tasks that I needed to get done and so on and so forth.

[00:13:21] Wendi: But again, Me, keeping it neutral now is very helpful because now I’m not having, you know, judgment, judgmental thoughts about, oh, if I am, I am X, Y, Z. And if I don’t, I am X, Y, Z. And so again, Keeping in mind that we will always get detrimental thoughts as, as a wife, Mother, as a leader, we will always get something that comes up in our brain that will. Not only encourage us to think differently, but encourage us to think in a judgmental way. So then what do you do if that were to happen? What do you do when [00:14:00] that does happen? Well, one, you need to know that it’s happening.

[00:14:03] Wendi: You need to know that it and be aware that it is happening either through your emotions. Either through your actions, but. You want to know and be aware that that’s how you’re or that’s happening in your mind. And that’s how you’ll know. Right. Because. If you’re feeling. Um, Not only disappointed.

[00:14:25] Wendi: Um, but also like you’ve been, you’ve been beating yourself up as an action. Like you’ve been doing that. Then I want you to take a moment and really ask yourself, like, what is happening? What am I thinking about me? Or what am I thinking about the action that I recently made? That is allowing me to do this to myself because.

[00:14:47] Wendi: Most of the time. We’ll take other people’s experiences or other people’s journeys and we use it against us. We use other people’s successes or wins. And we use it against [00:15:00] us. And I think that for most of us, we want to be able to be better eventually. Right? Like we want to be better. And the way that we sometimes think that we’ll be better and get better is by being super judgmental of where we are right now.

[00:15:16] Wendi: And I think the opposite is true. I think that when. We do that. We beat ourselves up for where we are. Um, we look at other people’s successes or journeys and or wins. And we beat ourselves up. It doesn’t do us any good. If not, it even makes it even worse. It will then keep you in this spiral of, you know, Downing where you are in doubting even. So what you can accomplish. And so for me today, I want to offer you.

[00:15:49] Wendi: And invite you to really take this on when it is happening to you. So if you are. You know, constantly in this lake space of [00:16:00] just tread and just, um, you feeling stuck and you’re just feeling overwhelmed or you’re just feeling as if. You know, you’re not where you need to be. These because you’re judging.

[00:16:11] Wendi: Your journey, you’re judging your progress. You’re judging yourself on. Why you shouldn’t be where you are now and you should be further along. And when that happens. I want to invite you to take a moment and take a step back. And really ask yourself, is this something. That is helping you in that moment.

[00:16:29] Wendi: If the answer is no. Then you need to put an end to it. You need to be able to be conscious enough and just be like, okay. I get it. This is how my brain operates. I’m going to be offered all these judgmental thoughts. Like what were you doing? You know, how could you, you. You know, like you could have been further along.

[00:16:49] Wendi: And just judging every single area of your, um, your struggles or where you are, or the challenging moments. Then that is not [00:17:00] going to help you. And I know some of you may be thinking, well, that’s what motivates me to push and keep going. That may be true, but it will only serve you temporarily. It will not serve you in the long run. And here’s why.

[00:17:12] Wendi: When we are doing things in a way where we think. Is giving us that quote-unquote motivation or encouragement. What it’s really doing. It’s. Doing it in a way where is not serving. So meaning you are not being kind to yourself, you are not being loving or holding or not holding, but giving yourself grace.

[00:17:37] Wendi: So when it does happen again, You’re only going to. Um, continue to beat yourself up even more because now you’re like, okay, this isn’t the first time. That you’ve fallen back or that you have fallen or that you are on the same path of not getting things done or not making any progress. And so now it’s just going to compound.

[00:17:59] Wendi: [00:18:00] Into a deeper spiral. And so that’s what I mean, it’s going to help you temporarily in that moment, but it won’t help you in the long run. And so what I want to offer to you today is to be aware. For when those times do happen, when. You think that maybe somebody else’s. You know, just having much better thoughts than you are because they’re living a great life because on Instagram or any social media platform,

[00:18:24] Wendi: They’re doing amazing. But what you don’t know is that they’re also having the same thoughts that we’re having. But you don’t know that they’re still thinking and judging themselves the same way you are. We all do this. It’s within our nature. Unfortunately, this is how our brain. Has been wired since we were little, like, this is just the nature of it, of living in this broken world. We’re constantly reminded of our insecurities constant reminded of our deep.

[00:18:51] Wendi: Um, disbeliefs are, um, limiting beliefs. Like we are constantly reminded. And so I want to [00:19:00] not only. Remind you today that. There’s no one out there that is. Better than you. That is more deserving of you. Or even that is worthier than you, because you’re already worthy. You are already worthy. As soon as that even, you know, put you in the womb, like you are worthy, period. Like there’s no other way of saying this. And so when you get those moments that you’re like, okay,

[00:19:32] Wendi: I should be further along or how did I even get here? Like somebody else could do this better or. Anything else that’s very judgemental against you, specifically as you, as a human being us, your identity as who you are. And I want to offer you to take a moment and step back. And really acknowledged those judgmental thoughts because they’re going to happen and acknowledge that.

[00:19:54] Wendi: You will get maybe this judgemental feeling. Right. And maybe here’s what also [00:20:00] happens that I’ve learned. You’ll start judging. Other people. More because of how much you’re judging yourself. So you will be not only judging yourself, but also judging other people based on where you are, kind of like blaming others for where you are or blaming the circumstances, or even judging the circumstances based on where you are.

[00:20:22] Wendi: So you can say, well, I’m in debt because of X, Y, Z. Or I can’t get in a relationship because of X, Y, Z. Or I’m single because of X, Y, Z. Or I’m stuck in the military because of X, Y, Z. Or I couldn’t, you know, get this great opportunity because of, you know, XYZ and you get the point. And so we start doing that and then we fall into this spiral of just blaming.

[00:20:48] Wendi: And judgemental, and then we’re not doing anything and we’re just wasting time and we’re not getting anywhere. And so again, I want to remind you that. You’re not the only one [00:21:00] going through this. You’re not the only one. I don’t care how successful you are. How unsuccessful you think you are. Everyone else. Every human being on this earth is experiencing a negative thought, a negative emotion.

[00:21:11] Wendi: One way or another in their day. And. Let’s just say that you suffer with anxiety or that you’re super stressed and super overwhelmed. I want you to know that there’s always somebody else just as overwhelmed. Or anxious as you are. I get anxious. I know exactly what anxiety feels like in my body. I know exactly.

[00:21:32] Wendi: Y I get anxious. But I also know how to slow down my thoughts about this thing that get, that creates this thought that creates anxiety. So a lot of it is like thinking about my kids, thinking about the future, thinking about. The things that I have no control over is pretty much, it brings me anxiety being an Hellevator brings me anxiety, because my thought is I am going to get stuck here. Who’s going to help me.

[00:21:56] Wendi: I am going to pass out and it’s going to be super embarrassing [00:22:00] and I get super anxious just thinking about it because I feel this heat, this like, Um, I dunno. I feel like everything is just closing in on me and I just feel terrible and I just have to take a deep breath. I know that it’s coming. So every time I go into an elevator into a carwash, even still, I take a deep breath and I remind myself that this is a part of the process. This is a part of me feeling.

[00:22:22] Wendi: And being a human and I know it sounds crazy. But at the same time, Your anxiety levels may be different, right? Like you may get anxious in the morning. You may getting shoes in traffic, whatever it may be. But I want to remind you that. It’s okay. And you will get through this. And everybody else suffers about or through something.

[00:22:44] Wendi: Some people have ADHD. Some people, um, are neurodivergent some people. Um, so for, with PTSD, I mean. We all go through something. We either are stressed about. Our family, our wellbeing, our health money, [00:23:00] our time. We’re always, we’re always worried about something. And so, especially if you’re like a business woman or you are getting out of the military or thinking about getting out of the military miscarry.

[00:23:11] Wendi: It’s completely normal. It’s completely normal to be scared. To be nervous. To doubt some of the work that you’ve done in the past. Because that’s just a part of what we go through. It’s a change in our identity. And so again, I want to offer you to take a moment this week today right now. To really ask yourself, you know, have I been judging myself?

[00:23:36] Wendi: In this area of my life or. In this, you know, this particular day, if the answer is yes. You know, have some grace and really ask yourself, like, what is it exactly that you’ve been judging yourself on? And it’s okay. It’s okay. If we do, we do it all the time. But now, are you okay with now saying, okay.

[00:23:54] Wendi: I know I’m not the best person to do this right now. How can I now? [00:24:00] Um, take advantage of where I am, where I am in this moment. How can I really sit with the progress that I’ve made? How can I even be grateful for where I am in this journey? ’cause that’s the only way for you to come. And only your, your thoughts that are coming in.

[00:24:18] Wendi: But also to reassure yourself that this is a part of the process, right? This is the journey that you’re taking on. It’s not going to be easy, obviously. But this is the journey that you’re going to take on. So that you can come up on the other side. And yes. Be better. Doing better. And just making progress.

[00:24:42] Wendi: And so again, this is something that we do all the time. We’re always constantly judging ourselves, which is completely fine. But at the same time, are we doing it in a way where we’re aware. Where we can then snap out of it. And stay focused [00:25:00] on what the real goal is and say, focus on the journey and the outcome, because that’s what it’s really all about. Right? Like imagine going to airborne school.

[00:25:10] Wendi: And they’re like, okay, here’s your, here are your wings. Congratulations. You showed up. Here are your orders for you to get your badge and congratulations without even jumping out of a plane. W it would take away from the whole experience. And, you know, I think that’s, that’s exactly what we do. We judge like, oh, we’re not fit, or we’re not ready. Or, you know, you’re not the one you haven’t done much, or your MOS doesn’t align with, you know, this, um, training, whatever it may be. But at the end of the day, you’re there, you’ve made it to this experience in this really, um,

[00:25:50] Wendi: Privilege of jumping out of a perfectly well airplane. So again, you know, like, are you judging yourself to the point where you’re [00:26:00] keeping yourself stuck? Are you judging yourself to the point where it’s not serving you? And now you’re like not even wanting to move forward with that goal. Like where are you with that?

[00:26:10] Wendi: And so I want to invite you today to, to really answer those questions. And go through with this and really implement this on your day-to-day life and day-to-day experiences. All right, ladies. Thank you so much for tuning in. And if I could ask you to do me one favor, if you could please leave me a review. If this episode not only resonated with you, but also.

[00:26:31] Wendi: Any previous topics that you have found helpful, please go right now, pause this episode and leave me a review. All you have to do is go to apple podcasts. Um, right where you are on this platform on this podcast, scroll down, leave a review, rate this podcast and leave me a note. I will be super excited to not only hear from you, but also read what is helping you and how it’s helping you, because this is what it’s all about for me too.

[00:26:56] Wendi: Not only to learn from you, but also to provide you with more and more [00:27:00] tips and tools to better help you, um, mentally, emotionally, and, with your productivity, and, your overall wellbeing. All right, ladies. Thank you so much for tuning in and I’ll see you. Next week, talk to you soon.

[00:27:12] Wendi: Bye.