There are things that are easy to do and then things that are difficult like being. still. In today’s episode, I explain why it’s so difficult to be still or even focus.
- [00:00:00] Wendi: hello lady. And welcome to episode [00:01:00] 161 today’s episode is all about why we can’t. Manage to be still. Especially when it comes to, um, prayer or just being in a place where you want to just. Um, be still and just be able to gather your thoughts so that you can do something. So in most cases it could be maybe I’m writing, right. Just journaling what’s happening in your mind or what you’re thinking about, or just journaling in general.
- [00:01:36] Wendi: Um, another thing that, um, came up for me was when I was thinking, okay, well, why has it, why is it getting really hard for me to like, to, to be still and to have this alone moment or alone time? For myself without having to constantly be worried or constantly be like reaching for my phone or constantly be, um, just wondering what I could be [00:02:00] doing with my time or what I could be doing in that moment.
- [00:02:02] Wendi: And so, as I was thinking about it, and really just based on the experience that I have, you know, with how I have dealt with that in the past, because believe me. I am not someone that finds that easy to do. I am not the one that I’m like, oh yeah, I can just go to my office and, you know, be still for a moment and not have to think about the other thousand things I want to get done or what’s coming up next, what appointments I have or what meetings or.
- [00:02:28] Wendi: What may be coming up. And so when I was thinking about that, I’m thinking, okay, well now I also want to really dig deep or deeper. On why I’m not making the time that I want for prayer specifically. And so I’m so praying, but not as much as I used to, like in the last couple of months. And so of course I’m giving myself grace for.
- [00:02:53] Wendi: You know, just knowing that yes I’ve, I’ve had, um, you know, new routine, there’s new things happening in my life [00:03:00] and no. New everything for the most part and you know, different things that I’m getting involved in. Not only with the kids, but also. Um, as you know, personal development as an individual for myself.
- [00:03:12] Wendi: And so knowing that, and it really just triggered me to, um, really write down and understand how my mind personally is working. And how I know how a typical mind works. Right. And so what it all boils down to. Is really understanding that there is already chaos in your mind as we all pretty sure knew this already. Yes. There’s a lot of chaos that happens in our minds.
- [00:03:40] Wendi: But also. Not knowing how to really quiet the noise or deal with that chaos. And by that, I mean, there’s always going to be. Like a conflict or a problem, an issue. That you are thinking about because it stands out that’s really what our minds like to do. If there’s a problem, our mind [00:04:00] wants to immediately solve it.
- [00:04:01] Wendi: And we may know that it’s not necessarily a quick solution or that there will be a quick. Um, Or a simple even process to get it done, but for some reason, our minds like, and love to indulge and how to figure things out, which is a good thing. It’s a beautiful thing. But what happens is that we have so many issues, so many problems, so many things and challenges and obstacles that we have to.
- [00:04:29] Wendi: Um, Not only consider and even hurdles that we need to be jumping over. So then our mind starts doing that even when we want to be focusing on other things. And of course that doesn’t help us, that doesn’t help us because if anything is slows us down, And so today I wanted to ask the question, you know,
- [00:04:46] Wendi: Why is it so hard to be still. And the answer that I pretty much see it boils down to my response is chaos, mental chaos. The chaos that’s going on in our brains. And chaos, you could define [00:05:00] chaos. Um, and in many different ways, of course, like any other word. And so when we look up. Um, chaos in. I like to go to Google for any definition or sometimes even in my dictionary.
- [00:05:15] Wendi: App on my phone. Um, I don’t want you guys thinking that I have an actual dictionary book or anything like that. Um, ’cause I don’t, even though it would be great. Um, but of course my phone and the apps are so much easier, quicker. And so chaos is defined. Um, I Googled, this is what I found complete disorder and confusion.
- [00:05:35] Wendi: And I’m like, that’s it? That is the exact definition. That I’m looking for here, because that is exactly not only. How sometimes I feel confused. But also, um, in a way where I know that there is a lot of. Um, disorder going on in my brain, meaning like I’m not necessarily, um, putting in order of what is useful [00:06:00] and what’s not.
- [00:06:01] Wendi: And typically the way I do that is by just thinking of one problem that I have. Right. So let’s say. Um, One of the issues that I’m having with my website. Let’s just say something technology. I’m not big. With, um, or, or it’s not easy for me to catch on to, um, little things when it comes to like a blog.
- [00:06:25] Wendi: Or a website, like I have to actually watch a video and read up on it and actually do the, um, the step-by-step and then confidently do something else. And so for me, when I think about like, for example, my blog, I’m like, oh my gosh, Immediately. I have like a thousand negative thoughts coming in and at the same time,
- [00:06:47] Wendi: I’m thinking about how that defines me in a way of how am I supposed to do this by myself and, oh, by the way, I don’t want to continue to not know. So then, you know, I dig deeper into how do I learn this better? And so. Instead of solving [00:07:00] the actual problem. I’m now trying to, um, convince myself that I can, you know, be an expert in this specific thing.
- [00:07:11] Wendi: And I’m like, wait a minute, Wendy. I’m not solving the problem here. The problem isn’t that I’m not an expert or a Smee in blogging. The problem that I’m having is how do I ensure that what I’m putting in WordPress is actually coming out on my website. So that’s exactly what we try to do. Right. So maybe the problem isn’t that. Um, so for another example,
- [00:07:35] Wendi: Why. Um, you know, why isn’t my daughter not sleeping through the night? You know, she’s almost about to be six months. That’s not necessarily a big deal, right? Like, okay. Maybe she’s just not ready. She’s maybe needs. Um, to drink more milk or at a later time, or, you know, maybe the solids had a different time, you know, so figuring out a solution.
- [00:07:53] Wendi: But instead. Maybe going into, well, what am I doing wrong? Like it’s me. Or, um, I [00:08:00] start looking into parenting other, you know, other tips that maybe have nothing to do with how that’s going to help her to sleep longer at night. And so we do this all the time. And so when it comes time to be still, and we’re like, okay, I need to pray.
- [00:08:17] Wendi: And I know I want to pray because I want to. You know, um, really get better at prayer and just be more intentional and all of these other things. We can’t do that because we’re over here solving different problems or creating solutions for problems that don’t even exist. Because there’s so much chaos going on in our brains, um, because we are not able to one, um, really.
- [00:08:41] Wendi: Put our actual thoughts that are coming in in order, or even discern the ones that are not needed. Right. So by that, I mean, how can we now minimize the chaos that is happening in our mind? At whatever point in time you could be at work, you could be in a meeting. Because most of the time, our [00:09:00] minds are wandering. Like our minds are wandering for a new meeting. They’re wondering if we’re at a, um, at a actual light in traffic.
- [00:09:09] Wendi: If we are waiting, you know, for her appointment in the waiting area or we’re on our phones or we’re social media and, or on social media. And so again, our, our minds come up with so many other thoughts that are, you know, based on what I’m seeing based on what, um, Observing. And so then the real question then became again, how do I minimize the chaos? How do I minimize the chaos that’s going on? Because here’s the truth.
- [00:09:32] Wendi: We’re never going to not, not have chaos in our brain, no matter what you do, what you say to me, we always. We’ll have some type of dilemma or cognitive dissonance. Meaning, there will always be something that we believe is true. And then we also believe something that, um, we assume that is not necessarily.
- [00:09:53] Wendi: Um, Uh, factor or true, um, to be. And so again, [00:10:00] understanding that there will always be chaos. And how do we then minimize the chaos? And also then to the initial question here, you know, why is it so difficult for us to be still. And, you know, the example that I’m using here for me is, you know, with prayer specifically,
- [00:10:17] Wendi: And for you, maybe something else for you and maybe I’m writing a paper. It may be. Um, studying for a test. It may be. Just finding quiet time. And not to be sucked in to social media or to technology, whatever it may be. And so. When. What we want to do when this happens is one you want to. Um, Really understand that this is chaos happening and it’s okay. It’s completely normal.
- [00:10:47] Wendi: And two, you really want to ask yourself, you know, what is the chaos. Like, what is it? Is it something that you’re trying to solve ahead of time? Or is this something that you have to solve in the moment? Because sometimes our minds want to go into solving something ahead of [00:11:00] time, nothing wrong with that.
- [00:11:01] Wendi: But at the same time, it’s like, are we really solving for that? Ahead of time in a way where it, we know for sure that that’s going to happen or are we just trying to protect ourselves from whatever the thing may be? You may be a failure. You. Maybe I’m a feeling of embarrassment or disappointment, whatever it may be.
- [00:11:21] Wendi: So you really want to discern really quite is it that you are creating because most of the time we’re creating the chaos too. We’re like, oh my gosh, I’m so confused. About whatever the thing may be. Let’s say a paper you’re like, no. You’re not really confused. You just don’t want to do the work. You just want to take the moment to.
- [00:11:39] Wendi: Um, putting time and focus on whatever that work may be. And so it’s the same thing, right? With whatever you may be doing. For example, for me, for prayer, it’s not that I can’t pray. It’s not that I don’t know what to say because I do. But I also haven’t acknowledged. That there’s something that I can pray about so that I need to pray about.
- [00:11:59] Wendi: And [00:12:00] that this is something that I have to intentionally. Um, Be able to do. In a way where I know it’s not going to be easy. Because you don’t have to, you know, make time to get on, on social media or Netflix or. Um, do something other than just, um, doing the work that you need to do. Right? Because it comes easy to us. It’s pleasurable.
- [00:12:23] Wendi: And so what I want to offer you today is really asking yourself. Am I making something difficult, like being still harder than what it already is. And if the answer is, yes, you want to figure out what is the chaos happening in your mind? Because that’s really what’s happening. When there’s chaos, chaos. I can’t even say the word anymore. Chaos in our mind.
- [00:12:45] Wendi: It’s because we haven’t taken the time to identify. And discern things that we know are not true. Most of the time, they’re all opinions. Most of the time. They’re not things that are actually even solvable because they’re not [00:13:00] even an actual problem or an issue yet. So, what I want to offer you today is to not only take a moment to do that.
- [00:13:07] Wendi: Especially if you want to start praying, or if you wanna start meditating on the word. You know, ask yourself, what is it that my mind is constantly, constantly taking me to. Um, when it comes to this mental chaos. Is it me thinking about all the things that I have to do. Is it about me thinking about me not wanting to do this paper or wanting to do, or write this email or wanting to do this process that I know I need to get done.
- [00:13:33] Wendi: Whatever it might be. I want you to begin to. Um, understand that it’s okay. That you don’t want to do it. It’s okay. That’s not something that’s pleasurable and that comes easy to you. But I want you to remember this. I want you to remember that no matter what is going on in your mind, no matter what you’re thinking, maybe it’s through going through a divorce.
- [00:13:53] Wendi: Maybe you’re going through separation, maybe you’re going through, you know, Um, just a [00:14:00] different seasoning your life at a transition. And you are probably thinking, you know, I can’t focus on anything else because I have this going on. And it’s true because you can’t really focus if you’re constantly.
- [00:14:13] Wendi: Um, Indulging in what’s already happening in your brain, right? Like you can’t turn it all for you. Can’t turn it down. And so what I want to offer you today is to really just take a moment. And either. Um, put it in a voice note of what’s going on in your mind. That works for me too, in the voice note, something that I can hear bank.
- [00:14:31] Wendi: Um, or write it down. I’m not a big writer because of how I write. I can’t read my writing afterwards. If I write too fast, my brain just. Um, so it just comes too fast and I’m, I can’t catch up with my writing. I’m typing. I do a lot better. Or like I mentioned in a voice note and then hear it back and read it back.
- [00:14:52] Wendi: And really identify what is serving you and what isn’t, because if it’s not serving you. Then you really just need to let it go. You just have to let it go. [00:15:00] You can’t control other people. You can’t control certain things. Certain circumstances. What you can control is how you begin to think about that.
- [00:15:09] Wendi: And how you want to show up. Do you want to keep entertaining the mental chaos and keeping you away from being still or keeping you away from focusing on something that you know is going to not only. Benefit you in the long run like prayer. I mean, A wave. The way I can not only feel less stress or less overwhelmed is through.
- [00:15:30] Wendi: Constantly reminding myself that. To whatever issue is going on or whatever thing that I can tackle overcoming that moment is. Something that is not necessarily. Um, my personal thing to take on as, how do I need to solve it? But also that I have someone. And then someone is guide. That can not only help me.
- [00:15:54] Wendi: Um, moving the right direction, but also to give me some pieces and clarity on what to do [00:16:00] next. And so that is definitely by far. More, um, beneficial for me. Then too. Sit somewhere and continue to think about these other issues that I have going on. Where one. Most of the time are not in my control or too, I can show up differently for that. I can show up for the chaos differently.
- [00:16:22] Wendi: Because, like I said, there will always be chaos. The question is. How are you going to manage it? And how are you going to better deal with the chaos at dusk? That does end up coming up over and over again. Because that’s really, what’s keeping you from being sill. That’s really, what’s keeping you from having this focus time.
- [00:16:40] Wendi: You have so many other things that are going on in your brain that is old. You know, out of order and creating confusion. That’s what chaos is. And so again, if you’re confused about something, if you’re like, okay, this was too much going on here, do you need to take a moment? Like I offered you before.
- [00:16:57] Wendi: Either, put it in a voice note, write it down, [00:17:00] type it away, whatever you need to do and really start our. Acknowledging, what is it that’s going to serve you? And what is it? That isn’t going to serve you and how you can minimize the castle. Then you can focus on being so focused on that. One thing, either it’d be prayer, it would be writing a paper or reading a book. It could be just learning more about, you know, self development or just anything that is going to help you grow as an individual, as a leader, as a wife, as a mom, whatever it may be for you.
- [00:17:27] Wendi: And so again, Being able to do that. It’s definitely a skill that requires your time. Your investment in, um, feeling all the negative emotions, because it will happen. It’s going to come up. It may be ugly and it may get ugly. But it’s okay. Because the better, you can not only do this now, the better you’re going to be able to do it in the future. And you’re going to be able to go to.
- [00:17:52] Wendi: Be good at it, but also you’re going to have more time to actually do the things that you truly know you need to do. And so again, it’s going to [00:18:00] keep you from. I’m wasting time and it’s going to keep you, it’s going to wink to help you get into making progress. All right. Well, I hope that this episode, and not only helps you today, but also encourages you to start doing this and identifying if it’s mental chaos, that’s keeping you from you being still. And maybe you thinking that it’s just so difficult to be still and pray and meditate on the word.
- [00:18:25] Wendi: Um, just learn more about God. So again, thank you so much for tuning in, and I hope that this blesses you. And I will talk to you soon. Have a great rest of your week. Bye.
- [00:18:35] [00:19:00]
