Emotional Health

Episode 154: Honoring Black Military Women Coaches: Emotional Intelligence with Sandra Hardy

February 22, 2023

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Hey lady, 
“Knowing that my circumstance is not my source, but still being in my flesh to understand, I can’t see where God is gonna take me, is still a scary thing when you have other people depending on you.”-Sandra  
Today, I introduce you to Sandra Hardy, Army Veteran and Business Coach
She shares with us the struggles she overcame as a single mom and caregiver all while keeping God as her source.  Trusting his plan and overcoming challenges in and out of the military.  
I hope you ready to tune in to today’s episode and learn the tools that keeps her going when faced with obstacles. Sandra is going beyond the military! 

[00:00:00] Wendi Wray: Hey sis, welcome to Beyond the Military Podcast, where faith led military woman overcome burnout and create more balance. Just imagine having enough time to focus on your faith family, and have more fun while still serving as a woman leader. In this podcast, you’ll walk away with the tools to help you navigate the busy life of a military woman.

[00:00:20] Wendi Wray: Organize your mind, overcome, overwhelmed, create a prioritization playbook in a balanced blueprint for integrating faith, family, and. Yeses in that order. Hi, I’m Wendi Wray, woman of God wife, mama of two army veteran and certified life coach, and I’m here to help you create a life of meaning outside of the military, a life of laughter, joy, and intentional free time.

[00:00:43] Wendi Wray: If you are ready to overcome now and create balance as a faith led military woman, sis, this podcast is for you. So loosen up your laces and grab your coffee because it’s time to step into freedom and.

[00:00:55] Wendi Wray: Hello ladies, and welcome to episode [00:01:00] 154. I hope that you’re doing amazing, and I hope that you’re ready for today’s episode today. I have a very special guest, Sandra Hardy. I cannot wait for you to not only hear her story. , but also some of the obstacles and challenges that she’s faced and really how she’s navigated through them.

[00:01:18] Wendi Wray: And so if you’re listening in, in your car or you’re just, you know, um, having this podcast in your earbuds and you are just trying to do something else other than take notes, how you recommend that you come back, come back to this episode. When you have some pen and paper or maybe even just your, your notes on your phone or your tablet, because when I tell you Sandra is not only, um, an experienced, uh, business coach, she is also a, a woman a.

[00:01:50] Wendi Wray: Woman of God, she is a mom, a single mom, and she has so much to offer other than just business tips today. And [00:02:00] what I love about what Sandra’s um, trajectory and even story is that she not only went through so many challenges and hurdles, but. , she went through it with trusting God as a very, as a foundation.

[00:02:15] Wendi Wray: So I highly encourage that you not only, um, tune in, but also take some of these nuggets with you and share them with others, um, and even share this episode if that’s something that you typically do. Share this with another military sister because the more that we can share our stories and share what we’ve experienced and learned, the better we’ll be as a.

[00:02:37] Wendi Wray: and without further reduced. Sandra, please introduce yourself and welcome again

[00:02:42] Sandra Hardy: to the podcast. Thank you so much, Wendy, for that awesome introduction and I just thank you for having me on your podcast. This is truly a great honor. Um, it’s a great honor to speak to your audience, so thank you so very much.

[00:02:56] Sandra Hardy: Um, my name is Sandra Hardy and I am [00:03:00] a, um, business strategist as well as an executive coach. Um, Speaker, an author. Um, I own a company called Boots to Hills, um, where I work with small business owners, um, as well as, um, executives, um, CEOs, um, helping them in order to establishing, to create their business, uh, to build their business up, to identify their audience, to also be sure, be able to reach.

[00:03:31] Sandra Hardy: Income level that they wanna reach to live, the life that they want to live. So this is a, a amazing passion for me and I’m excited about it. I’m in the Raleigh area, um, but I do work outside of the Raleigh area, but this is where I’m located at, so this is awesome . Yeah.

[00:03:51] Wendi Wray: Thank you so much for not only being here, I know that we’re not too far away.

[00:03:55] Wendi Wray: I’m in the Charlotte area. I’m just really happy that we’re both like on the [00:04:00] same time zone because there are other guests that I’ve had that we’ve had to like really, you know, navigate our time zone. But you know, Sandra, I love that you, um, one, I wanna say that I love the name of your company. That is one of the things that I, um, when I first.

[00:04:14] Wendi Wray: Uh, connected with you. You and I connected on Facebook at first, right? And I’m like, that is such a great, um, you know, uh, business name because you went from boots to heels. Right. And before we get into kind of like where, um, you are now, can you tell me a little bit about, um, how you got here? I know. You know, a little bit about you, your story, you know, the, the obstacles that you were faced.

[00:04:39] Wendi Wray: Um, but can you share a little bit now, um, to our listeners on, you know, your military background and. Kind of like

[00:04:46] Sandra Hardy: what got you started with coaching. Okay. Um, so, sure, definitely. Um, so I came in the military, um, from the, the National Guard side, so the reserve side for many people who don’t really know National Guard on the [00:05:00] reserve side of things.

[00:05:01] Sandra Hardy: And then I went active duty, um, and during my tour of active duty, so I came in and. 71 Lima, which was admin, and then they rolled it all into one, into 75 hotel. Mm-hmm. . Um, so it became human resource management. So therefore that’s, that’s what I came into, um, the military as. Um, but I tell people that my business was conceived, um, really in 2003, um, in a time when it was already, when my life took a turn for the worst and an already heavy and chaotic time.

[00:05:34] Sandra Hardy: Um, because it was war time. I was on active duty and I was preparing soldier. Myself to leave their families and go to war. Um, when I received a phone call and it, that changed my life forever. Um, it was the Red Cross and they would let me know that my mother had a massive stroke. So in this moment, , that phone call changed everything, the trajectory of my life and everything, because not [00:06:00] only did I become an instant caregiver, um, being an only child, I became nondeployable and eventually put off active duty.

[00:06:08] Sandra Hardy: So right then, you know, I lost control of my destiny as well as my future. Mm-hmm. . And the emotions, Wendy, that I went through during that time was devastating in itself. I mean, I went through being stressed. I went through being confused, um, depression, deep depression that I went into, um, as well as overwhelm and just feeling very powerless.

[00:06:33] Sandra Hardy: Um, not because I had no control over what was getting ready to happen to me, um, at a time when I should have been worried about how I was gonna take care of my mom. , I’m worried about how I’m gonna provide for my mom as well as my child being a single parent. Mm-hmm. . Um, so I say that to anybody. That was really my lowest time of my life, but it was also the highest point of my life because at that point, I [00:07:00] came to some realizations.

[00:07:01] Sandra Hardy: Um, one, I never ever wanted to feel powerless ever again. I never wanted to feel this sunken place of depression. Um, but I knew I never wanted anyone else to feel that as well, especially another woman, because taking care of our family’s a very important. And then to be at a point to where you don’t know how you’re gonna take care of your family, you don’t know how you’re gonna provide, um, and then having to make the choice of do I do?

[00:07:28] Sandra Hardy: You know, a family or career that’s a, a, a big decision, um, that no one should have to make. Um, so, and, and, and all of that came the birth of my company, um, where I work with, um, individuals, especially women, veteran women in their transitional, um, states of their lives, their businesses, whether they’re leaving the, the military or leaving.

[00:07:52] Sandra Hardy: Um, maybe coming from home, going into the workplace, um, just. Transitional stage of change [00:08:00] because change is scary anyway, Wendy. Um, but when you have to make change, um, and you are not prepared for it, um, it can be very overwhelming. Um, so that’s why I like to be there to help because I walk that path. I understand fear, I understand overwhelm.

[00:08:18] Sandra Hardy: Um, I understand being depressed and not knowing which direction you’re gonna turn. .

[00:08:25] Wendi Wray: Yeah. And you know, you mentioned single mom, you mentioned caregiver and all of that. Right. Not to mention you being a leader in the military, because at this point you’re getting close to retirement, right? You’re, you know, you already have experience under your belt.

[00:08:45] Wendi Wray: Um, but also knowing, like you said earlier, that you are now the only person. For these two individuals that you love very much. Right? Right. And all the plans that you had are now out the window. And I think that [00:09:00] that’s what happens to many of us, um, as women, right? We are always there first for a family as we should,

[00:09:06] Sandra Hardy: right?

[00:09:07] Sandra Hardy: Mm-hmm. , um,

[00:09:08] Wendi Wray: and, you know, um, From my understanding, you also had this faith and trust in God at the moment. Yes. But at the same time as we all do, we’re like, yeah, we, we believe you, God, we we’re, we know that your word is going to help us get through this, but at the same time, we have in the back of our minds like.

[00:09:31] Wendi Wray: You know, why is this happen? Is this happening to you? Right? No. Why is this happening now? Like this is not the plan that I had. Right? Exactly. As humans, right? We have this human fleshly desire of not wanting to do things. Because, you know, we had other plans, right? But now being that you’re in this situation and you know, you’re getting ready to retire, you are trying to ensure that you get your retirement right, your [00:10:00] benefits, right?

[00:10:01] Wendi Wray: And so now I’m curious, how did this, um, you know, really courage, um, start with, uh, with this business? Because I can’t imagine thinking about a business. while all of this is going on, and at the same time you’re like, okay, well I’m just gonna help other women. When you know that, you know that it’s something that you are struggling with as well when it comes to depression, overwhelm, being afraid, and all of these things

[00:10:27] Sandra Hardy: are happening, right?

[00:10:30] Sandra Hardy: Uh, Wendy, so that’s a great question because at that point, It wasn’t . Uh, at that point when I was going through everything, the only thing I was trying to think of is the, how God, how what’s gonna happen because, um, as I explained, um, I had a master sergeant ask me, what, well, what are you gonna do? Uh, you know, how you, what you know now that you’re getting.

[00:10:53] Sandra Hardy: Put off active duty, what are you gonna do? And I told her, I was like, well, that’s, this is not my source. So knowing that this is not my [00:11:00] source, but still being in my flesh to understand, well, I can’t see where God is gonna take me, um, is still a scary thing when you’re, you have other people depending on you.

[00:11:13] Sandra Hardy: Um, so at that point, All I was trying to figure out was, what am I gonna do? And I was just, there would be times when I would just be crying, God, what am I gonna do? How am I gonna take care of this? And, um, during that period of time, I was, was ushered into a position open as a contractor, which is a great thing because.

[00:11:36] Sandra Hardy: Once I came off of active duty, even though the money was less, I had money to come in. So that, um, in itself was, was God. All I I say that. All, all the time that that was just God providing something for me to be able to say, great. I have this. Not to mention the fact that I have been in the military for so long.[00:12:00]

[00:12:00] Sandra Hardy: When you coming out of the military, just jumping straight into civilian life, that can be startling, um, to say the least. But with this contracting position, I was working as a civilian. Working with military. So I was still in a familiar place to be able to learn how to navigate, um, the civilian life, learn how to navigate.

[00:12:24] Sandra Hardy: Um, How to speak, how to, um, position myself how to, to communicate again, how to ask please and thank you and not give orders to anybody and everybody that’s coming around . Um, and so I, I think that was a, a very, I. Peace. Um, but that transition in between there, like I said, the loss of money, there still was a loss of money.

[00:12:54] Sandra Hardy: There still was a, um, a loss of my positioning and still was a, um, [00:13:00] a, a whole change in dynamics from I’m gonna retire at, at, um, I’m gonna stay in and I’m gonna do 30 years and then I’m gonna get out. All of those things were just gone. Um, but. as I continue to try to navigate and try to figure things out and try to get comfortable being in a civilian world, I realized that.

[00:13:23] Sandra Hardy: I’m not the only one. Mm-hmm. that has to go through this. You know, I’m not the only one that has to go through leaving and, you know, getting back accustomed and I saw so many and talked to so many veterans that were struggling and having problems in the sub in civilian world. Just being able to communicate or be able to understand or, um, Be understood.

[00:13:49] Sandra Hardy: Um, and so I felt that that was something that, that was needed. So that’s why and how my company got got started, but there was still steps in between there to get to there. [00:14:00] But that, um, that, that led up to my co my, me starting my company and then just understanding. Trying to show them and teach them how to be comfortable with you and communicate, um, all these things, I had to learn myself, learn me right then I, as I learned me, and learn my, my triggers and things.

[00:14:23] Sandra Hardy: I could communicate them to others and be more comfortable.

[00:14:27] Wendi Wray: Yeah. You know, it’s funny when you said, um, I had to learn how to say please and thank you. Instead of just giving orders. That is a typical struggle that I think most of us have, and I didn’t really notice this until I actually started, um, , you know, being in this environment, like you said, uh, that wasn’t a military environment anymore, at least it was more, um, like the first opportunity that I had, I had to, um, it was, um, a, a remote opportunity.

[00:14:56] Wendi Wray: I didn’t have to go in mm-hmm. . Um, but everyone [00:15:00] within our, um, small company was military, so mm-hmm. , kind of like you said, you know, it wasn’t straight into the civilian sector, but. , it still gave me that little, um, window of, okay, this is kind of what to expect. Mm-hmm. , what not to do, what not to say. Mm-hmm.

[00:15:15] Wendi Wray: Um, but at the same time, I know, um, that it can be difficult to communicate differently when you are so used to and wired to speak a certain way. Right. Um, and I just think it’s fascinating to me when you said too that you had to learn you first, right? Mm-hmm. , because we forget about that. We forget. , we need to really identify who we are before we get to the how.

[00:15:40] Wendi Wray: Right. And I think that that’s something that we need to continue to encourage other women. Right. And I’m sure you do this with your coaching mm-hmm. , um, as a business coach that you are, you always want to find out, you know, who you’re, who you’re playing and serving. Right. Right. And it’s the same thing with us like.

[00:15:58] Wendi Wray: are we serving? And [00:16:00] also like, who is it? Who am I before I start serving Right. With my skills and abilities and everything else, and mm-hmm. , we forget to do that. Mm-hmm. , you know, when we’re in the military, we’re like, no, we’re just doing our, our everyday battle rhythm. Right. We wake up early in the morning, we do bt, we go to work and we work for another, you know, 12 hours and then we do this all over again.

[00:16:22] Wendi Wray: Right. And we don’t set time to focus on ourselves to focus on. You know, our relationship with God, our, our faith, our time with our family, you know? Mm-hmm. , especially for my single women out there, you know? Mm-hmm. , are you taking time to, you know, figure out if you wanna, you know, a partner, if you want to start a relationship, do you wanna get married?

[00:16:42] Wendi Wray: Right. And most of the time I get, well, I don’t have time. Mm-hmm. or, you know, the military doesn’t allow me, cuz of my schedule, so on and so forth. Mm-hmm. and it’s the very same thing right. With business ideas. Right. I’m pretty sure you, you know, had clients that are like, , yeah. 10 years ago when, you know, I first got promoted to [00:17:00] E five, I wanted to set some money to the side for a business.

[00:17:04] Wendi Wray: Right. But because I didn’t have the tools or the people around me, I just, you know, forgot about that idea or that passion or

[00:17:13] Sandra Hardy: that goal, or

[00:17:14] Wendi Wray: mm-hmm. , even that dream. Mm-hmm. . And so my question to you, Sandra, , the coaching that you’re doing now. Mm-hmm. , you know, how has that impacted not only military women, but women in general, um, when it comes to preparing, even if it’s 10 years from now, like, or, or next year, right?

[00:17:35] Wendi Wray: Mm-hmm. , like, how does a coaching impact them? By starting now, by starting before even, they can maybe find the funds to, to go on about their, you know, to

[00:17:46] Sandra Hardy: start their. Well, I think the first thing is, is understanding you. Um, because when you understand, you begin to understand your passions. Um, because a lot of times you draw you.

[00:17:59] Sandra Hardy: you draw [00:18:00] the mirror image of you. So if you’re getting clients in or, and, and they’re, you know, this is, something’s not right this way, or something’s not right that way, then, uh, take a look at yourself. I always tell ’em, take a look at yourself because you’re pulling in exactly what you, you know who you are.

[00:18:16] Sandra Hardy: So understanding, um, who you are, understanding what your passions are. Your des you know, your desires. and then label and listen them down and see what is it that you can turn into a business and, and what is it something that you can really stick with, um, is very important. Um, when you decide that you want to start a business, a lot of times, um, , our veteran women come out and the first thing they’re thinking about is being employed, um, and not being self-employed.

[00:18:49] Sandra Hardy: That’s not really something that’s pushed a whole lot. Um, so when they come out, they come out and they’re looking for a job, and then they get into this job and it’s not their passion. They, they have a difficult time, but then they have this. [00:19:00] Talent, this gift that military has trained them and that they could turn into a, a, um, into a job, into a business.

[00:19:07] Sandra Hardy: Um, there’s different businesses and things that you can do, um, that’s not even starting from scratch. There are, there are companies that are already set up, um, pretty much, and it doesn’t take a whole lot of capital to get started. Um, if you want to put your feet in the water and see whether or not entrepreneurship is something that you can, um, do.

[00:19:29] Sandra Hardy: in anything. We have discipline. And when we come out of the military, we already have that discipline set. So can you become an entrepreneur? Can you become a business owner? Yes, you can. Mm-hmm. . Um, it’s all about knowing and understanding what it is that you need to do and then being consistent in doing it.

[00:19:48] Sandra Hardy: Um, but just learning. what it is that you want to do, um, and doing it because it’s something you want to do, not because something somebody else suggested that you do. It has [00:20:00] to be your passion, your thing that you want to do, because that’s when you’re going to stick with it. Um, and then, um, just looking to see whether or not anybody else will pay for that talent or that gift.

[00:20:11] Sandra Hardy: And then when you find out they will, , then that’s when you began to look at capital where, what, what do I need, um, in order to get started with this business.

[00:20:21] Wendi Wray: Yeah, no, 100% on what you said about discipline and you know, all, you know, I’ll add to that, just the, the, uh, resiliency that we have, right? Like we are Okay.

[00:20:35] Wendi Wray: when, you know, it doesn’t turn out the way we envisioned it the first time. Mm-hmm. , um, we kind of have more of the, like, the, what is it? The, the tough skin or, you know, we’re, we’re okay if someone tells us that it wasn’t, you know, up to par . That’s how we have AAR after

[00:20:55] Sandra Hardy: action reviews. Right.

[00:20:56] Wendi Wray: And not only that, but also this, [00:21:00] um, Ability to just keep pushing even when it’s hard.

[00:21:04] Wendi Wray: Right. Like you mentioned earlier, um, you talked about, you, you got this phone call. It was a challenge that was not optional. I mean, we as military, we challenge ourselves all the time, right? We wanna get the highest score on our physical training test. We want to right, you know, go to the most difficult school, you know, go to Airborne School, AOL School, ranger School, special forces, whatever it may be.

[00:21:29] Wendi Wray: Um, so we we’re good at challenging ourselves when it’s optional, but when we also get life challenges, we’re really good at navigating through that. We’re very good at, um, just pushing through even when. Seem to be, you know, completely out of energy or completely out of it. Um, right. And more so too, right?

[00:21:47] Wendi Wray: When, when we have a foundation, when we, like you mentioned earlier, the source, when we know that we’re not the source, right? We’re, we’re God’s creation, right? He’s creator, so why not, you know, lean in on him and know that he’s. [00:22:00] Not only got our back, but he’s the one that’s going to continue to provide Right.

[00:22:04] Wendi Wray: Like he did, you know, with you. Right. And so now I know earlier you and I, um, were talking before, you know, we, we started recording and you mentioned something about emotional intelligence. Mm-hmm. , can you elaborate a little bit more on that? Because everything that you have said today, like during this episode, um, and then, you know, again, your story going through the challenges and obstacles.

[00:22:27] Wendi Wray: 20 years ago because it’s, it’s been a minute now. . Mm-hmm. before, you know, encouraging women was a thing before empowering black women was a thing before, you know, um, applauding women in business and, you know, as a veteran. Can you share with us a little bit of how that has helped you? Not only through that, but even now.

[00:22:51] Wendi Wray: So

[00:22:51] Sandra Hardy: with your business. Okay. Yes, definitely. So emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive, to control, and to evaluate [00:23:00] your emotions and other people’s emotions. And um, like I was saying earlier when I said, you need to understand yourself. That’s the foundation of emotional intelligence, understanding what, um, affects you, um, how it affects you, what triggers you, and then being able to understand when it’s happening, being aware of it, and then having something in place that that.

[00:23:29] Sandra Hardy: you can do to bring yourself back to the point of calmness. Um, and the point of being able to really focus on, um, your thoughts. So the four parts of emotional intelligence is self-awareness, and that’s the ability to understand your emotions, as I was stating, recognize their impact and see them to make informed decision.

[00:23:52] Sandra Hardy: the four. The second part is self-management. So not only do you want to understand your emotions, but you want to also be able to [00:24:00] control your emotions, um, and those impulses and so that you can adapt into circum, cer certain circumstances. Um, then the third part is you wanna be social awareness. And so that’s the ability to sense, understand, and to react to the emotions of.

[00:24:16] Sandra Hardy: So that they don’t trigger you to an, uh, come out of who you are in your state of calmness. Um, and then relationship management. And that’s the ability to inspire, to influence, and to connect with others while main in immense midst of a conflict. So we go through conflicts all the time and, and that is something that we learn in the military, right?

[00:24:40] Sandra Hardy: We learn how to, um, manage conflict, but. When you get out of the military, um, a lot of times as as veterans, we are not. We don’t go back to that or don’t think about that in the way that we should. And so with emotional intelligence, [00:25:00] when you begin to really sit and ask yourself, why is this affecting me?

[00:25:05] Sandra Hardy: Um, now we know that as military veterans, when we come out of the military, we’re not. Um, there are some things that require medication. There are some things that require. Counseling. Um, those, those things are something that you definitely need to make sure that you get taken care of. But there are things that we can do to, for ourselves to facilitate certain behaviors and certain ways that we react and respond to individuals, especially to help us to cope with being in a civilian life and working in a civilian life.

[00:25:39] Sandra Hardy: Um, so we have, you know, they, it is, um, We have this emotional side of us. Um, and I’ll call that the emotional brain. And it’s the subconscious and it reacts immediately. So how many times does something happen? And then you, you know, before you, you can think about it and rationalize it. You’ve already [00:26:00] up and you’re, you’re, uh, you know, you’re reacting to it all away.

[00:26:05] Sandra Hardy: Um, but the same time, and when you begin to think about it once, once, Think about it then, Hey, that wasn’t as bad as I thought it was, or that wasn’t the thing that I thought it was gonna be. So, um, being able to manage yourself, um, take deep breaths when you realize that you’re getting upset, um, especially when you’re in the situation with coworkers and you’re in the workplace.

[00:26:30] Sandra Hardy: Um, and you’ll, you’ll get what they call emotional hijacking. So that’s when your emotions take effect to the point to where. They’re un, they’re not controllable. Okay? So you’re just, you’re just upset and you can’t bring yourself down. Every time you think about this thing that’s happening, you get upset.

[00:26:48] Sandra Hardy: Let’s think about when you are in traffic. Okay, and someone cuts you off in traffic. Yeah. And you just, it, you go from zero to a hundred right away. That’s [00:27:00] emotional, that hijacking. So you just allowed your emotions to just hijack all sense of, of understanding. Um, and then, so that can be very dangerous cuz as we know some.

[00:27:11] Sandra Hardy: their fights take off. In those situations, people get harmed and killed in those situations. Mm-hmm. . Um, but the same thing can happen on a, on a job. Um, if you allow certain things, certain triggers or certain wave pro, somebody may say something or do something, um, to affect you to the point to where.

[00:27:31] Sandra Hardy: You’re no longer thinking, um, rationally, you’re, you know, you’re upset and you allow those emotions to take effect before you can really think about it. Um, so it’s very important that you identify triggers if there’s a particular person on your job, just so to say. And every time that person comes is something that they do or say that triggers you.

[00:27:54] Sandra Hardy: Learn what that trigger is, and then sit there in your mind and come up with so, Another [00:28:00] way to respond. Um, whether it be, think of something humorous, think of something good about that person that, that, I’m sure there’s something that you can find whether it’s even that they got a nice pair of shoes on or whatever that you can focus on outside of that anger to bring you down.

[00:28:18] Sandra Hardy: Um, it’s called just, you know, just taking a breath, breathing, um, and then identifying what it is that’s going on. Um, I had to do this. A lot , um, when I got started, as far as coming into civilian world mm-hmm. , um, because I could, I could just go from zero to a hundred. I mean, I, I had an anxiety, I have anxiety, you know, all those things that we are diagnosed with when we come out of the military that, that we deal with.

[00:28:49] Sandra Hardy: Um, but just managing. How I thought about particular individuals or things, or the fact that things are not [00:29:00] structured. How many times have you talked to military people and they, they’re upset because the facility that they’re working at or the organization or company that they’re working at. Um, Don’t operate under the, the, the SOPs that they have situated.

[00:29:16] Sandra Hardy: Like, you know, and they’re like, well, why they, they got ’em if they don’t such and such. Right? But that’s because we come from a place of structure and that’s all we live by was SOPs and, and regulations. You know, we could r we could ride off a regulation in a heartbeat, . But when you go into the civilian workforce and you mention, well, do you have a, um, an SOP or standard operations?

[00:29:39] Sandra Hardy: And they look at you, Yeah. Cricket, cricket, , . Or you ask them, um, so why do you do this? And they say they, it is always been done that way. You know, in our minds it’s like, Right. That’s not a way of doing things, but those things could really trigger us if we’re not [00:30:00] careful. Um, so understanding those triggers and figuring out ways in which that you can prepare yourself beforehand, stops you from allowing yourself to be emotionally triggered, um, managing yourself, um, asking, you know, getting logical.

[00:30:17] Sandra Hardy: I had to sit down and I kind of had to talk and, and communicate with my. My, uh, supervisors or, and, and let them know that, you know, . If I feel that I’m getting to a point to where something is, you know, affecting me, I, I’m gonna say something to the fact of, let’s just talk about this later, or let’s table it.

[00:30:38] Sandra Hardy: You know, even that’s even a good thing for you to do when you’re in your home. You know? Um, let’s just table that instead of beating it down till we try to get to the, the last thing and everybody’s getting all up and, and your anxiety is getting there and you’re getting very upset. Um, table. and then come back to it later.

[00:30:56] Sandra Hardy: It, it, it can be tabled, but as long as you communicate, [00:31:00] um, and understand, because a lot of organizations wanna hire veterans, but a lot of organizations don’t understand veterans. Mm-hmm. , um, and a lot of veterans don’t understand that if they just communicate and let others know what’s going on, then you don’t have to tell ’em all about your medical situations and all that.

[00:31:19] Sandra Hardy: But you can let them know that, look, I have some things in. that, um, sometimes, um, I can be emotional and these are the things that I utilize in order not to be emotional because I, I, I honor your feelings as well as my own and so that we can have a great working relationship. I’m going to, you know, I’m gonna be aware of where I am in any, any moment of any communications that we have.

[00:31:46] Sandra Hardy: And they re they they respect. That’s that communication, that’s that opening up, that’s being aware, um, of what’s going on. Um, and that’s that self-awareness. But in emotional [00:32:00] intelligence, that’s where what you need to be able to do, you need to be able to focus. You need to be able to understand and then also understand other individuals when you’re looking and you’re saying something, read their face, read their actions, because we can be strong when we speak.

[00:32:15] Sandra Hardy: Not that we’re trying to be disrespectful, but we. Speak with authority because we’re trained to speak with authority. But when you do that in the civilian world, they think that you’re being harsh. They think that you’re being mean, they think you know, all these different things. And so, um, you have to be aware of.

[00:32:34] Sandra Hardy: Mm. Okay. My, what I say may not be. going over very well with that individual because they’re, you’ll tell you can, if you are observing their body language may change, their facial expressions may change. Yeah. And then at that point, you know, you can come back and say, um, uh, you know, do you, did, is, is everything okay?

[00:32:55] Sandra Hardy: Did you understand what I was saying? You know, leave it open for them to be able to [00:33:00] tell you, you know, well, I thought that was a little bit. Harsh what you were saying, and then you can kind of fix it from that point. Well, that’s not what I was intending to do. Um, that’s just how you know. Been taught to speak in the military.

[00:33:15] Sandra Hardy: Um, but we still, that can’t be an excuse for us. We have to work on those things. We have to soften our, um, our voice, right? You know, and, and how we speak. It’s not to say that you’re, you changing who you are, because I’ve talked to a lot of, you know, during my coaching and I’ve explained this to some veteran women, and they say, well, I shouldn’t have to change who I am.

[00:33:37] Sandra Hardy: That’s not changing who you are. Adjusting to the environment that you’re in. Um, when you went into the military, you weren’t like that. So it’s like just coming back to, um, an understanding and being considerate of others as you want them to be considerate of you. That that makes, that’s a, a, makes a good relationship.

[00:33:59] Sandra Hardy: So it’s not [00:34:00] going and saying, well, they just gotta accept me for who I am, but. How can I make this a better place for me? Um, except especially with structure, you know, if you were used to structure, how can I structure this where I’m comfortable and I don’t have, need everybody else to change, for me to be happy?

[00:34:19] Sandra Hardy: right?

[00:34:20] Wendi Wray: Yeah. And you know, like you mentioned a, a great point where we at some point had to adjust to our environment, right? We didn’t show up to formation or, you know, in our commander’s office the same way we did with our squad leader or Right. You know, our significant other. So, you know, that’s, you know, one being, and that’s why I love this whole emotional intelligence, right?

[00:34:42] Wendi Wray: Because it’s how do we show up in a way where we know. How to manage your emotions, how to be able to distinguish when I know that it’s me versus the other person. Right. And so, you know, with that, Sandra, I mean, you brought [00:35:00] up so many great things here. Um, and you know, I want to just close out with kind of like what you mentioned earlier about having to do.

[00:35:09] Wendi Wray: you know, even now, even if you’re still in the military, even if you’re, you know, transitioning or even at home as a mom, right? Because I don’t know about you, but there are several moments and I’m like, okay, I need. 10 seconds to just right. Check myself, right? And, you know, ask God to like, help me out here with my patients because Uhhuh kids are gonna, they’re tricking me with my true colors here.

[00:35:31] Wendi Wray: Um, so, you know, um, when it comes to business, right? I know this is something they can start doing as well. If you’re a brand new entrepreneur, if you have, you know, gone all in on your business, there will be multiple in many times where it doesn’t go as you plan. So start now. And start practicing. Not only, you know, what Sandra has shared here, but also really thinking is maybe a business, something that you want to do even [00:36:00] now, right?

[00:36:00] Wendi Wray: Mm-hmm. , we are in a time where starting a business is such a beautiful time to start because there’s so many opportunities. I mean, exactly. Virtually you can do. Um, I mean the capital, the, the way you know, the, um, support is out there. There are coaches. We have Sandra here. That has a program that can not only help you begin, but really set the tone on where you’re gonna go with your brand in the next, you know, five to 10 years.

[00:36:29] Wendi Wray: So, highly, highly encourage that you check out Sandra and Sandra, tell us a little bit about where they can find you and you know, maybe anything that you have for the audience.

[00:36:40] Sandra Hardy: Oh, thank you, Wendy. Um, definitely my, my company name is Booster Hills. I’m on Facebook, um, under Boots to Hills, um, as well as I’m on Instagram, um, and LinkedIn, um, with Booster Hills.

[00:36:56] Sandra Hardy: Um, my, um, I have a special that’s going on, [00:37:00] uh, this. Um, in the month of February and, um, it is four, six months, you get 15,000, $1,500 off, um, of that, um, Package. It’s my six month premium package. Um, and in it you get, um, social media management. You get, um, one-on-one coaching. You get business brand building as well as personal brand building and just really, um, fine tuning your business.

[00:37:29] Sandra Hardy: That you’re in, um, to take you to the next level. Um, I’m super excited, the one-on-one coaching even in itself. Um, we work with more than just the business. We work on you as well as an entrepreneur and helping you to really press past those particular areas that stop you or you from growing your.

[00:37:50] Sandra Hardy: Because it’s not all the time that it’s the business, it’s sometimes it’s the individual , right?

[00:37:56] Wendi Wray: Yeah. And Sandra, I love that. And by the way, [00:38:00] all of this information, um, how they can follow you on LinkedIn, really any social media will be in the show notes. So please check out the show notes to not only get this, um, deal, which by the way, Sandra, that’s amazing.

[00:38:12] Wendi Wray: $1,500 out of, off of a premium package is a, a, a good amount, a good chunk. Um, so thank you for that. again. You if you haven’t, um, or don’t know of Sandra Hardy yet, highly recommend that you check her out, um, on any social media platform that you can find her on. And Sandra, I wanna thank you so much for not only joining us, but also sharing the, the information and the nuggets that you’ve shared with our audience here.

[00:38:39] Wendi Wray: So, um, thank you again for serving our military community, more specifically women that are ready to take off because that’s, you know, what, what it’s all about. And here in this platform, You know, I love to see other women share their, um, wisdom because you never know whoever’s listening to this, this may get them started.

[00:38:59] Wendi Wray: And so for [00:39:00] that, I thank you. And for everyone else, thank you so much for tuning in. I hope that this episode has helped you and really encourages you to start considering things that you may want to do outside of the military. Then, you know, other than just a job, you know, maybe you wanna start a business or maybe you’re looking into finding or how to start a business and.

[00:39:19] Wendi Wray: You know, coaching. I will say I’m a big proponent and and believer in coaching because it really allows you to see what nobody else sees, kinda like the BLI blind spot. So thank you so much for tuning in and I hope that you have a great rest of your week. Bye.

[00:39:36] Wendi Wray: Hey lady. If this podcast helped you, challenge you or inspire you in some way, please leave me a written review for the show on Apple Podcast and share it with another military sister. Helping you integrate balance, prioritization and growth in your relationship with God is my ultimate calling. I’m so blessed that you are here, and please join us in a faith land military woman community on Facebook, Atley [00:40:00] slash beyond the military g R P again.

[00:40:03] Wendi Wray: Bitly beyond the military G R P. All right. Talk to you soon. Bye.