Family Life

Episode 153: Communicating with Love

February 15, 2023

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Hey lady,

In today’s episode, we discuss the importance of balancing our energy and how to do it so we can show up intentionally for our loved ones. 

I hope this episode encourages you to be more intentional with the energy you have available. 

Much love,


[00:00:00] Wendi: Hello ladies. And welcome to episode 153. I hope that [00:01:00] you are ready for today’s episode because I am really excited about this one, communicating with love. It’s something that I’ve been trying really hard to do, and really making myself a focus on when I’m speaking, not only to my family, to my kids, but also when I’m talking to people that I may, um, not necessarily, um, speak to them in that way in a week from or in a week coming from this.

[00:01:24] Wendi: Most intentional way. And by that, I mean, um, people at work, right. There’s always going to be. Um, people that we typically don’t, um, respond the same as we do with obviously our host family. Or even, um, knowing the work environment or just knowing how. This, um, individual or certain individuals, right? For most of the cases, it will be.

[00:01:48] Wendi: You know, you’re still in the military, you’ll have a whole platoon, um, or you’ll have your, um, you know, your staff, whatever it may be, or maybe you’re in corporate America already. And, you know, there’s, um, [00:02:00] you know, possibly other. Uh, managers that you’re, you know, maybe you don’t understand their, their way of leading. Um, and for many of us.

[00:02:10] Wendi: I’m speaking here for myself again. I work remotely. So it’s sometimes very difficult to connect with people through a screen, but being with my personality, it’s not, um, it it’s a little easier, I want to say then, you know, other people. That, um, are not used to that. Um, set up that environment, that virtual, um, uh, environment. Right? So.

[00:02:34] Wendi: I think that for most of us, we’re like, well, I’m not being rude or I’m communicating, you know, with in a kind way, or in a way that I think has always served me. And so. Like I’ve said before, you know, my kids have shown me or they always show me kind of like where I need to improve. And this is an area that I know for sure that I struggle with. And [00:03:00] it’s communicating in a way where.

[00:03:02] Wendi: It’s not coming from a place of discipline. It’s not coming from a place of.

[00:03:09] Wendi: Um, from a place of, um, Requirement. I don’t even know how to explain it, but rules, I want to say. And so, um, so yeah, more of like the discipline. Um, where it’s coming from. And so for me, it’s been, you know, kind of like a journey to kind of observe sometimes when I know that I I’m like raising my voice and I’m like, okay, it’s not that big of a deal.

[00:03:34] Wendi: You can bring it down a little bit and you need to readjust and. Talk to your kids, like you love them because I do. And I know, um, and again, I may be speaking for myself here, but for the most part, I just want them to do the right thing. I just want them to be, um, have this, um, you know, resiliency mindset instilled. I want them to also be loving at the same time, but how do I then do [00:04:00] that in a way?

[00:04:01] Wendi: Aware, it’s going to come across that. I am communicating with them through love, with love. Or from a place of, of love. Right. And so if you’ve been with me, For the last 152 episodes. You have heard about the coaching model. And so this is something that you have to do intentionally. This is something that you have to really focus on when we’re talking about a year model, right? Because we, every one has their own separate model. And by that, I mean, everyone has a circumstance.

[00:04:32] Wendi: That is going on in their mind and that, or in their lives. And in their mind, they create a thought and a thought that creates a feeling. And then that feeling drives that action. And then that action creates a result. So everyone has different models. And so when I catch myself and I get, um, And I, and I get this emotion of, um, possibly even overwhelmed or stressed because I’ve said this multiple times, you know, to [00:05:00] my kids, or I’ve said, you know, that they need to do their, their chores. As soon as they get home. That’s just a great example.

[00:05:07] Wendi: And they don’t do it. They immediately go. And they want to, you know, play around, get on their tablet or watch TV, whatever it may be. And so again, coming from a place of love of like, listen, we’ve talked about this, right. Instead of disciplining or from a place of discipline, which there’s nothing wrong with that.

[00:05:24] Wendi: But again, how do we get better at something that we know that we’re, we’re not doing so well? So if you’re like, Hey, I’m always communicating with love, even, you know, to the people that I don’t get along with then this podcast, or this episode specifically is probably not for you. But for the rest of us that are constantly.

[00:05:44] Wendi: Um, using this frustration that they we’ve had, or maybe that’s being created in that moment. How do we then adjust our action? Which for me, again, is raising my voice is putting that command voice behind it when I’m speaking [00:06:00] to my kids. And that’s something that. I want to get better at again, personally. And I know that this is something that.

[00:06:06] Wendi: Other women’s struggle with, because out of the woman that I’ve coached, this is something that most of my clients have told me. They’re like, I just started yelling at them. I sometimes don’t say kind things to them and it’s not because you don’t love them. It’s not because you’re not. There to help them and you don’t want them to be better, but it’s because we’re not intentional with it.

[00:06:25] Wendi: And here’s another thing, right? So. Why. Do we do this? Like, this is something that we’ve created. This is a habit that we’ve created either while we were active duty or something, how we were raised our backgrounds. We’ve, we’ve heard it from our parents. We’ve heard from other people, even within our unit. Right. Like, you know, that there’s that one NCO.

[00:06:47] Wendi: Or that one leader that is just constantly communicating from a place of, I mean, just discipline, right? Which again, there’s nothing wrong with that. But we then carry that in tour our household. We [00:07:00] didn’t carry that with us. Through this journey that, you know, we have a very limited amount to do. So when it comes to our family,

[00:07:11] Wendi: And so again, how do we then move from communicating with this command voice and communicating with maybe, um, Uh, communicating from a place of, um,

[00:07:27] Wendi: Discipline in a way where it’s not something that we want to. Um, say at that moment or how we want to show up in that moment. And so we have these habits that we’ve, that we’ve built or that had been instilled in us. Through just being around other people. Right. And so, especially if you’ve been like to drill Sergeant school or you’ve, um, B you’ve been in a unit where, you know, you have multiple drill sergeants or maybe you, your NCL is a drill talk shit.

[00:07:57] Wendi: Joel Sergeant. I mean, I’ve, I’ve had that before, [00:08:00] which by the way, she was amazing shuttle to her. And now we want to be able to communicate differently, right? Not only in our household, but also possibly even at work. Because this has also been something that a lot of us veterans struggle with and maybe not necessarily a woman in general, when it comes to the workplace.

[00:08:18] Wendi: The more so with our families. And so for me, this is an important topic because one, this is something that I struggle with personally. Or have struggled because, because of the way I was raised one, and again, I’m not blaming and I’m taking full responsibility here, but I want to say that that has been instilled in me since I was very little since I remember.

[00:08:38] Wendi: That’s just, that was the way that I was brought up. And then I go into this environment, right. Well we’re for the most part, someone is getting yelled at, or someone is getting chewed out. And so there’s always that environment that I’ve been kind of, you know, put into, not to say that that’s also kind of like my personality, right. I like things to be done. Right. I like things to be done a certain way. [00:09:00] And that’s again, another thing, that’s my model. That’s my mind.

[00:09:04] Wendi: And then the lasting is, you know, being a Jesus follower, being a woman believer. We want to not only lead and show up as a woman of God, but also. Showing and really demonstrating my kids that. You know, I am being led by the holy spirit. So how do I now combine all of that? You know, Um, Everything that I’ve been through my experience and, you know, kind of like my habits. And now growing into this woman believer a woman of faith.

[00:09:39] Wendi: How do I then instill those. Um, the fruits of the spirit into my communication. Right. And. The reason I chose love is because one love is the very first one that comes up with, um, In Galatians, when we talked about the fruits of the spirit. And another reason why I wanted to talk about love is because it’s something that, again I [00:10:00] have struggled with is not that.

[00:10:02] Wendi: I don’t love the people around me or, you know, love my neighbor, love my coworkers. I do. But at the same time, I sometimes don’t show up in that way when it comes again, more specifically with my kids, because again, I want them to be in my mind. I’m like, I want them to be resilient. I want them to be okay with discipline. And again, discipline is completely 100% fine. God wants us to discipline our kids.

[00:10:27] Wendi: But at the same time from a place of love. And so today I want to share. This, um, verse I have two verses, but I’m going to talk more on one verse in more than the other. Um, and one of my favorite verses about love is enrollments 13. Um, chapter eight, verse eight. I mean, I’m sorry. Romans 13. Verse eight. Like my mind is literally, um, ahead in my mouth. It’s trying to keep up. So excuse me for that, which by the way, already talked fast. So I’m pretty sure this is [00:11:00] probably going to sound a lot faster. Once you listen to it through your favorite podcast platform.

[00:11:07] Wendi: So. Do, um, enrollments chapter 13, verse eight, do not owe anything, anyone, anything except to love one another. And when I first read this verse, I was like, okay, that sounds reasonable. I think we can do that. And as I started getting older and being involved with more people that are possibly, we don’t share the same values, then I’m like, okay.

[00:11:32] Wendi: This is a lot harder than what it seems to be. Right. It seems so simple. Like you obviously don’t want anything to anyone except to love one another one another. And I’m like, oh yeah, I can do that. But it’s hard sometimes. And so for me, you know, look going back to that verse when I sometimes have thoughts about people, certain people that I’m like, okay,

[00:11:54] Wendi: What’s happening here? Like, what is it about this individual’s actions? Cause most of the time is their [00:12:00] actions, right? Is their model. Then I have to go back and really ask myself, what is it that they could be going through? Maybe there’s something that I don’t know, maybe there’s something, you know, underneath the surface that I just have no idea that it’s going on.

[00:12:11] Wendi: And so I need to tone it down a little bit and, you know, have different thoughts about this person because they, again, We have no idea what’s going on through their head. Or in their lives. And so the second verse. And this is the one that I read recently and it took me a minute to kind of understand it.

[00:12:30] Wendi: And, um, really just meditate on it. And it’s in current one Corinthians chapter 16, verse 14, and it says. Beyond be on your guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous, be strong. Do everything in love. That starts verse 13 to 14. I’m sorry. I, I started with 14, but it’s it’s 13. And so. When I first read this again, I was like, okay. [00:13:00] Be on your guard. Okay.

[00:13:01] Wendi: Um, stand firm in faith. I understand that. Be courageous, be strong. And then it says, do everything in love. So like the last part is what I’m like okay. To everything in love. What does that really mean? And what it really means here. Is that. We want to be motivated and inspired by God’s love for us.

[00:13:23] Wendi: So when we think about this first, right, we think about, okay, we can, we can do all that. We can be courageous. We can be strong. From in our faith, but doing everything in love, it just seemed to me like, again, it was an action that I was like, okay. Uh, I think I do everything in love, but then I.

[00:13:40] Wendi: Took a moment. And then I’m like, no. There are some things that I don’t do in love. And that’s even, you know, like when I’m speaking to myself, when I’m referring to certain things, You know, um, that I, the changes that I want in my life, the changes that I want to make personally. And then I’m like, okay.

[00:13:59] Wendi: [00:14:00] Now. I get exactly why this is on here. I know. Why is it? It’s a reminder for us to do everything in love. Because we can’t do. Everything in love without knowing. God’s love for us. God’s love for us is. Infinite it’s, it’s just, I can’t even describe. God’s love. Like we can’t even understand God’s love for us. That’s how deep his love is.

[00:14:29] Wendi: And again, he’s our creator, right? Like he loves us more than we will ever love anyone on this earth to include ourselves. And so when we can. Let everything that we do. In love when we’re in that moment of okay. They’re not doing anything that I asked them to do. They’re not focused there, you know, whatever, it may be, whatever your kids struggled with, whatever they do or that you.

[00:14:56] Wendi: Seem to have different thoughts about when they’re doing [00:15:00] something, their actions. You know, what are your, what are you thinking about their circumstance? I want you to go back to this verse and really. Meditate on how doing everything in love, what that may look like for you being motivated, inspired by God’s love for us.

[00:15:18] Wendi: No matter what mistakes we make and we make mistakes every day. And again, I’m able to just be speaking about me here, but I know that I’m not because we’re all sinners. And we are inspired by this fleshly desire. And so. When you do come into that moment when you’re like, okay, They’re not doing what I asked them to do. They know this.

[00:15:40] Wendi: It’s not happening instead of yelling and screaming and hollering. How can I then. You know, To everything in Lebanon, not only, you know, communicating with them. But also your actions, like, okay, what is it that you want to do? In order to talk to them in a way where they’re going to receive it, [00:16:00] because that’s another thing, right.

[00:16:01] Wendi: Most of the time when we’re not communicating in love or just communicating from a place of kindness. Or. Um, just, you know, patients, sometimes it doesn’t come across the way. That we intended it to be, or the way that it’s going to create the result that we want. And so I think that for most of us, the immediate reaction or the immediate action is to react. And that’s me 100%.

[00:16:28] Wendi: And I get it. You’re probably like, okay, well you’re a coach and you’ve you’d know the ins and outs of this and here’s the thing I’m not perfect. And this is something that I continue to work on. And. That’s something that I, you know, really happy to say that it’s something that I know I’m aware that is something that I need to get better at.

[00:16:46] Wendi: And it’s even, you know, when I’m communicating with my husband, when I’m communicating with my friends, I don’t want it to be. Or for me to show up in a way where it’s not coming across in a way. That is loving because I do love them. This is why I communicate with [00:17:00] them. Even with my coworkers, right? Like I have an amazing team. My old team was even more amazing. Like everyone is just.

[00:17:08] Wendi: So amazing around me, but I also truly believe it’s because of how I show up. With the thoughts about them already. I know that they are professionals. I know that they are. Um, great humans. I know that they are later to help me be better as well. And so, again, How are we showing up or even communicating from a place of love, even if it’s something as simple as how you’re interacting in a meeting, how, you know, what you’re thinking about that individual during that meeting? Like, are you constantly saying, well, this person is on a great leader. They’re always late.

[00:17:47] Wendi: They don’t, you know, they don’t dress. Like they care about their. Um, how they show up about their leadership about their team? Like, what is it that you’re thinking about them? And are you being [00:18:00] motivated and inspired by God’s love that he has for us, that he’s asking us to do everything in love as well.

[00:18:07] Wendi: And that right there is an action, right? Like he wants us to do everything and love coming from a place of love. And so what happens do we need to change what habits. Do we need to really focus on focus on when we’re communicating with people. Because you’ve heard of this before. It’s not what you say is how you say it. And it’s something that I, again, I have to remind myself constantly. I literally had to do it yesterday. I’m like, okay, there’s this is something that I have to do.

[00:18:36] Wendi: I communicate with my son. Without, you know, yelling without, um, having to sound like I’m here to just discipline you and you needed to do it correctly or the right way, but from a place of why. I would love for you to focus on. This specifically. Not because you need to do. [00:19:00] You know, your grades need to be A’s or B’s, but because I love you, and this is something that I know that if you build a skill, now it’s going to help you throughout.

[00:19:09] Wendi: Your school time here, school years, or just life in general. And so again, what is it? Or what area? Do you need to be communicating with love more often? Is it with your husband? Is it with your kids? Is it with your friends? Is it maybe with your coworkers, maybe with your family members, your parents.

[00:19:29] Wendi: Where can you not only show some grace, but also be led. Through not only the holy spirit, but also through this first that I just shared with you doing everything in love. And that is communicating, right? Like sometimes we think that, you know, holding the door or doing different actions or, or showing.

[00:19:51] Wendi: Our love for people. Our love for our friends, for our family. But how do we do that? When we’re communicating with them? Are we belittling them? Are we [00:20:00] making fun of their mistakes? What are we doing? In how are we showing up? When it comes to communicating in an environment where I may not be the most loving right.

[00:20:12] Wendi: When you’re in the field, when you are deployed. And so again, I want to not only encourage you to really meditate on this first, but also to really focus and be aware on where you may not be communicating. Um, With love at home or at work. And here’s the last thing I’ll say. It’s going to require a little bit of your effort. This isn’t something that’s going to come.

[00:20:38] Wendi: Um, easy all the time. For most of you, it will be easy because you’re like, Hey, I don’t, yo, I don’t raise my voice. I’m a very calm person. It’s not something that I struggle with. But even so, you know, the, the words that are being said. Even if it’s in a calm way, even if it’s in a way where you’re like, Hey, I’m not yelling.

[00:20:59] Wendi: But [00:21:00] how are you now? Doing it and saying it from a place of love from a place of, I care for you. And I’m here for you. Versus you just need to do it the right way or you completely messed up because remember. If we can even. By 1%. Really, um, come close to God’s love for us and be motivated and inspired by his, I mean, abundant love for us at it’s so deep and infinite that we can’t even understand it.

[00:21:30] Wendi: How can we share that now? Not only with others around us, but especially our loved ones. All right, ladies, hold it. This episode blessed you. And I hope that you share this with someone that may be needing it today. All right. Have a beautiful rest of your week. Bye.

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