Let’s take a moment to celebrate ourselves and this podcast! It’s our 150th podcast episode and we’ve hit over 10K downloads (Yay)! Thank you so much for your continued support and can’t wait to meet our 25K download 🙂
In today’s episode, we discuss the perfectionist and overthinking mentality that may be keeping us in a cycle of procrastination. I share with you how it shows up so you can be aware and begin to get after your goal from a place of determination.
I hope this episode encourages you to get after it no matter where you are with your goal!
[00:00:55] hello ladies. And welcome to episode [00:01:00] 150. I’m so happy that you’re here. I’m excited for today’s episode. Not only because of the topic that we’re talking about today, but also because it’s our hundred and 50th episode. Yes, we’re here. It’s finally here. It feels like it’s been forever. That I’ve been not only focused for this milestone, 150 episodes, but you know what.
[00:01:23] I have been slowly but surely adjusting to the one episode a week. And I cannot tell you what a blessing it has been to. Not only be really focused on the content that I’m preparing for you each and every single week. But also to help you, not only see how your mind is working, but also how you can start to feel less overwhelmed and start to feel better and start to really be more intentional about your time.
[00:01:55] Especially when it comes to your relationship with God, especially when you are wanting [00:02:00] to be more intentional with your family and really just be there. In their presence as who you are fully. And with that it comes or what is going to come. It has to be. Or do with how you’re going to show up. And it has to do with how you.
[00:02:25] Deliberately. Take the time to. Focus on what you want for that moment, for that day. And keeping in mind that yes, we still want to, you know, be the best version. Right? Like we hear this a lot, especially in the coaching industry or like be the best. Version of yourself. Be. You know that woman that you want to be or become.
[00:02:49] But here’s the truth every single day. There will be obstacles. It’s going to be hard. It’s going to be challenging, right? Because it’s just the nature of life for humans. We have [00:03:00] fleshy desires that go against what we want to achieve. What we. Um, have as goals and pursue. And so I wanted it to really make this episode.
[00:03:12] Not only very meaningful and intentional for you guys. But also because it is the episode that, uh, or the last episode of the month of January of the beginning of 2023, And so around this time, this is when a lot of us get frustrated and not only woman. Right. I think everyone. In general, depending on where we are with the resolution or the goal that we’ve set for ourselves, regardless of what it could be, it could be something.
[00:03:43] Um, tangible or intangible, right? Maybe it’s just waking up earlier or maybe it’s, um, focusing more on your family, right? Your loved ones. Or it could be as simple as, you know, making sure that you’re praying you’re set in time. [00:04:00] Um, for you and God for your long time, or it could just be like, you know, losing, losing weight, going to the gym.
[00:04:07] Um, ping it pivoting in your career. Whatever that looks like for you. I want you to take a moment. And really just, you know, be grateful for where you are. And also a product yourself. Take a moment to celebrate you. As the person that has been doing the thing that you set yourself to. To doing. And by that, I mean, even if you haven’t been consistent this whole month,
[00:04:36] Even if you know, you’ve been distracted, even if maybe. You know, you felt really overwhelmed one day. It’s completely. Okay. Because what typically happens here during this time. And I’m always, when I always, um, or when I mentioned that, Uh, certain things like what what’s happening or what has happened.
[00:04:59] [00:05:00] Um, during these times or during the progress, whatever it may be, I’m honestly. Saying these things because it’s space of my experience and also my client’s experience. So what I’m hearing, what they’re telling me. And most importantly, if you have no idea of, you know, how your mind works and how you could easily get sucked into this spiral of.
[00:05:24] Um, Of overwhelm or frustration, you could easily lose focus of what the real end result will be here. And so today I want us to focus on the two ways. That we as women make achieving goals. Harder for ourselves. And when we do that, we stay in this cycle of not only procrastination. But of being stuck and then finding another coal or something, quote, unquote, easier to achieve.
[00:05:55] Because we want to have something to prove or to show for [00:06:00] ourselves. And not be. Somewhere that doesn’t have goals, right. Or someone that, um, maybe filled at your goals or maybe that didn’t meet your goals. And so with that, I also want to celebrate because I literally just set it there. So we need to celebrate unit to celebrate.
[00:06:15] Where you are. Regardless of how much effort you’ve put in so far, regardless if you’ve only stuck to your. Um, To your goal or, um, working for juggling. Fool’s for a couple of days, maybe the first two weeks of the month, or maybe you’ve been, um, on track and doing everything that you said you needed to do these last 25 days of the month.
[00:06:38] Completely. Okay. Either way. And. To, um, be fully transparent here. And I actually do not have my phone on me. This is another part of the problem when I tend to leave my phone somewhere in the house. And I honestly do not know. Where it’s at. Um, I can’t find certain things that I get, [00:07:00] because again, I do not remember dates. I’m not good with dates. Um, and so I always have to make sure that I have it somewhere written down. And for me, it’s in my email at this moment.
[00:07:10] But I’m going to try to pull up my email right now, as I’m speaking through this microphone, because I too have access to my email. On when exactly we surpassed the 10,000 downloads for this podcast. So I want to not only celebrate this podcast, but I want to celebrate you for. Tuning in for coming back to this.
[00:07:34] Platform and staying tuned and following. What I have to say every single week, especially if you’re with me twice a week. Um, Last year. Super grateful. Thank you so much for tuning in. I cannot. Um, Tell you how I felt when I received this, this email, because I know it was coming. And if you’ve been tuning in.
[00:07:57] You knew that that was my goal for 2022 to [00:08:00] hit. 10,000 downloads and I was so close. I was over 9,000. And I knew that any moment now, we were going to hit the 10,000. And so I’m looking at my email right now and we hit 10,000 downloads on January 20th. So a couple of days from when this podcast. Actually publishes. And so when I tell you I was beyond excited, which by the way,
[00:08:29] Aye. I got this email. So I found out about it like that Saturday. Um, because this email got Friday late Friday night is when, you know, we hit the 10 K mark. And I typically don’t like check my email right away on the weekends, but something told me to check my email. And when I saw it, I was like, oh my gosh, like, how do I celebrate?
[00:08:52] In a way where it’s like acceptable, right? Because the first thing that came through on my, like what do we do, what I do. And I was like, just enjoy this moment, enjoy this [00:09:00] feeling. This is exactly what I. Tell my clients to do, to just enjoy that. Just excitement. This just like in, I don’t know, joy of meeting your goal, it just feels great. So that lasted for like two minutes. And then I was like, okay, well,
[00:09:17] Looks like we have to prepare for the next quarter.
[00:09:21] And by that, I mean, like, what is it that I’m really going to do and commit to for the first quarter of this year, which. Things or, you know, changing. Um, I did not intend to do interviews for this first quarter because of kind of like where I am with, um, things that I’m juggling and I don’t do my nine to five.
[00:09:41] But also, um, extracurricular activities and with my kids, as I tell you, Um, and share with you guys are in sports and. Um, I also have a newborn, so again, You know, doing different things. I’m also volunteering. So at the end of the day, I want to do something that I know is [00:10:00] going to come. Going to come from a place of, um, not only.
[00:10:05] Um, The termination. But also from a feeling of, um, just being encouraged and, um, when it came time to really take a moment, um, to. Really ask myself and be honest too. I want to do and still feature. Um, women in February and March, the immediate answer was yes. And so I looked to my calendar. And here’s another thing someone had reached out to me to be, um, another, um, military woman.
[00:10:39] Uh, to be on the podcast. And I was like, you know what? This is the time. This is the time because. Not only do I have been with him. Remember we talked about this last week about protecting your peace, your bandwidth. Um, and not only that, but being able to protect your attention. And so for me, it was, you know, how [00:11:00] can I still go through with this? Um, even though, you know, already kind of like set another plan.
[00:11:08] It is what I had to set in December. I’m like, okay, this is what I’m doing for the first quarter. And then I’m going to. Do X, Y, Z for that. For Q2, which is a home with a conversation, it’s a program that we’ll be launching in April more to come more details to follow. Um, here in the next couple of weeks.
[00:11:23] But for now, I’m my focus right now with the podcast. Is to do podcast interviews for February black history month and March woman empowerment, um, month. And so stay tuned S already have a couple of ladies that are interested in, so I’m just excited to bring that to you here on this podcast. And I just want to take a moment again to celebrate and just say, thank you so much for your support.
[00:11:50] And for tuning in, and I really hope that this podcast is really helping you and blessing you each. Every single time, because that’s ultimately my goal. And so, [00:12:00] um, now with that, I want to jump back in. With the two ways that us women are possibly making our calls harder. Uh, for us to achieve. Um, and not only that, but staying in this cycle of procrastination cycle, feeling stuck.
[00:12:16] And it’s like, oh, of overwhelm and frustration. And how do I get through this? And so the first way is by perfection being a perfectionist. And some of you may be like, okay. Yes, I’m definitely a perfectionist. And I know that I am because I want everything to be. Right. I want everything to be perfect.
[00:12:32] And I want everything to turn out successful. But here’s the thing. When we consider ourselves. Consider ourselves. A perfectionist. We immediately. Art. Telling our mind given this my, our, our mind, this signal. Of. There isn’t. Um, Going into like this all or nothing mentality. So [00:13:00] either we. Do it perfectly.
[00:13:03] Or we don’t do it at all. We do it 100% or we don’t do it at all. And so when we go into this mentality, when we go into this. Um, idea of. You know why we should go all in the right way. If not, there’s no use of us doing it. Then we slow ourselves down because now we’re like, okay. I didn’t get it right. Or all 100%. Right.
[00:13:26] I’m going to just not do it now. I’m going to, I’m going to wait until I’m ready. That’s typically what I hear too, from my clients. I’m like, I’m not ready yet. Or this is something that I don’t think I will be successful at at the, from the very beginning. So I’m just going to wait to set that goal because we have this quote unquote perfectionist.
[00:13:45] Um, identity that we’ve pretty much. Brought on to ourselves. And we think that, um, also in our minds, We should already be at that goal, [00:14:00] like, or we should have been at that goal yesterday. Like we shouldn’t even be thinking about this goal. Because it’s not even perfect yet. So when we don’t feel confident and ready, because it’s not perfect.
[00:14:14] We then think that there’s no reason why we should even try to achieve this at this moment. We’re just going to hold on and do this at a later time when we’re ready. When it’s completely perfect. And for me, I’m not necessarily a perfectionist. I’m more of a, um, I rather kind of like do something along the way, but what I have noticed that I have done before.
[00:14:40] And even some of my clients. What we do then is set our goals. We cut our goals like in half, right? So for example, If, um, you know, I want to say that I want to lose 30 pounds by 31 March. And because I’m like, you know what? I don’t have my gym plan. I don’t have the [00:15:00] right schedule yet. I don’t have the meal plan. I don’t have this blender. I don’t have this.
[00:15:05] Protein shake, whatever it may be. Then I’m just going to cut my goal in half. Oh, I’m going to lose 10 pounds. And then we, if anything and everything is that. Perfect or the way that we envisioned it and we’ll, you know what it’s okay. It’s only 10 pounds. If we don’t get to there or to that goal, it’s okay.
[00:15:25] Because we’re really not trying. And like, that’s kinda like my way of, you know, staying in this cycle of, you know, what. It’ll be fine. But now knowing that that’s what my mind does. I’m like, no, no, no, no. I get you. I know what you’re trying to do. You’re trying to. Be this perfectionist and go into this all or nothing mentality. And because you don’t have everything ready, you don’t have your alarm ready. You don’t have the new workout gear. You don’t have the gym. You don’t have the membership. You don’t have.
[00:15:56] You know, the diet, the meal plan and all this other stuff. [00:16:00] Then, you know, why, why even try? Right. But because I know this I’m like, you know what, I’m just going to work out at home. I don’t need to have a membership. I don’t need to. Every day. Work out at this time, because I know that my schedule is different.
[00:16:14] One day at work before, before, um, I start work. The next day, I’ll work out their own lunch. The next day I’ll work out after the kids get home. The next day I’ll work out. You know, maybe after, or right before dinner, whatever, maybe. I may do burpees a whole week. Who cares? Right. As long as I’m still doing what.
[00:16:34] Is going to help me make progress towards that goal. And so that’s one way. That we really make it more complicated than what it is. And so when we do that, we also typically. Um, 10 to. Over, um, compensate. For, um, The. [00:17:00] The failure. So for example, Um, or, or not. How do I say this? We want to make sure that we do not fail.
[00:17:12] Because we want to make sure that it’s perfect. Right? So again, like I said earlier, instead of losing or having this goal of losing 30 pounds, we’re like, I’ll just do 15. Because it’s, it’s a less possibility or it’s a higher chance. Of me losing 15 pounds versus 30 pounds. Because I may not go to the gym or I may not eat well.
[00:17:33] I me, you know, whatever. Is going, whatever the obstacle is, I’m going to do. And so I want you to. Really. Um, ask yourself, is this something that you are doing? Is this something that you, um, are possibly, or have been kind of in this experience? Like, okay. I sometimes. Um, just don’t even come up with the goal because I don’t want to fail.
[00:17:58] And I, I want to. [00:18:00] You know, make sure that my chances of failing are a lot lower than. By me saying that I’m going to do X, Y, Z. And so when we try to compensate for that, That our mind. Immediately goes into like, um, self-doubt. It goes into. Okay. So what exactly is it? Um, that I’m lacking here. And then by the time that our mind goes there,
[00:18:31] It’s like, we’re losing time. We’re losing the termination, the emotion we’re creating different emotions. We’re creating self-doubt, we’re creating discouragement. We’re creating all these. Uh, negative emotions that are not going to help us. We’re creating even overwhelmed because we’re, again, this is just too much for me to put together because it’s not going to turn out the way that I want it to be the way that I envision it. Like just perfect.
[00:18:56] In a way where I wake up every day, just wanting and motivated to work out. [00:19:00] I just want to feel motivated to eat the salad or feel motivated to study and do this paper or, um, I do some research on my transition or, you know, start dating. Like we think in this. And in our mind, it’s like, it’s just going to, it should be perfect. Right? We should be.
[00:19:19] Waking up every morning at four in the morning motivated. For everything that we have on our, on our schedule, on our, on our agenda. And that’s not the truth. Right. But again, When we don’t know this, and we don’t realize that this is happening in our mind. We get sucked in. And like I talked about last week, if you haven’t listened to last week’s episode.
[00:19:38] 1 49. When I talk about the three things to protect. And the three things, me and bandwidth, your bandwidth, your attention and your peace. This is one of them. It really robs and takes away from your piece, from your attention. And possibly even your bandwidth failure. Being consumed. By this overwhelm, right. Or even the [00:20:00] doubt that comes up.
[00:20:01] And so. The next thing that is, um, Really another way that keeps us. Um, from not only achieving goals. Um, but also making it harder for us, right. To, to even make any progress and keeping us in procrastination. Um, or just keeping us stuck most of the time would be overthinking. And I want to say that I’m more of an overthinker than a perfectionist.
[00:20:31] And it’s they go? Hand-in-hand. Because both of them are kind of like staying away from, or trying to stay away from failing, trying to stay away from this discomfort. That’s going to come up. Because this is, these are like the top questions that I get specifically. Will this work. Will I be able to manage it.
[00:20:51] And if I do all, I be able to maintain it. Am I going to be able to maintain this. [00:21:00] Achievement, this goal. Whatever it could be. And I know specifically for women, we’re like, overthinkers not all of us. Most of us, we like to overthink. Certain things because our brain immediately. Goals to protect us. Remember our praying.
[00:21:18] Our primitive brains with two parts of our brains, our primitive brain once. To protect us and wants to keep us safe. It wants to keep us away from danger. And how does it do that? But providing you all these what-ifs. But providing you all these questions are going to create the sense of insecurity.
[00:21:37] Or security. And for the most part, it goes into the way that, um, or into the result of you not to being safe. You not being able to maintain whatever your goal may be. So let’s just say that your goal, getting them using weight loss as an example, because a lot of people, [00:22:00] when we lose weight at the beginning of the year, I get it. I’m there with you. I just had a baby I’m on the same train.
[00:22:06] But here’s the thing. The difference is. When you are. Overthinking versus, you know, being the perfectionist. Is that when you are constantly. Um, asking yourself these questions, what your brain is going to do. It’s going to try to find evidence. On. The things that you’ve, you haven’t done before based on these questions, right?
[00:22:32] Well at work. Well, I’ve been trying this for the last 10 years and it hasn’t worked. I still haven’t lost weight. Will I be able to manage this? Um, this goal when no I lost weight and then I gained it back, will I be able to maintain it? Well, here we are. Right. Like clearly I didn’t. So why am I doing this again?
[00:22:51] Right. So your mind is going to offer you. Those answers because of the questions that you’re asking. And because it’s going to provide you evidence to really get [00:23:00] you to not pursue that goal. To keep you safe, right? Why bother Wendy? Why even bother to do this again? You know, and so it’s the exact same thing.
[00:23:12] As. Or, sorry, I shouldn’t say the exact same thing. Very similar. To all or nothing mentality. Right? You’re like, you know what, I’m just not going. It’s just not going to work. Forget it. Um, no, when we want something else, matter of fact, let me go to the pantry or let me go get a snack because now I’m overwhelmed. I’m frustrated.
[00:23:33] I’m very discouraged and that’s the way that I will feel a little better. At least that’s what we think is at that moment. Right. So, what is it? That is. Keeping you. Possibly stuck or maybe procrastinating on that goal. As a perfectionism, are you overthinking? Because here’s another thing about overthinking when we’re overthinking.
[00:23:56] Most of the time to, at least for me. [00:24:00] Based on what I’ve done based on. Previous. Um, History of what I’ve accomplished. Um, personally, It seems as if. My self-concept that I have for myself. Has not caught up with who I’ve become.
[00:24:19] From those achievements. So in my mind, I sometimes still think that I am like, The older Wendy, then I’m like, okay. Like I mentioned before, like the consistency, right? Oh, I’ve been in consistent. In this area of my life. Let’s just say, um, oh, let me tell you that a one finance or not finance, but find my finances. I’ve been very inconsistent with my savings.
[00:24:45] I’ve been very inconsistent. With how I’ve been handling my money. And so when it comes time for this new year, right? I’m like, okay, I have not. My current self concept has not cut [00:25:00] up with all the great things. I’ve. Done with my money, how I’ve invested my money. And so when it comes time for that,
[00:25:11] I tend to forget, not necessarily forget. My mind doesn’t offer me. That there is evidence there. On who’ve I become, because my self-concept of myself has not caught up with me. As of today. And so that will happen sometimes. So like, you will, you will go into, let’s say your goal is, um, to lose weight and you’ve lost weight before, but then you gain weight.
[00:25:39] Um, but now you’re like, you know, you’re older. Um, and now your, your goal is still to. Um, lose weight, but now you know that, okay. Um, you know, how to meal plan, you know, that. Um, How to. Um, work out or what work us will work for. You. But what happens sometimes is that [00:26:00] year. Like what you believe about you?
[00:26:04] Sometimes has not caught up with who you’ve become. In this moment, like in the present moment. So you then go to like the old hue. The old you that used to overeat. The old you the ease to use. Um, alcohol as, um, a way to cope, whatever it may be. And so when that happens, Of course, you’re going to keep overthinking like, oh yeah, this is not going to work.
[00:26:28] What if I fail, what if this isn’t it for me? Maybe actually just stay here. And so when we get stuck or we keep pushing things to the right. We then judge ourselves. And when we do that again, ironically. We’re validating. Where we are now. We’re like, no, it’s just better. If we stay here. And then you like.
[00:26:51] Get off track and then going back. To now, um, the previous episode that I talked about, about, um, being consistent [00:27:00] or not being consistent, You’re like now. Okay. Here we go again. I’m not being consistent. I’m not worthy of where I am or, you know, whatever it may be as a mother, as a leader, as a wife.
[00:27:11] As I’m just, this person is trying to do better. Right? This new me. Let’s just say. And so again, when, when we look at this from the model perspective, The coaching model that I teach and that I continued to use with my clients. When we look at our goal as a circumstance, right? Like this is. Where we are.
[00:27:34] Or where you are with your goal. You then. Um, want to ask yourself, like, how are you feeling about it? Like, are you. Filling out. Are you feeling overwhelmed? Are you feeling frustrated? Are you feeling confused? Cause that’s another good one. Right? Are you worried? Are you anxious? Because. If you are, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are doing one of these two things, right? [00:28:00] You could.
[00:28:01] But what I also want you to see is what result is happening here. So what result are you actually creating? Are you stuck? Are you procrastinating because if it is one of these two, then you really have to ask yourself. M I N perfectionism or am I overthinking it? Because the reason you are stuck, the reason you’re procrastinating.
[00:28:25] Is because of one of these two reasons. You’re overthinking it. Or you’re in this perfectionism mentality. That’s it like that is V2 reasons. And the two ways that you make it even harder. For yourself. To achieve goals. So if that’s the case, you know, that that’s the action line. You’re like, okay. One of these two.
[00:28:49] So, how am I feeling? What emotion is actually getting me into this perfectionism. It could be doubt. Doubt is a good one that will make, keep you in [00:29:00] perfectionism, because what happens when we’re in doubt. We try to. Over work. We try to, um, hustle our way. In to compensating for the self doubt that you’re feeling.
[00:29:16] And so if that’s happening, you’re like, okay, I’m in. Self doubt. I then get into this whole perfectionist mode and then I’m stuck. Because that’s really what’s happening or. If you’re like, okay, now I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’m overthinking it. I am continuing to find more evidence on why I shouldn’t do it this way. It’s not going to work.
[00:29:39] And you’re causing you’re causing all this frustration. Again, overwhelm anxiety, stress. Possibly even confusion because. You’re overthinking it soon. Your mind is constantly. Combing. And you’re not finding any time to even focus. On the goal [00:30:00] itself. And we have to remember, right. Like, yes, we can clean up or our thoughts about our goals and desires, but at the end of the day,
[00:30:08] You have to really also ask yourself, is this something that. That this score has been given to me by, by God, by my creator. Because the truth is. He’s the only one. That. Providing us with this goal. And so if that’s the case, if you’re like, Hey, when you already prayed about this, I’m definitely going to go into like, you know, losing some weight, whatever it may be.
[00:30:36] Well, why not see Kim for help? Right? Why not ask him? Okay. Is this something that I need to really. Not only, um, focus on, but also. 20 to pray about this even more, plenty time alone. Is this something that I really struggle with and I need his help. That’s another solution, right? But what I want to [00:31:00] offer you today.
[00:31:01] I really want to offer you these. Um, Really this one question. How do I want to show up?
[00:31:09] How do I want to show up every single day? To get to the skull. Even if it’s little progress, small baby steps. Because you can get, after you go at any given moment, it doesn’t have to be the 1st of January. It doesn’t have to be the first February. It could be right now. There’s no right way. Or even better.
[00:31:35] It there’s no. Correct timeline on how long it should take you. Because again, my goal was to hit 10,000 downloads pointed podcast. By December 31st, 2022. But guess what? It didn’t happen. It happened January 20th. And that is completely okay. Because you know what. At [00:32:00] the end of the day. Would it really shows me is that I was not only focused on doing, um, putting in the work, but also.
[00:32:11] That people are listening. Other military women are listening to his podcast every single day. So I don’t have time to be a perfectionist. I don’t have time to overthink. I need to continue. T to stay in the filling of the termination. And that’s how I’m going to continue to take baby steps every single time. And I’m just giving you this one example. There are so many other examples I can give you.
[00:32:38] But I want you to focus on the future. You the future Cole. On how your result. You’re Cole is going to make an impact in this world. Because that’s ultimately how I get behind this Mike, every single moment. Not every single moment. Every single time I have a topic. And like I said before, There’s so many [00:33:00] things.
[00:33:01] That I’ve planned already. So many other topics that I know. Are going to be beneficial to you. But that only happens when I stay in determination. When I stay in encouragement. When I say focused. When I don’t allow perfectionism. Or overthinking to stop me. And that’s exactly what I want for you. I want to offer you that today.
[00:33:24] And really to ask yourself, how do I want to show up today? How do I want to shop? Even if you have to ask yourself every single hour. How do I want to show up? You already know how your mind works. You already know what your mind is doing to you. Your mind doesn’t want you to fail to protecting you.
[00:33:36] And that’s fine. If anything, thank you brain. Thank you for being here to protect me. But at the same time, you want to be intentional how you’re thinking. And how you want to show up. And that’s exactly what I want to offer you for the rest of the month for the rest of this month, you still have seven days or six days. If my math is correct here.
[00:33:59] Not my [00:34:00] strongest. Um, subject, but any who. You can start whenever towards your goal. And so today, I really hope that you not only continue to achieve and pursue that goal, but that you make it less harder at yourself. And today, my friend, you’re going to get out of this cycle of procrastination and be inside.
[00:34:23] I right ladies, I pray that this episode blessed you. And you go out there and you get after it. All right, you have a beautiful rest of your week. Bye.