Emotional Health

Episode 135: Being okay with NOT feeling okay! Embracing negative and positive emotions

October 12, 2022

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Hey lady, 

In today’s episode, I talk about being okay with not feeling okay and how you can begin to embrace negative and positive emotions.  

I pray this episode blesses you!

Much love, 


[00:00:55] Hello ladies. And welcome to episode 135. [00:01:00] I hope you’re doing well. And I truly hope that this episode resonates with you. Because this episode is one that came up not too long ago. I want to say a couple of days and I wanted to throw this one in, um, touring the time that I’m going through these negative and positive emotions. I think it is.

[00:01:23] Very important for us to say, aware of how we’re feeling to stay aware of what’s going on in our lives and really what’s, you Going on when it comes to. How we’re showing up. With others as well, meaning. How are we.

[00:01:43] Presenting ourselves with our family members, with their friends or their coworkers with. Our teams with our soldiers, with whomever you are constantly. Working with, or even spending With an, I noticed this [00:02:00] about me. Um, a couple of days ago, as I mentioned, and I wanted to talk about this more because it really impacts a lot of what we do on a day-to-day basis. And if we don’t pay attention and if we aren’t aware of.

[00:02:15] One how we truly feel and be honest and be okay with sharing that with either a friend. With your therapist with your coach with. Your significant other with a close friend, um, with any loved one that you feel comfortable with. I think it’s. Something that we’re robbing ourselves from meaning that relationship that we already have built, have established.

[00:02:43] And really also to. Not only show them that it’s okay to embrace the negative emotion and also the positive emotion. And so like if you’ve been following me or you’ve been tuning into this podcast for someone say, thank And I’m just so happy that you’re here [00:03:00] again. And tuning in and really. Um, falling along on the topics that keep coming up in between.

[00:03:07] Uh, the ones that already had planned, or probably even prerecorded, but. I want to talk about embracing 50 50 of what? I mean, 50 negative and 50 positive of our emotions. And I know I’ve talked about this before. In different episodes, but because there are so many things going on. And not only my personal life, but also in the lives of my loved ones. And I’m pretty sure this is, um, not, you know, something that only I’m going through. There’s.

[00:03:42] Possibly something that you’ve been going through, or maybe you’ve recently gone through, or maybe you’re starting to go into this new phase or new season of your life. I want to be able to share my story, to My journey to [00:04:00] possibly even help you really acknowledge maybe some similarities or maybe some things that you don’t even know you’re going through. And so, as you guys know, I’m a life coach. Um, I am all about not only productivity.

[00:04:14] Um, processes, but also. About helping us with our emotional health and how that is important to me or the reason it’s important to me. It’s because. It really just shows. How your results are created, how. The things that you want to actually get done, really start from the very beginning of how we’re thinking about certain

[00:04:39] And leading into how we’re feeling and what we’re doing. Which obviously creates different achievements, different results, different outcomes. And so. With that, it’s very important that we pay attention and become aware of how we’re feeling. And I know for the We’re like very shallow or very like, [00:05:00] um, just, uh, quick to just say I’m doing well.

[00:05:06] I’m feeling I’m doing okay. Or I’m feeling sad or I’m feeling happy. There’s like never have this. Like in between or different ways to describe how we’re feeling. Because we really don’t want to talk about it. We really don’t want to get into the nitty gritty. We’re really don’t want to describe really how we’re feeling.

[00:05:25] We possibly don’t want to get emotional or we don’t want to get to. Over the top. However you want to describe it. But what I’ve been, or the way I’ve been feeling and. Again, for those of you that do not know. Do any time this month. So you’ll get two more prerecorded episodes this month. And then in November you may be.

[00:05:48] Hearing from me and the baby. So. We will keep you posted or I’ll keep you posted. And I either way. Um, being that there is this [00:06:00] huge milestone happening in my life. You know, I am, you know, just filling all the positive emotions about, um, just being aware of her movement, being aware that she’s.

[00:06:13] You know, growing within my body and, you know, just being super grateful that God is just so good and just, you know, a miracle that he allows. Or has allowed me to, you know, be a mom again for the third time. And so, you know, all of that positive and just excitement You know, the love that I have for this baby already in the love that I have for my kids, for my husband, and just grateful for all the people that support me, my friends, my family.

[00:06:45] There are just constantly checking in on me and I’m just super grateful. There’s the other side of that as well. The, you know, so grieving the still having those moments, that wave of emotional, um, [00:07:00] grief of, of loss and the questions and. The negative emotions. That come that come up. You know, the, a little bit of anger, a little bit of disappointment, a little bit of guilt, a little bit of, you know, just different emotions that aren’t necessarily.

[00:07:17] Um, emotions at stake. Long within, you know, how I’m, what I’m thinking or how I’m feeling within my body. But there’s still emotions that come up just randomly. I could literally be working in front of a computer. Take a quick break. And then I remember, or I get reminded or a song comes up or this memory comes up on my phone.

[00:07:40] This memory comes up just within my mind. And it takes me back to. The negative spiral. Right. And so before I noticed. Um, You know, Weeks ago that I would just, you know, allow myself to cry, love myself, to. Just [00:08:00] allow that negative emotion. Either been just crying or just talking to my parents about it or.

[00:08:05] Simply just. Um, thinking about. How I was feeling in that moment, if it was, if I was angry, if I was, you know, felt like I needed a snack or whatever that was. I was in that moment. And so like, as time went by and what I mean by that a couple of days ago. I noticed that I was just frustrated and.

[00:08:27] There’s nothing wrong with me and frustrated. But I also noticed that that’s how it was showing up with my family. And in a way where I was frustrating myself and I was like, why am I so frustrating? Like I’m becoming frustrated of my own self. And so I took a moment and I’m like, okay. I know exactly what it is after a couple, you know, moments of feeling frustrated about myself. And it was because I wasn’t allowing it. I was like resisting it in a way where I’m like, okay, I’m doing better. I’m feeling better.

[00:08:58] But at the same time, I [00:09:00] knew that I wasn’t allowing it all the way through, meaning that I wouldn’t, I wasn’t crying. I wasn’t. And by the way, that’s how I mainly show. My negative emotion, I cry and I just let it all out. And I, yes. I mean a big crier. If you did not know me personally. And the thing about that is that.

[00:09:22] I am okay with doing that on my own time. I’m okay with. You know, allowing my negative emotions for the most It goes from like being frustrated, overwhelmed to being sad. And disappointed for me. And so I noticed that I wasn’t embracing. The negative ones that were kind of like lingering. I was kind of like,

[00:09:48] Um, being aware of it, I was acknowledging them like, okay, I know. I’m disappointed. I know I’m frustrated. But then I would distract myself or I would, you know, do something [00:10:00] different. I would think about something else. And that really engage or manage. That that, that negative emotion that I was coming through. And so what I noticed was, okay, well, I got to the point where I couldn’t cry anymore and I’m

[00:10:16] I just can’t cry about this. I’m just going to sit here. And I am just going to embrace that. I’m going to have this moment. I’m not going to immediately. Try to get back to work or immediately. Go for a walk around the house or get on my phone and check my email or whatever to distract me from it.

[00:10:37] I’m just going to sit right here and I’m going to think about. Where I’m actually feeling this emotion. Am

[00:10:44] Filling it on my chest and my. Just, you know, in, in, in the middle of like wanting to cry.

[00:10:53] Wanting to just. You know, ask God why, you know, this is still happening. [00:11:00] And so, or do I just want to pray, right? Like what is it that I want to do? And then I really just, it came down to just embracing it and being okay with it. I’m okay with not. Being okay. In this moment. I’m okay with. Feeling this, this.

[00:11:20] Pain that I can’t even describe. I’m okay with filling this like hole of emptiness. And so when I was doing that, I realized that I could pray about these things that I could ask God to help me, because that’s really. The only way, the only way that we’ll get through this. It’s through his grace and through his mercy.

[00:11:44] And then I remembered.

[00:11:47] Um, because I do have this devotional, which by the way, I’ve been, I haven’t been doing it every day, but I remembered. I’m like, okay. Instead of doing today’s let me go back and read one [00:12:00] that stood out to me I like to circle star highlight, bookmark, everything that I think is, you know, that stands out to me.

[00:12:11] And I was just going back and I’m like, I can’t remember what date it was, but I do remember. That there was something about being in a dark. And be an uncertain. And so it all went. Pretty much. Back to that. I felt like I was in this dark place and I still feel like I’m in this dark place. I still feel this sense of.

[00:12:34] I have no idea how long this is going to take. I have no idea how long I’m going to feel this way. About the circumstance about losing my little sister. About how that could possibly have had happened from one moment to the next. But at the end of the day, I have to keep going. And I remember something along the lines from this devotional itself.

[00:12:55] And I want to read, um, the [00:13:00] verse that this devotional kind of start, start from. Or started from, and it’s from Isaiah. Uh, 50 verse 10. And it’s who is among you that fears the Lord that’ll base. That obeys the voice of his servant. That walks in darkness and has no light let him trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God.

[00:13:24] And so I went back, I’d read of that and I’m like, yeah, this, this is the verse. And then I read the devotional and I’m not gonna read the devotional here, but. Pretty much what. Isaiah is talking about in this. In this verse, he tells us that no matter how Darcie kits. We are to keep on walking. And.

[00:13:45] So when I read that again, And I’m like, oh my gosh, this is exactly it. This is exactly how I’ve been feeling like what I’ve been thinking. I feel like I have no sense of direction. I feel like I have no guidance. I feel like there, isn’t such a thing for what I’m going through in this [00:14:00] moment, because.

[00:14:01] It in the dark. I don’t mean like, you know, like I’m just thinking about all these negative thoughts. I mean, about not knowing what my next step will be. And that’s what I mean, because I’m so focused on having like this guide or this. Planning or this, um, you know, to do lists and task. And I’m like, oh, I can, once I do this, I can do that. Or when this happens, this will happen.

[00:14:28] And so I get so wrapped up in my mind about how I’m so used to. Having this idea of certainty, this idea of, um, somewhat of control, right? Which again, Using it against myself because as I should. There’s no such thing as me having control over anything really besides me. Um, focusing on what I’m allowing to think.

[00:14:53] But other than that, We want to. Be able to still be okay. [00:15:00] With the uncertainty. And for me, it was all the negative emotions to include the feeling of. Um, The feeling of uncertainty. And so. When we’re feeling that way. And we feel like we have no sense of what’s next, not even like the next 50. Uh, 50 meter line or whatever it may be.

[00:15:27] Our, our nature, our human nature is to just like, stop what we’re doing. And want to find that next thing, that next step that we have no idea. Of what it might look like. And for me, it was. How do I not feel this negative emotion anymore? And I’m like, wait a minute. I talked to my clients about this all the time.

[00:15:52] There will always be the 50 50. There’ll always be the 50% positive. In the 50% negative. It may not be [00:16:00] in that exact. Percentage rate, it may be 80 20, or it may be. 2080, but at the end of the day, there will always be negative emotion. And so for me, You know, being that again, there’s so many great things happening.

[00:16:15] I have great people around me. Quit relationships, you know, circumstances are all amazing. There’s this one area, right. That I’m like trying to. One, continue to accept, continue to allow, continue to process. But how do I embrace it? How do I keep moving? How do I. Keep being okay with not being okay.

[00:16:40] And so what I want to offer you today, Is too. Be okay. With where you are be okay with. The circumstance that you’re in because at the end of the day, Nobody can change anything or have any control or give you any [00:17:00] certainty. Other than God, other than your faith, the faith and trust that you have in him.

[00:17:07] Because.

[00:17:09] Your faith will not necessarily just rest on your feelings. But it will be. Something that you have to really lean in. And trust God for meaning. You have to pray for it. Meaning you have to get close to him, meaning you have to allow him to work within you through your weakness. And by that, I mean, you still moving forward and allowing yourself to embrace whatever you’re going through your circumstances probably completely different than mine. Right? You may not.

[00:17:39] Possibly go into grief in a way where you lost somebody, but maybe you’re going through a divorce. Maybe you lost your job. Maybe you have. Lost this opportunity of getting promoted or being in some type of command. Being in some type of position that you thought you were going to be in. [00:18:00] Whatever it may be.

[00:18:01] Our relationship.

[00:18:04] Whatever that circumstance I know that no matter what. There’s this percentage of you having a positive. And a negative emotion going on at the same time. Literally simultaneously. Parallel to whatever you may be going through. For me it’s I am just, I have so much joy and so much gratitude and so much.

[00:18:30] Love for this baby. That’s coming. But the other side of that is also allowing myself to Coulter the screen, allowing myself to be settled when I needed to allow myself to cry when I need to allowing myself to just. Be vulnerable with myself. And be okay with not being okay. Emotionally, meaning not being okay with, you know, feeling sad for like 20 minutes or, you know, crying in the shower or.

[00:18:58] Telling a loved one that [00:19:00] I’m just not feeling it today. I really don’t want to. Do X, Y, Z, because of, I want to process this negative emotion, whatever that may look like for you. And it’s okay. Of course, we’re not going to elaborate and post it on your social media. Right away. But at the end of the day, you want to take care.

[00:19:21] Of. Not only your emotions, but really how you are showing up. For your loved ones, you want to be able to set that example. You want to be able to. Lean in. Into that negative motion, lean in to what you are going through. Because you’re not perfect. You can’t handle. This grief or this loss, or even, you know, this, um, negative.

[00:19:51] Emotion that you’re going through because of what you’re thinking about the circumstance, right? It’s a nature of us being able and being [00:20:00] aware. Of what we’re thinking. How we’re managing our emotions, how we’re processing our, our emotions. And what we’re doing because the last thing you want to do is resist it. The last thing you want to do is react.

[00:20:13] Towards that negative emotion. Or even avoid it completely because it only gets worse. You want to be able to open that door? And by that, I mean, for example, When I listened to certain songs when a. Um, talk to certain people. I get to reminded of. You know, my little sister or those moments or that moment.

[00:20:40] I mean, the holidays are coming up, even with. My daughter be in here. So when I get reminded that she is not going to be here. And so for me, Before it was like a couple of weeks ago. I was like, no, I don’t want to think about I don’t even want to go through the whole process of me delivering or, you know, I shouldn’t [00:21:00] even be feeling excited about what’s happening in my life.

[00:21:04] Because I was just. Not processing. I wasn’t processing. That? Yes, there is negativity, not negativity, negative emotion that I need to process. But there’s also a lot of the positive that I need to process as well. I don’t want to keep it in. I want to be able to share that. I want to be able to show that.

[00:21:26] And show up in that way. And so again, I want to offer you. This week to take a moment and really ask yourself, are you embracing the 50 50? Are you embracing the positive and negative? With whatever you’re going through and it could be something minor, right. Maybe.

[00:21:44] It was, you know, maybe just flunk a test or something. Or maybe you didn’t get into whatever school you wanted to, or maybe. You know your finances, aren’t where they’re supposed to be. But on the other side of that, you have a job. You have a great team. You [00:22:00] are doing well in your relationship, whatever. Maybe look like.

[00:22:03] Usually a little work or do you need to focus on something to help you? You know, get better or your finances or whatever it may be.

[00:22:11] But you have the tools. You have the resources. So, how can you embrace both? Embrace the 50 here. Uh, positive and 50 of negative. How can you be able. To manage what you’re thinking. And processing your feelings at the same time. All right, ladies. I hope that this has been helpful. I hope that you not only feel encouraged to.

[00:22:37] Be in a moment where you’re acknowledging that you can’t do this alone, that one, you need to do this with God that you need to ask him to help you. But also, if you need professional help, that’s something that you continue to seek as well. Alright, heavy. Beautiful rest of your week.