Emotional Health

Episode 127: Unsupervised mind = Chaos

August 31, 2022

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Hey lady, 

In today’s episode, I share how to begin supervising your mind and prevent unnecessary chaos.

I pray this episode blesses you!

Much love, 


[00:00:56] Wendi: Hello ladies. And welcome to episode [00:01:00] 127. How are you doing? I hope that you’re doing amazing. I hope that you are having a great week so far in. Pollute or not, we’re halfway there. We’re almost there to the end of the week. And. We are at the end of the month, I cannot believe that this episode is going to be.

[00:01:18] Wendi: Um, airing or I should say publishing the 31st of August. So I really hope that this month has been a great month And, you know, accomplish things that you wanted to accomplish or at least make some progress. So. With that today. I want to talk about. Our mind when it’s unsupervised. And how, when it’s unsupervised, it can not only create a lot of chaos, but it can be chaotic.

[00:01:45] Wendi: And here’s the thing. What I want to continue to emphasize here is not that there will never be chaos or that you never experienced negative emotion or that there will never be, you know, circumstances that we wish never happened [00:02:00] or circumstances that, you know, um, unfortunately put us through difficult moments or, you know, bring up thoughts that create negative emotion.

[00:02:08] Wendi: That’s not what I’m saying here at all. What I’m saying is. On a day-to-day basis, you know, how much are we supervising our brain? How much are we being aware of what’s happening in what’s really, um, coming up for us when it comes to our And so that’s what I want to talk about today and, you know, really kind of help you understand on how it may be unsupervised and you know how to know when.

[00:02:34] Wendi: You know, what really happens when our minds aren’t being supervised at all. And I, the way I like to explain this is how it really was first explained to me. But my coach and how it really, you know, not only resonated with me because I have kids. But also because of how I used to be as a child and maybe not a child, like, you know, um, a toddler or anything like that, but more so when I was a teenager, I [00:03:00] remember my God go back and think of things that I wish I would’ve known.

[00:03:05] Wendi: That, you know, we’re kind of in my control and kind of like what I could have prevented, you know, the things that I said, um, that clearly weren’t nice things and. You know, then later in my relationship, You know, with my husband now, um, you know, when he and I used to date, like, I wish I would’ve known this because it would have definitely.

[00:03:27] Wendi: You know, been very helpful back in the day. So I really hope that this episode really just helps you understand what that looks like, because if you are going through this now, this is something that’s going to be beneficial. Not only with you like with yourself, but also, you know, when it comes time to spending time with your family, with your kids, with your husband, with your soldiers, with coworkers, with your team, whatever that might look like for you, or just with someone in line at the grocery store, just.

[00:03:59] Wendi: Dealing with [00:04:00] someone that is a complete stranger and you want to be able to social up as yourself and not show up as this other person that, you know, may not be the person that you want to show up as. So. I really hope that this is helpful and that you see to the very end so that you can really apply these tools on your, you know, every everyday life and really grow from this. And also to a reminder, it’s not going to happen right away. This is something that really requires you to put in some work.

[00:04:28] Wendi: And we’re requires you to take the time and be intentional with it. So. With that. I want us to really first, um, really define really what an unsupervised mind or what I mean by an unsupervised mind means. And the way I like to define this is by really just acknowledging that you’re just allowing your mind to be on autopilot. You’re just allowing yourself to be on autopilot regardless of what may be going on or what it is [00:05:00]

[00:05:00] Wendi: You are. Uh, focused on at that moment. So for example, if. You are at work and you aren’t supervising your mind. You may be at work thinking about 50 different things. And this is quite normal, by the way, especially in a woman, the way our brain works and not to say that we have a different brain, but our brains just work a little different when it comes to, um, wanting to know and be involved in everything just by her nature, our caring nature and the way we can handle things.

[00:05:31] Wendi: And I have to say that men can’t do that. Of course they can, but they’re just, um, you know, they work differently, right? Like they like to focus their time and attention to that one thing. And they like to beat narrow-focused and, you know, make sure that they get that done. And then they move onto something else now that they don’t care. It’s just that that’s the way they deal with

[00:05:50] Wendi: And if you’ve noticed for you and at least When I’m at work or when I’m doing whatever it is that I’m doing, or if it’s opposite, if I’m with my [00:06:00] family. I tend to be thinking about 20 different things, either way, you know, when do I have to do laundry? When do I have to, you know, submit this for work? Or who do I need to contact tomorrow? What do I need to do for the next podcast episode? What’s next on my project list. So what would be next, you know, based on the season, what do I need to prepare for the kids?

[00:06:20] Wendi: What do I need to do for my husband? Like all these little things, right. That come up. That are supposed to be there, right? Like our brains. Are obviously going to offer a set because again, our brains want us to be safe. Our brain wants us to be protected and our brains want us to be comfortable.

[00:06:36] Wendi: And so with that, Our minds are always working and thinking ahead, which is a good thing. But then it can also be, Hey mapping. If we aren’t supervising it. And so the way I like to think about this is really paying attention. Two. Where your focus is going pretty much so. If currently you are. Let’s say you’re driving and you know, you’re going to [00:07:00] work.

[00:07:01] Wendi: And you’re not fully focused on, you know, the traffic, the cars around you. And you’re thinking about 30 other things you most likely, or at least this happens for me. Mr. Turn. Um, you will then possibly, um, you know, get distracted and, um, forget where exactly you were supposed to be going. And then on top of that, you’re like, by the way, I forgot to bring my work bag or whatever that may be, or I forgot the pecks Peck X, Y, Z.

[00:07:35] Wendi: Whatever that looked like for you for you may be a little different, but that’s kinda like the example of what happens to me. Like I lose sight of where I am in that moment. And I miss out on like what I needed to pay attention to. And so it’s okay if you’re like, you know, just focus on whatever, you know, the podcast is saying or whatever the road, you know, what’s happening in that moment.

[00:07:56] Wendi: But what I’m saying here is understanding that, okay, [00:08:00] what is going on in your mind? It’s okay to be happening and not necessarily. Um, needed to be. Um, emphasize or needs to be continued to. You know, consume you and you know, you going already stressing out before you even get to work. You’re like, oh, I have that meeting.

[00:08:16] Wendi: And I’m treading it. Let’s just say, right. Cause if you’re just not even focused on the road, you’re focused on how you’re feeling. About that meeting. You’re focused on the thoughts that you’re having about that meaning, but you’re not like supervising what’s coming in. And what you’re giving your attention to.

[00:08:32] Wendi: And so that’s what I mean about supervising, making sure that you are redirecting your mind to what you need to be focusing on. And so. When we have an unsupervised mind, you obviously want to do the opposite, which is supervise it now. How do we do that? How do we supervise it? We redirect it. We continuously.

[00:08:54] Wendi: Pay attention to what’s coming in. We continuously pay attention to. What exactly [00:09:00] our brain is trying to offer us. So again, for example, Um, If you are currently working on. A project that work and you’re constantly thinking, okay, I have this go on this weekend. I’m not ready for this. I’m not looking for it. Looking for.

[00:09:19] Wendi: Looking forward to it, then that may create a little bit of anxiety. It may create a little bit of stress of overwhelm. But if you allow yourself to just take a deep breath and

[00:09:31] Wendi: Let me go ahead and just supervise what’s happening right now, because clearly what’s important is this collaboration with my team. And this project. I don’t need to be focused on this weekend event that I’m dreading and that I’m anxious about. What I want to focus on right now is how can I be a value to this team, to the people around me? How can I continue to interact with them and collaborate with them?

[00:09:54] Wendi: That’s what I mean about supervising it and redirecting it. Because when we [00:10:00] don’t do that, we then are like trying to do three or five things at the same time. So now we’re losing focus on the people around us. We’re not being present. We are not putting our 100%. Of our wisdom and also Orrin actual effort. Our intentionality.

[00:10:20] Wendi: So now we are not showing up as who we want to show up. Right. As that leader that you are. And stead you’re showing up as this 50% or 80%. Um, You know, the, the value that you’re bringing and at the same time, you seem tense. You’re possibly anxious and you’re like, you know what? I’m just going to take a moment and I’ll be back, but then you continue to allow those thoughts to create more anxiety or compound.

[00:10:51] Wendi: More of the stress or the overwhelm. And that could lead into you creating stories that aren’t true. Right? You’re already predicting how that weekend’s going [00:11:00] to look or how that event is going to turn out. Like our mind immediately put so many pieces together because that’s what our minds like to do. We like to create stories. It’s, it’s something about stories that we want

[00:11:12] Wendi: Create and envision. And for some reason it’s not helpful when it comes time to things that are creating a lot of negative emotion. And so then what happens when we do that, we then indulge in that negative thought that negative That negative emotion. And we’re like, okay, now I’m stressed. Now I don’t, I can’t focus on this project. I don’t want to work with these.

[00:11:34] Wendi: Um, my team members right now. Right now it’s not a good time or you completely. Try to avoid the situation that you’re in now. By going elsewhere or by. You know, distracting yourself with another meeting or something else thinking. That’s going to And so when, again, we don’t supervise remind it leads us into this like spiral. [00:12:00]

[00:12:00] Wendi: Of just, um, I down word spiral. That seems like it there’s just no Intuit. And by that, I mean, Like, it’ll just continue to dig you into this. Um, possibly overwhelm into this autopilot mentality of, I just want to get out of here. I just want to escape. I just want to think about this, but then you can’t stop thinking about it because you’re reinforcing it.

[00:12:25] Wendi: And that’s something that we don’t really understand because we’re like, why. Do we continue to think about this? Why don’t we continue to, um, experiences negative emotion? If I want it to be here, right? We’re like completely resisting it pretty much. So we create this negative emotion that we don’t want to deal with. And then we want to escape.

[00:12:43] Wendi: And it never want to face it. And so like it creates this other ripple Of now, how can I buffer? How can I go out there and completely avoid. This negative emotion that is [00:13:00] killing me inside. And so. What, what I mean about being more intentional and supervising your mind is because you don’t want to get to that level. You want to be able to understand what’s happening, why you’re feeling that way. And that’s really what I want to offer you today is really ask yourself, why am I feeling now? How am I

[00:13:20] Wendi: I think it’s the first question for you. How am I feeling? You feel okay. I’m feeling a little anxious. Why am I feeling anxious? What is the thought or thoughts or stories that you’re creating about this circumstance that possibly hasn’t even happened? But this about this potential circumstance that may be around the corner and you’re like, how can I.

[00:13:40] Wendi: Avoid this, or maybe not even have to go through this. Right? Like, what is it? What is it that you’re thinking. And that you need to redirect. Now you’re focused to, to help you to start supervising And it’s something that’s going to take practice. It’s something that you are going to want to get better at.

[00:13:59] Wendi: Because listen. [00:14:00] If you have kids or maybe you don’t have kids, but you’ve watched kids before you’ve babysat before. And you just let that child, let’s say that child three years old, four years old, a toddler. And, you know, supervise that toddler. That toddler is going to do anything and everything that it’s imagination his or her imagination.

[00:14:22] Wendi: We’ll provide. And that could be jumping off the couch. It could be throwing paint on the wall. It could be writing on the wall. It could be anything from just going on-site into their own adventure. Right. So we have to supervise them. We have to guide them into what safe. And what’s, you know, there, there are boundaries and that’s exactly what I want you to do with your mind.

[00:14:45] Wendi: There’s this part of our brain called a primitive brain that is always running. Wild on its own. It’s continuously giving us all these warnings. All these things that we need to be scared of and be fearful of. So that it [00:15:00] can protect us. And that’s exactly what it wants to do when it’s unsupervised, but when we supervise it and we get a handle of it and we’re like, listen,

[00:15:10] Wendi: There’s no need to overreact. Or overthink this because we have the information. Or I have what I need to get this done. Or, you know, this is just a story that I’m making It’s not even true. And just to give you an example. Of what I mean about an unsupervised mind, um, and not really an unsupervised mind, but really how the story start. I should say.

[00:15:35] Wendi: My son and my daughter, um, this was maybe a month or two ago. They were talking about what would they do? If someone was, um, If someone was. Um, what’s the word calm, confronted, and like pushed in public. Like someone my daughter was saying, you know, He was at, she was asking my son, what would you do if somebody [00:16:00] pushed me?

[00:16:00] Wendi: When we were standing Like, what are you? What do you stand up for me? Or what would She just chooses, curious. And he might be in my son. He is very like thoughtful and intentional with his words. Anything’s things through. He’s like the introvert. He’s definitely my husband. And he said, well, I don’t think I would immediately hit someone.

[00:16:23] Wendi: I would just, you know, ask you how you’re doing, make sure you’re okay. And, you know, go from there. He didn’t really give her an answer. At least the answer that she wanted. So she’s like, I can’t believe that you wouldn’t defend me and you wouldn’t, you know, You know, do this for me. And I thought you loved me, yada, yada, yada. So she went into this whole thing of her, of him not loving her and him not standing up for her.

[00:16:49] Wendi: And you know, him not being there as the brother that she, she wanted. For him. And so she gets angry, she gets upset and she’s like, You know, [00:17:00] she, she was pretty much disappointed and she was angry. And so then I asked her, you know, why, why are you, you know, what are you, why are you so upset? Like, what is it you’re disappointed about?

[00:17:08] Wendi: She’s like, I just can’t believe he wouldn’t stand up for me. Like she was just so hurt that it was painful to her to think that he would not stand up And I told you, well, listen, this is a story that hasn’t happened. This is just a, what if, right? Like this is just something as scenario. That being that, you know, he wasn’t, Hey, he has never gone through this. You have never gone through

[00:17:33] Wendi: And so I told her, you know, that’s just something that you mind, the story that you. Kind of played in your mind and you play it out loud here. But at the same time, it was also the expectation. And so I’m like, so what if, like, you know, you never talked to your brother again because you’re so angry and discipline and she’s like, yeah, I don’t think I, I wanna like talk to him for the rest of the day.

[00:17:55] Wendi: So, you know, I wanted it to just really. [00:18:00] Help her understand that. It wasn’t happening. It wasn’t real. It was just a story that was in her mind. And I was like, listen, you can feel however you want to feel. But one thing I will say is that, that story that you just gave. Let’s just a made up story. You just made it up as scenario.

[00:18:18] Wendi: And he provided you an answer. It wasn’t the answer that you wanted. But now you get to decide if you want to be angry about it. Disappointed. However you want to feel is up to you. And then it was the funny, not the funniest thing, but she was like super cute about her response. She’s like, you know what? You’re

[00:18:36] Wendi: I think you would actually, you know, punch that person because I know my little brother, he is always standing up for me and yada, yada, yada. And I was like, well, listen, violence does not, you know, that’s not something that you know, is going to solve the problem. And then she’s like, That’s right. It’s not going to solve the problem.

[00:18:55] Wendi: So at the end of the day, she w we pretty much [00:19:00] uncovered. Was that. All she wanted was to solve the problem. That’s all she wanted. And so she then said, we’ll, you know, what if maybe that person was angry or maybe that person didn’t mean to push me? You know, all these questions came up and I’m like, exactly. These are the types of questions that you want to ask yourself. When, you know, someone does confront you or does, you know, something that maybe was, um, you know, not kind or not something that is.

[00:19:29] Wendi: Is something that you expect. And so again, being able to do that from a different lens and doing it from a place of, you know, it was just my immediate reaction and we do that all the time. We do that when, you know, We get, um, when we get feedback and when. Um, there are things that are not happening the way we expect it. Right. Different circumstances.

[00:19:55] Wendi: And so when we can do that with ourselves and take a moment and take a step back and [00:20:00] say, and ask ourselves, you Really one, how am I feeling right now? Like, what is it that is bothering me. Is it that this person said this. Or. Is it because it came from this specific person, cause that’s two different things, right?

[00:20:15] Wendi: If someone at the store tells me that, Hey, Wendy, you’re doing a terrible job. As a mother. I’d be like, okay, you don’t know me. But if my husband tells me you’re doing a terrible job as a mother, now, my thoughts are different. And I’m like, first of all, who do you think you are judging me as a mother.

[00:20:32] Wendi: Too. I know the mother that I am, you know, like all these thoughts and everything comes up. So, you know, it could create anger, it could create frustration, it can create, um, just disappointment discouraged of, you know, um, The of how he’s judging me or, you know, based on his feedback or his sentence that he

[00:20:53] Wendi: So being able to identify, you know, how you’re feeling. Especially when, you know, You’re [00:21:00] going through a negative emotion. Because that’s really, what’s important. Right? You want to identify, you know, why am I yelling at my kids? Because you just told yourself you wanted to get better at not yelling at your kids. Like, why am I snapping at them every morning?

[00:21:14] Wendi: Why am I saying the things that I don’t meet? And so when that’s happening, you look at your airline and you’re like, okay, how am I feeling? I’m feeling. Upset. Why am I upset? I’m thinking about this situation. And it may be as simple as like, why do my kids have to fight every morning? Why do I have to fight them every morning to get out the house?

[00:21:33] Wendi: It could be as simple as that, but then it’s like, okay, taking a step back and asking Why is this becoming. A redundant thing for you every single day. If you don’t want to do that, right? You don’t want to yell at your kids. You don’t want to, you know, um, be distracted by a negative emotion when you can be present and be intentional with your kids. And we’re like,

[00:21:54] Wendi: What’s happening here. What do we need to do? How do we solve this problem? Right. Getting into a [00:22:00] problem, solving mentality and supervising what’s happening in our mind, supervising how we’re feeling. That’s really what it boils down to because if we don’t, we create all this chaos. We then say things that we don’t mean, or we eat the cookies that we don’t want to.

[00:22:16] Wendi: We know we don’t need We over-drink, we overspend whatever that may look like for you. So you want to be able to begin with supervising your mind? Because our minds unsupervised creates chaos. All right, ladies. I hope that this episode is helpful for you. And it helps you begin to take the time. To ask yourself how you’re feeling, what you’re thinking. Is this something that you really want to continue to think? If not, let’s redirect it.

[00:22:46] Wendi: All right, have a beautiful rest of your week. Bye.