Episode 182. 3 things you can do to help you get back on track when life happens

September 6, 2023

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Life is a roller coaster of trials and tribulations. In September, we remember my sister who tragically lost her battle with cancer last year. During these challenging times, I want to share three essential nuggets on how to get back on track when life takes an unexpected turn.
Join me as we explore the pivotal role that attitude, focus, and effort play in keeping us on track when faced with overwhelming challenges.
If you’re feeling lost, exhausted, or simply in need of a fresh perspective, allow this episode to guide you back to your track.

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[00:00:00] Wendi: Hey sis, welcome to Beyond the Military Podcast, where faith led military women overcome burnout and create more balance. Just imagine having enough time to focus on your faith family, and have more fun while also serving as a woman leader. In this podcast, you’ll walk away with the tools to help you navigate the busy life of a military woman, organize your mind, overcome overwhelm, create a prioritization playbook, and a balance blueprint for integrating faith, family, and career.

[00:00:28] Wendi: Yeses in that order. Hi, I’m Wendi Wray , woman of God wife, mama of two army veteran and certified life coach, and I’m here to help you create a life of meaning outside of the military, a life of laughter, joy, and intentional free time. If you are ready to overcome burnout and create balance as a faith led military woman, sis, this podcast is for you.

[00:00:50] Wendi: So loosen up your laces and grab your coffee because it’s time to step into freedom and peace.

[00:00:55] Wendi: Hello ladies. And welcome to episode 182. [00:01:00] Happy September. I cannot believe that we are in September near nearly the fall. I am so happy and excited for the fall. I just, it’s one of my favorite seasons of course, and September, because it’s my birthday month. So of course I’m super excited. But before we dig into today’s topic, because I am really happy to share these three. Um, nuggets that I’m going to share with you on how to get back on track, especially when life is happening, when your circumstances changes or the, when they change. And you’re like, what is going on? How do I get back on track? I don’t want to do this anymore. What do I do from here? And I want to help you with that topic today, with that problem, with that issue, with that concern, that’s what I’m here for.

[00:01:40] Wendi: And this is why I’m so excited to be back because. If you’ve been tuning in and been following me or listening to the podcast, you let the last three episodes before this one. We’ve had special guests and I want to offer you two are really invite you to tune into these episodes. If you haven’t, especially with my girl and [00:02:00] net. Within Berger. She is amazing. She’s in her forties and she’s doing the things that she always wanted to do with always wanting to pursue. And again, this is why I know that it’s always about God’s timing and never hours, because we think that we want to do things at this time and that’s going to be best for us, but God’s like, Nope. Let me show you that it’s going to be to my own timing, to my own timing. And that’s what’s best for you. And so I want to offer and invite you to tune into her story and really also to encourage you, regardless of how old you are, and you could be in your fifties and your sixties, or maybe you’re in your twenties and you may be discouraged, or you may be thinking, is this something that I need to do now?

[00:02:41] Wendi: Or should I do this now? I really want to offer that. You’d take a moment to pray about it and be okay in accepting that it may not be for something. Um, That may not be that you do. Do that now in this moment. And so again, listening to her story, listening to a net [00:03:00] journey and to everything that she’s been doing and how she’s not only gotten where she’s at now, but also how she’s impacted so many others along the way. Which, by the way, she also has a song that’s out. Um, you can find all of that information. It’s episode 180. You can go to the show four slash 180, and you can find everything about her there highly recommend that you do. And so also wanted to update you a little bit on, you know, one why this is coming up for me, this topic and how I’ve been using this and doing this on my own. I’m on my own terms on my own life and how I’ve been moving along every single day, because it’s hard yet. Life is hard. It’s not meant to be easy. There’s always going to be an obstacle. There’s always going to be a challenge and this is why I want to offer. These three things today, because it really does not only move the needle, but it really helps you stay on track or get back on track. And so, as you all may know, kids are back in school. I’m not sure if your [00:04:00] little ones are back, but by the time this episode comes out, I really hope that your kids are back to school. Um, and so the kids had a great summer. They enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. The little one, my 10 month old. She’ll be 11 months this month. And I cannot believe we’re so far into the year already. Um, but when I tell you that I am so happy that the kids enjoyed their summer, they did different activities from volleyball, basketball, football. Um, but they also enjoyed their time with family. And, you know, as you also may know that this time was a very hard time for my family and I, um, last year we lost my sister to cancer and it’s just been a rollercoaster of emotions. Um, this past year. Even when I’m recording this episode. Great before. Um, this episode comes out the week before, and it’s just been very hard because it’s around this time that you know, that we lost her. Um, and then, you know, we had the funeral and so many emotions, [00:05:00] um, and not to mention that her birthday is coming up this month as well. So there’s just a lot of emotions that I’ve been processing. Um, and really using these three things that I am going to talk about today to help me. Uh, to continue to stay on track, not to mention, you know, to really just allow my emotions and really give myself grace that I am human. Give myself grace at IME child of God that. I can’t do this alone and that he is always readily available to hear me out to. Be there with me to comfort me, to strengthen me. And so this is why I wanted to talk about this today because I don’t know what you’re going through in life. I don’t know. Um, and I’m sure you don’t either on what exactly may be coming for you or the things that you have planned, but we all have this idea, this plan that we have in mind. And then something happens, right? Life happens and there’s things that we can’t control. Right. We sometimes think that we do, but we can’t, we can’t control other people’s decisions. We can’t control many things that we sometimes think that we [00:06:00] do. And so today’s episode has really. Um, birth from that, those circumstances that I’m going through in my life from the, you know, unwanted challenges that I never even thought that we were going to be here. Um, you know, and, and I’ll talk about this more at a later time when I’m ready at this time, I am not ready. I’ll be honest. I am not ready to talk about what I’m going through in my life right now, but I will in the future. I I am, and I want to be. Not only ready. Um, emotionally, but also intellectually in a way where I am able to talk about this in a way that’s going to serve you in a way that’s going to serve everyone around me so that it’s beneficial to everyone. And so I’m not there yet. And I’ll be honest sometimes we’re not there yet. And. I don’t want to be in this. Um, In this space where I am talking about it from a place of negativity, from a place of even, um, Remote, not remorse. What’s the [00:07:00] word being disgruntled or being upset. I want to talk about it from a place of love, a place of kindness and a place of joy for what’s next in my, in my future and our future in our, um, in our life. Um, and I want to do it too from a place of grace. And so I’m not there yet. And so I want to thank you for your patience. I want to thank you for just being here and tuning in and wanting to learn more. I am. Really encouraged by not only the downloads I’m seeing every single month. I actually just, um, Pull them recently. Being that I do this at the end of the month, because again, I want to make sure that I am providing value and I am looking at my data to help me. Not only help you, but also encourage others to do the same through this platform because I love to podcast. I love to sit behind the microphone. Not only share my thoughts, but also the tools. And any resources that I have to help you in your everyday life. That’s what this is all about. This is what this podcast is all about. To [00:08:00] help you as a military woman, as a woman veteran. To not only help you in your day to day with your emotions, with your actions, but also in the future. Right? And most importantly, through a foundation of faith and. That’s what I’m here for and nothing will, will really stop me because I know the enemy is always at work and that’s a whole nother episode that I have planned. Where the enemy gets really, really close. Um, Allowing you to think that there’s nothing else that will help or making you think that God is, um, not close enough to you to help you get through whatever you’re going through. So stay tuned for that episode to, um, But today, I want to really focus on the three things that are going to help you. To get back on track when life is happening because you all life is happening every single moment. Every single day life is happening. Things change, circumstances, change. You all of a sudden get told that you’re going to go to another duty station or that you’re going to the oil that you know, you no [00:09:00] longer have your, um, tuition assistance or you’re no longer getting promoted or you’re now medically getting discharged. Whatever, maybe right. Our plans change. And so today, I want to talk about the three things. That are going to help you. And those three things are attitude. Your focus and your effort. And so. I want to elaborate on each of these because you might be thinking, okay, Wendy. Great. Thank you for letting me know that I need to really focus on my attitude on how I’m focusing my attention and my effort. Right. Thank you for letting me know these three things are going to help me get on track, but how do I do that? And so I want to elaborate first on attitude because. Most of our attitude. Come from how we are perceiving certain things or certain people. And just to give you a dictionary. Um, Definition here. A settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something. So [00:10:00] it really just boils down to your thoughts about that one thing or that someone, right? Like, how are you fixing your thoughts about this one thing? In other words, your POV, your point of view, for those of you that have teenagers. A little ones and are constantly talking about POV. It’s the point of view that’s always on, like on Tik TOK or the reels or any other video format. Videos, YouTube shorts. They are so curious about. Your POV, your point of view. And they don’t say point of view, by the way they say POV. So your point of you, your attitude is pretty much a point of view of a certain thing or somewhat. And so most of the times, Our point of view, our attitude. Changes drastically. When it’s when that circumstance or that one thing or that one, someone. Is not going the way you intended it to go, right. And so our attitude changes, our attitude changes either into a [00:11:00] negative. Or even, um, more into like a neutral attitude, right? We’re like, Hmm. Worrying. We’re really not caring too much about it. It’s like, whatever, you know, we’ve heard people say that too. But. We don’t want to offer you today is to really pay attention to your attitude when things change when life is happening. Because a lot of the times we think that we’re having a good or positive attitude about it, but we’re really not. We’re having a very negative, negative attitude about it. And. Um, we’re hiding it below thinking that we’re having a positive attitude about it. And to give you an example of that. You may be, um, you know, saying things like, no, it’s okay, I’m going to get through this. And like you’re telling yourself, and you’re convincing yourself. That it’s going to be okay. That it’s okay. But deep down, you’re literally just pushing down those negative emotions that you don’t want to come to the surface. And so you’re resisting pretty much those negative emotions. And by doing that, you [00:12:00] immediately, your attitude is going to change once something else drops, because now you’re like, okay, all of this is happening because of this one thing. If this one thing wasn’t happening, If, um, You know, let’s say your goal, right? If I let’s say your goal was to like lose weight or to go to the gym every single morning, whichever one, whatever your goal is, apply it to that. If you’re like, if it wasn’t for these additional 20 pounds. Um, I would be on more dates, right? Like, let’s say now you’re not on a date or, um, this dress would look better on me or my photos will look so much better or whatever it is for you. And now anything that happens, that’s not going the way that you would want it to. You’re going to blame it on that one circumstance. You’re like, oh, because I’m overweight. Oh. Because I can’t get up to go to the gym. Now I’m a failure. I’m this. And I’m that. You know your attitude about your goal overall? Is becoming very negative. You’re like, okay. Instead of having a good attitude about how I can continue to make [00:13:00] progress. Now, your point of view is just going all down the drain. You’re like, you know what? Because of this one thing I’m just going to stop. I’m just going to not continue to, to really, um, focus on this call that I have, because it doesn’t even matter anymore. So you see how your attitude about this one circumstance? If you are one hiding that you’re having a negative attitude about it, you’re not showing and expressing your negative emotions. Any other little thing that’s going to trigger that. Or that’s going to, um, play a role within that same goal or that same scenario is going to trigger your attitude to become very negative. And so one of the things that I’ve learned as I was like, literally looking up attitude, Earlier one thing came up and it, one of the things that came up was the five important attitudes, which I thought was pretty interesting to me. And one of them was curiosity. The other one is honesty. [00:14:00] Open-mindedness Skepta. Skepticism. I can’t speak today and creativity. And I was like, oh my gosh, I love the way. This is being broken down into the five different attitudes. Right. So if you were to pick one, right, like let’s just say that this week, or this month, The weight or the scale, didn’t go down at all. And you’re like, okay, whatever. I don’t care. I’m going to pretend that my attitudes neutral, maybe even positive, I’m going to do better. Right? Like this whole like fake, um, Um, what’s it called? Fake motivation attitude. Instead of doing that. What if you could pick from one of these five other attitudes. What about being curious? What about being honest? Open-minded. Skepticism and creativity. I was like, oh my gosh, this is amazing. Like, I’m literally going to apply this. Now moving forward. When I’m, when I am feeling that my attitude or my point of view about this one thing. Is [00:15:00] changing. I’m going to be curious. Or I’m going to be open-minded. Or I’m even going to be honest about it, right. Oh, okay. I’m going to be very honest with myself here. I didn’t push myself as much as we go to this month. And this is why. I know that the skill didn’t drop or why my runtime was completely off. Or, you know, the number of dates that I went on this month didn’t really equal a good date or whatever it may be for you. It could be grades. It could be studying, it could be your business, right. It can be anything your time. How are you using your time? And so you want to be honest with yourself or do you want to be curious? Open-minded. You want to be. Um, skeptical. And even creative. So how can you change that? Into. Um, one of these attitudes, right? Because here’s the thing. If we don’t do that, we don’t want to constantly stay in positive either. Right. Because here’s [00:16:00] the thing we want to be able to identify that it’s negative. Okay. I’m having a very negative attitude about. My weight or how I’m pursuing this one goal. Oh, how this is going in my life. Right? How do I get back on track one? You need to adjust your point of view, your attitude. How do you do that? You really take a moment to be open. About the situation you want to be honest, you want to be curious. But most importantly, You want to be able. Two. Pay attention to your attitude. What’s your attitude looking like if it’s negative, let’s figure out what’s going on. If you need to really feel that negative emotion. So be it. Okay. I’m feeling anxious. I’m worried. I’m overwhelmed. Okay, stay there. Stay in that negative feeling. And really ask yourself another question. How can I now? Move this negative attitude. Into at least a neutral attitude. And once you’re [00:17:00] there. How do I now become, or get into this positive attitude about the situation? Okay. And lose any weight this week, the, the scale didn’t go down at all. How can I now? Focus on maybe even just losing two, two or three pounds this month. How can I do that? How can I show myself that this is possible? How can I grow from this? Or like, let’s just say that you failed at something miserably, right? Like you filled your PT test or you filled a test or you didn’t gain any sales this week or this month, whatever it is for you. How can you be curious about it? How can you come from a curious attitude? From a place. Of creativity. How can I do this differently? Right. Maybe you don’t need to work out in the morning. Maybe you work out in the evening or maybe you work out twice or maybe you, um, cut down on sugar or on flour, whichever one. Whatever that may be for you. [00:18:00] How can you open up to this new attitude? That is going to help you get back on track. Because we all know if your attitude is not right or it’s not where it needs to be. It’s really not going to change for the better. It’s really not because what you set your mind to is really how you’re going to feel and how you feel is going to drive how you respond. How you act, how you behave. And so that’s why I felt that attitude was the number one thing you need to focus on to get, to help you get back on track. The second one is your focus, right? And for me, it’s more of the attention. So, how are you going to bring your attention back to this one goal to this next? Progress or this next milestone. Because here’s the thing, everything that we’re aspiring or a goal or, um, whatever it is in your life, you want to be able to bring your attention to it. Right. And you really can’t bring your [00:19:00] attention to it in a way that you want it to be. If your attitude’s not right, if you have a negative attitude, I don’t want to put my attention to that. I’m like, I don’t, I don’t want more negativity in my life, so I’m not going to put any attention to it. I’m like, no, forget about the losing weight.

[00:19:12] Wendi: That’s. A negative thing in my life right now. I don’t want to put any attention to it. I’m going to ignore it. And home. Am I going to ignore it? I am going to go to the pantry or I’m going to go get some ice cream or whatever it may be for you. Right. So again, When you want to be able to. Put your focus, your attention. Back to that thing, to that goal, to that next milestone. And how do you do that? Again, going back to your attitude. You want to do that first? Get your attitude, right? Get your point of view correctly. Again, it doesn’t have to be completely positive at the beginning. It never really happens that way. We have to start sometimes in the negatives. Right? How do we then get to the neutral back to zero zero. And then how do we then get to the positive? [00:20:00] But again, it’s you. Really focusing on that attention. Staying focused. Focused focused, focused. How do you do that? You allow yourself to have that negative feeling. You allow yourself to be honest with yourself and be like, okay. I completely failed this last week, this last month, but I’m going to get back on track because I’m going to put my attention to it. If I put my attention to it, it’s there. I’m the one taking control and responsibility of that one thing. Not the one thing. Taking responsibility or even ownership of you. Because sometimes we allow food to take control. We’re like, oh no, it’s the food’s fault. It shouldn’t be available. Or we blame the gym or we blame the machines or whatever. No, let’s take ownership, responsibility. For that attention that we can put to it and not it. Focus on us. We want to put that focus and that attention on the goal. We take [00:21:00] ownership. We take responsibility. Okay. This happened. I filled up this one event. Or this is where I’m at. You know, how do I get back on track? How do I continue to get up and keep going? You put your attention to it and you focus on the next step. Not, not, you know, the whole marathon you focus on the next mile. You focus on the next mile, the next meter, the next target. And the lasting the most important one, because this is what happens, right. It’s effort by the way. When our attitude goes downhill. Our point of point of view goes downhill. Our attitude is negative. We are no longer. Putting any attention or focus to that one thing that we’re wanting to pursue wanting to accomplish. Now we’re effort coast right outside the window. We’re like, Nope, not doing it takes so much work. It takes so much effort. And if you remember our brains, don’t like to [00:22:00] put a lot of effort. Minimal effort is better. Pleasure is so much better. No effort and avoid any type of painful activity. And our brains are happy. That dopamine effect goes into effect immediately, by the way. Why do you think social media and Netflix is so amazing because it requires almost no effort. It requires really no painful activity. I mean, it’s just literally using your thumb. And oh, by the way, it’s so pleasurable to the brain. Cause we’re like being nosy and we’re looking at different pictures and videos and we’re laughing. And so again, We get sucked into this effortless activity. We’re like, okay. No, because at one other thing, losing weight requires effort going to the gym, requires effort Coleman out there, putting myself in front of people and selling things requires effort. Going to school requires effort, reading a book, reading a page requires effort. A lot of things that. Are a part of us [00:23:00] or tasks that require us to pursue our goals are to accomplish our goals required effort. And so when we. Can get effort back on tracker and we can continue to put our effort back into it. We’re going to get back on track even when life is happening. And this is the hardest one, you all, this is the hardest one, because once you get to that, like this negative emotion where you’re discouraged when you’re just in a space of. Not really wanting to keep moving forward. Your effort, really goals really, really, really low. You’re you’re you’re. Effort gage just drops drastically. And so I want to offer you today. To pay attention to it as well. You know, are you putting the effort? That you were last week. Before you saw your result. Before you were given. This notice, or you were given this update or before [00:24:00] life happened. Were you given it the same amount of effort? If the answer is no, then you need to check yourself. You need to realign yourself and go back to the same amount of effort. Now you might be thinking, Wendy, I’m tired when I’m exhausted. I’m a single mother. Or I don’t have the help. I don’t have the support. I’m not financially there I’m working two jobs or I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. And I just feel like I’m drowning in everything and I have no more in me. Listen, I get it. But here’s the thing you not doing nothing about it is not going to make it better. It’s not helping you move the needle. It’s not helping you make any progress. So why continue to sink? And act as if you have no responsibility or no control, because these are the three things that you can control. These are the three things that your April. To, to use to help you get back on track. If anything, not only get back on track, but continue to move. Along it make progress. [00:25:00] The three things that are, that you can control that can help you, our attitude, focus and effort. And when I tell you that it’s not going to be easy, it’s going to be a little hard, but it’s okay. Because you can do hard things. You, you can do so many things that you may not even think you can do. Of course, you’re a woman in the military. You’re a woman veteran. You’re a female veteran. You have done a lot more things that are way harder. Than these three things and listen. It’s okay. It’s completely okay. If you’re like, you know what? I’m going to start that tomorrow a month. Get my attitude in check. I’m a, get my attention, my focus back on track and my effort tomorrow. That’s okay. If you need to take a day today, you need to reevaluate these things. That’s fine. But I want to invite you to really focus on these three things, because these are the three things that you are able to do today.

[00:25:48] Wendi: No matter if you have a negative account bank account. If you’re a single mom, if whatever, it may be, whatever you’re going through, these are the three things you can do right now.

[00:25:59] Wendi: [00:26:00] Especially if you are in a place where you think that, you know, it it’s just, um, a life-changing event. A circumstance. This is why you need to really focus on these things now, not tomorrow, but today. And I want to offer you and invite you to do that today. Again, the three things that you can control and that you’re able to do. Right now to help you get back on track. Especially if I was happening even more. So I want you to double down on these three things, your attitude, your focus and your effort. And listen, if this episode resonated with you. And you’re like, I’m feeling stuck right now. There’s so many choices that I have to make, and I just need someone to help me make this plan. I need accountability. I want to invite you to schedule a free consultation. Call with me where you’ll spend a 45 minutes with me not only going over what you’re stuck with, or maybe the choices that you need to make decisions or the indecision.

[00:26:56] Wendi: That you’re in. And I will walk you through a [00:27:00] step-by-step plan of exactly what’s going to help you move forward. Right. And uncover a limited beliefs that you have there. So again, I want to invite you to schedule a free consultation with me. All you have to do. Is going to also in the show notes so that you can schedule a call with me. All right. Have a great rest of your week. Talk to you soon bye

[00:27:22] Wendi: hey lady. If this podcast helped you, challenged you or inspired you in some way, please leave me a written review for the show on Apple Podcast and share it with another military sister. Helping you integrate balance, prioritization and growth in your relationship with God is my ultimate calling. I’m so blessed that you are here, and please join us in the faith led military women community on Facebook at

[00:27:48] Wendi: again, it is all right. Talk to you soon. Bye.