Welcome to Beyond the Military Podcast, a space for military women determined to focus on life outside of the military. As a fellow woman veteran who once felt lost after leaving the military, I know firsthand the challenges that we face. Hi, my name is Wendi Wray, a woman of God, wife, mom of three, army veteran. Life and career coach, and I’m on a mission to equip and empower women like yourself to excel in life and career with confidence. In this podcast, you’ll walk away with a tool that will help you navigate your career and life mentally and emotionally during and beyond your service. So if you’re ready to go from stuck to confident, this podcast is for you. Loosen up your laces and grab a coffee because it’s time to step up. Into a new chapter with clarity and confidence. Hello, and welcome to episode at 246. So today I want to speak to you if you are feeling stuck or confused in where you are in your life and your career. And today the example that I’ll give will be for someone that is transitioning into the civilian sector. regardless of what your Next chapter will look like either in the corporate sector education, maybe you’re just taking a break. You’re retiring, whatever that may be. I want to encourage you today to stop feeling confused. And to stop feeling stuck. And the reason being is because it’s so easy to go into feeling confused and feeling stuck and not wanting or feeling encouraged to take the next step and so that’s why I want to speak to you because we are in a time where. We have so many resources available. We have so much information at our fingertips. I think that that causes a little bit more of a confusion because there’s so many resources. There’s so many avenues. And so I just want to encourage you today. And as we are closing out the year, And for you to prepare, to start looking and get serious about looking at your next chapter. Now is a great time, especially if you’re going to take some time off within the next 30 days, you are going to possibly spend some time with the family. This is a great time for you to still make progress. So if you haven’t tuned into the previous episode, highly encourage that you do, because I go over, the 30 day focus goal that. I encourage you to create for yourself so that you don’t not only miss out on opportunities, but also miss out on the time. That you could be exploring and be moving in the right direction when it comes to any change or any growth within your life, in your career. So, I want to start off by saying that. It’s okay. If you’re feeling stuck, if you’re feeling confused. It’s completely normal, no matter what we do in life, any change, any growth we’re going to get a little bit confused in we’re sometimes going to feel a little stuck because of the confusion. and just to define confusion because it helps kind of understand. Exactly where I am and how I’m feeling. And so it’s a lack of understanding when we’re feeling confused is because we’re lacking some type of understanding. And with that comes the feeling of uncertainty. In what happens when we’re uncertain, we don’t typically want to make. Decisions right away, because we’re not fully understood of what the next step may be. There’s uncertainty. I have no idea what that might look like. And for some of us, that’s good because it it drives us into looking for that or exploring what that could look like. In being prepared, we try to prepare as much as possible because that’s what we also are trained to do. Prepare. We plan, we prepare and we ensure that everything will work out the way that we planned it. Right. We have different courses of action, which is great. But. There are going to be moments where you are so confused and you will completely go into a standstill and you’re just going to not want to even pursue learning more about what that next thing could look like. So I want to share something like there and just say that it’s listen. It’s completely okay. Everyone goes through this. We all get a little confused. We all get a little stuck sometimes. But I want to encourage you, especially during this time, as we’re closing out the year. That you still take time to focus on. Your next chapter, they, you still take time to focus on your next move. And again, this could apply to any area of your life. So if you’re, Feeling confused about, your significant other or, your, next. Duty station where you’re going to PCs, where you going to actually move to another station. Do we station then? I get it. This happens. This is normal. So I just want to say that, start off by saying that this is okay. Give yourself some grace. Especially when you’re wearing so many hats and here’s the other thing. We want to sometimes say I’m going to take care of everybody else and then put my, Growth my career to the side. And listen, there’s nothing wrong with you, following your husband his career, I’m not saying not to do that. What I’m saying here is to also not forget about your career. Especially if you’re dual military, right. And, your husband is still in and, you’re getting out then you still want to be able to look at the big picture, right? Like where do I want to be in the next three to five years? Maybe not immediately in the next six months, but where do I want to be? And so this is why I encourage everyone to start where you are and give yourself some grace and start planning and start executing on what those things will look like. Right. Because if we don’t, we’re going to put at the very bottom of our list and we’re just not going to get to it. And then two years, we’re going to go by and you’re like, oh my gosh, I didn’t start my master’s degree. I had my GI bill or I had my tuition assistance or I had my post 9 11 and now two years have gone by, and I’ve been feeling confused and stuck for the last two years because you haven’t revisited it. And so today my goal for you. Is in these short minutes to encourage you to look at this from a different lens. And also. For you to start moving in the right direction. Very similar to the last two episodes. But I want you to start from where you are. Because here’s what happens. We tend to then. lack confidence in what’s next. We tend to then. Build on the. Self doubt. And so then we start lacking in confidence, So when we’re getting out of the military we lack confidence because we have no idea what’s how we’re going to do in the next chapter of our lives. Right. Because while we were in the military, we felt confident because we were there for X amount of years. We had Proven to ourselves that we were capable of doing our job, right. Like actually following through in getting the job done. But also. We let confidence as we’re getting out, because now we’re like, okay, well, what’s next. I have no idea what I want to do. And that immediately signals your brain of like, okay. You know what you’re going to do. It’s not going to work. Or it is going to work, but you’re not going to perform well. Our perform as good as he did it in this field, in this area. And so in order for you to start to move into more confident, I want to give you. This quick exercise for you to do and this is going to help you build on your confidence now. Let’s just say your confidence right now is a two out of 10. You’re at a two, and you’re like, I have no idea if I’m going to be a great project manager. Or if I’m going to be the best, logistics manager out there, or whatever you’re pursuing. And I want you to do this exercise. So if you’re driving, if you don’t have time right now, come back to this episode. And I promise you, I won’t take you no more than 10 minutes and you can take longer if you’d like, but I encourage you to come back to this, which is your self-concept. This is. What I want you to focus on at the very beginning. When you are looking into a different career, when you’re looking into degrees, when you’re looking into apprenticeships, when you’re looking into skill bridge programs, When you’re looking into your certifications that you want to get or pursue. I want you to come back to this self concept exercise. And I’ve broken it down into two. To kind of questions for you to see. The big picture of your self-concept. Because what happens is we forget about what, who we are and what we bring to the table. And so this self-concept exercise is just going to be a reminder. For you of who you are, what you bring to the table and how you can be a value in the next chapter. Because we always forget about the value that we bring and how we’re going to serve others. When in reality, that’s all we do in the military. Right. We serve. Our teams, we serve our organization. We serve our soldiers or Marines our airman. And so I want to encourage you today to start there. If you’re like Wendi, I have no idea what I’m going to do. I have no idea if I’m going to go to school first, or if I’m going to go get a job, or if I’m going to just take a knee for a year, six months, whatever it may be. I want you to start here. And I want you and encourage you to do this as soon as possible, because then you’re, you’re going to start. To filling courage. You’re going to start to feel confident in the possibility. Of what the chapter next chapter will look like. And so here’s the first question. And I want you to be honest with yourself too. So there’s no, I don’t want you to think of like, oh, this is who I could be. Or who I would want to be as a leader now, like who you are. So that’s question number one, who you are. What are your values? As a leader. Or as a subject matter. Expert in your field. So, for example, for me, I was a human resources manager. I got my master’s degree in that. But most importantly, my values. Really stemmed from. Just believing in people. And trusting people and it was all around. People. The thing that drives me is knowing that people are getting taken care of. I value people. I like to encourage, I like people to grow. I like to see that. And so for me, that is my driver, right? I’m going to continue to focus on people. And that’s exactly what I’m doing now in my career. And so I want you to answer the question for yourself. Who are you as a leader? Or as a professional. What are your values? Integrity? Like what is it? Is it serving? Is it, Just. You being responsible. For an entity or an organization. Or if you are a Smee in your field, right. If you’re a subject, matter expert. Are you. Already someone that has a certification, a degree. Is that what drives you? Now if you’re like, when y’all want to do nothing. that I did when I was in the military. Then. what else are you great at? What else are you an expert in? That you have a ton of experience in. That you want to pursue? For example, it could be leadership. It could just be management. It could be that simple. What drives you from that? Standpoint. Is it the will being the welfare of other people. Is it possibly., the whole, the organization. Is growing. Or the performance, right? What is it for you? So describe who you are as a leader. And again, be honest with yourself. This is going to set the tone. Two then. The next question, which is your value. What are the skills? That you bring to the table based on your experience, based on the experience that you required while you were in. And this could also be your soft skills, right? It could be as simple as, adaptability, leadership, emotional intelligence. Time management and you may be great at problem solving. I think we all are when we, when it comes to serving in the military. We become great. Problem-solvers, we’ll figure it out and we’d become resourceful. That could be another scale, right? And so when you look at this. I want you to remind yourself like this is your foundation, this is your value that you bring. And yes, somebody else may bring the similar value. But you want to be able to communicate this out loud? You want to look at this? Review it, and then. Possibly, you already had like five different jobs. Have an idea of what you wanted to do. Right? So for example, you’re like, okay, one I could possibly do project management. I could possibly go to., Get into operations. I could possibly go into HR. When you look at these values, when you look at what drives you. The skills that you bring to the table. Then you can look at that. Right then you can say, okay. This is what a project manager needs for skills. These are the competencies. Here’s what they will need. Based on my experience here in the soft skills. Is it something that I can be successful in that it’s going to be, beneficial for me for the next three to five years. If the answer is yes, then yes. Pursuing, keep looking. But I also want you to have this as a starting point for you to consider other opportunities, right? So then what you want to do is look at this right. Look at. Everything. That you’ve described about yourself, your skills. And even the growth, right? I want you to go back like. From whenever you started the military. So for me, it was five years that I was in. If I were to. Go in. Go back. Five years and look at where I started to where I was when I was getting out of the military. It was mind blowing. Like I went from this timid. Quiet leader. To win. I was at Fort drum because Fort Liberty. Fort Bragg. They literally. You have to survive there in order for you to survive, you have to communicate and you have to become. I’m assertive. And you have to be confident when you speak to anyone in that organization. And so that helped me become not only more confident. But it helped me. With my decision-making. And it helped me to be more assertive and helped me to become this individual that knew exactly what I wanted to say. Communicate. So that we could be successful. So if I went back all the skills that I acquired. One of them being communication, right. Communicating not only through email, but also in person. And communicating in different ways. And so at different levels, right? I was first working. Four. A Lieutenant Colonel in oh five. As I got into my third. Year, I then started working at the court level. So my immediate boss. Was he full bird Colonel? And well, a major for kernel and that you want. And then we worked for a three-star. So, again, all of that growth that I had acquired in the first three years of my career was huge. And so looking at how I could then translate into the civilian sector really blew my mind because I was literally communicating to executives. And. Communication is key and everywhere you go. Right. So I want you to look at that and highlight the growth that you’ve had throughout your career. And remind yourself. That you will now continue to build on to this. Self-concept. And you’re also going into a new environment. So how can you use your self concept that you have now, which is who you are, your value that you bring. Into the new self concept that you’re building, which you have no idea of right now, or maybe you do if you do great. But if you don’t, that’s completely fine. You want to start to think about how can I use this self concept into this new identity that I’m going into? You already had the experience. You have the skills. You know, what drives you? And that is key. When you go into anything new. When you think that. It will be completely uncertain because sometimes it will. Right. We don’t know everything. We don’t know exactly. Even if we plan it, we are not certain. But what we can do is create certainty in who we are you already have the experience. You may have a degree. You already have the, The certifications, whatever it may be for you. You can create that certainty that you can take that can, you can take who you are, the value that you bring. And place yourself anywhere. And be successful. So I want to encourage you today. To look at that. And focus in. On this new self concept, Go all in on what that could look like in this next opportunity. But I want them courage you to stop feeling confused. To possibly get unstuck, right. And then move in the right direction. So that you could feel more confident in build that confidence into this new self-concept. Because listen, you already have. Most of what the civilian sector needs. Based on your military experience. All right. Let’s not overcomplicate this stay focused. Answer these two questions. Don’t take more than 10 minutes. And keep it moving. All right. Probably a beautiful rest of your week. Bye. Hey lady, if this podcast helped you, challenged you or inspired you in some way, please leave me a written review for the show on Apple Podcasts and share it with another military sister. I’m so blessed that you are here and please join us in the women community on Facebook at bit. ly forward slash beyond the military GRP. Again, it is. Bitly beyond the military GRP. All right. Talk to you soon. Bye