Episode 221. The Power of Embracing Self-Doubt Beyond the Military Uniform

May 29, 2024

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Today, I we address a topic that resonates with many of us: self-doubt. Whether you’re transitioning into a new career, embarking on a personal project, or simply trying to improve an aspect of your life, self-doubt is a common companion. But here’s the good news: feeling self-doubt means you’re on the right track. It means you’re stepping out of your comfort zone and leaning towards growth.

[00:00:00] Wendi: Hey sis, welcome to Beyond the Military Podcast, where faith led military women overcome burnout and create more balance. Just imagine having enough time to focus on your faith, family, and have more fun while still serving as a woman leader. In this podcast, you will walk away with the tools to help you navigate the busy life of a military woman, organize your mind, overcome overwhelm, create a prioritization playbook, and a balanced blueprint for integrating faith, family, and career.

[00:00:28] Wendi: Yeses in that order. Hi, I’m Wendy Ray, woman of God, wife, mama of two, army veteran, and certified life coach. And I’m here to help you create a life of meaning outside of the military, a life of laughter, joy, and intentional free time. If you are ready to overcome burnout and create balance as a faith led military woman, sis, this podcast is for you.

[00:00:50] Wendi: So loosen up your laces and grab your coffee because it’s time to step into freedom and peace.

[00:00:55] Wendi: Welcome to episode 221. I hope you’re on your first today’s [00:01:00] episode. We are talking about. Self-doubt in giving you a practical tip to help you begin to minimize the town and also help you begin to build a confidence. It’s not going to be easy. It’s not going to be from one day to the next. It’s going to take some time. Of course. But here’s the good news.

[00:01:20] Wendi: If you’re already feeling self doubt and you’re like, oh my gosh, I feel stuck. I feel that there’s just all this doubt and all these thoughts that are coming in and this little voice inside of my head that I can’t do it, or I shouldn’t pursue it. That’s completely fine. Take a deep breath. I. I want to let you know that you’re on the right path, that you’re on track because it’s normal. If you’re not feeling self doubt, if you’re not feeling. Um, a little less confident in what you’re doing. Or what you are pursuing is because. You haven’t. Um, really experienced or gone into this whole exposing yourself. Or leaning towards growth, meaning that [00:02:00] you are complacent and you are just doing the things that you are confident in doing, and you’re not going outside of your comfort zone. So I know for those of you that are maybe feeling like, oh my gosh, now I’m feeling exposed because it’s true.

[00:02:15] Wendi: I’m not leaning towards groves. I’m not putting myself out there. And my goals are too small. Then this episode is also for you because I want you to really lean into it. I want you to be okay with phone. Self doubt. Throughout the process throughout your, your life, your personal goals, you being a mom, you ain’t a wife.

[00:02:33] Wendi: You’re getting into a relationship. Maybe even you go in into a different career, right? Maybe you already got out. And now you are trying to pivot a different industry or a different role, or just a different career in general. And so I want to offer you today to just be okay. With filling the soft out completely normal. The thing that happens is that we try to escape it.

[00:02:55] Wendi: We try to run away from it. Because we think that it’s just [00:03:00] not within us to feel self doubt. Of course, when they feel self doubt, because we’re, most of the time relying on ourselves, that’s, what’s called self doubt. And we think that. We are the only ones that are supposed to come out of it with confidence alone, without any help as you guys know, I’m a believer.

[00:03:16] Wendi: I always go. Um, to God through prayer, or I just lean in on his own understanding or lean in on what I know is true. Of what he says about me as his daughter, as a believer. And so what is it for you? Right? Like, are you also a believer? And you’re like, oh my gosh, I’m doing this all alone on a praying about it. I’m not, you know, leaning in on the holy spirit to guide me. If that’s, if that’s you it’s okay.

[00:03:43] Wendi: I want to offer you to do this today and just be okay. That you don’t know everything. You don’t know all of it and you can’t do it alone. And if you’re not a believer, it’s okay. Listen. You may be thinking that you can do it all by yourself or that maybe no one is [00:04:00] out there that wants to help you another individual.

[00:04:02] Wendi: But I want to offer you that there’s so many people. Cheering for you and to include other resources that are going to help you. To get to your goal, to help you and support you to get to the next career adventure. Whatever it may be, right. Maybe your goal is to get out of debt. There are so many people out here. That are supporting you through YouTube videos through podcasts. Through anything and everything that you can think of to help you succeed. And so Tam would offer you that it’s okay to feel self doubt.

[00:04:34] Wendi: You don’t have to do this alone. And again, if you’re a believer, I want to offer you to pray about it. And it’s completely normal because if we didn’t feel self doubt, then that meant that we have already done it before, or that we are just, again, complacent. We are not taking initiative to put ourselves out there in most of the time.

[00:04:57] Wendi: If we’re putting ourselves out there is when the self-doubt is going to come [00:05:00] up. We’re going to have our little minds just telling us you can’t do it. You’re not good enough. You don’t have enough certifications. People don’t like you, you’re not a personable person. Um, who’s going to hire you. Who’s going to want to invite you to their community.

[00:05:13] Wendi: I mean, all these things are going to come up. And at the same time, you’re going to believe them. And then that’s where you’re going to get stuck. And so again, one of the things that I want to offer you today is that it’s completely normal. And also an offer you how to begin to work on. Minimizing the self-doubt so that you can then move into building your confidence. Because it’s, it’s like taking, um, anything new, a new class or doing a new workout, right.

[00:05:39] Wendi: You’re immediately not going to see the results. But within time and the consistency that you are being intentional with doing the work, the better it will get. And I’ll just give you an example of one of my clients that I’m working with right now, because her example is so perfect. Um, Um, when it comes to the physical, um, kind of like [00:06:00] aspect of it and she’s a personal trainer. And what she’s working on doing right now is to continue to not only to her. Um, what she’s great at, which is doing personal one-on-one personal training. But also she wants to start offering this, um, for her own business.

[00:06:19] Wendi: She wants to start a business. She wants to start to market herself and to continue to, um, go about doing personal training, even if it’s, you know, for the company that she works for or. On her own. And so in order for her to get better at. Putting herself out there. She has to put herself out there. So the example that I always give is a physical example because one we’re military, we always work out in the morning for the most part, Monday through Friday, we’re doing some type of personal training. And so of course, if you suck at running, like I did. Or you’re not really well at running.

[00:06:56] Wendi: Like I am. Still. Um, it [00:07:00] takes time and it takes effort in order for us to improve in order for us to get better. And so in order for you to start feeling more confident about this one goal or about you putting yourself out there, like, I’ll tell you about my client. In order for her to feel more comfortable and feel more confident. About what she does and go into this new identity. She has to actually put herself out there, say the words and start believing that she is a personal trainer that has her own business and she’s inviting people into. What she does best.

[00:07:36] Wendi: And that is training. And so I want to offer you to do this based on whatever your goal is. Again, let’s say it’s, um, putting yourself out there, marketing your own business, your side, hustle, your real estate on your building real estate client. Clientele or you’re pivoting into a new career. You’re getting out of the military. And you’re like, okay, how do I now? [00:08:00] Um, minimize the self doubt that I have about who I am.

[00:08:03] Wendi: You know, I don’t have a degree. Or I have a degree, but I don’t have a master’s or I have the degree, but I don’t have the experience because like there’s something completely different in the military. So, how can you begin to expose yourself in practice to minimize the self doubt? So here’s step one. You want to focus on what the goal is?

[00:08:24] Wendi: The goal, whatever it may be, I want to join, identify. So for her is to get a new client. To get a client that comes from. Social media or people she connects with for her own business. So what does she need to do? She needs to tell them. That she is a fitness and structure fig. And this instructor. And that she could help them. So, what is it for you?

[00:08:48] Wendi: Is it that you are a experienced or seasoned? Um, operations leader or a [00:09:00] real estate agent. And you can help people find a home. Or that you are a brand new mom and you can raise this infant. And you can do this on a day-to-day basis, like without, you know, breaking down or without falling apart. And so what is it for you? I want you to focus on that in remind yourself, because this is a new identity that you’re building. Especially if you’re a new mom or that, you know, maybe you’re in a real relationship or maybe you’re going through a divorce and all. You’re single, right.

[00:09:34] Wendi: I’m a single individual. And I am happy where I am now. Because here’s, what’s going to happen. You’re going to get reminded multiple times a day. 800 times. A day, you’re going to be reminded that you are not capable or you’re not able to do. The goal or the new identity that you’re pursuing. And so when that happens, I want you to interrupt it by reminding [00:10:00] yourself because you’ve written it down.

[00:10:01] Wendi: You have it on your phone, you have it somewhere in your journal, somewhere in your computer that you are now building this identity. And so what’s going to happen is that your brain is not gonna believe it. No, of course you’re not a fitness trainer. You don’t have all the certifications you don’t have, you know, more than two years of experience, you are not good at certain things, whatever it may be, but then what’s going to happen. When you remind yourself, like, okay, you’re right.

[00:10:28] Wendi: I don’t have all the certifications. That’s what I want you to do. I want you to be like, okay. I agree with your brain for a second, because it’s true, right? Not, you don’t have all the certifications, you don’t know everything. You don’t have all the answers as a mom. You don’t have all the answers as a real estate agent. As a human, you don’t have all the answers.

[00:10:44] Wendi: You don’t know everything and that’s completely okay. So I want you to assure your mind that you understand that it’s not in danger because I sort of praying is doing when we go into like deep self-doubt and we’re stuck. You were pretty much in agreeance with what is not [00:11:00] true. Meaning that you are not, you know, it’s telling you you’re not capable. Um, you don’t have any experience. But I want you to offer them what is true. You’re right.

[00:11:11] Wendi: I don’t know everything, but I do know. You know, this certification or this degree or this experience or these skills, I do know how to take care of myself. So of course I can take care of an infant. I mean, I know everything, but I do know the basics, how to change a diaper and how to feed it or sorry, feed the baby. So again, what is it?

[00:11:33] Wendi: That’s true. And what is it? That’s not true. Because if you don’t identify it, your brain is going to continue to tell you that you’re wrong. You don’t have the answer. And now you need to be safe. So your brain is going to try to keep you safe. And you shouldn’t go out there and expose yourself. You shouldn’t go on social media.

[00:11:50] Wendi: You shouldn’t go and tell people that you can help them because your fitness instructor. So I want you to first identify what [00:12:00] sure. What you’re pursuing, what you are feeling self-doubt in. I mean, it was your career, career change. Maybe you’re a fitness instructor trying to, you know, do. Have your side hustle, then I want you to identify what’s true.

[00:12:12] Wendi: What’s not true. Yes, you’re right. I don’t have all the certifications that is true, but I do have this main certification and this experience, I’m a leader. And then the last thing I want you to focus on is actually doing the thing. Doing the thing. And here’s the kicker. Without judging how you show up.

[00:12:37] Wendi: So for example, one of the assignments that I gave my client was to go live on Instagram. For her to expose herself and tell her followers that she’s a fitness instructor or to give them a tip on what she specializes in. And so for you, it may be to just tell other people that you’re a real estate agent or that you can help them. Or [00:13:00] that you are now getting out of the military, I’m transitioning into this role in the civilian sector. I am going to be a project manager in the civilian sector. I am going to start my business in this one thing. I am going to be a mom. Or I am going to do this one thing with my child. And continue to expose yourself publicly. Whatever, maybe maybe you record a video of you just simply playing with your child, right?

[00:13:31] Wendi: Because again, on mine, try to think as it were not good enough or whatever, it may be. And so whatever it is for you, I want you to expose yourself because then what happens. You are now leaning into that negative emotion that you didn’t want. So for example, for my client, It was possibly failure. It was possibly embarrassment.

[00:13:53] Wendi: It was possibly just disappointment of not doing it a hundred percent correctly. And it could be the same thing for you [00:14:00] as a mom, right? It could be. Um, you don’t want to feel disappointed. You don’t want to feel rejected. You don’t want to feel some emotion, but when you do the thing and you expose yourself, Now you’re getting into that negative emotion that you were avoiding because that’s typically what we do. When we feel self doubt, we are typically. Stuck or not wanting to move in and lean into the thing that we don’t want to even consider because we’re avoiding a negative emotion.

[00:14:33] Wendi: I don’t want to be embarrassed. I don’t want to be. Um, rejected. I don’t want to be, you know, I’m disappointed in. You know, the results or the outcome of my presentation or the outcome of my life. Or the outcome of, you know, me showing off as a mom or me just, you know, being grateful that I’m a mother. Or, um, showing any type of, um, [00:15:00] Uh, what is it?

[00:15:01] Wendi: Um, so doubt. You know, to people when they ask me what I’m going to do when I get out of the military, because that’s another reason why a lot of people don’t submit their packet. I was I’m guilty of it. I was one. I didn’t want to submit my packet cause I’m like, I don’t know what I’m going to tell people that I’m getting out and doing. I don’t know.

[00:15:18] Wendi: I have no idea what I’m doing. And so if that’s the case, it’s because we’re leaning in or we’re starting, we’re not leaning into that negative emotion. So I’m offering you to do the exact opposite. In order for you to get better at minimizing the self-doubt is for you to begin to lean into that negative emotion that you’re avoiding.

[00:15:38] Wendi: It’s very simple. So whatever it is, I want you to expose yourself. I want you to do. What you think you’re not able to do? Confidently or even. You know, more so perfectly in air quotes for those of you that are not watching me on YouTube. I want to offer you that if you do these three steps, I promise you that you [00:16:00] do it consistently for 30 days, even if it’s just for 30 days. You will see the difference in people around you will see the difference. When it comes to saying what you’re going to be doing or what your goal is.

[00:16:14] Wendi: And also to wing the thing you’re going to get better. My client is going to get better for the next 30 days for her to show up on camera, show up for other women that need her. And not only that, but also gain a client or two. Because that’s what it takes. It takes you coming at a self-doubt. Into confidence. And the only way you do that is by doing it, it’s like me getting better at running. It’s not going to help. If I just watch running videos or how to run my best to mile reading about it, I have to go out there and run. And so that’s what I want to offer you in order for you to minimize self doubt.

[00:16:57] Wendi: I want you to lean into self doubt. [00:17:00] Completely. Okay. To feel self doubt. Completely. Okay. To get into that negative emotion that you are trying to avoid and trying to escape by not focusing on that one thing. You’re like, oh my gosh. So Dell, I’m not going to do this. It’s not normal, completely normal. So today I want to challenge you and encourage you at the same time. To go out there, whatever it is. Whatever it may be for you. I want you to start to minimize that self-doubt. And listen, if you need an accountability person, you need a coach.

[00:17:32] Wendi: I’m your coach. All you have to do is send me a direct message on LinkedIn with the word coaching so that we can schedule a call together to help you get to your life or career goal.

[00:17:42] Wendi: All right. Have a beautiful rest of your day. Bye.

[00:17:45] Wendi: Hey lady, if this podcast helped you, challenged you or inspired you in some way, please leave me a written review for the show on Apple Podcasts and share it with another military sister. Helping you integrate balance, prioritization and growth in your relationship with [00:18:00] God is my ultimate calling. I’m so blessed that you are here and please join us in the faith led military women community on Facebook at bit.

[00:18:08] Wendi: ly forward slash beyond the military GRP. Again, it is. Bitly beyond the military GRP. All right. Talk to you soon. Bye