Family Life

Episode 203. Military women balancing goals and relationships

January 24, 2024

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In a world where achievement often overshadows the importance of personal connections, finding the equilibrium between ambition and relationships is crucial. This particularly resonates with military women and business leaders who are frequently caught in the crossfire of managing demanding careers and maintaining strong personal ties. In today’s episode we get into this intricate balance, offering strategies to navigate the complexities of goal-oriented living while cherishing life’s most meaningful relationships.

I want to invite you to join me in our Facebook Life + Career Coaching for Military and Veteran Women Community on Thursday, January 25th at 12:00 PM ET where I’ll be sharing tips on managing your mind around time and provide you with a tactical process to help you begin to follow through with your daily tasks. 


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woman in military uniform standing up with srms crossed

[00:00:55] Wendi: Hello ladies. And welcome to episode 203. I am [00:01:00] so happy that you’re here today, tuning in from your car, probably just from your office or just somewhere else where you typically listen to podcasts. And if you are tuning in from a actual podcast, either on Spotify, We’re an apple. Or even on Google podcasts, I want to invite you to come join me also on video.

[00:01:22] Wendi: I am on YouTube. You can find me at Wendi Wray or Beyond the Military Podcast as well. And I would love for you to not only come over and watch me. Um, cordless podcast, because it’s something that I’m challenging myself with. Um, moving forward to not only create. Content for you all, either through social media, which by the way, if you’re not following me on Instagram or. We’re on LinkedIn.

[00:01:47] Wendi: Come follow me again. My handle is at Wendi Wray and it’s W E N D I W R A Y. Wendi Wray, all together. Or you could just Google me as well. And I would love for you to come join me. [00:02:00] Um, send me a message. Come connect with me and just say hello. I would love to hear from you, especially if you are a woman that is transitioning. A military woman that is thinking about a new career, pivoting your career, a woman that it’s probably in business and. Um, just need. Some help with how to organize your time, how to manage your mind. Come say hello to me, I would love to meet you personally. And with that, I want to also say. That if you have been tuning in with me here before, I want to thank you. And I am just so happy that you’re still here with me and I am just so excited for this year.

[00:02:37] Wendi: There’s so many things that I have planned and of course, they’re all going to require a lot of work. And a lot of organization and a lot of time. Management and a lot of managing my brain. And this is why I love what I do, because I get to share the tools with you. I get to share the tools with my clients.

[00:02:56] Wendi: I get to share these tools with other military woman [00:03:00] in the way that we can continue together on this mission to help other military women help other women, veterans that are out there possibly struggling because they’re feeling tired, exhausted, or maybe just stuck in what they want, because they don’t know where to begin. I want to ask you to please. Right or have you on this podcast, or even just share this episode with someone that you know, me benefit from this. Um, podcast and even just a specific topic that I’ll be talking about today, which today is going to be a good one.

[00:03:30] Wendi: You all I’m excited for today because there’s so many things that go through our mind when we’re setting goals. And this is why I want to share with you all today. Because this literally happened to me, um, over the weekend and I figured, you know what, I’m going to put this episode out. This week. Because it’s all my mind.

[00:03:49] Wendi: And because it’s something that really just resonated with where I am. And I think that it’s going to resonate with you based on where you are at the beginning of the year, we’re [00:04:00] finishing out the month. And we’re still have a couple, well, a week left. Um, a little over a week, but. I want to emphasize on the importance of relationships in building relationships. And how we need. I need to keep focused on relationships because what happens a lot of the time, especially when we aren’t just getting after it.

[00:04:25] Wendi: And we’re focused on that goal, we’re focused on all the 50 goals that we’ve set for this year. All the thousands of tasks that need, or that come along with that. Is very difficult to focus when you’re also have so many other things going on your day to day activities, your nine to five, maybe you’re active duty.

[00:04:47] Wendi: And you’re like, how in the world am I going to save money or get a side hustle? If I’m working. 14 hours a day. Or I’m not able to get to, um, my degree that I’ve been wanting to get, [00:05:00] because I’m working so much and oh, by the way, I have three kids. Oh, by the way, I’m a single mother. Oh. By the way, there are so many other people that need my attention and that’s okay. And this is why I also want to offer you and invite you to join me in my Facebook group completely free.

[00:05:16] Wendi: And I want you to join us because this is what’s happening this Thursday, and that is July. July. Wow. January 25th. At 12:00 PM Eastern standard time, I’ll be sharing in my Facebook group. How to start managing your mind. Around time and also provide you a tactical way for you to start getting your, um, getting organized with your tasks, really systemizing and optimizing what you are constantly doing.

[00:05:42] Wendi: Just building this routine. And helping you every day, that is going to help you stay focused and consistent. So I want you to draw me all you got to do. If you haven’t joined me there yet, I want you to go to. Um, [00:06:00] BIT.LY/beyondthemilitaryGRP and you can also find that in the, in the show notes. And you can also just find it on Facebook.

[00:06:07] Wendi: And if you’re there already, I invite you to not only send me a message. Um, or a, an actual personal, um, direct message on, you know, if you’re going to be there and why you’re going to be there. So let me know. I would love to really learn on. You know what you’re looking forward to out of, um, learning how to manage your mind around time and also the actual tactical. Um, thing that I would be providing as well, which is something that I believe, truly believe that everyone needs.

[00:06:37] Wendi: I know most of us like to be on paper, want to write it down and want to have a planner, which is all great and dandy. But here’s the thing. I’m a firm believer that the more we can. Put things on our electronics, the more that we can actually optimize. The, um, the tools that are out there for us, the more time we’re [00:07:00] going to have for us to focus on other things on other things, um, like a family on other goals that we have.

[00:07:07] Wendi: And so, again, I. Really want to share that with you all in a way where you’re able to digest it and ask questions. So come join me on the Facebook group. Um, and then we’re also going to be, I’m going to be sharing what’s coming up in February. We’re going to have a challenge, share what we’re doing and what I’m personally doing. Um, of course my goal this year, as many others I think is to not only lose weight, but also continue to stay in shape.

[00:07:33] Wendi: As you guys know, I have a. 15 month old. And she is just keeping me busy all the time and finding time to go to the gym, finding time to eat healthy can become a challenge. And so, again, this is something that I want to emphasize that it’s possible that you can do, then you can continue to feel encouraged. No matter what I know.

[00:07:53] Wendi: There’s things that happen. Life happens. Trust me, I get it. I’ve been there. I’m actually still kind of [00:08:00] there. I’m still kind of, um, Falling into this like new routine of growing with my kiddos growing. As, not only I’m a professional, but also as a coach, as a podcaster, as you guys know, I’ve said that my goal is. Um, to continue to exceed the 25,000 downloads each year.

[00:08:20] Wendi: And so again, I want to offer you to come join me. Can challenge yourself, come over here in this group and get a little uncomfortable because I’m telling you we are going to get after it. And we’re going to continue to learn how we can use our mind to help us and use it for us instead of against us.

[00:08:38] Wendi: Okay. So with that. I want to invite you again. To come join me on January 25th, Thursday at 12:00 PM. Eastern standard time. Come ready to learn. Come ready to ask questions. Come ready to get a, your routine. Not only organized, but also in a way that it becomes a process for you to [00:09:00] have in order for you to continue to get your day-to-day your do goals, your day-to-day do goals that you want to get done. All right.

[00:09:09] Wendi: So today’s topic, as I mentioned. As I was talking about or thinking, sorry about my goals and putting them into my routine and really click up on where I keep everything centralized from my personal to my professional, to my coaching, my podcast. Everything goes on there because it’s an easier way for me to stay focused and to be consistent on the things that I need to get done to look forward to not only giving myself that hit of dopamine of checking. The blog or checking that task off and, you know, making sure that it’s complete, but also to see my progress, to see. Where I’m going.

[00:09:52] Wendi: And also what’s working in, what’s not working because that’s another, another important piece of this that I will be talking about [00:10:00] later. Um, um, this month, Throughout the beginning of February. Um, another podcast episode that I have. Um, for you so that you can start evaluating what worked and what didn’t work. During the first month of the year or during that month, during that week, however you want to do it. And so with that, a lot of the times, this is what happens with us at the beginning of the year or at the beginning of the week, the beginning of the month. Um, when we want to start something different, our mind. Wants to say that we can do it all.

[00:10:34] Wendi: Like we can handle it. No matter what it is, we’re motivated. We’re in that emotion because we’re thinking all these thoughts are helping us create the positive emotion. Which is great. But here’s the downfall of that when we don’t have a process, when we don’t have something that we can take, be tangible and be consistent with it, most of the time that motivation is going to not only, um, it’s going to [00:11:00] minimize, we’re going to lose motivation because now we’re thinking we’re. We’re behind or we’re not organized.

[00:11:07] Wendi: We don’t have these tasks outlined these things that we need to get done. In a way where it’s easy for us to find because let’s face it. We can not remember every single thing. Because our minds are not built that way. We can only remember a certain amount of things. In a certain order because that’s just the way our brains work. And that’s completely okay.

[00:11:33] Wendi: That’s why we write things down. That’s why we have tools to help us. To continue. And facilitate this process that we have in order to make progress. And so. What happens? Um, we get ahead of ourselves and we over. Um, We give ourselves way too much, um, things to do too many tasks. We over task [00:12:00] ourselves and then we under deliver. And so that when that becomes a problem, we then tend to feel stuck or we tend to just get discouraged and we quit and we’re like, you know what? Losing weight isn’t for me in January, I’m going to start again in February, which is completely fine. But here’s the problem.

[00:12:18] Wendi: We don’t find what didn’t work or what’s going to make it better. And so that’s what I want to offer you today to pay attention to how you’re setting your goals. And then if you’re also setting your goals from a place of calmness or from a place of panic, because here’s what happens. And before I go any further, I’d like to define things because as I’m thinking about these things, write it down and I text it to myself.

[00:12:45] Wendi: As I said it before here on this podcast, I’m the individual that like texts myself so that I can remember to add it to my click up on my episode log so that I don’t forget, because again, I’m a very forgetful person in my mind [00:13:00] immediately move someone. In my mind is always like 10 steps ahead than my actual physical body is.

[00:13:06] Wendi: So my brain is like, Racing through thoughts and things that ideas and all these other things. And so I have to write it down. And so before I go any further, I want to give you what panic, because I was thinking it’s either going to be panic or hustle mentality. And I was like, no, I think panic is better because this is what panic means.

[00:13:26] Wendi: This is when I Googled it, panic him up on a website and it said, Uncontrollable. Thinking or. Um, uncontrollable behavior. And so when we are in panic mode, aren’t thoughts are out of control. They’re just doing its own thing versus being, or coming from a calm state of being. And we all know that being calm pretty much means that we’re doing things more intentional. And we’re being more aware of what’s happening. And so again, are we coming when we’re setting these goals and we’re going after it, and we’re [00:14:00] doing things, we’re getting things done. Are we coming from a calm mind or are we coming from a panic mentality? Because, yes, we want to focus on the goal. Yes, we do. We want to be consistent.

[00:14:13] Wendi: We want to be committed. As I mentioned in my other podcast episode that we commitment is the way to go. But here’s what I want to also, um, warn you about or for you to be aware of. Are you more focused on the coal? Or are you still focused on what the ultimate priorities are? And by that, I mean, family by that, I mean, your ultimate priorities, what you care about, right?

[00:14:42] Wendi: Your health. Your time. Your finances like. That’s honestly, the three things that we ultimately have the sacrifice eventually. Or that we are always constantly spending money investing. In, and that is our health, our time and our money. And [00:15:00] so I want to offer you today to just take a moment and really ask yourself, is this cold taking me away from my relationships?

[00:15:07] Wendi: It could be family. Your spouse, maybe you don’t have any kids, your spouse, maybe you’re not in a relationship. And you’re like, is it taken away from me? Getting into a relationship, figuring out that relationship, your relationship may be. Your career, right? Like that may be. Another, we all have a relationship with our career. Um, but it’s just different for everyone.

[00:15:28] Wendi: Right. And so is it inter. Uh, interfering with your relationship with the people within your career. Is it interfering? It’s interfering. Um, with maybe others friendships. Maybe, um, someone that you’ve, that’s near and dear to your heart. Right. And that you’re like, okay, well I’m not going to set any time, or I don’t have time to focus on this individual because I have a thousand things to get done.

[00:15:55] Wendi: And oh, by the way, my nine to five. And I have to think about the transition and I have to think about. [00:16:00] You know, somebody’s birthday party, you have to plan for this. There’s so many things going on, right. My degree. And so are you taking away from also continuing to grow and build a relationship? Because here’s. Another reason why this came up.

[00:16:15] Wendi: I was reading my daily devotional and it talked about a higher priority and it said building relationships. And when I read that at first, I was like, okay. Building relationships. It’s always important. Yes. I agree. And then it really hit me when it said. You know, are you focused on temporal or a terminal relationship?

[00:16:36] Wendi: And I was like, oh, it’s just hit me. This just spoke to me. That’s just lessening. Because most of the time we’re focused on the temporal accomplishment. Or like we want to accomplish, accomplish, accomplish, which is fine, but we get lost and we get sucked in to only focusing on accomplishment. And I want to offer you today to focus on that.

[00:16:57] Wendi: It turned our relationship. [00:17:00] Are you spending any time with God? Are you spending any time with others? To talk about God, to talk about your relationship with God, how God has blessed you in glorified. And that’s just an example, right? Are you taking the time to help others? Are you. You taking the time to serve in a different way, other than just focusing on. That one goal of losing weight, for example. Right.

[00:17:24] Wendi: Like, what if I’m just constantly like, oh my gosh. Weighing myself, making sure that I’m doing all of the things right. And not focused on. Really spending time with my family, spending time with the lady spending time with my husband, spending time in the word in prayer, because I’m so consumed with losing weight. And you all.

[00:17:45] Wendi: I get it. Losing. Wait is the number one thing that everyone, every single year at the beginning of the year is focused on and that’s okay. But what I’m seeing here. Is, are you constantly. Taken away [00:18:00] from another relationship or from a relationship. To solely focus on that one goal. And listen, when I mean to be committed, I mean, Just be consistent.

[00:18:11] Wendi: Go all in. And, you know, there’s nothing that you could make you quit, pretty much. But if there is something like a family member, There is. You know, your health. In jeopardy. Obviously, that is a great reason for you to pump the brakes. On that specific goal, come back and continue to do what you can do, right?

[00:18:38] Wendi: Because you can’t control your health, you can’t. Well, yes and no, but what I mean here is like, you can’t control what happens to you, right? Like, If you get the animals with cancer, if you’ve told that you are no longer able to be in the military, because now, um, you’re not able to run. Because of the surgery that you have to get done to save your life or whatever it may be, right.

[00:18:58] Wendi: To continue [00:19:00] to, um, pursue that overall. Um, health, um, or wellness, um, within your health. And so again, just making sure. That you are remembering that. Okay. What’s more important here. What’s the priority. Am I taking away from this relationship that I know I want to continue to grow? And the example that I could give you here too, is with my own personal life, right?

[00:19:27] Wendi: Like my little one, my kids, my husband. Love them. Love them. Love them. Love them. Yes. I want to spend all the time with them as much as I can. But here’s the thing. There are different things I need to get done. But that also doesn’t mean that if my little one is sick and I have a podcast to record that, I’m just going to be like, you know what?

[00:19:49] Wendi: I have to record this podcast. I’m committed. There’s no other way to do it. No, I’m going to adjust one. Really understand, like what my mind is offering me right now. Like, [00:20:00] oh, here we go again. You’re not gonna be consistent. In our going to record the podcast. You see it’s happening to you again. Um, your baby is sick, yada yada, yada, and then all these things about society, about why you shouldn’t be a mother in your thirties.

[00:20:14] Wendi: Maybe you should add that third one could have probably come up. Right. But because I’m aware of what’s happening because I’m aware of what my mind is going to offer me. I’m just gonna be like it’s okay. I know after a quarter podcast, I know I have some space tomorrow or the day after, or the day after to record a podcast.

[00:20:34] Wendi: If not, it’s okay. I’ll just record it that day. Without video, whatever I need to do, maybe I’ll do an MVP episode. Right? There’s so many other options that could. Um, happen or that could be possible in order for you to make things happen. So what is it for you? Are you okay? With having a little setback.

[00:20:55] Wendi: Are you okay with where you are [00:21:00] in? Not in a rush to get to that goal? Are you okay to come from a calm mind? Versus a panic mind. Are you okay with. Um, not making progress at all this week. Like what would that look like? Right. Like what would that look like for you on the scale or, you know, your waist size or whatever you’re measuring your strength. Whatever it is. Are you okay in willing to not have any or make any progress that week?

[00:21:28] Wendi: And if the answer is no, I want you to question why not? What is it? Are you attached to the goal? Are you too focused on the goal and that you forget that you have other priorities other commitments, because here’s the thing. I know, we all want to have a goal and accomplish a goal in every single area of our lives. But here’s the truth.

[00:21:47] Wendi: We are always going to constantly have to grow in each area of our lives. So it’s never going to be better there than where we are now. And so I want you. And I want to encourage you. To [00:22:00] focus on. It terminal. It terminal relationship. And that means a relationship with yourself. If that goal doesn’t get met.

[00:22:10] Wendi: Are you okay with where you are with yourself? So for me, am I okay with my weight now? Am I okay with, you know, being in the size pants that I’m in now? And the answer is yes, I will be. Okay. I may not lose the 30 pounds that I want to lose. And the next 30 days, but I’m okay to do that within the next six months.

[00:22:32] Wendi: It’s going to be okay if I don’t make it to the spring break. And the bathing suit that I want, or the arms that I want, or the abs that I want. Right. That’s just an example or not run the 10 miles over the half marathon by then. It’s going to be okay. Because at the end of the day, I want to continue to build. That relationship with God, with my family, with my loved ones, with people around me, with this podcast, right.

[00:22:59] Wendi: It’s going to be [00:23:00] okay. I’m pretty sure that you guys would understand. If I said, Hey, I couldn’t record a podcast this week because I’m on the road was sick. And it’s going to be okay. Right? Like you guys got another episode. And so for you, it’s the same thing, you know, are you okay? With not finishing that degree by the end of the year.

[00:23:18] Wendi: Are you okay with not getting out of debt by. Uh, June. Are you okay with not going on a date because you have to take care of your mental health and you have to go to therapy before you can even start dating. Are you okay with where you are now? And if the answer is no, I want to invite you to pray. I want to invite you to lean into God for strength. To me named for him with, with four answers.

[00:23:45] Wendi: And I want you to question where you are now in white, maybe you’re in your mind is in panic mode. Are you reacting constantly? Are you the one that you’re like, Nope, I really need to get to these goals and no matter what. Nothing’s gonna stop me. I [00:24:00] get it, that mentality out there is out there, you know, team, no sleep. Um, you know, sacrifice your sleep, sacrifice your time.

[00:24:07] Wendi: You can do it all. You can do everything. I get it. Society is throwing that at youth cultures, throwing that at you. Especially been in the military, right? Like there’s nothing that we cannot do. But here’s the truth. We are human beings. And we all need rest. We only need rest. We all need to organize our mind.

[00:24:26] Wendi: We all need to organize our process. And in order to stay consistent in follow through, we need to be able to do that from a calm mentality, from a calm brain, not the panic brain, the one that’s with uncontrollable thoughts and uncontrollable actions. And which horrible behavior, because. We’re so focused on what that would look like.

[00:24:52] Wendi: You know, what the future you will look like. I get it. I want to be skinny too. I want to lose those 30 pounds, but here’s the truth. [00:25:00] I’m okay with the time that it’s going to take, because I know that one, it’s a lot harder for me now. Right. It’s a lot harder for me. I don’t have the time that I used to have before the baby.

[00:25:09] Wendi: I don’t have the time that I used to have. Even before, um, I started podcasting and coaching because I was only doing my nine to five. And so again, there’s things that I know I can do. And the same for you. I want to offer you if you’re transitioning at the same time, you’re probably expecting, or you’re probably going through a divorce or you’re probably getting married and you’re transitioning out of the military. Or both you and your spouse are getting out of the military at the same time, whatever it may be.

[00:25:37] Wendi: You may be getting a degree, getting a new business. You started a messaging, whatever it is for you. I want you to ask yourself today. Am I in it temporarily. Or am I in it for the eternal relationship that I, that I want to have, not only with God, but also with others around me. Am I here to serve. Am I doing it from a place of calmness or [00:26:00] am I, am I doing it from a place of like hustle, mentality, panic mode. And I need to get there because it’s going to be better when I get there.

[00:26:06] Wendi: No, it’s better now. In this moment, it’s never going to get any better than this moment. Right now. Because. It’s always going to be 50, 50, no matter what, there’s always going to be ups and downs. People are going to get sick. People. Are going to want your attention, need your attention, need of you. And that’s okay. It’s completely.

[00:26:32] Wendi: Okay. In order for you to stay focused on being consistent and focused on the goal. I want you to stay focused on how you’re thinking. And again, I want to invite you to come join me. On Thursday, January 25th at 12:00 PM. Eastern standard time in the Facebook group, where you can find in the show notes, or also you can go to [00:27:00] BIT.LY/beyondthemilitaryGRP come join me so that we can. Not only continue to understand how our mind works, but also start implementing this tactical way in order for you to create a routine in order for you to stay consistent and on track and make progress. All right, ladies.

[00:27:15] Wendi: I hope that this episode blessed you. And listen, if you want more or less in this resonated with you. And you’re like, you know what? I need some accountability right now. I need a coach. I need a life coach to help me stay accountable. All you need to do is schedule a free consultation with me to learn where you are, why you’re stuck, what limiting beliefs are, keeping you there. And give you a step-by-step process to help you to follow through. All right, ladies.

[00:27:41] Wendi: I hope to see you tomorrow in the

[00:27:43] Facebook group, alright talk to you

[00:27:45] Wendi: soon. Have a great rest of your week. Bye.