[00:00:00] Wendi: Hello lady. And welcome to episode 200 and happy new year. I’m so happy that you’re here and I’m just super excited about today’s episode. Not only because it’s our 200th episode. But because you’re here and you’re tuning in and you’re ready to get after it for this year. And by the way, if you’ve been tuning in for the last 200 episodes, I want to personally say, thank you.

[00:00:21] Wendi: I am so grateful for you. I am so thankful that you’ve been tuning in. And supporting me along this journey. And if you’re new here and stumbled upon this podcast, or maybe somebody shared this podcast with you. Welcome. I am so happy that you’re here. My hopes is that you not only learn and get some of these tactical tools to help you grow with. Um, your mindset, or even just start applying them for you to start getting after it, but also to help you in the longterm emotionally. And also just overall with your overall wellbeing.

[00:00:53] Wendi: And so thank you again for tuning in for stumbling mirror. And I’m just so excited about today’s episode [00:01:00] today, we are talking about what not to do or the mistakes that we make when we are goal setting, when we’re trying to get after it at the beginning of January, at the beginning of the year, and just go all in on our goals.

[00:01:14] Wendi: And so I want to offer this because a lot of the times, and this has happened to me as well. We don’t take in consideration. What is happening in our mind and really how these goals, maybe they’re goals that you’ve had before. Are going to impact you in that moment. Right. We always get super excited, um, on the new year, the new, you know, it’s going to be a new opportunity. A new start for you to get going for you to get traction and actually meet that goal.

[00:01:46] Wendi: And for some of you, it may be easier, right for you. Um, like for example, for me, it’s a lot easier for, to accomplish a goal. If it includes waking up in the morning, doing anything. And everything earlier in the day versus in [00:02:00] the evening. So for me, I’m very aware that anything that I’m pursuing, I have to be able to do. At least 75% of the time earlier in the day versus in the evening. And it may be the opposite for you, right?

[00:02:14] Wendi: You may be thinking, well, I actually don’t have any time in the morning because I’m still in the military and I have so many things to do. Um, even before I start my day. So for me, it’s better in the evening. And so for you, it would be then being aware that most of the things that you’re going to get done, that. Our detailed or simple tasks that you need to do. For your goal for you to achieve your goal happens in the evening.

[00:02:39] Wendi: And so again, just becoming aware of those little things. That are going to help you to continue to not only get traction, but be consistent. And continue to compound on the actions that you’re taking to help you reach your goal, because that’s the ultimate goal here in order for you to get the result that you want.

[00:02:57] Wendi: You have to take action. What helps us [00:03:00] take the action that we need, how we feel. In how we feel is initiated prior thinking. And I know that it sounds very simple, but for the most part, most of us, especially as women, moms, Um, significant others. We are constantly thinking about a hundred things at the same time, or even thinking about the hundred things at the same time and doing three other things, multitasking at the same time, which is crazy because that’s just. Typically a lot of men do this as well, but for the most part. Women wear so many hats at the same time. And so what I want to offer you today is to just. One keep an open mind on where you are with your goal setting. And to how you’re going to take this information and start applying it because I promise you it’s very, very helpful when it comes to you. Um, beginning your goals, even considering to write down your goals [00:04:00] and what you’re going to accomplish or want to accomplish this year. Now, this is more of a high level overview. Very high level.

[00:04:09] Wendi: And I want you to really take a moment. To write these down. And start thinking about it in your own way, on how this is going to apply to your goals. And I’m going to give you examples based on what my goals are or what my goal has been and will continue to be until I meet it, regardless of the timeframe. Because that’s another reason that we sometimes. We’re like what is going on?

[00:04:32] Wendi: We’re not aware that the goal doesn’t have to have a deadline. Especially if it’s like a personal goal that you’re like, okay, I’m not in a rush or whatever it may be. But now we’re also going to be discussing like the examples, especially if you’re still in the military. What if you need to pass a PT test, what if you need to meet in?

[00:04:51] Wendi: Wait, what if. You need to be able to be ready for a promotion or a certain test [00:05:00] certification that you need that requires you to be ready to buy a certain date. And so whatever it may be, I want to be able to show you and for you to also see it in a way where you are now aware of when these things are going to come up, because here’s the thing our mind is always going to want to keep a safe. And what does it do? It reminds us of what we’re not doing.

[00:05:22] Wendi: Right. Of how it all has happened all wrong before. And how many times you failed and how many times you said you’re going to do that and you haven’t. And so this is why it’s very important for us. To become aware. Aware of where we are with our goal. Well first, what is our goal, where we are with our goal and then the, the gaps that we need to fill in order to get to our goal and those gaps. Are pretty much the action, the small little things that you need to do in order to get there.

[00:05:57] Wendi: And so. Here is the first [00:06:00] mistake that I don’t want you to get sucked into because. Remember, we want to stay focused. On the goalkeeper always, but also on your goal. And so the first mistake that we always typically make is that we’re in a rush. We’re always in a rush. To get to that goal. And you may be thinking, well, no, I have given myself three months or six months, but here’s what happens. Our mind every single day when we don’t see any progress. Or we may sometimes see a little bit of progress.

[00:06:35] Wendi: We do some crazy math in our head that most of the times we’ll include drama. And then we’re like, see it’s day three and I haven’t lost a pound yet. I shouldn’t have stared at that ice cream or whatever it may be, or you see, I missed a day at the gym already. It’s, you know, day three out of five and I missed one.

[00:06:54] Wendi: I’m not going to be able to do this for 30 days straight, whatever it may be. And so again, because our mind. [00:07:00] We’re like, okay. It needs to happen. We need to see the progress. It doesn’t see that our life is going to be 50, 50. And this is what I mean by 50, 50, 50% of the time through, well, our lives. Even if you have a goal or you don’t have a goal, if you’re somebody that’s like, I don’t really write down goals or I don’t have many goals.

[00:07:21] Wendi: It’s completely okay. There will always be 50% negative emotion and 50% positive emotion throughout our lives. That’s just the way it’s going to be. There are going to be great days and they’re going to be bad days. They’re going to be days that you’re like, I’m so happy and the joy is there. And then there’s going to be days that you’re super sad or that you’re just completely down or feeling anxious because that’s just the way our brains are wired.

[00:07:49] Wendi: That’s just the way life is right. God has given us. The ability and freedom of will to do things, but here’s the thing. What happens is [00:08:00] that other things around us that we cannot control will happen. And so, no matter how well we’re not perfect and are committed and how consistent we are. There are going to be things that you have no control over. And so when those things happen, And your mind, you’re like I’m in a rush. You are going to immediately want to even, just either go into for like, I’m going to be stuck and I’m not going to take action anymore because I don’t know what to do with my negative emotion. Or you can say, okay, clearly I’m really not up to go to the gym. Or clearly. I know that because I’m sad.

[00:08:36] Wendi: I want to go and drink or eat or whatever it may be for you when you aren’t really allowing and processing that emotion, whatever, it’s your go-to Netflix, Hulu. But you’re able to identify and acknowledge that your mind is just trying to avoid that and is trying to get you faster to [00:09:00] your goal because of that one thing you’re like, okay, now, I really need to figure out how to. You know, um, get out of the military quicker because of this one thing.

[00:09:11] Wendi: And so your mind is always going to offer you to be in a rush when you don’t need to be in a rush. So how do we fix this? Or how do we go about, um, not getting sucked into this mistake? We have to acknowledge that our lives are going to be 50, 50, no matter what things are going to happen. One of my kids are not there.

[00:09:31] Wendi: They’re not gonna feel good. Or, um, their games are going to get canceled or whatever it may be. Right. And now I don’t have that time. Or flexibility. To be able to do the thing that I thought I was going to do, or that I had planned to do. Because remember every little, every goal that we have requires little to do. Or what I like to call, do goals that happen along the way. And so there’s always going to be that one thing that you can not control, but your mind is going to be like, okay, we [00:10:00] need to hurry. Why aren’t we there yet?

[00:10:02] Wendi: Why haven’t we lost at one pound this week? Oh, because maybe you didn’t meal prep. You didn’t meal prep because your child was sick. You didn’t meal prep because you bring the field, you didn’t meal prep because you had a conference to go to for work. You didn’t meal prep or he didn’t go to the gym because of X, Y, Z, but it’s going to happen.

[00:10:21] Wendi: So don’t, it’s a. Then to be in an, a rush for your goal. The next one. You go into compare and despair with your progress. You’re like, okay. The girl at the gym already lost five pounds. Or my husband already lost 10 pounds just by not. Eating anything. And here I am, I’m starting myself working out and I still haven’t lost anything. What happens, or the reason that we go into compare and despair is because we’re not evaluating our personal selves.

[00:10:50] Wendi: We’re not. Doing a full, what we call an after action review in the military and the army specifically. And we don’t acknowledge even the progress that we’ve [00:11:00] made. And so what is the solution to this? Or how do we like not get sucked into this? We actually evaluate where we are. We evaluate every single week or every other day, whatever works for you, whatever you need to do. Or maybe every pay period.

[00:11:16] Wendi: Right. Especially if you’re like trying to save. Or you’re trying to get it yet, whatever it may be, your pink was a credit card. You want to evaluate every single time that you do an actual, like, but your review or you get paid, whatever it may be for you. And so being able to do that, it helps you. To not go into comparing to swear.

[00:11:37] Wendi: I’m like, and really just be in a space where I am looking at others and how they’re so successful already within the first month they. You know, you saw him. On a social media post that somebody just got done paying their credit card. I mean, we don’t know what the amount was. Maybe they’ll share it. Maybe they don’t. We don’t know what they had to save the year before, where [00:12:00] they got the funds from.

[00:12:01] Wendi: We don’t know any of that, but we immediately, because our brain is like, oh my gosh, danger. You’re not going to do it. You see. Um, your friend from high school just completely paid off her credit card, or she just bought a home and got a new car, whatever it is we go into comparing to spirit. And that is step number two.

[00:12:19] Wendi: We do not want to go into compare and despair instead, take the time to evaluate. To an action after review what worked, what’s working. Um, and what you need to improve, what didn’t work. Right. Okay. I know this worked me actually pay my credit card in advance. Um, what didn’t work? I actually then used a credit card again. You know, to pay this unexpected bill.

[00:12:45] Wendi: Okay. What am I going to do differently? I am going to, um, make a plan on what happens when I have an unexpected bill or an unexpected expense, whatever it may be. Or what are you going to think about having that credit there? [00:13:00] I mean that, um, that, that there, maybe it’s just a thought about the debt, right?

[00:13:03] Wendi: Maybe there’s nothing wrong with the deck. Maybe it’s you, again, wanting to be in a rush to pay it off. You know, is it w what is it about that credit card? Is it the interest rate? Is it just the number that is giving you the anxiety? Um, or he may be getting out of the military. You’re just trying to be able to pay off all your debt before you get out.

[00:13:21] Wendi: What is it? Right? Like what thoughts are coming up? And so again, when you evaluate, you are able to see that in able to manage your mind. Around the comparing to spirit, like, okay, don’t focus on anybody else. Focus on you, focus on what you can do, what you can control. And then the third one. Is accountability. And I wanted to do this one as a fourth one, because it’s very, it’s just as important as the last one that I was sharing. But then I figured that the last one was just the all in for all number form.

[00:13:54] Wendi: I mean, the, the strongest mistake, according to what I believe and what I’ve seen in my past [00:14:00] clients. But the third one is accountability. The third mistake that we make is that we don’t take accountability for our own actions. We don’t take accountability for our own goals. We don’t take accountability for all we’re excuses, and that’s just what it is, excuses, or even just. Um, the idea that our goal or our personal goals aren’t as important as going to work, even though that is always, you know, important.

[00:14:29] Wendi: If you are happy and excited. And it’s paying for your bills and it’s paying for your roof. It’s, you know, helping you with everything else. But here’s the thing. With accountability. What happens when we don’t have accountability. We then don’t do it. And here’s what happens when it’s a combo. Accountability a powder ourselves. We typically want to just keep it moving.

[00:14:58] Wendi: We’re like, oh, we’re not [00:15:00] that important. It’s okay. We’ll get to it next week. We’ll get to it next month. We’ll get to it next quarter. Because, especially as women, especially as a woman, as moms, as wives, Listen, when I tell you. This is, has happened to me and ankles through my mind more than I would love unexpected to. Because when we are only. Um, account or feeling accountable or actually being accountable with ourselves. There is a less chance for us to do things and you can try this, try it out. You are more accountable.

[00:15:36] Wendi: If you tell your friend to meet you at the gym every morning. Why because you don’t want to fail her. You don’t want to disappoint her. You don’t want to, or for her to feel encouraged or supported because you weren’t there. Now if, and I promise you, if you have an accountability partner, you’ll be there about a buddy.

[00:15:53] Wendi: That’s how we call it in the army. You will be there because you don’t want to. Fill them. You don’t want to [00:16:00] discourage them. You don’t want to not please them. Right. And so when you tell yourself. That you’re going to go. I, you are going to have yourself as a kind of ability per. Partner or person. Support you and be like, you know what?

[00:16:16] Wendi: I can go tomorrow. It will be fine. I’ll be completely fine out. So what are the Chimp for 45 minutes? Whatever it may be. The same thing for saving. Four. That’s why there’s financial advisers. That’s why. There are different people that will help you in every area of your life. And for example, as a coach, This is where it’s so important for you to understand and know the difference.

[00:16:41] Wendi: Okay. Am I going to trust myself on this? If the answer is no, then you need a coach. It could be a business coach. It could be a life coach. It could be any type of coach. Uh, investor, coach. Somebody that’s going to help you. Um, actually take the step to invest. Um, again, a [00:17:00] financial advisor, right?

[00:17:00] Wendi: Whatever it may be for you. Me, that accountability partner. And listen, if you need a coach and you love everything that I’ve been sharing, and these topics episodes have resonated. I want to offer you to go to my website and schedule a free 45 minute consultation where you and I will walk through every single step. On what you need to get done or why you’re feeling stuck, why those limiting beliefs keep coming up and I will help you in that session. And of course we’ll offer you more on how we can work together. So that’s number three. If you’re like, I need an accountability partner.

[00:17:36] Wendi: I need a coach. I need somebody to walk me and fill these gaps, or be able to help me from where I am now to the next level, to the next step. That’s what I’m here for. So go schedule a call right now. And mistake number four, the one that I said, that’s the most important. According to me, of course. And what I’ve seen on why my clients continue to [00:18:00] just stumble and continue to. Not reach. Or make progress or goals. It’s because they’re not committed enough, gets commitment. If you don’t commit. You are not going to get there. And this is what commitment means.

[00:18:16] Wendi: It means for you to do it no matter what for you to get there, no matter what, regardless of the timeframe. Regardless of all the obstacles and all the excuses that your brain wants software you, regardless of all that you are able to commit. No matter what, when you’re able to do that. It also means that you’re willing to fail. And that my friends is the part that gets everybody they’re like, I don’t want to fail. Why should I commit?

[00:18:45] Wendi: I already know I’m not going to do it. I’m not going to get to that goal. Right. It could be a ridiculous, or I don’t want to say ridiculous. Maybe it’s a far fetched goal. So if you guys remember my goal for this year, For the [00:19:00] podcast was 25,000 downloads. I didn’t get there. I was at 17,200 downloads for this year. But guess what? It’s completely.

[00:19:09] Wendi: Okay. It’s still my goal this year. And it still continues. Right. I continue to pursue that goal. I really wanted it to be 25 K, but guess what? There’s some things that I need to work on in order for me to get there, to get to that reach. And that’s completely okay. I’m okay with that. Because in this season, I’m in a season of not only being able to be flexible with my time, with my little one, with my family. And really making that a priority. I rather continue to. Compound on the numbers on my podcast and also continue to be there for my family. And I have to give something right.

[00:19:51] Wendi: Sacrifice something, and it’s okay. It’s completely okay. But here’s the thing I evaluated. I know what I need to work on. I know. What [00:20:00] I need to do this year to help me. Reach that goal, if not, maybe surpass it. And that’s really the goal here to surpass the 25 K this year. By the end of this year, it’s definitely going to be way over.

[00:20:14] Wendi: I know it the way the numbers are coming to some roads, a slow month, for sure. But listen, I have so many things planned and by the way, Before I forget, because I probably will. There will be a webinar that I’ll be hosting in my Facebook group. So if you’re not in my Facebook group, come join. I want to invite you to come to the life coaching for military and veteran woman on Facebook.

[00:20:36] Wendi: And you can also scroll to the bottom. Of this page. All you have to do is go to windy rate.com a four slash 200, and you’ll see how you can join. And what will happen now every single month I’ll be doing a webinar on the Facebook group itself where you can also join me for like Wendy. I have no Facebook.

[00:20:54] Wendi: I. Do not have any social media, whatever it may be for you completely get it. All you [00:21:00] have to do is. Um, you can send me a DM. Uh, sorry, an email and out of the mix, you don’t have social media. You can send me an email at hello, Wendy ray.com. Or you can also go to my website when you read.com/contact, and you’ll be able to submit. Um, your information under your emails so that I can send you or include you in my email list for you to get the webinar link. And be able to join us. And so with that, I am going to be sharing every single month on how you, um, not only can continue to stay focused on your goal, how to make time for you to go.

[00:21:34] Wendi: But every single month it’s going to be something different to be able to, help you individually and learn more of where you’re struggling so that it’s more applicable and you know, something that you can do more, that’s more tactical for you specifically. And so I’m super excited to be on there and just so many great things coming up. , I want to invite you to come join me.

[00:21:56] Wendi: Come. Let me know what your goals are, because that is [00:22:00] the goal here. And you guys, the goal is to continue to pursue your goals. To continue to encourage, to continue to say motivated. And so again, I just want to recap really quickly on the four mistakes that we don’t want you to get into something too for this year, especially at the beginning of the year and for you to be aware of them.

[00:22:16] Wendi: And the first one. Is, um, not me in a rush. Don’t be in a rush. And remember that life is 50, 50, no matter what. To don’t get sucked in to compare and despair instead, evaluate, evaluate where you are, the progress that you’ve made so that you can continue to be consistent. And continue to make progress.

[00:22:34] Wendi: Number three. Accountability, accountability, accountability, accountability. If you are an individual, a woman that needs to be accountable, you need a coach. You need someone that is going to walk you through every single step. And help you not only stay encouraged, but also help them see and, um, be aware of what’s happening in your mind, why you’re not taking action, why you’re feeling the way that you’re feeling and help you through those steps. [00:23:00] And number four, you need to stay committed.

[00:23:02] Wendi: You need to commit to that goal. And you need to be willing to fail. You need to be willing to fail. It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay. Even if you feel discouraged that you didn’t meet it, I was a little discouraged, a little disappointed, but guess what? I know that I’m committed and I’m going to continue no matter what. So be willing to fail.

[00:23:21] Wendi: All right, ladies. Thank you so much for tuning in. I’m so excited and listen, I want you to go follow me on Instagram. I need you to go join my facebook group, all the details on the upcoming webinars that I’ll be hosting. All right. Have a beautiful rest of your week.

[00:23:34] Wendi: And again, happy new year. Talk to you later. Bye.