Emotional Health

Episode 189. Redefining the waiting period in times of uncertainty

October 25, 2023

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Ever find yourself in a season of waiting, filled with uncertainty and stress? Rest easy, you’re not alone. Join us as we walk through the fog of unplanned change and wrestle with the anxieties and impatience that come with it. In a heartfelt conversation with a dear friend, we discuss how this season can be grueling, yet through it all, we lean on faith, trusting God’s perfect timing even when our plans seem to crumble. As Christians, we find comfort and patience in His promises.

But the waiting season isn’t just about holding on. It’s about preparing for the future. So, how do you plan for the best or worst-case scenario during such a time? We share insights from a thoughtful conversation with a friend on this very topic. We dive into the importance of faith during uncertainty, leaning into gratitude, and realizing our circumstances do not define us. Whether you’re grappling with professional upheavals, personal transitions, or strained relationships, our talk offers a beacon of hope and a roadmap to resilience. Tune in for an empowering discussion that redefines waiting and embraces the strength that comes from unwavering faith.

Next Steps:

[00:00:00] Wendi: Hey sis, welcome to Beyond the Military Podcast, where faith led military women overcome burnout and create more balance. Just imagine having enough time to focus on your faith family, and have more fun while also serving as a woman leader. In this podcast, you’ll walk away with the tools to help you navigate the busy life of a military woman, organize your mind, overcome overwhelm, create a prioritization playbook, and a balance blueprint for integrating faith, family, and career.

[00:00:28] Wendi: Yes sis, in that order. Hi, I’m Wendi Wray , woman of God wife, mama of two army veteran and certified life coach, and I’m here to help you create a life of meaning outside of the military, a life of laughter, joy, and intentional free time. If you are ready to overcome burnout and create balance as a faith led military woman, sis, this podcast is for you.

[00:00:50] Wendi: So loosen up your laces and grab your coffee because it’s time to step into freedom and peace.

[00:00:55] Hello ladies. And welcome to episode 189. [00:01:00] I am so happy to be here and I hope that you are too. I’m excited for today’s episode as I am always. And if you haven’t tuned into last week’s episode, I encourage you to go and tune into Aaliyah angle. She’s not only going amazing and just. Loving joyful individual, but she’s just so full of knowledge and she really understands how culture works and the impact that it not only has on you as a leader, but also as an employee, as a soldier, as a Marine, as an air man. And so again, go tune in Potter’s episode right now. And. Check her out. I promise you, you will get so much out of it. And so today I was thinking, well, not today, but last week I was thinking. What should I. Touch on. And there were a couple of episodes that I am recording and want to put in the queue for this upcoming month. And so I was thinking today exactly on, you know, what is it that I want to talk about and, or how do I want to [00:02:00] close out really just October and. Um, you know, this just a new season of the fall and. Which I’m really not closing it out, but, um, just the month. Right. And so. I was having a conversation with one of my friends. We actually are in a book club together and we were talking about the waiting season and we were just reflecting on kind of like how we started our journey or where we’re at now. And the waiting season is the hard one, right? Because as, as you and I are, you know, we’re planners we think ahead on, or we plan ahead on. What’s come in, right. Because that’s what we get trained to do. We just have to plan, plan, plan, and plan, like planning is what we do. 90% of the time in the military. And obviously we execute, but most of the time we’re planning for the next training event. And. We are just in planning mode. And so. When it comes time to, you know, have a [00:03:00] huge change or something that really affects us or makes an impact or has an impact on our lives. That was unexpected and now we’re waiting. It could really be detrimental, painful. Um, and overwhelming, right? So it’s, you know, different negative emotions for everyone. And so. You know, for her and I, we have two circumstances that are completely different, nothing related at all. And we’re feeling very similar or at least we were feeling very similar and. Also, um, a lot of it has to do with our fears. And so that’s why I figured, you know, why not share this conversation or not the conversation, but what I shared with her. Um, on really what to do while we’re waiting, right. Or what to do when we feeling anxious, when we’re feeling overwhelmed or we’re feeling stressed, or maybe even just impatient. Because it’s hard. I mean, I am the most impatient human on earth. It’s what my kids tell me. Um, and I know, I know this should be somewhat [00:04:00] true. Um, I am an impatient person. Um, but at the end of the day, I think that that’s really what makes me me, right. I want to. You know, get answers quickly. I want to know things and you know, it could be good and it also, you know, can serve me and it can not serve me. Um, of course there are always, you know, negatives and positives to everything. And so, you know, it could serve me, you know, when things, um, when there are things that need to be done urgently, right. Um, or that, you know, need to be executed within a period of time. But there are also circumstances or times situations where it doesn’t serve me, where I need to be in the waiting. And as a Christian, as a, as a believer, I know that this is something that. Is required for any process, for any change, especially when it’s. Um, something that I know. I have no control [00:05:00] over the timing, right. Because I believe that God has always. On time. He’s intentional with the time he knows what’s going to happen to me in the next minute, and what’s not going to happen to me. And the next, you know, year, right? What goals I have may not align with what he has in place for my life. And so when we are in this. And this, um, space of, okay. Here are my goals. Here’s where I see myself in the next six months in the next year. But it doesn’t follow through, or it doesn’t go as planned. Our mind wants to, um, Go into like a reactive mode and protective mode because that’s what our brain. It’s pretty much ready to do at all times. Right? Like this is why when you know, um, there’s, you know, your mind goes, you know, from. Fight or flight. Um, from fight to fight to flight mode. I can’t speak this morning and by the way, I already had my coffee. [00:06:00] So. I really don’t know what’s happening. Um, but. Our brains are wired that way. Our brains are supposed to protect us are supposed to keep us safe. And so I want to offer you two. To you today. You know, regardless of what you’re going through, maybe. You have been told that you need to be separated from the military, or maybe you’ve been told that you are no longer. Um, able to be in that position anymore, or maybe, you know, you’re going through. A family situation. Um, maybe, you know, you’re going through a breakup or are in a relationship where. Now you both. You know, are moving on or whatever it may be. Right. And it could just be like a friend or a relative, right. Maybe you both have decided that it’s best for you not to continue the relationship. Whatever it may be. You know, we have plans and when they don’t go accordingly or at least to how we expected it to go. Our brain wants offer us a bunch [00:07:00] of negative thoughts. And by that, I mean, we get offered, you know, you should’ve done it this way. You should have done X, Y, Z. You know, it’s all your fault. You know, all the stings. Our, um, Thoughts or all these thoughts are going to create negative emotion and so nothing wrong with that. Right. We need to experience negative emotion, but then it becomes a problem when we don’t know how to. Not only allow that negative emotion, but also how to move forward from there. Because what happens and I’ve noticed that with myself too, we’ll go into a spiral and. We then get into this mode of how do I get out of this hole, right? Like, how do I get out of this? And I just don’t. Like you feel stuck, like you don’t. I want to continue to play in or want to even consider what the next milestone will be, because you’re so stuck in the. You know, I told you, so you did [00:08:00] it wrong. Um, shame, doubt self-doubt. And so it’s hard for us to move forward or even look for hope. Because of what we’re experiencing in the moment, what we’re feeling. And most of the times we’re trying to resist it. So we’re fighting the reality, right? We’re fighting the reality. But at the same time, we’re like, How do I even like acknowledge or become aware that I’m stuck in this rut that I’m stuck in this. Space of not even wanting to look up. And I know for me, I’ve been in that position. I’ve been in those moments where I’m like, how do I even like look up? How do I even like, look at the next hour? And consider what’s next. Right? And sometimes we don’t, we can’t, and we don’t have to, because we sometimes need to just live. In that minute by minute, hour by hour. And it’s okay. But I also want to offer you. That, that doesn’t have to be long-term it [00:09:00] can be temporary and it should be temporary because God has always given us hope. He’s always given us hope in him, through his word. And if we look back, you know, hundreds and thousands of years, he’s provided us that information through his word, through the gospel. And so today I want to remind you that regardless of what you’re going through, you can still be able to find peace and you can still be able to. Find peace while you’re waiting, because that’s the hard part. The hard part is waiting for the next thing for the next, um, milestone. It’s going to give you some type of hope or even some type of, um, reassurance that you’re on the right path. Because I’ve been in even, you know, through the season of my life that I’m going through right now. There are moments where I’m like, what is it going to look like? What will be next for me? Like, what does this look like? And I sometimes don’t even want to like consider it cause I’m like, you know what I need to get through this first. I need to sit with this. [00:10:00] And be okay with where I’m at and that’s completely okay. And that’s what I want to offer you today to start there. Let’s say, you know, you’ve been injured and you can no longer do the one thing that you want to do. Or, you know, you’ve been, you know, you’re, you’re gone, you lost someone you’re going through. Um, grief, right? Like. Be in that moment because it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay. To feel disappointed, discouraged. But when we go back and we have this foundation and we lean in to God and ask him for help, ask him for guidance. We can then find not only hope. But also the strength to plan. For what is in that moment? For what. Could come for you or what could come up for you in the next couple of days and the next week. And I’m not saying, you know, create this extravagant plan or start planning every single day of your life. What I’m [00:11:00] saying is. To have something too. Look. Toward to, to look forward to. Because when you’re in it, when you are in the. The tough situation when. When you are. Sometimes not even aware that you’re in it, it’s hard because that’s all, you know, And you can’t come out of it because you’re not even aware that you’re in it. And so, you know what I shared with my friend, Which again, I’m so grateful that she and I talked about this because again, one, I wouldn’t be sharing it with you. And two, it just reminded me that it’s. Everyone that’s going through this in different ways. And in different seasons. So we’re not alone. You’re not alone. You’re not the only one going through this change or this transition. Because everyone else in this world is going through something. It may not be the same thing, but it’s similar. And so I want to offer you today to take a moment. And just be okay [00:12:00] with where you are. And I talked about this in the previous episodes, I think two or three episodes before. On just meeting. Yourself where you are. And so if you can just be with where you are with that negative emotion, which is okay, we all go through it. And really ask herself, you know, How can I now get out of this? And look forward to the next phase. The next. Week the next two weeks. How can I now show up? In a way where. I’m not only aware of what’s happening internally, emotionally, mentally. But also, how can I now show, continue to show up for that future me? And remembering that we have no control over our future. We have no control. We think we do. And I think that that’s what makes it hard. When we get, you know, put in these [00:13:00] situations in these circumstances, when life hits us hard. Because we thought that we had it all planned out. We thought that we had some type of control because we’ve planned. Our lives accordingly. And for the most part. It’s gone as planned, right. Or let’s say 50% of it. And so when things go wrong or things change, I want to say. And they’re not as how you planned it or how you envisioned it, how I envisioned. 2023 to be how I thought it was going to be how I planned for it to be last year. How I. Didn’t plan to go through a transition and a change Q2 of 2023. But here I am right. And so one I’m grateful. That I am going through this in a way where one, I understand how my mind works. Two. I understand that God is always with me. And he’s my foundation, no matter what. And so I’m grateful. [00:14:00] I’m grateful that. It’s happening now and not, you know, five years ago. And so again, it’s hard. And it took some time for me to, you know, go from. My disappointment and discouraged to where I am now in gratitude. Because. I had to go through those negative emotions. I had to allow them. I had to really be in it and understand that it’s not about me. It’s never about me. It’s about what God wants for me. And so when we can understand that, And we can. Be grounded on what he has for us. Everything changes. Because then you go into like, Acceptance. And then after acceptance, you go into gratitude. And from gratitude, you go into like encouraged. Like now I’m encouraged to keep going, no matter what, because God’s got me. And that’s exactly how I’ve been feeling. I’m like, God’s got me. And so what I offered my friend. Two. You know, continue doing in a [00:15:00] season of waiting. Because we’re all in the seasoning. Season of waiting of some sort, especially if you have. You know, goals or you’ve committed to things and you’re all in and you know, you have something to achieve. You know, let’s just say for this month or for this quarter. I want to offer you while you’re waiting to plan for either way. And by that, I mean, regardless of what your goal is, maybe you’re losing 20 pounds. Maybe you’re getting into a new relationship. Maybe you’re. You know, graduating with honors, whatever it may be saving money into real estate, whatever it may be. I want you to plan. For it to go either way great or completely bad. The worst case scenario. And. When you do that, I don’t mean that you need a plan, every single little detail to the team. But I want you while you’re waiting, because this is what’s happening when we’re waiting. We’re like, oh my gosh, what is it going to be like? Am I going to be out or are they going to kick me out? Or am I going to stay in another six months? Am I going to be out next year? Am I, you know, going to be out next month. What is [00:16:00] it? Let’s just use that example. I think it’s going to be a lot. Easier to just go through that example and use it for whatever. Waiting. Um, circumstance you’re in. And so. Have you have no idea, you know, you’re getting out or maybe you don’t even know that you’re getting out. You’re like possibly getting medically. I’m boarded. Whatever it may be. Plan for both. So plan, if you were to stay in for that time, for that period of time and also plan if you were to be out when the next month. And by that, I mean, like, what things do you need to do and what things are you not going to be able to do anymore? Right. Because here’s what happens when you do that. When you plan for either. Outcome. You know, you don’t get out and you stay in great or not great. Or you get out within the next 30 days. Great or not great. Maybe you’re not ready. Maybe you already. So again, the [00:17:00] circumstance is not, what is it? Um, determines the emotion is really the thoughts behind it, right? Because I may think it’s terrible if I’m getting out within 30 days, if I haven’t planned that I will be getting out or I’m not ready. Right. Financially, mentally, emotionally. Or. It would be. Great that I am getting on Thursdays because I’m completely ready. I’ve planned for this. I’m ready to get out financially, emotionally. Physically everything. So again, Planning for either way. So when you plan that you’re staying in. A lot of things were going to come up. Right. You’re like, okay, great. I’m staying in. I get to do XYZ. You know, my family will be here. Everything that comes up for you, depending on what your situation is. And then everything that comes up for you, if you were to get out in the next 30 days, because now you’re outlining. What you need to get ready for and what you may be, um, fear for, right? Like what is it? [00:18:00] That’s keeping you. Um, in this fear of getting out too soon. And maybe you’re not financially ready. Right. So what do we need to do in the next 30 days to get financially ready? Obviously, you’re not going to be fully financially or financially ready within 30 days, but how could you. How could you get financially ready? How could you start paying off that debt? How could you start. You know, asking for help. You know, from, from loved ones, from, you know, whatever it may be, how do you, you know, interviewing jobs who do you know? Right. Like all these things are gonna start to click. And so when you do that for the best case scenario, the worst case scenario or. Cole one and cohort two courses of action whining. Course of action too. You’ve now identified. What it is that you are scared of. What it is that will be a challenge or is a challenge now. And when you do that, you’re going to put your mind at ease. And you’re also going to be able to identify. [00:19:00] Specifically what it is that you need to work on. And I know it sucks sometimes. We don’t want to start doing a resume. You know, six months out. But if you say that you’re going to, in 30 days, you’re going to start considering what it is that you want to do. Versus I don’t want to get out because I don’t know what I want to do. So you’re never going to consider or think about what are the opportunities. Or possibilities out there for you. And so when we identify this, not only do I, we identify what we’re scared of, what we fear for, but we also can take that to prayer and we can ask God to help us in this area. Lord helped me financially. Lord helped me with, you know, the career opportunities that I have no idea that I have guided me to the people that can help me with this.

[00:19:48] Area of my life. Or, you know how to communicate this to my spouse, whatever it may be for you. And so by doing that, and it literally takes you maybe [00:20:00] 15 minutes. Like I said, it doesn’t have to be specific details. It could be broad. If you want to pick three different things for each great, the top three things that you need to do. To prepare or if it were to go either way. Then do so. And when you identify that you can not only, not only identify what it is like I mentioned, but you get to see what is it exactly. That is bringing up that negative emotion. So like for me, it was fear. For me, it was. Doubt of the unknown, right? Doubt of what would it be? The next six, what the next six months would look like? And so for my friend, it was more of like, I want the timeline. Why do you want the time and why do you want the specific date? Because you want to do other things she wanted to, you know, be able to get this, um, The state so that she can her and her husband, because she’s dual military to be able to plan this out. [00:21:00] And, you know, have this sense of peace of okay. We’re going to be together. I’m not going to be alone again because he’s going to leave. And so when we can do that and we can identify that we can pray about it. And here’s the thing, God doesn’t, you know, work for us. He doesn’t. You know, wait for us to tell them what to do with our lives, but he wants us to come to him. He wants us to be near to him when we are in, you know, in fear or when we are. You know, troubled when we’re filling. Uncertain because. He’s our father. Just like you would love your child to come to you when they’re scared. When they need something. Because we are their mother, we’re their parents. Right. We love them. We want to be with them. And that’s exactly what he’s asking us to do, and maybe that’s exactly what you need to do. That’s all you probably need to do is just lean in on him. Lean on, lean in, on his strength and ask for his [00:22:00] guidance. ’cause that’s the only way that we’re going to get peace. That’s the only way that we’re going to. You know, be able to set ourselves free from this. Brain of ours that continues to feed us thoughts. And by the way, the enemy is always waiting. He’s like, when can I get Wendy to feel flustered and overwhelmed and tired and exhausted and uncertain and just troubled. Just to get into my head and continue this vicious cycle. And so that’s what I want offer you to, to you today. Ask yourself, what is it? That eye. Need. Guidance on, or at least some clarity on, and if you don’t have it, I want you to do this quick. Little exercise on planning for either way, either option. Either, you know, best case scenario, worst case scenario, just any course of action that you think will come about from this situation that you’re in this circumstance. Because when you’re waiting, that is the time that [00:23:00] is the moment that you have to double down. And you really have to be in the word. And you really have to trust God through this process because when I tell you. The life keeps going. Especially if you have little ones, they are not going to pause, hit the pause button. And let you figure things out. No, we’re all waiting together. But we still have to continue to feed them. We still have to continue to show up as the leader, we still have to continue to be there as a family. We have to continue to still be there. As a woman of God. So I hope that this not only encourages you to accept this waiting period. But also be grateful. Be grateful for where you’re at, so that you can continue to. Find hope and encouragement so that you can continue because listen, if you woke up. God wants you here. He wants you for his purpose for his will. And [00:24:00] when I tell you that he is going to give you the strength and you’re going to continue to keep going and you’re, can’t give up now. Because you are not only needed here. But you’re worthy. You’re worthy for so much more. We cannot let that circumstance define you. We cannot let. Anything around you externally defined me because God has to find you already. You are his. So go to him. And trust him. All right, ladies, I, hope that this has blessed you.

[00:24:31] Wendi: And listen, if this episode resonated with you. And you’re like, I’m feeling stuck right now. There’s so many choices that I have to make, and I just need someone to help me make this plan. I need accountability. I want to invite you to schedule a free consultation. Call with me where you’ll spend a 45 minutes with me not only going over what you’re stuck with, or maybe the choices that you need to make decisions or the indecision.

[00:24:53] Wendi: That you’re in. And I will walk you through a step-by-step plan of exactly what’s going to help [00:25:00] you move forward. Right. And uncover a limited beliefs that you have there. So again, I want to invite you to schedule a free consultation with me. All you have to do. Is going to www.wendiwray.com/consult also in the show notes so that you can schedule a call with me. All right. Have a great rest of your week. Talk to you soon bye

[00:25:19] Wendi: Hey lady. If this podcast helped you, challenge you or inspired you in some way, please leave me a written review for the show on Apple Podcast and share it with another military sister. Helping you integrate balance, prioritization and growth in your relationship with God is my ultimate calling. I’m so blessed that you are here, and please join us in the faith led military women community on Facebook at bit.ly/beyondthemilitarygrp

[00:25:46] Wendi: again, it is bit.ly/beyondthemilitarygrp all right. Talk to you soon. Bye.