Emotional Health

Episode 172. MVP: 5 Steps to Minimize The Mental And Emotional Load

June 28, 2023

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Are you feeling weighed down by life’s mental and emotional tolls? If so, you’re not alone. In today’s new episode,  we unpack the complex layers of the mental load military women bear and provide you with helpful strategies to lighten this burden. Harnessing the power of self-awareness I share five life-changing steps to help you become a mentally stronger and more empowered leader.

In the battlefield of life, stress is inevitable. Juggling numerous responsibilities can lead to a buildup of worries that may seem overwhelming. I share some powerful tools that will help you manage and reduce stress, allowing you to regain control over your thoughts and emotions.

As I conclude this episode, we shed light on how to challenge your thoughts and align them with God’s Word to combat worry and anxiety. Focusing on God’s promises and meditating on His Word, we explore how prayer can change your perspective and foster mental peace. I invite you to tune in and take a step closer to the freedom and peace you deserve.


I pray this episode blesses you!


[00:00:00] Hello ladies. And welcome to episode [00:01:00] 85. How are you doing? How are you feeling? How’s everything going on your side? I hope. That everything is going well. I hope that wherever you are, you’re still getting a little bit of spring. And I hope that you are filling. Ready that you are feeling determined that you are feeling encouraged. 

[00:01:20] Because if you’re not, I want to offer you this episode. Today’s episode is all about. The five steps on how you can minimize the mental and emotional load that you may be carrying. 

[00:01:33] And for some of you, you may be thinking, well, I’m not really carrying it a huge load, you know, of course, you know, I have things that I’m worried about or that I’m anxious about, or probably even just frustrated and overwhelmed about, but it’s not a lot. And this is what I want to offer. Um, being that I coach Multry woman being that I’ve been in very similar situations that you have. [00:02:00] And again, wish I. 

[00:02:02] Had myself or someone to. Guide me to. To not only this mental, um, Freedom or peace that I wish I had at the time. I’m here to offer you that today, because, and by that, I don’t mean, you know, like after listening to this episode, you’re going to be completely mentally free or you’re going to feel so much more at peace. That’s not what I’m saying, what I’m saying here. 

[00:02:30] He said, I wish I had the steps or someone to walk me through something similar, this like blueprint this map to help me understand one how my mind works. And two, how much of it is it really slowing me down? How much of my. My mind and my emotional struggles. We’re actually slowing me down on the things that I wanted to do. And even on, you know, things like spending time with my family, that really mattered [00:03:00] to me at the time, but I just couldn’t see that. 

[00:03:03] So tell you that’s what I’m sharing. And I’m really passionate about this because I know. The feeling. Of wanting to escape, wanting to buffer away, wanting to just not even think about. The things that are coming up because they’re just sometimes. Too overwhelming and too. Um, worrying sometimes too. Like I used to worry about everything. I mean, this was before. 

[00:03:28] Um, be getting closer to God before learning about coaching before even realizing and recognizing that I have a lot of work to do mentally and emotionally because they work together. Remember I. Teach the coaching model. I have said this before on many other episodes as well. How you think of something of a circumstance of a situation is how you’re going to generate that feeling. That’s how you’re going to feel based on what you’re thinking, what you make that mean. [00:04:00] 

[00:04:00] Of that circumstance or that situation, whatever it may be. So today. I want you to really be honest with yourself and. Maybe it’s not more, so you write, maybe it’s one of your soldiers. Maybe you’re seeing this with your spouse. Maybe you’re seeing this with your kids, especially if you have teenagers. I mean, I don’t know anything about teenagers besides my own teenage life, but. 

[00:04:22] I have a nine-year-old and. She’s at a point now where I sometimes think that she’s like 13 or 14, just paced on how she started to think. She’s very mature. She’s very honest. She’s open about, you know, Um, providing me, her, her own mind, her own thoughts about certain things. So being able to see this, and I’m a guide her on, you know, the facts and her opinions and what, you know, she’s making certain things mean without. 

[00:04:56] Even hearing from other people or her friends or whatever it may [00:05:00] be, you know, depending on the situation or maybe even her teachers. Right. But. I want to offer you this again for you. For you to see this on your own personal, personal level, on your own personal self. But also more so. In case you see this. 

[00:05:20] Within your team within your company, within your organization. Within the people that you love, this is always good. And I’m not saying, you know, to be like, Hey. Listen here. Sergeant so-and-so or private so-and-so or captain so-and-so. Let me give you these five steps. Let me give you these five steps on, you know, you minimizing your mental and emotional load because I see you struggling. That’s not what I’m saying here. I don’t want you to like, you know, go out like coach on them, but I want you to help them see. 

[00:05:54] What you are seeing based on what you not only listen in this episode, but also what [00:06:00] you learn about you. And I think that that’s also what makes us great leaders when. You’re able to have this self-awareness of. The mistakes that you make, the, the, um, the thought loops that you get into the reactions that you act on, you know, the things that you’re like, okay, I could have done better. 

[00:06:22] And how can I show. My team and you know, my soldiers that they can do better too, without having to. You know, struggle as much as I did. Or even, so you don’t make the same mistakes that I did. Because that is the best part about being a leader actually. You know, showing them through your own, uh, personal struggles, because remember we’re not perfect. I’m kind of what rank you are. I don’t care how much money you make. I don’t care. How many degrees do you have? I don’t care how successful you think you are. 

[00:06:52] Or that you may be. Not taken away from your success. But I promise you that you are not perfect and [00:07:00] we’re not perfect. And we want. Our family, we want our team. We want our, our team members around us to know. That it’s okay. That we’re having bad days. It’s okay. That we’re carrying on so much because we have so much going on. 

[00:07:16] Your mom, you’re a wife. You’re a leader. And also you want to do things that God has given you as a gift, right? Maybe you do sewing on the side. Maybe you take care of kids on the side or whatever it may be. You cook. Anything that is your gift, your talent. Maybe you’re also a podcast host, maybe your social media. 

[00:07:41] Um, guru. Whatever it may be. Maybe we have a business on the side. You also want to focus on that. Right. But how do we do that? If we’re always constantly carrying in feeling as if we have no place to. Just drop the load, right? Like [00:08:00] just drop everything that you’re carrying. I always like to think about this as, you know, carrying this heavy rucksack. 

[00:08:07] And not knowing how to. Actually, um, 

[00:08:14] Properly carry it, but also how to even begin to know what’s in a rucksack that is possibly heavier than what we, we thought it was. So thinking about it this way and really understanding that. The reason we want to minimize this is because we want to be able to do. The things that we know we want to get done, we know that is required of us. We want to get that done without feeling. 

[00:08:44] As if you’re constantly overwhelmed. Constantly anxious, because people are going to see that people are around, you know, when you’re anxious, people who around, you know, when you’re frustrated. Because you react, you react in different ways. [00:09:00] And that even includes your family. Like they will know when, like mommy had a bad day at work. They will know when you know something didn’t go well or vice versa. 

[00:09:09] So again, allowing yourself to be honest with your, with, with you. And with the people that you love, your soldiers, your family. Anyone around you. Allowing yourself. To simply. Be aware. Of what you may be possibly possibly carry. And by that, I mean, The negative emotions, the negative thoughts that continue to compound and compound that is producing all of this stress, this additional frustration, this additional anxiety, the additional overwhelm. 

[00:09:43] I want you to take none of that today. I want you and encourage you. To start focusing on the little things, because those little things add up. Those little things get heavier and heavier. They compound. Um, bread’s not really like the mass or the volume here. It’s more of like, how much [00:10:00] is it weighing you down? How much is it slowing you down? 

[00:10:03] And. For you, it could be. Something very simple as, you know, be worried about the next training event or, um, being worried about what may come for you in the next couple of weeks, couple of months, whatever that may be. But I want you to take note of that and you don’t have to write it down if you don’t want to, but I highly recommend that you do, when you do get a chance, you may be listening from your car right now. 

[00:10:27] So maybe this is not the good time for you to be writing it down. So just tune in and listen, and then come back and then, you know, write things down. But. These are the five steps that I want to offer you today. To really take seriously and really be aware of. What may be causing this weight to what may be causing also, you know, this, um, means of you slowing down and not wanting to do certain things because, you know, 

[00:10:54] That this is not something that you’re looking forward to most of the time. It’s not something that we’re excited about. So the first [00:11:00] step. That I want to offer you is to identify exactly. What is it? That’s worrying you. In this moment, if there’s one thing. That is worrying you in this moment or possibly even, um, that you’re anxious about. 

[00:11:14] I want you to. Be honest with yourself and identify that. Be clear on what it is. So, for example, if let’s just say it’s a training event. That you have coming up for six months? I don’t know. However long it could be 30 days. It could be six months. And you’re like, okay. This is really worrying me right now because you have to coordinate so many things, right? You have kids, or you’re a single mom, or it’s going to be in a whole nother, you know, country. It’s going to be in a whole new location that you’re not looking forward to. 

[00:11:48] Whatever that may be. You know, it’s going to require you to take additional time away from your family, whatever that may be. I want you to be. 

[00:11:58] Um, [00:12:00] As. Focused as possible, like at. I want you to be. Um, very intentional about what this thing may be. And if you have five things, please. Write those down too, but I’m just asking you to do one at a time. And again, if you do have more than one, feel free to write those on too. So that’s the first step to kind of acknowledge what it is that you are focused on. That’s really adding to this week that you’re carrying. 

[00:12:28] On top of everything else that you’re thinking about, right? Like actually getting ready in the morning, coming to work, getting things done at work, make sure that you go to all the meetings, making sure that all your soldiers are actually doing the. The things that they need to be doing that. You are able to make sure you get the kids that you helped them with their homework, make dinner and get ready for the next day and so on and so forth. Right? So. 

[00:12:52] On top of everything else. What is that one thing? So write it down. Step number two. As you may know [00:13:00] if you’ve been tuning in and listening, I love to categorize everything. That’s just the way my mind works. And it’s easier for me to. Be as productive as possible because I can categorize and see exactly. 

[00:13:13] Where it belongs. And it’s also because I think I’m a visual person, so I’m able to. Be a better problem solver. I want to say when I get to categorize things and put them in the right areas. So, whatever that may be. So for example, April done a couple of things here for the example that we’ve been talking about, the training, right. That’s coming up. 

[00:13:36] You may be, um, thinking, okay, I have a training coming up. I’m not going to have a tough schedule. So what I would categorize that under, especially if you’re a mom and you’re a wife. Um, or maybe you’re just, you know, maybe you’re a single mother, right. You want to categorize that under family time under family, it doesn’t even have to go into fountain time, a family as a whole. 

[00:13:57] Because for the most part, the [00:14:00] underlying thoughts are coming up for you or the, the worry and the anxiety is how are they going to be taken care of? I need to arrange that. I need to make sure that every, you know, everything is all the T’s are crossed. All the I’s are dotted. And what is it going to take from me? 

[00:14:16] To ensure that everyone’s taken care of. And again, that is your family. Um, some of you. Um, may be dual military again, that’s another concern, right? I know. I always went through this, like, okay, I’m not going to be here. But my husband is also going to be in some sort of training or not be able to pick up the kids on time. 

[00:14:36] So, again, all of that is going through your mind, right? So I want you to categorize it. It could be finances. You’re like, okay, well, you know, I have a lot of bills. I’m in debt. Um, I’m not making as much money as I thought I was going to be making. I haven’t been promoted yet. So categorize that under money under finance, I like to use the category money on my. 

[00:14:56] Personal side. Um, I don’t like, I just don’t [00:15:00] understand really the whole finance world. I just like to think about. Um, the category being money, but again, you use your own categories that worked for you. I like to use money, for example. And so if you haven’t listened to episode number eight, two, um, I highly recommend that you to go back to episode eight, 

[00:15:16] Because that’s where I kind of show you too, how to declutter and organize your mind into different categories, into different ways. That you are able to now see what’s going on in your mind versus just having all of that in your mind, without being clear on what goes, where and what is true and what isn’t. So. 

[00:15:38] Quebec to episode number eight, declutter your mind. I can’t remember the entire episode title, but it’s episode number eight. All right. Step number three. What are your thoughts about that specific category? So by that, I mean, Going back to the training. Let’s say you have this huge training coming up, but you’re getting deployed. And now you’re like, okay, I’m going to be away from my [00:16:00] family for X amount of time. 

[00:16:02] What are you making? It mean about you being away from your family? What are you making it mean about you? As that. Um, family members. So as a mom, as a wife, maybe you guys don’t have kids yet, but you have a dog. You’re like, okay, I’m going to be away from my husband. I’m going to be away from my dog. I’m going to be away from the people that I love. I’m going to, um, miss out on moments. You know, my daughter has XYZ coming up. 

[00:16:32] You know, she’s going to graduate, whatever it may be. I want you to write down what you’re making it mean about you. And what you’re making it mean about that specific category. So for example, I fit if this was my, um, uh, worry about, you know, going to training for six months. And my category is family. 

[00:16:53] What are my thoughts about me missing out on my family? And what are my thoughts about me as a [00:17:00] wife and as a mom? So my thoughts on missing on her family is like, I can’t believe I’m doing this again. I can’t. Imagine not being there. Um, they’re going to need me. They’re going to miss me. And all of this is causing. 

[00:17:16] The sadness, the, you know, FOMO. The, you know, um, the negative emotion in it’s. Okay. It’s okay for me to feel sad. That my kids are going to miss me. It’s okay. To feel that negative emotion. What’s not okay. Is you not acknowledging it and addressing it? That’s what compounds it and then it. It allows you to react instead of respond. 

[00:17:45] So by that, I mean, Being aware. Of what’s happening in your mind based on what you think about. That situation. Right. And there’s nothing wrong with you feeling sad. Yes, you’re going to miss them. [00:18:00] Yes. They’re going to miss you. And that’s just the truth, right? And that, what are you making it mean? I think this is. 

[00:18:05] The most important question that you can ask yourself when you’re going through negative emotions, because. Most of the time, this is what I have seen. A lot of my clients do. They go into okay. I’m going to miss them as a saddest negative emotion. This sucks. And then they make it mean that they’re a terrible mother. 

[00:18:25] That a mom shouldn’t be doing this, or, you know, you are prioritizing your career over your family. And that’s not what it means. That’s what you’re making it mean. That’s what you may or other people may. Tell you that you may be making it mean. But what are you really making it mean? And are you choosing it from a place of. 

[00:18:47] Um, not only compassion and empathy, but also. Are you making it mean something that is not the truth. That is not a fact. Right. You. [00:19:00] Signed up for this. Um, career. You signed up for. This journey, not because you don’t want to be a mom or not, because you don’t want to be there for your family, but because this is where your desire was at in most likely, this is where. 

[00:19:21] God put you in that moment, right? Like this is a part of who you are. This is your gift. This is your talent. You been in the military? And you serving your country and you doing the things that need to get done right. So. What are you making it mean? Aren’t you making it mean something negative or something positive or something that is not even the truth. 

[00:19:41] And I want you to really look at that and be honest. And when you’re being honest, I want you to. Really see, you know, is this the truth? I am I about a mom? Am I a terrible mother or wife? Most likely the answer is going to be no. [00:20:00] You’re not a terrible wife. You’re not a terrible mother. 

[00:20:03] Most likely answer is Ironman doing this? Because this is a commitment I’ve made. This is an agreement that we’ve had as a family. And I know I’m going to get through this right. You can make it mean so many things, and one of them could be. That you are just. Uh, great mom, wife, caregiver leader. 

[00:20:27] You are passionate about what you do. You are driven about what this mission is all about. What your purpose is all about while you’re serving. You can make it mean so many different things other than what you. Are making it mean unintentionally and unconsciously as well. So, what are you making it mean in the same thing for, for money, right? 

[00:20:49] I could be like, you’re like, okay. My finances are all over the place. I, um, oldest much money. I can’t pay my bills or. You know, I just I’m in so much [00:21:00] debt. How am I going to deal with this? I’m just a terrible person with money. I don’t know how to deal with this. I have no control over my finances. 

[00:21:09] What are you making it mean? About you as an individual. And what are you thinking about this category as a whole. You can make it mean like, okay. I didn’t do so well, you know, five years ago got myself into debt. But now I can get resourceful and ask for help. I can look at all the free resources that I have. 

[00:21:32] And see if I can make that work. If that doesn’t work, then maybe look at other resources. That I may have to invest a little bit in, but at the end, it’s going to pay off at the end. It’s going to be. A better investment. The best investment ever, right? Whatever that may look like. But when you go from. 

[00:21:51] Making it mean something that isn’t too, something that could be now you’re allowing yourself to give yourself also more possibilities [00:22:00] and opportunities. You become resourceful. You become this person that now wants to get better. And not making it mean anything negative about you as an individual. 

[00:22:11] But also being aware that there could be a whole different possibility with this. Of where you are now. And where you could be. So, whatever it may be, I want you to ask yourself what thoughts do you have about that specific category? And what are you making it mean about you as an individual who you are. 

[00:22:31] And most importantly, who you are. As a follower of Christ. Who you are as a God-fearing woman. Like, I want you to really challenge yourself on that. Step number four. I want you to focus on the word. I want you to focus on what God already has. Not only promised us, but also continue to encourage us through his word. And you may be like, well, Wendy, I really don’t read the Bible. I really don’t. [00:23:00] 

[00:23:00] Um, have time to read the Bible. That’s another one that I hear a lot. Okay, well, you don’t necessarily have to read this every day. But I’m pretty sure there are some verses that you can relate to based on where you are based on what’s worrying you based on. Any verses that have been provided to you before. 

[00:23:21] And if you haven’t. That’s okay, too. I’m going to offer you here two verses, and I also want to encourage you to go to the Bible or go to Google. And it’s as simple as putting in. You know, let’s see, um, Bible verses. Uh, about money. Bible verses about being in debt. Bible verses about family. Anything like that. 

[00:23:48] I promise you. You will find something. But I also encourage you to start reading the Bible from the very beginning, because it’s like any other book you want to start from the very beginning, right? Like you [00:24:00] don’t just start a book in the middle. Unless you’re going to start a new Testament, but again, I still am affirm. 

[00:24:07] Um, believer about and encourage you to start at the beginning. Because it has changed my life Genesis. Exit is, is. I mean, it’s. It’s just so much to unpack, but. Again, starting from the very beginning, but here I want to offer you. First with Jeremiah 29 11. Jeremiah 29 11.

[00:24:35] And this is in the NLT translation. New living translation. And. This is. What it says. For, I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster to give you a future. And a hope. So this first. I [00:25:00] always love to go back to this first, whenever. I sometimes feel. 

[00:25:04] Um, distracted. I feel. As if I don’t know really what’s next kind of like the unknown, right? For the most part, like uncertainty. It really helps me understand that. One, it’s not up to me. 

[00:25:22] Yes, there are things that I can do to change. Certain results. I mean, results of course. But at the end of the day, God already has plans for me. That I may not understand that I may not even have considered because the way and the capacity that my mind has is nowhere near. What God already has for me. So again, meditating on this first meditating on. 

[00:25:50] His word is step number four. And I’m going to give you one more verse that I also go back to as much as possible whenever. I’m [00:26:00] feeling as if, um, I need to, like I said earlier to organize my mind or declutter, the thoughts that are not serving me. And that is in two Corinthians. Chapter 10 verses three to five. 

[00:26:16] And let me gather. My. Um, Actual Bible here. And by the way, I’m using. The Bible app, because it’s just so much easier. And it helps me to also, um, highlight, make notes and it’s just super easy and simple to use. So two Corinthians. Second Corinthians chapter 10, verses three to five. We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. 

[00:26:48] We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people [00:27:00] from knowing God we capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ. And so. One of the biggest reasons, again, that I go back to this first and really just. 

[00:27:13] Think on and meditate on is because. We are going to struggle through different circumstances regardless of what they could be. It could be work. It could be family, it could be finances. It could be just your light for your career. And when we started struggling. With the circumstances in our lives. 

[00:27:36] That means that we have to examine. What we’re thinking. We want to examine what we’re thinking. We want to go deeper into what is really happening in our mind. Because. When we can. Be aware of what’s happening in our mind, we can then align it. To God’s word. If it doesn’t align with God’s word. 

[00:27:58] Then we [00:28:00] need to focus on the thoughts that. Does align with God’s word. Right. And, you know, going back to Jeremiah 29. Levin, you know, he has plans for us that are good already. So no need to overthink it. I’m a big overthinker by the way. And you may be as well, or you’re a worrier you like to indulge in worry. 

[00:28:24] I don’t really indulge in worry anymore, but I am an overthinker. Um, so for me, it’s more of like all the possibilities or how we could go. And like less than a minute, I can give you like, Five different scenarios on how. It could go wrong. It’s just because of how our minds think. And so being a grounded. 

[00:28:46] And meditating on versus on what God has given us to focus on and really realign. What we’re thinking based on what he has given us the truth. The spiritual weapons that he has given [00:29:00] us. Given us. His word to help us. Really align ourselves again. So that’s step number four. And step number five is prior. 

[00:29:13] Whatever that may be. Right. So like, let’s just say. That for you again, saying with the training, let’s just say that you’re thinking terribly by yourself and now you’re feeling as if you’re alone and you can’t. Um, you know, you don’t have any strength, any emotional, um, desire to push through this because you’re like, I’m just done. 

[00:29:37] Like I have no more. In me. 

[00:29:42] You know, you can’t do this alone, so you need to pray about. Or you need to pray for shrink. You need pray for guidance direction. Maybe even, you know, Praying for. What you already read? Right? Like the verses that I just mentioned. It may [00:30:00] be as simple as just reading the verses over and over again and praying and asking God to help you see. 

[00:30:07] What you may not be seeing for wisdom. Whatever may be helping you with your finances, helping you with your family, helping you on how you’re going to make all those arrangements on having the conversation with your husband on having a conversation with your kids, with the people that you love with your soldiers. 

[00:30:25] Helping you to continue to walk by the fruit of the spirit. Which has patients. Right. Patients is a big one. We want to know it all. We want to be able to, um, Understand exactly what is going to happen or how that may look like. But the truth is. We can’t really see the future. Right. And we’re not supposed to. 

[00:30:49] So praying for patients praying for love, praying for peace. Praying for joy. Whatever that may look like. Time [00:31:00] alone. 

[00:31:01] With guide is everything. You can just literally sit down in your car. And just start having a conversation with him. 

[00:31:10] Allowing yourself to pray about the things, you know, you need help in. I promise you, your emotional and mental load is going to minimize tremendously. 

[00:31:23] When you can. Be okay. And love that you’re aware of everything that’s going on in your mind for the most part. Most of them are hypothetical’s or, you know what you’re thinking about, what you think is bringing you this anxiety for the most part is everything that you are foreseeing that could happen. 

[00:31:45] But it hasn’t even happened yet. And so, again, whatever your category is, whatever the exact thing you’re worrying about, I want you to really follow these five steps. 

[00:31:57] And to recap. Step number [00:32:00] one, identify exactly what you’re worried or anxious about. Step number two, categorize it based on. You know, family career. Finance, whatever it may be money. Number three. What are your thoughts about that specific category and what are you making it mean about who you are about you? 

[00:32:19] Number four, focus on his word, meditate on verses meditate on his word and his word only. And number five, pray, pray about it. ’cause that’s the only way. That you can continue to focus on. Who he is in, who he’s made you to be so that you can continue to push and carry through what he wants you to push through and carry through. And at the end of the day, you’re still going to be mom, you’re still going to be wife. You’re still going to be this amazing leader. 

[00:32:50] But you want to do it? From a place of not having to carry all of that negative. Emotional load with you. [00:33:00] I promise you people will see it. People will notice. All right, ladies. I hope that this episode really helps you. And encourages you. To continue to not only be determined, but also doing it from a place of love and doing it from a place. 

[00:33:18] Of. Empathy. Passion so that you can continue. To carry on with everything that you have going on. All right, have a beautiful rest of your week Bye.