Wendi: [00:00:00] Welcome to Beyond the Military Podcast, a space for military women determined to focus on life outside of the military. As a woman veteran who once felt lost after leaving the military, I know firsthand the challenges that we face. Hi, my name is Wendi Wray, a woman of God, wife, mom of three, army veteran.

Life and career coach, and I’m on a mission to equip and empower women like yourself to excel in life and career with confidence. So if you’re ready to go from stuck to confident, this podcast is for you.

Hello, and welcome to episode 247.

So today I all want to share with you all a common theme, a topic that I’ve been getting a lot through, just. Random conversations that I’ve been having at with strangers at the store. With DMS that I’ve been having on LinkedIn and even free consultations. So. I want to just take a [00:01:00] moment and talk to you about. Our sense of purpose, your sense of purpose. That comes up as you’re transitioning out of the military, this comes up a lot.

And even when you’re thinking about the transition, you’re like, what am I going to do that it’s going to drive me or that it’s going to help me feel the sense of like purpose and be purposeful and. You know, step into that. And so I want to start off by one, given Joshua shout out, he actually was the icing on the cake when I was making out my outline. And I asked him what was one of his challenges and the main challenge that he brought up was missing his sense of purpose after serving in the military for after 26 years.

So Joshua, thank you so much for, just confirming that I needed to talk about this as he was the last one that just said, okay, you know what, I’m just going to talk about this because this is something that we do struggle.

I struggled with it. We all struggle with it, especially if you are in already for over six [00:02:00] years. I think that it’s, it gets even worse because you’ve been in an environment. Where that’s all, you know, and you have this idea of service, right? And then this idea of service, we think that it only comes through you serving your country. And so today I just want to emphasize and encourage you. Two. Figure out what that could look like. And again, it doesn’t it’s listen, it’s not going to be perfect.

You’re not going to know the beginning to end. You’re not going to know all the details. Okay. That’s one of the things that we as military folks want to do, we want to plan everything. Six months out, 90 days out and have everything. Lined up and 30 different courses of action. And I want to say today that it’s not going to work that way. And the way that you can start the main thing that you need to focus on.

And I know you’ve heard this before, but I’m going to say it again and I’m hoping. That it blesses you and they, you go out and start taking action today.

And when the time, this episode publishes is actually going to be the day before Thanksgiving. And so I [00:03:00] want to encourage you to take action, especially within your family or within the community that you’ll be spending time, this Thanksgiving and so. The one thing that I always encourage people to do when they’re like, oh my gosh, I don’t know how I’m going to find any purpose or meaning. When I go into an you. Another career. Into another field. And this is what I always encourage people to do. Is to. One, if I’m just going to start with this, if you’re a believer, if you’re a woman of faith, if you’re someone that actually has a faith foundation, I encourage you to pray about it. That’s the one thing that I always encourage all my women that are believers. You need to continue to ask God, ask the holy spirit to guide you. On. Who he is going to connect you intentionally because he’s so intentional to help you figure that out. But if you’re not a believer and you’re like, Hey, I just, you know, I have no idea. [00:04:00] You know where to begin and I just need something right now.

I need something to help me. Kind of figure that out. This is the one thing that I have told many people that are getting out, men, women. Even strangers at the store where I just say you have to start connecting with other humans. That are possibly. Not in the similar boat as you, or that are in different situations, in different fields. Because then you get to learn about different things.

And so here’s what I mean about. You connecting if you’re still in the military. And let’s just say that you’re like, Hey, I’m thinking about the transition, but I don’t know exactly when I’m going to send out my packet when I’m going to retire or when I’m going to, you know, I still have 10 years to retire five years or whatever that might look like. You need to start connecting now. And here’s why.

So just a quick story about how I ended up. Hearing about podcasts. And I was at Fort drum. New York and one of my company [00:05:00] commanders, because again, I’ve always Building relationships is kind of like my thing as. As I was growing up because I was an only child. So for me it was,, how do I make a new friend at school? And so when it came to becoming an adult and everything, it became easier for me to build relationships easily. And early, getting curious about what moves people?

What they like, what they don’t like, what makes them tick all these other things. And I’m also a questioner. Like I love to ask questions and I won’t hesitate to ask questions because that’s just a helps me learn and it helps me understand better and so when I was the S1 At Fort drum, I in any unit. I built relationships with everyone.

I mean, from the person in processing all the way to my brigade commander, whomever, I literally reported to. And so one of my company commanders, phenomenal woman, phenomenal leader, Justine. If you’re listening to this. She was the one that. Actually, we had a call, we’re having a conversation and she said, [00:06:00] Hey, I recommend that you listen to this episode, this podcast episode, I’m like, what is a podcast?

Like, what is this. But again, we had built this relationship and we had, you know, gotten into having a conversation about what I was struggling with and so on and so forth. And she said, Hey, listen to this episode. And so that’s when I first learned about podcast episodes. If I wouldn’t have learned in that time. About a podcast episode.

I probably wouldn’t have never learned about podcast up until maybe a year later after getting out. And this is really what started the foundation of this podcast too, because it helped me see. In realize that. There’s a platform that you can use. To encourage, to motivate, to share your message, to teach whatever it may be. On this platform. And so I learned about that.

Starting listening to podcasts episodes. Then got [00:07:00] into audio books, started learning in that way. As it was still very new. And so all of these things, all of these relationships, and this is just the one example. Have led me into different opportunities that I’ve never. Ever would have thought about the program that I went through.

I mean, I’m going to opportunity. Um, the other program that I went through that helped me go through so many interviews, expose me into different career fields, career opportunities. It was because someone mentioned it to me. Because someone said, Hey, you need to check out this program. Hey, you need check out this podcast.

Hey, you need to check out this certification. Hey, you need to talk to this person. And even the most recent, I actually just got done with a certification in a group program because someone recommended it to me, had no idea that this program was available. And so all of that to say, That you need to build. Relationships while you’re still in. And [00:08:00] not only internally.

So not only with military people, not only with military leaders, not only your mentors. But you need it to reach out and yes, this can be a family member. You can reach out to your uncle, to your cousin and just have a conversation say, Hey, I just, you know, have a quick question for you. I know that you’re in this industry, you know, what is, what’s it like, how did you get into this role?

Like, what do you like about it? And so as you’re asking questions and you’re connecting with people, You’re making genuine connections. Those relationships are going to be more meaningful when they’re going to be deeper. And they’re going to think about you. When they’re talking to other individuals. Because here’s the thing about. People. They will remember you.

And I think we’ve seen this quote everywhere. Not based on like what you know, or anything, but how you made me feel. And so if you can build a genuine connection, if you can reach out to, especially when it comes to saying, Hey, I would like your feedback, or I would like your help on [00:09:00] this one thing. And all that.

Sometimes we take it overboard and we take it to our head and we’re like, oh, we don’t need any help. I have enough friends. I don’t have time for this. But here’s the truth. Here’s the reality. People want to help you one and then two. People. No other people that you had no idea about. Trust me, like I go through this all the time. I’m like, oh my gosh.

I did not know. You knew about this field or someone that knows about this field. And I get referred to them. Another great example. I’m connected with Amanda Huffman. She is a podcast host for women in the military. And thanks to her podcast platform. She was able to create this mentorship program. And I have a mentee and she is phenomenal.

And if it wasn’t for Amanda’s podcast, if it wasn’t for me and Amanda connecting and me saying, yes, I want to participate in this mentoring [00:10:00] program. And so again, so many people that are out there willing to help you and connect you. And the bigger picture of this is that. This is what’s going to help you. To figure out sense of purpose. Because that’s exactly what happened to me.

Right. And I’m like, okay, how can I continue to serve and give back? It literally started when I was a recruiter. How can I help you? In a way where it’s beneficial for you to transition. And so that’s where it stemmed.

I’m like, oh my gosh, I could do this. And do it through a podcasts because this is a new tool and a platform and that is what gave me my sense of purpose. Now at the time I wasn’t working. And here’s what I also want to say. About this. Building relationships, connecting with people is going to help you see that it’s not, the job responsibility. To do that for you. And I think that we think in our brain [00:11:00] that, okay, this job how’s this job going to bring me the sense of purpose. No, that’s not the job or that roles responsibility. You as a leader, need to take responsibility. For your own sense of of purpose

so how are you going to find that within that industry? And again, this is why it’s so important. For you to start early on, connecting with people. Reaching out on what they’re doing in this industry? How has this program manager role. How does learning and development role, how was this project management role supply chain manager. Sales opportunities. So when you’re connecting, they will tell you they will share their journey and they were sharing exactly what is driving them.

Right. And we not be. The specific job that they do. But he might be what the company believes in. They might be what their team. Is going for as an impact and to give you another example. When I was, looking for a career roles in the civilian sector, it [00:12:00] wasn’t about, oh, I need to, you know, finding my purpose or my sense of purpose in that job.

It was more so of like, okay, how can I come in here? Provide the value. The service, my skills. Everything that I bring to the table as Wendi as a leader not my rank but how can I bring value? How can I serve this team? Just as I served when I was in the military. How can I literally be this now, you know, five years in. And for you maybe 20 years, right? This disciplined. This assertive. This resilient soldier, this resilient. Adaptable Marine. How can you now show up in that way? And I promise you, if you come in with this mentality and this perspective of. I am going to figure out. I purpose.

I’m not going to let or have this responsibility on the job or my [00:13:00] supervisor to provide a sense of purpose. I promise you, you are going to figure it out. Someone’s going to ask you to volunteer. Someone’s going to ask for help on maybe one of the projects or one of, their programs. And By connecting with those individuals.

You may say, well, I never thought that this was something that I could support in, or that I could help. Maybe there’s a nonprofit, maybe. You, , want to be the helper for the teacher? Like there’s, there’s always those opportunities. And here’s another thing too. The last story that I want to share. Especially for my new moms after I had my little one, she’s two now sold two and a half years ago. I, I was like what could I do that

is going to help me give back in a way where I’m spending time with my oldest. And at the time I was praying about it. I’m like, Lord, please guide me to someone that’s going to help me. Find something that I could do to serve and spend time with my daughter. And at the time I get an email that says we’re looking for two [00:14:00] volunteers that can help out with girls on the run. And I’m like, oh my gosh, this is a great opportunity, but I’m out of shape. Because I had just had my, my baby. And so. I immediately email the point of contact as a, Hey, I’m interested, but here’s kind of like my restriction right now.

I can’t I can’t promise you that I’m gonna run over two miles. And my time may be slow and she calls me and she’s like, listen, We just need volunteers that are willing to be there and encourage and empower these third grade to fifth graders. And I’m like, oh, I can do that.

I’ll be there. Sign me up. And so when I participated I was serving in a different way. I never. I thought that I could be with third grade to fifth grade girls and be able to encourage them and motivate them. But they needed the help. I was there to help.

And again, it’s you finding and exploring little, like, things like that. That’s going to help you. And obviously I’m not that wasn’t the, the program. Responsibility to [00:15:00] provide that sense of purpose, but it’s something that you, or that I had to, you know, kind of put two and two together until what’s it going to be for you or what is your sense of purpose into what you’re doing?

That you will figure out when you start building those connections.

When you start reaching out to people and asking them questions and saying, Hey. I see that you’re doing this. What about this? Is it that you like,, but what I encourage you to not do is to make that role or this new civilian life or civilian career. Don’t put the responsibility on that one job. It’s your responsibility. You’re a leader. For you to take ownership and figure that out. And it starts with you building connections.

It starts with you connecting. Networking. And build on those relationships because trust me, there’s so many things that you don’t know. So many things that I don’t know. But when you connect with people in your genuine. and simply asked them. [00:16:00] How did you get into this? How did you get into this role? They will appreciate that you’re interested. And if you are. Interested.

They’re going to remember because they’re like, oh, this person that person made me feel interesting. Now this person is interesting because they made me feel that way. Right.

Going back to how you made them feel. And so now they’re going to remember you. Just like I just gave Joshua shutout. I remembered him because of the way that he encouraged me to talk about this the day before Thanksgiving. And so how can you do this now? Right. Like for you to take action today. You could simply do it online.

You can connect with someone on LinkedIn. You can connect with me today. Go on LinkedIn and connect with me, say I heard your podcast, I just want to connect I’ll connect with you. And I promise I’ll get back to you. It may not be the same day, but I’ll get back to you., or you can just connect with someone that’s outside of the military that maybe you haven’t talked to in a minute. [00:17:00] Maybe it’s been years, maybe it’s been months. Reach out to them and say, Hey. I just realized that you are in manufacturing and I wanted to pick your brain for a couple of minutes or how’s it going?

Whatever it may be for you however, You think that relationship or that conversation can go. It could be at a family. Event could go talk to your uncle to your cousin, whomever. Hey, how did you get into this role? Or, you know, how are you liking, you know, you’ve been in this industry for 10 years. Have those conversations and I promise you that they’re going to connect to you and they’re going to be like, oh yeah, I can, you know, if you want to learn more, I can connect you with such-and-such. And so again, just building connections, connecting and building relationships. We have these conversations all the time in the military we’re are not shy we’re ready to ask a question. Connect with others. And remember we’re all strangers and we go to one duty station and no one knows anyone. And then all of a [00:18:00] sudden, within two days, three days, It’s like your family now. And so again, use the time, your skills, who you are. Allow that to help you. To connect with people. Like, you know how to do it., this is not new to you, especially if you’ve been in four or six years. So I encourage you today to go connect this home one. Go reach out to them. Um, either in person or online. And then let me know, send me a DM saying, Hey, I did it, or I didn’t do it. Whatever works for you or share this episode, if you found this helpful, if you know that someone transitioning out, share this episode with them. I promise you, they’re going to thank you later because this is something probably that they never considered and they’re probably maybe hesitant to do it.

And so I encourage you to share this episode and I will also link a video. On, I talked about networking, and kind of like where to begin. It was on LinkedIn. I posted it a couple of months back. So I’ll link it here. But you all, I [00:19:00] hope that this encourages you and I hope that you have a beautiful rest of your week.

Talk to you all soon. Bye.

Hey lady, if this podcast helped you, challenged you or inspired you in some way, please leave me a written review for the show on Apple Podcasts and share it with another military sister and please join us in the military women community on Facebook at bit.

ly forward slash beyond the military GRP. Again, it is. Bitly beyond the military GRP. All right. Talk to you soon. Bye