Welcome to Beyond the Military Podcast, a space for military women determined to focus on life outside of the military. As a fellow woman veteran who once felt lost after leaving the military, I know firsthand the challenges that we face. Hi, my name is Wendy Wray, a woman of God, wife, mom of three, army veteran. Life and career coach, and I’m on a mission to equip and empower women like yourself to excel in life and career with confidence. In this podcast, you’ll walk away with a tool that will help you navigate your career and life mentally and emotionally during and beyond your service. So if you’re ready to go from stuck to confident, this podcast is for you. Loosen up your laces and grab a coffee because it’s time to step up. Into a new chapter with clarity and confidence./hello and welcome to episode 244. I hope you are doing amazing. And you all, what is happening? Time is going by too fast. We are in November. When you listen to this podcast, we’ll have about three weeks before the holidays officially kick off. I know some of you are. Possibly already in holiday mode. I know I am sometimes and I have to remind myself that. We are not there yet. But let’s face it. I mean, Veteran’s day is right on the corner. Then we have Thanksgiving. Then we have the entire December two. Just prepare for Christmas and there’s just so much. To get done. I’m sure you’re possibly feeling the same. And not to mention if you have little ones, right? Like my, my two year old now she just turned two and I just love spending so much time with her. It’s ridiculous. I sometimes feel bad for her because I’m always in her face. But it’s okay because I just want to love her in this moment. And. Also of course love my other ones, but the things that she is saying now is just, it just blows my mind. I mean, now she’s talking to me in sentences. You all like it’s. Insane to me. And there’s a lot of things going on. Like I’m not going to lie. There’s a lot of things that I’m involved in. And sometimes I just have to completely tune all of that out and focus on her because she’s so little and she needs me 99.9% of the time. But I’m enjoying it and I’m just indulging and everything. And on top of that, Like I said, there’s the bigger kids with activities with sports and there’s just a lot going on. And so regardless of where you are in your life, I wanted to speak to you today. Because of where I am in my life as well. And so I really hope that this episode blesses you this topic because one of the things that I was kind of focusing in, and as I’m planning out November and I had this idea and it really just kind of gave me this opportunity to talk about it, because I’m hoping that it’s going to help you where you are, regardless of your career. You’re focused on. Your personal life, maybe you’re getting married this year. Maybe you’re having a child this year. Maybe you just had a child this year. And there’s just so many things, right? Especially as moms, there’s just so many things that we take on so many hats that we have to wear as a woman. And as a way for, as a mother or as a friend, as a daughter. And I want to encourage you to continue to stay focused on what matters most right. For most of us is family. For most of us, just relationships. If you know, you’re single and you’re building on other relationships. But I also want to remind you that you want to stay to say focused. And I also want to remind you that it’s okay to not be focused on everything at the same time. Like it’s okay for you to take a break on your education or on work or other activities or other projects, because that’s literally what I’m telling myself now. I’m like, I know that there’s only a month left. And even, or two months left, but I’m just thinking about December now. I won’t really be doing much past the 15th of December when it comes to work or anything other than just spending time with the family. And so I was thinking, well, I have like a month, like 30 days left. Like, what else am I going to do? And so I actually started this new course it’s a six week course and it’s very, very intense. I mean it’s still very intense actually. Don’t get done until next week. So one of the things that I have to remind myself was to not think too far ahead. Not think of all the details that are to come. And then it got me thinking of you. It got me thinking of how sometimes, how detailed we want to be. We want to have this plan. We want to have this course of action. That needs to be laid out in a way where. We know we’re going to be safe or we’re going to be certain. And what we’re doing so for me, I had to remind myself that I don’t need to know every single detail or at least having a detailed plan. Now in order to get things done. And also, I also reminded myself that it’s okay if I can’t see the full picture now. The only thing I need to be focused on. And this is what I want you to get out of this episode. If anything is. That you still want to take action for the little things, right? For the 50 meter targets. I want you to stay focused on the 50 meter targets. Like, what is it that you can do now? That’s going to help prepare you for the next thing. So let me give you an example. So for me. I still want it to be able to pre-record episodes for this podcast. I want to be able to start my marketing campaign for the next year for my brave and bold bootcamp. I want to also prepare for all the things that are coming up for the kids sports. I also want to prepare for everything that’s going to come along for the holidays. Right? So there’s so many things and also work. And also these additional things that I am working towards. My developmental opportunities, right? Courses, certifications, anything of that sort. Not to mention I also have a book club we read three books a year. So we have that and then there’s like family events and then there’s all these other things, right. And so then I’m like, oh my gosh, there’s a lot going on. And I immediately went into like confusion and like, I froze. I’m like, oh my gosh, there’s so much. And like, I got tired of just thinking of all that. And so then I’m like, okay, Wendy, like, seriously, you’re doing this again. I focus on the next most important thing. And for me, it was just spending time with the family, you know, the weekend. I’m just going to be able to focus on them. And then Sunday morning, I’m going to go ahead and get back to work on. What I need to put out for the week and what I need about for the month, not being as detailed as I typically am with like my month as I’m preparing for the following month. So in this case for this month for November, I’m not going to plan out as, as much as I typically do. I’m just going to focus on three things I need accomplish this month. And so for you, what is that for you? Right. So if you’re transitioning out of the military, if you’re looking for a new opportunity, a new job, a new career, What does that look for? You look like for you. Does that mean that you’re going to. Only do three things that are going to help you. Move forward. For example, are you going to look at companies? Are you going to look at opportunities, job descriptions? Are you going to start editing your resume? Based on that opportunity. That’s what I’m talking about here. And so for me it was more so okay. My biggest thing that I have to do every single month, early every week and every day is my calendar. That is how I am able to do things based on what’s priority. If it’s not priority, it’s not going to get done. Ahead of time. If I don’t need it to be done ahead of time. Because I already have. A lot of things going on on my day to day. And so what did, what does that look like for you? If you are. Planning your wedding. Right. Like, what are the immediate things that you really need to get done this week? Or this month? That is going to prepare you for that thing. And again, it may not be anything that bake, right. It could be something as simple as I’m just going to consider different opportunities. What do I, where do I need to start? What three things. Can I do. Today this week, this month. That are going to help me to get there. One of the things that a lot of people ask me is, you know, how do you stay organized within everything that you need to get done? Like, how do you do it? Like, how do you say sane? And my answer to them is always, well, one. Thank God. Right. Like, I praise him because he gives me the energy. He wakes me up every morning because he has given me another day to serve, to put out the value that he’s gifted me with. And so that’s what motivates me every single day, even when I have to wake up early in the morning, or even when there’s a late night for me. But that being said, That keeps me grounded. But then on top of that, I have to put it. In one place for me to know that it needs to get done. For example, my calendar or click up those two things right there are exactly. What keeps me going. I have some hacks too, with my email that reminds me, I snooze it. To remind me that, okay. I need to respond to this individual. I always respond where I need to respond to if it’s an email that I know I have no desire in taking part, any advertising or marketing type of thing. They’re trying to sell me something I don’t respond to. But if it’s something that someone that I know, and I know I need to respond. I will make sure I make note of that email and I will come back to it another time. If it’s something that’s going to take less than a minute, I go ahead and respond. But if it’s going to take more of an intentional thought process or decision, or even. More of a conversation that I want to spend more than two minutes on, it’s going to be put on my calendar and or the way that I like to use my email in a different way. So you’ll find these different techniques, these different hacks tips, whatever you want to call them. But it needs to work for you. And so that is the second part of like how I do things personally. But on top of that. You want to stay focused on what it is that you are calling for. Right. So, like I said earlier, if you’re transitioning out of the military, What three things can you do this week as the example? That you can add to your list, to your calendar, that it’s going to help you. To stay focused to keep moving and still doing your everyday things because listen. Time goes by fast. And by that, I mean that if you snooze you lose, if you don’t plan it, if you don’t allocate it, if you don’t intentionally set it apart. You’re going to get sucked into social media. You’re going to get sucked in into other people’s needs. And then your knees are going to be at the very bottom. And that is exactly why I encourage you. To stay focused on the 50 meter targets. Yes. We want to see the big picture. We want to see the entire, you know, 5,000 meters, you know, detailed plan. Yes. And if you can do that, go ahead. Do it highly encourage you to do so. But when you are tired, when you sometimes feel that. You just don’t want to think any further into anything detailed or that’s going to take a lot of your energy. I want you to conserve that energy in a way where they you’re just focused on the top three things. That are going to help you get to the next 50 meter target to the hundred meter target now so by you doing that, you’re going to be able to see now okay. It’s Monday. And today I can only do this one thing that is going to help me to prepare my resume that one thing is finding a job description. Okay. Fonda drug prescription. I can do that by tomorrow at the latest. When you can focus on the one thing, then you. Allow that. That process of your mind. So thinking like, oh my gosh, I still have to do this resume. And I have to, I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to do that. W. When am I going to find that time to find this job description. I don’t even know what I want to do in my life. All these thoughts are necessarily like thought errors that I like to call. Are no longer going to be entertained because I’m going like, okay, I’m going to focus in that by tomorrow morning, I’ll do this at five in the morning. And I’ll do it then, and then I’ll have one thing less to do. Okay. Then what’s the next thing. Okay. Once I find my job description, I am then going to. Use AI to figure out what keywords I need. Okay I’m gonna do it by Wednesday. Thursday, I’m going to start. On my work and on my resume that draft. And then by Saturday I’ll summit again, I’m just making up this timeline in my head right now. Make it your own, whatever it is for you. If you need to study for a test or you have a midterm coming, or you have these projects coming up. Break it down in that same way. But I encourage you again. If you get anything out of this today. Is to only focus on. That next step on that next thing that’s going to help you. Make some traction. To the next thing. Don’t get too focused on all the detailed, because I know, listen, I get it. Everything has to get done soon and we’re getting close to the end of the year. Some of you may be applying for jobs during this time. Some of you are getting married. Some of you are just changing jobs. Some of you are becoming a mom. Some of you are. Possibly just picking up a new hobby, whatever it is for you. Focus on the 50 meter target. Tasks that you need to do two goals. And do it. And then you keep it moving and you keep it moving. And yes, I still say if you want the plan for that 30 day due, so it doesn’t have to be detailed, but still make, you know, have those. Phases outlined. But you want to focus only on the 50 meter targets. Don’t get sucked in to all the things that you need to get done and get overwhelmed and then get stuck. And now you’re like, okay, I’m just not going to do it. Because I don’t have the time. The truth is, is you do have the time, you just, the mental chaos is what you don’t have time for. And that’s where you get sucked in. You’re like, oh, mental chaos. What’s happening. You, you are not able to manage all those thought errors. And so you get sucked in into this overwhelm and confusion, and then four, you get stuck. And so again, Before I started recording this episode, I was almost getting sucked into that. And I was like, oh my gosh. I only have 30 days left to get all of this done. And I’m like, wait a minute. I’m thinking too far ahead. What are the three things I could be doing? One of them is recording this episode, recording this episode, and then the next one’s going to be recording another episode for the following week. And then I’m able to move into the bigger picture, which is my marketing campaign for next early next year. Because now I’m thinking backwards right now. I’m like, okay, I recorded these two out of the way. Now I’m able to record a three more. They’re going to help me for the early next year, because I’m not recording anything until probably February, just because of how. Intense. I know it’s going to be the first month of the year and everybody going back to school and it’s just all these things that are happening work. You know, people start working. They get back to work earlier. And so again, I know that I won’t have the bandwidth. And so therefore I have to play. You know, plan ahead. Plan backwards in focus. On those of the meter targets. All right. I hold that this has been beneficial for you. I hope that you got, if anything out of this to stay focused on what’s going to keep you moving forward. All right. I hope that you have a beautiful rest of your week and happy early Veterans day the next episode won’t publish until after veteran’s day. So I hope you have a great weekend and thank you for all that you do. All right. Have a beautiful rest of your day. Bye. Hey lady, if this podcast helped you, challenged you or inspired you in some way, please leave me a written review for the show on Apple Podcasts and share it with another military sister. I’m so blessed that you are here and please join us in the military women community on Facebook at bit. ly forward slash beyond the military GRP. Again, it is. Bitly beyond the military GRP. All right. Talk to you soon. Bye