Wendi: [00:00:00] Welcome to Beyond the Military Podcast, a space for military women determined to focus on life outside of the military. As a woman veteran who once felt lost after leaving the military, I know firsthand the challenges that we face. Hi, my name is Wendi Wray, a woman of God, wife, mom of three, army veteran and career coach, and I’m on a mission to equip and empower women like yourself to excel in life and career with confidence.

Hello ladies. And welcome I am so happy that you’re joining me today. Today, we are talking about the five emotions that women need for their military transition. And listen, if you’ve already transitioned. Or you are thinking about the transition. This episode is still a good one for you, because this will help you in any pivot that you make any change that you’re getting ready to make, because here’s the thing. [00:01:00] We want to be able to know the emotions that are going to come up during a change or a transition, but most importantly, our military transition. Here’s the truth. It’s going to be stressful. It’s going to be challenging. So how do we do this in a way where we continue to show confidence, the confidence that we already have, that we’ve already built, that we’ve already created into the civilian sector, into the next chapter of our lives.

Before during and after the transition, because trust me. That is exactly how it will happen. You have all these emotions that are both positive and negative at the very beginning. And you’ll get that while you’re in it while. In the actual transition when you’re physically. Getting your papers cleared, getting into you, you know, this new city, this new location, this new opportunity, and then a whole different, and some similar emotions will come up as you are [00:02:00] already out within the first year.

You’ll notice that all of this is going to come up and so I’ll want to. And it might you today to take a moment. And allow me to provide you these five emotions that you have already. Either created before have used before in your military career, because this is something that we typically do. We want to continue to focus on these emotions to get, to get us through this challenge.

Four area, this sucky part. To the end result to the goal, to the success that we want. And so today I want to invite you to one, the first emotion. To really feel. Committed to be completely committed. For your military transition. And so what that looks like, that means that you are in it, no matter what, like you already [00:03:00] decided that you were getting out. And you are all in with. Really focusing on the new self concept on the new self concept of who you are. Based on your experience and the skillsets that you have already built while you were in. Because listen, there’s so much that you already know so many things, so many skills, all the experiences that you have that is definitely going to transfer into another role into another opportunity. Just like you did, or you were in the military. And so the first thing, the first emotion for you to focus on is commitment for you to be all in, to commit. And now if you’ve been tuning in with me for a minute now, you know, that. How we think is how we create our emotions. So, what are you going to focus on to help you generate this commitment? What is it that you want to think about constantly continue to focus on that thought. [00:04:00] That’s going through this commitment for me, it was getting into this whole new lifestyle.

Now then later. Um, As I was getting further into my career military career. So for me, what kept me committed for this transition was knowing that. Now was the best time for me and my family. In this moment, I wasn’t going to continue to push my time. Cause that’s what I was doing. And you’ll see here.

Um, what I’m talking about based on why we want to focus on these emotions, if not our brain. Is going to want to seek comfort and it’s going to want to seek the easy way out. And so if we continue to stick to the first one commitment, We want to be able to generate that with what we’re thinking, all of these assumptions, we need to generate it with a thought.

We need a generator with multiple thoughts. And what helps you may not help me, but for the most part, you know, what, what your commitment will be or what you’re going to be committed to [00:05:00] committed to a new lifestyle, committed to more time with my kids, committed to start a family, committed to, you know, begin dating, committed to a new adventure, whatever that looks like for you.

And that is going to generate commitment for you to go all in, in your Millie. Your transition from military to civilian. The next emotion, emotion. Number two is courage. And like I said before, This is something that you are ready, comes easy for you to have the courage, right? Physical courage. Most of the time, we’ve had to create physical courage based on the obstacles that we have physically, literally. In front of us. And so for you now, it’s going to take more of the unknown, right?

Like we can’t see the obstacles. It’s not clear in front of us. Like we were in the physical. Challenging a moment. But now we want to [00:06:00] really just shop ourselves. With the experience or even the challenges that we had before that we have had. And have shown courage before. And so how can we now show courage? During this journey. For me, I always, again, Went back to my why, why am I doing this?

I want to be Olympic because I want this new way of life. I want this new way of life for my family and for myself. And be able to be there more often. And so for me, it took courage. And really to be all in, no matter what to really one be committed, right. Generate that emotion of commitment and to generate the, the emotion of courage. And again, we always say that, yes, we’re going to have the courage to go out there. And tell someone that I need help with my resume. Have the courage to go out there. [00:07:00] And really begin to focus on the things that are not going to go well.

Right. Maybe my finances, maybe my relocation, right? Like really have the courage to go through all of that sucky part, because it’s going to suck. It’s not going to work as planned. I will tell you that right now. And I’m sure you know, this nothing is perfect. Nothing is going to work out as we plan.

And I’m sure you’d know of this from all the planning that we did in the military. And then when we go out, when we do the. The actual training or the actual, um, exercise, training, exercise. It doesn’t work out that way. And so can having the courage ahead of time. And really focusing on what’s going to help you. Generate that courage. You know, You know, my husband’s got me or my family has got me. Um, I have the support that I need.

There are so many. Um, organizations out there that are ready to help me. That was what I was thinking. Like there are so many [00:08:00] opportunities out there. So many programs, so many people that are ready and willing to help me. So that created the courage for me to get out of my comfort zone. And raise my hand and say, Hey, I need help.

I need your support. Can you connect me with someone? Can you guide me? Can you tell me more about what you’re doing? As an HR manager gave me the courage to sign up to programs that I never, that I would ever sign up for. So again, what is that going? What is that thought that is going to create that courage for you? Emotion number three, resilience and listen, we are all resilient and have been resilient at one point of our career. It doesn’t matter how small you think your resilience was or how big. You are going to need to be able to generate resilience. And not only once, but times a hundred times a thousand. Because here’s the truth. The first resume that you submit, or the [00:09:00] first role that you think you’re going to go into is not going to happen. Which recently my client and I submitted she’s admitted. I hope there’s some at her first resume. And she got a response with no. Her first rejection her first?

No. In a formal way, which again, I was really grateful that she did get that formally from the company saying that. You know, they moved on to other candidates that would be a better fit for that role. And again, right. The resiliency that’s going to continue to take for her to get a hundred nos, to get another 50 nos from different other opportunities. And so for you, what is it going to take to continue? To feel resilient to be in resilient mode throughout this process, because it could be two years.

It could be one year. It could be six months that you are. Going through this transition. And you want to be able to be resilient for the most part. [00:10:00] And even when you’re in that role, right, there’s going to be so many challenges and so many obstacles, and we want to be resilient. Especially when we are. In a time where, you know, there are so many opportunities and there are so many other candidates that are just as experienced or maybe even, you know, the right, a better fit for that role. And so again, the first resume is not going to work.

The first opportunity may not work. The first job may not work, right. The first role that you go into may not work. Will you have the resiliency? To keep going. And I know you do because you’ve shown it before. And so I want you to focus on a couple of thoughts. That’s going to help you. To bounce back up and get back and get back on that. Um, train of getting things done, even when it’s hard, because you’re committed, you have the courage to do [00:11:00] so.

And you’re going to be resilient enough to do it a thousand more times. So not getting completely discouraged the first 50 times. But to focus on there’s more out there and there’s other people that can help me. There’s other opportunities I could be going into. And so again, being resilient enough, feeling resilient so that you can go and continue to take action.

That’s the goal. And number four, which I want to say is my favorite. And here’s why. The fourth one is desire. The desire for you. To continue. On this tough, hard journey. Because when I tell you that it’s going to be difficult, you’re going to get rejected. We, for some reason, as military, do not know how to deal with rejection. Especially as a woman, we think that it’s us as an individual.

When we have to remember that when we get rejected from a company or from a role it’s not really necessarily that [00:12:00] we suck or that we’re not good enough, it’s just that we’re not the right fit for that role. And it takes us a moment to understand that. And so we then lose desire, right? We don’t feel as encouraged or motivated to keep going. Or even to continue to. Look for the opportunities that we think is going to be good for us. And so does higher creating desire. For the next chapter in your life. The next career field that you’ll be in the next career that you are willing to take on. When you can create desire for your next chapter. I promise you, you’re going to be taking action. You’re going to be creating results or you’re going to meet. Meet people. You’re going to be. Um, talking to them about how excited and how much desire this new [00:13:00] opportunity in your life. What are you going to do?

You’re going to start researching. You’re going to start brainstorming. You may even start networking. Yes. I know some of you are probably thinking, like, why can’t I get myself to network? Why can’t I get myself to start looking things up for what the possibilities are out there? It’s because you haven’t created enough desire for your next chapter. So I encourage you to begin to generate. This feeling and emotion of desire. Desire for this new opportunity.

Now, how do you do that? You want to be able to think of what you, how you would be and what your life would be like if you weren’t in this opportunity. Whatever your dream opportunity may be. If it’s, um, you know, pivoting your entire, um, career field, that’s completely fine. I want you to focus on. How you will be. As this new. This individual that [00:14:00] is. Literally taking a, an entire identity change from wearing the uniform, wearing the ring in the position to this new professional. This professional that you’ve possibly, always wanted. Or you aspire to be, and now this is your chance. What does that look like? And so when you start thinking all of that, like for me, It was just simply being a life coach. In 2016, I was just completely sold and being a life coach. And so for me, I was like, I’ll be helping other women.

I’ll be helping other veterans. It really that’s how it started. I was just so focused on helping veterans. And then my desire changed to woman. How can I help women in their life and career? How can I help them? And just when I really got into, you know, thinking how I would, you know, be able to support them, how they would continue on their journey and just continue to be a better individual, a better leader, a better. You know, mom, [00:15:00] wife in the civilian sector. Really just put that fire in my belly and just continued. To put in the work, this podcast, this episode. Everything that I do is because of the desire that I create. And I’m intentional with it.

And that’s exactly what I’m offering you here right now. The desire for you to go do the research and it’s, I know it’s not easy. The desire for you to print storm rolls a desire for you to network, to reach out and say, Hey. Can you help me? Hey, I know that you can help me. Can we schedule some time together. Whatever it may be, or reach out to a program.

Hey, when is the next class? Whatever it is. And then the fifth one discipline. Most of us already have the discipline. To keep going already have the discipline to do the things that we need to do, even when we’re tired. Even when it’s not working out, even when it’s hard. [00:16:00] You already have these and have practiced these emotions. So much in, so often already that I promise you the more that you can be intentional with these, for your military transition into the civilian sector. It’s only going to get better. You continue to practice.

You continue to. We generate all these thoughts. That are going to help you. Too. Not only create these emotions, but also to take action because that’s the goal, right? Our thoughts create our feelings are feelings. Drive our actions, interactions, create our results. And that’s what we’re looking for here. We want to be able to guide our mind because if we don’t our brain, like I said earlier, is going to want to do the easy. And the most comfortable or requires no effort whatsoever. And this is what’s going to happen typically. When. You don’t, you aren’t intentional [00:17:00] about being committed, having the courage, being resilient, having the desire or even discipline. Your brain is going to going to want to be indecisive.

Oh my gosh. Should I really be getting out? Am I making the right career decision? I should just stay in. Or here’s what it did for me. He kept me busy at work. It. Really. Allowed me to find so many other things that I needed to get done at work. And told me that. I had no time to focus on my transition. So, again, I wasn’t doing this consciously, but I created so much busy work.

Busy-ness. But I didn’t have time to focus on my transition. And then another thing that really. Didn’t help me was. Going into this whole perfectionism. Mentality of I’m going to create this perfect resume. I’m going to create this perfect profile. I’m going to, you know, Try to create the [00:18:00] perfect elevator pitch. When there isn’t such a thing instead of submitting and. Uh, applications or submitting my resume to different applications. I literally waited till the last minute to reach out to a program to help me find or get in front of companies to help me find an opportunity. And then it also, what it does is that your brain wants to get distracted. In a way where now it’s offering you. Um, self-doubt. It’s offering you confusion. It’s offering you wordy. And that’s literally what happened to me.

It was like, okay, self-doubt kicked in. You are not, you know, good enough. You don’t have the experience. You don’t have the skills, you don’t have that specific degree. Um, you don’t have enough money in the bank. You shouldn’t do this. So. So many obstacles that it was providing, because again, it was trying to distract me from. Getting things done from doing the things that were going [00:19:00] to help me make progress in my transition. And so for you, you know, what is it, what emotion. Are you struggling to generate more intentional? For some of you, it could be the courage for some of you.

It can be that desire, right? Maybe you don’t have a specific job or desire for your next chapter. Maybe that’s where you need to start.

And listen, if you’re like, Hey, I need help. Now. I need someone that’s going to help. Hold. Hold me accountable, help me through this journey because I need to be able to figure out my career after the military. Go to LinkedIn, send me a direct message and you can find me at Wendi Wray the link will be in the show notes all right, ladies, that’s all that I have for you today. Have a great rest of your week. Talk to you soon. Bye.

Hey lady, if this podcast helped you, challenged you or inspired you in some way, please leave me a written review for the show on Apple Podcasts and share it with another military sister. All right. Talk to you soon. [00:20:00] Bye