Wendi: [00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to episode 239. Today I want to focus is episode on the topic of our emotions during the military transition. I know that this is something that we don’t talk a lot about, and I think that we do. Because it’s honestly what drives us to take action? 

What gets us to the result in a manner or in a way where we’re able to do it in a better way and have a better outlook on what’s out there for us. A better perspective per se. And listen, if you are going through a challenging moment in your life, or you are going through a lot of negative emotions right now in your life career, this is also applicable for you. But before I dive into the topic, I want to invite you. 

If you haven’t already. Come join me in brave and bold bootcamp. This is an opportunity for you. If you’re transitioning out of the military and you’re looking to transition to the next 30, 60, or 90 days. It’s a six week. Coaching group, [00:01:00] where you get to come in and get not only coaching for myself, but also you’ll be able to identify what role you would be best. Best fit for you in your, based on your career goals in the civilian sector. And also, we’re going to revamp your, your resume, your LinkedIn profile, but I am also going to teach you what I also teach my clients the tips on how to better network, not only on LinkedIn or social media, but also at in-person events. 

How to show up with confidence in a way where people are actually reaching out to you and saying, Hey, I have an opportunity for you. I met you at this event, or I saw your profile on LinkedIn. When your LinkedIn profile came up and I want to talk further about the opportunities that you’re interested in. And so this is a great opportunity for you to come in. Get clear on exactly what you want to do in the civilian sector and also be able to support one another as a community. 

And [00:02:00] most importantly, help you how to handle those negative emotions when they come up, because they will come up when you’re applying. They’ll come up. When you’re in an interview, they’ll come up when you’re an in-person event, especially for those of you that do not like to go out there and talk about yourself or talk about what you’re going to do. 

This is the opportunity for you to come in. And learn exactly what you want to do, and then be able to communicate it effectively so that others can then say, okay, This person knows exactly what they want to do. She knows exactly what opportunity she’s looking for. And also she is ready because she knows how to communicate. The military skills and motor experience that you’ve also accomplished and possibly even are ready to also do that in the civilian sector. All right. 

Well, I hope you join me. The link is in the show notes, or you can go to wendiwray.com/coaching. Again, come join me on brave and bold bootcamp. It’s a six week program in week. It started on October 14th. So go sign up if you haven’t already go do it now are [00:03:00] right. So let’s get into. Handling our emotions when we’re going through the military transition. 

And the reason I picked the military military transition is because that is one of the hardest and challenging moments for a lot of us emotionally. There’s a lot of uncertainty. There’s a lot of stress overwhelm anxiety at times. And so I wanted to ensure that you’re not only ready, but also be. Aware of. These emotions coming up. And it’s completely okay. 

It’s completely normal. If you’re on my email list, you possibly just received an email talking about this. And if you’re not on my email list or have not followed me on LinkedIn, I want to invite you to come do so, so that you can get on my email list and start getting not only tips, but also weekly emails to encourage you to ring the process for your transition or even just in career growth or relationships. And so I want you to think about your transition if you tried to transition already or where you are right now in your military transition. 

And for those of you thinking [00:04:00] about the military transition, I want you to identify how you’re feeling about that. If I were to say, well, you’re going to, you know, transition in X amount of months, or this is your date. Like what comes up for you? Are you feeling overwhelmed? Are you feeling frustrated? 

Are you feeling stressed? Like what exactly are you feeling? And then I want you to think. Is this something that mainly comes up because I’m thinking about. You know, the, the what ifs or because I have no idea. Of what exactly I’m going to do. Because there’s, there’s a difference. I’ve worked with women that I know exactly what they want. But then they go into the what ifs, right? 

Like they know that let’s just say they want to be a project manager, but then they’re like, what if there’s something else out there for me? Right. Then they get curious, but then they don’t get curious in a way where they are excited about, about it. They get curious about like, oh man, like what if I’m missing out? 

And then they kind of go back to square one. Right. And they don’t take action. Or [00:05:00] they’re like, I have no idea what I want to do. I have no idea. If I want to do the exact same thing that I was doing in the military. And so then they become frustrated and overwhelmed because now they’re like thinking of just not moving forward or not having any idea. 

Right. They’re feeling stuck. And so that’s where I come in and this is where I highly recommend. If you are. Navigating this alone. I highly recommend that you truly take a moment and identify how you’re feeling and then identify what is it that you’re thinking about? Like, what’s that thought that’s or that belief that’s causing that emotion. Two. To compound to actually you know, grow more and more. 

So for example, be more overwhelmed, like, oh my gosh, I have not only to decide what I need to do, but also have to do my resume. I have to do my LinkedIn profile. I have to learn how to. Prepare for an interview. I have to learn exactly what I, you know, what I need to say about the stories that I have, how to communicate. All my military experience and also translate [00:06:00] that. 

So that could also then compound this to do list or I’m sorry. Mr. Because they then compound. A lot of overwhelmed because you’re like, I don’t know where to begin. There’s so much to do. I barely have time to do my day-to-day things and oh, by the way, I’m a mom at the kids and I didn’t take them here. 

And so all of that will be caused by all the thoughts that you’re having. And so today I want to offer. That instead of feeling stuck, possibly even unmotivated or unqualified, I want to encourage you. To simply allow them to be there to simply allow. Yourself to feel uncertain, allowing yourself and be aware of the thoughts. That are coming up for you in those emotions, because what I don’t want you to do is to ignore them and pretend that they’re not there. Yes, of course, you’re going to feel overwhelmed and you’re going to feel stressed that you’re going to feel anxious. 

You’re going to feel the uncertainty come up in most importantly, the self doubt is going to come up to listen. I went through that. There’s a [00:07:00] lot of things that happen here. A lot of the mind drama. That happens on our day to day because we’re not aware of it. We’re not acknowledging it. And so one. Kind of quick. Activity for you to do or for, for you to identify exactly. What’s going on is to identify the thoughts. 

And it’s just, it’s going to literally take you no less. I mean, no more than 10 minutes. Give yourself 10 minutes. So identify what exactly am I thinking about this transition or whatever challenger you’re having, maybe in a relationship and maybe with your boss and maybe with a family member and maybe with your kids, like, what am I thinking about this circumstance? So you may be thinking I don’t have all the qualifications, right. That could be it. And if for some of you like, oh my gosh, I don’t have a master’s degree or don’t. I have my PMP certification. So then that thought alone is going to create self doubt. And so when we. In experienced self doubt. 

A lot of the times we want to [00:08:00] avoid it. We want to resist it. Or we simply just want to react to it. We’re like, okay, let me just go off on something or someone, or let me just completely forget that I’m transitioning out of the military. That’s what I did. I tried to avoid it as much as I could. And so then you’re not taking action, right? 

You’re still possibly believing that you’re not that you don’t have all the qualifications and you may not right. But what I’m getting to here is that you’re not allowing the self-doubt. So then you are going to continue to end up wasting time. In not actually looking at the opportunities. That you’re qualified for. Meaning that that self doubt is going to compound. 

If you don’t, if you do not acknowledge it or not aware of it. So, this is so important because what you then want to do is focus on the opposite of self doubt. What can you say today with confidence that you are [00:09:00] qualified for? And it’s just one. Quick example. I want you to use your own as your way of getting out of this and allowing that negative emotion. 

Again, we’re not talking about this a lot. Why? Because. We don’t like talking about emotion for some reason. We’re like, let’s just not talk about it. And let’s keep looking for jobs and applying and expect to show up with confidence when no self doubt is going to show up and yes, you make it the job, but then there’s another phase right now. 

You have to go and show up to the job. You know, how do you then handle these negative emotions when they come up? Because they will come up, especially if you’ve re you’re resisting. The Seftel, if you’re resisting the overwhelmed, think about the beach ball. And I’ve said this before on this podcast, when you’re resisting something, you’re pushing this beach ball down into the water, and eventually that ball has to come out of the water. 

And so it’s really a matter of when you’re going to just. Let that ball out and it may not be in the best way. Right. You may break [00:10:00] down. You may yell, you may do something. That’s not like you your own. Leadership, your own personal, your personality. And so again, I want you to take a moment. Take 10 minutes, no more than 10 minutes and really identify what is it I’m thinking about the situation, the circumstance, or my transition. Write it down or type it somewhere in your phone. And then identify the emotion. 

I want you to be clear. And aware of the emotion that’s coming up for you. It could be self doubt. One certainty, overwhelm stress, anxiety. I want you to get clear. And I, then I want you to, from a place of love, Nope. Not a place of fear or a place. Of anger. I want you to. Give yourself some grace. And really give yourself from a place of love. 

Ask yourself, how can I now? Use this for me to help me move forward. Okay. I mean, I have all the qualifications, but what qualifications [00:11:00] do I have to help me with this new opportunity? Then I need you to write it down. And then I want you to review that every single time and identify what is it that you do have, and don’t have, because then now you’re going to be moving into a place of you. 

Take an action. And you feeling more confident of what you do have versus focusing on we don’t have, because again, that’s exactly what our mind wants to do. It wants to go into a place of, okay, what is it that we don’t have? So we can go and go take action and do it. Without even being clear if that’s what you want to do. Because that’s how we’re trained. 

Right. And we’re like, what is it that we need? Go get it done, come back and do it again. But no, let’s take a moment. Take a deep breath. Kate yourself, some grace and ask herself. What exactly do I need to think now to help me move away from that negative emotion? And so when you do this, my hopes for you and I encourage you to do this every single day, if you have to, but to encourage you to take action, to move in a direction where you’re now [00:12:00] not. Stuck or not taking action or avoiding this negative emotion, but instead, actually taking action into the next thing it could be looking at your resident resume. 

It could be looking at your LinkedIn profile. It could be looking at other roles. What exactly do you need? Right. All of these things, which by the way, this is exactly what we’re going to be doing in bold and brave bootcamp. We’re going to work. One-on-one. Me and you on how you can then move, not only with these emotions, but also on the other tasks that you have. 

Right. How can we organize. You know, identifying. Your stories, identifying what skills are going to translate into that specific role. Then let’s talk about the interview prep. How can you then show up with confidence, right? Because this is exactly the same model, the same way that we are going to show up in an interview. And I teach you exactly what you need to know in how you need to show up in a way [00:13:00] where you are going to not only show up with confidence, but also certainty that you are the one for that opportunity.. All right. I hope that this episode is helpful and if you’re transitioning in the next 30 to 90 days, this bootcamp is for you. We start October 14th. Come join me over at wendiwray.com/coaching or it’s also in the show notes. 

All right. Have a beautiful rest of your week. Bye.