Today’s episode, it’s all about allowing your loved ones to allow their emotions. Yes, even the negative ones! It’s so important to understand that even our family or close loved ones will have to experience emotional pain. As women that are wired to not talk or share emotions and or are naturally nurturers we sometimes unintentionally offer our loved ones to avoid negative emotions or simply distract them from it. I discuss the ways we typically try to help them feel better (at least that’s what we think) and offer what you should do instead. I pray this episode blesses you and if you’d like to take this a step further and take care of your mental health schedule a free consultation session with me. We will uncover what you need help with and make a plan on what you want to invest your time and focus on.
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Check out military mental health resources:
Listen to Related Episodes:
Episode 146: MVP: 3 simple steps to set priorities as an overwhelmed military mama!
Episode: 135: Being okay with NOT feeling okay! Embracing negative and positive emotions
Episode: 96: The two types of insecurities that impact mental health?
Episode: 95: How to balance negative and positive emotions
Episode 94: 3 most common indulgent emotions distracting you from making progress
Episode 93: The question to ask yourself to help you face mental health one day at a time
Episode 92: Why is Mental Health Awareness so important within the military community?
Episode 16: Investing in your mental health through therapy or coaching? Let’s talk about the difference and what’s best for you.
Episode 15: What are you doing with your negative emotions? 3 things you may be doing with your uncomfortable emotions.
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- [00:00:00] Wendi: hello ladies. And welcome to episode 166. I cannot believe we’re so far into like the hundreds episodes that I am just like, okay, what am I going to do for the 200 episodes? So I’m already thinking about what. Or how am I going to celebrate? Because when I tell you that this is a major milestone for me, it is something that I’ve always wanted to do, and that is podcasting or some form of audio, um, marketing tool. And I’m just so thankful that I am.
- [00:00:31] Wendi: Uh, able to do this, not only for my home, but also I can do this whenever I can. Share any topic or a really anything that will be beneficial, like a tool, anything that help. Military women to help women in general. With their mental health, with their emotional well being with their family life career. I mean,
- [00:00:53] Wendi: And most importantly, our faith, right? Like, it’s just so crazy how we have so many different. [00:01:00] Um, avenues of how we get content, how we learn new things, how we, um, you know, spend our time. And I think that. For me, it’s been very beneficial from the very beginning when I first started listening to podcasts. And this was when I was in New York and Fort drum. When I was stationed there.
- [00:01:19] Wendi: One of our amazing, uh, Hard charging commanders recommended it to me. She’s like, have you. You know, tune in into a podcast. And I can’t remember now what podcast she recommended, but it was like the first time that I had heard about podcasts. And I’m like, no, what is that? And you can just, you know, listen to, and I’m like why I can actually be multitasking and listening and learning. And I’m all about, you know, self improvement and growth and personal growth and just learning like,
- [00:01:46] Wendi: Professional development. That’s me. Like I love to read. Anything professional development, especially when it comes to productivity. And also. Now that I’m in the word now I’m like picking up on so many other devotionals and not only, [00:02:00] um, hardcover, but also electronically. Just listening. Um, you know, for sermons, that’s something that’s happening a lot too through the podcast. And so I’m just really excited to be here and today’s topic I hope and, you know, really pray that it blesses you because it’s something that us women we struggle with. And.
- [00:02:17] Wendi: I mean, I’d be speaking to all of you, but I know at one point or another, it does bother us. And what I’m talking about here is actually providing in allowing emotional space, allowing for your loved ones to just be in their emotions. And it’s hard for us. It’s hard for us. For so many reasons. But the main one.
- [00:02:38] Wendi: Is because we care deeply for them. That’s like the biggest kind of like, um, I want to say. Challenge for a lot of women out there. We don’t want to see. And I think this is also for men, right? So like if you’re a guy listening, cause I know there’s a lot of guys at tune-in, which thank you so much for your support. And by the way, don’t forget to share this with another [00:03:00] military veteran, um, another woman, uh, one of your soldiers, but.
- [00:03:04] Wendi: I know for the most part, a lot of women struggle with this. The most. Because we care so much, we are just naturally like empathetic and we just want to nurture and care and take away any pain that we. You know, sometimes feel that it’s not necessary. But here’s the thing about that. I talk about this all the time, when it comes to allowing your emotions, allowing your negative emotions. I mean, it’s so easy for us to allow the positive ones, right. But when it comes down to our negative ones, when it comes to feeling discouraged, filling.
- [00:03:38] Wendi: Um, disappointed, feeling upset, feeling sad. Those emotions were like, oh my gosh, no, let me come over here. Let me protect you. Let me change that. Let me help you feel better. And so that’s what I want to talk about today. Not that we need to stop. Um, you know, The the emotion or that we need to, [00:04:00] you know,
- [00:04:00] Wendi: Stop how they’re feeling or help them to change an emotion right away, or, you know, not to not ever change it. Which, by the way, it’s kind of impossible that or something, you know, that. Will trigger in their brain that maybe will also help create that positive, emotional, or even if it’s a neutral emotion.
- [00:04:21] Wendi: But here’s what I want to offer today. And this is all I’m saying. All I’m seeing here is to take a step back. Just take one step. Back. In pause for a moment. Whenever one of your loved ones or even someone on your team, right? You. And I like love them. Like you do your child or your husband or your family member.
- [00:04:41] Wendi: But you care for them. And I know. For most of us, we don’t experience that level of emotion at work. We don’t, you know, we’re not like, oh my gosh, I wonder how Wendy’s feeling today. Why is she feeling so sad? You know, like, oh, I’m just not going to ask her because I got so much to do anyways.
- [00:04:58] Wendi: Or there’s so many [00:05:00] other important things that we need to get done, that, that right now it’s not a priority. Right. Which I think, you know, I beg to argue that. It is, if not more important to deal with what your team or your team members are dealing with emotionally, I think that that’s for sure a priority.
- [00:05:18] Wendi: And so what I’ve noticed, at least for me, in my relationship with my husband or with my kids, my loved ones that I just, you know, I’m like, oh, I don’t want them to ever go through any emotional pain. Like, that’s my thing. I’m like, Ugh, why are they like sad? Why are they upset at something? So, you know, small or.
- [00:05:36] Wendi: They just need to get over it. Right. Because that’s just the way my thinking is. But then I have to remember that these are 10 year olds and eight year old and my husband he’s, he’s an introvert, so he’s not going to be like, oh yeah, let’s talk about our feelings. Or I really want to talk about this right now.
- [00:05:51] Wendi: So I have to remind myself. That I’m the one that loves to talk about emotions. I love to share how I’m feeling. I will [00:06:00] literally tell you how I’m feeling without you asking me if we’re ever in a conversation. You and I, and so even, you know, when I come here, I’m like, Hey, I’m really excited. Or I’m not feeling too well, or, you know, today’s not, or this week has not been the best week or I’m tired. I’m exhausted. Right. Like I just love sharing.
- [00:06:17] Wendi: My emotions as if it were just an everyday news thing, um, you know, kind of like event. And so I know it’s not easy for everyone, but here’s the thing we notice. We notice people’s, um, physical gestures. We notice how they react, how they respond and maybe if they’re avoiding certain things, right. Or maybe how they’re reacting. And so then I know that they’re avoiding this emotion or this conversation with me.
- [00:06:45] Wendi: Because they know that I’m going to eventually get it out of them. So, for example, my son is just like, is that just like my husband? They don’t like to talk about. Much of their day. They, if they do share something, it’s [00:07:00] like very specific until the point there isn’t a story. It’s more of like, this is what happened.
- [00:07:05] Wendi: A B, C, D. And that’s it. My daughter and I, we love to give stories. We love to just share every single detail of the story itself. That sometimes it becomes a little overwhelming. And so. And that’s just the way we are wired when it comes to sharing certain things. Or we also give it away with how we are reacting or responding, right? Like, I will not talk much when I’m tired, if I’m tired or I’m not talking to you as much.
- [00:07:39] Wendi: It’s because I’m tired. Or I’m just not in the mood to talk and I need my own space. I need my own time. And so what we do, especially in, you know, what, let me just start with spouses. Let me just start with how we respond to our husbands reactions or slash emotions. Or there are emotions that then [00:08:00] result into that. Create an action, right.
- [00:08:04] Wendi: And then ultimately a result. So for example, let’s just say. My husband, I are like having a conversation and we disagree on something. And we know that. Okay. We’re disagreeing, but I like to push, I like to hear. His perspective on why he is disagreeing on a certain thing. And so he doesn’t like to share too much. He’s like, oh, just because I don’t want to, or because it doesn’t sound like a great idea.
- [00:08:28] Wendi: And like, that’s the explanation. But in my mind, I’m like, I want you to tell me more. That is not enough. I need you to share more. And so what I’ve noticed and what I’ve learned in the past now over 10 years now, That we’ve been together is that. When he doesn’t want to talk and continue to elaborate.
- [00:08:49] Wendi: Is because either he still processing it. Because he’s just very intuitive and he is a realist type of, you know, his mentality. And for me, I’m like a [00:09:00] dreamer I’m like, now this is possible. Like, even if it doesn’t seem realistic in my mind, I’m like, no, we could, we could probably do that. Like that, that seems pretty achievable.
- [00:09:11] Wendi: And so for him was like, no, but the numbers are, you know, like the, the facts are not showing us that. And so when I know that there’s a disagreement, I know now not to push for more, not to say that I won’t reengage in the future. But I know that at that moment, he’s processing. And he is being very intellectual when it comes to what his response will be, what his final response will be. So I give them time.
- [00:09:37] Wendi: For me, I want things to happen right now. Right? Like I want you to tell me yes or no. Because then I can move on or ask you the next question. Because I’m also a questioner. So far at work, you know, for really bad sometimes because I’m like asking a thousand questions. Or even with my kids, right. Like, oh, but what else happened? Oh, what did she do? What did she say? And it’s like, okay, mom,
- [00:09:58] Wendi: I’m not telling you another story again, [00:10:00] because you’re asking me 20 questions. That would be my son’s response, but to keep, you know, elaborating on this. We then sometimes want to push, right. We don’t allow them to process that possible. You know, maybe confusion. Maybe it’s, um, not encouraging for them, right. It’s not something that he’s excited about.
- [00:10:21] Wendi: And so instead of me pushing. Excuse me and, um, you know, wanting or demanding a response right away. Maybe he just needs some time. And I feel that most of the time. When I allow that space for us, it even benefits me because then I’m like thinking about it again. I’m like, okay, no, I think I get his, his point of view. I get his way of thinking. And so they will, we communicate again.
- [00:10:50] Wendi: It’s more of a conversation of like, I hear you. I get where you’re coming from. In a way where I’m allowing. [00:11:00] For his decision. To be okay in neutral. With my own decision. Right. And then we come together and we compromise. Because what ha what was happening before? Was for example, when we maybe got into an argument or, you know, it was a, um, a decision that we didn’t.
- [00:11:21] Wendi: Really agree on. And we would like argue our own perspective. But then it became an argument where you know what, like you’re right. I’m wrong or I’m wrong. You’re right. Or you’re wrong and I’m right. So on and so forth. And so then it became, uh, it. The issue wasn’t the decision or what we were discussing or the argument.
- [00:11:43] Wendi: But then it was more so, like you’re not hearing me out. It was more personal than, and so when we didn’t allow time for both of us to process from different perspectives, We were now not a lot allowing or I wasn’t allowing him the time that he [00:12:00] needed to process whatever he needed to process. Or another example when he’s bothered by something from work or even myself, when I’m, there’s something that is not going well, maybe I’m having a conversation with my family.
- [00:12:12] Wendi: Or, you know, my parents aren’t doing well, you know, Health-wise. And I’m just, you know, little like stressed out or just, you know, overwhelmed about something. He gives me the space. He doesn’t say, oh, Wendy, I’m going to give you, I’m going to give you space to feel overwhelmed. He doesn’t say that. But what he does do, he doesn’t question.
- [00:12:33] Wendi: Of, um, he doesn’t question like my reactions. When it’s happening. So for example, what I like to do, I like to close my door. I like to just be in my moment. Be by myself. Oh, I need to go to lick grocery store because I want to be alone. And he respects that he respects my time alone. He’s on like, Hey, what are you doing? Why, why were you gone so long? Or what is it that you’re doing inside your office? Or like what.
- [00:12:58] Wendi: You know, unless obviously he has a [00:13:00] meeting or something that we need to communicate. About when it comes to our work schedule. Or he has, you know, an appointment. And so again, you know, he gives me that space. And in order for me to. Um, process what I’m, what I’m going through. I need that. Right. And I think that most of the time.
- [00:13:21] Wendi: We’re like, no, we don’t want you to feel that way. What’s wrong. It’s going to get better. Your parents are going to feel better sooner. This is what’s going to, you know, Just to help me feel better. He’s not like, Hey, we should go eat some ice cream or, you know, we should do this. Like, no, he’s just like, okay.
- [00:13:33] Wendi: She communicated to me that this is what’s happening with her parents, or I overheard, and I’m going to give her space. And when she wants to talk to me about it, she will. And we do. And I think that, honestly, this has been a blessing to our relationship, like before I’d be like, what’s wrong? Why are you angry?
- [00:13:50] Wendi: Why are you mad? What’s bothering you. I need you to tell me right now details. I need to know it all because I want to fix it. My mind immediately went to, I want to make sure you feel better. I want you to feel disappointed. I [00:14:00] don’t want you to feel upset. I don’t want you to feel. Uh, angry. I don’t want you to feel discouraged. Like I want you to be positive all the time.
- [00:14:06] Wendi: I want you to have positive emotions all the time. And that’s exactly the same thing that I try to do with my kids. And I actually just caught myself doing this like a month ago. My daughter came home. There was this like, um, conversation at her and her, one of her best friends had, and it just didn’t go well.
- [00:14:23] Wendi: And so I immediately was, well, what are you going to do? No, like what’s the next step. And then she was like, I really don’t feel like talking about it right now. And when she said that, And immediately. What, like not woke. But I, like, I actually took a moment. I’m like, okay. She’s asking me. To give her some time and some space.
- [00:14:43] Wendi: For her to process her emotions. And I respect that and I was like, you’re okay. I’ll take as long as you need. I’m not going to ask you whenever you’re ready. You can share, you don’t have to share. If you want to, we can talk about it. If you don’t want [00:15:00] to, then we’ll just, you know, I’m going to let you figure it out and you know, we’ll go from there.
- [00:15:05] Wendi: This was a weekday. We didn’t talk about it until the weekend. And yes, of course in my head, I was like, oh my gosh, I really want to know what she’s going to do. Or are they still going to be friends? And, you know, I hope she’s feeling better. You know, I didn’t want to be like, Hey, do you want to go for a walk or anything of that sort? I just wanted her to do.
- [00:15:23] Wendi: What she needed to do. And that was her being in her room. She was in her room. Um, she started like, she has like this bracelet kit. She started doing that. And she then came out and she was showing me like what she hadn’t drawn or something on, on some piece of paper. And I really had the urge to be like, so what’s the next thing. And how are you feeling? And I’m like, you know what? No, she’s looks like she’s processing it. She’s drawing, she’s doing something.
- [00:15:49] Wendi: And. Now. I’m just going to let it be. But for the most part. The entire time. I’m like, okay, I really want to ask her, I really want her to feel better. [00:16:00] How do I, you know, distract her from, you know, these issues or these conversations that she’s having with her friends or, you know, these, um, not conversations, but these arguments that she’s having, right.
- [00:16:14] Wendi: Like how do I help her? You know, have these intellectual conversations and, you know, allow it to be better. But I had to really take a step back and I’m like, oh my gosh, I really need to talk about this because. I actually had a consult. And one of the issues, um, that someone had was. I don’t think that I am able to talk to.
- [00:16:38] Wendi: My spouse because of how we respond during our conversations, meaning someone disagrees, someone gets confront, um, When someone disagrees, someone gets defensive, so they don’t want to confront this defensive person. Because then this person becomes angry and so on and so forth. And so the whole problem wasn’t [00:17:00] that they had a disagreement or that they didn’t want to communicate.
- [00:17:05] Wendi: The problem was that they both weren’t allowing each other to allow their feelings. Or for them to be. In a negative emotion. And so my question to you is have you. Been in this position or this situation. Where, you know, you’re having a conversation. And you notice that someone is having or going through.
- [00:17:26] Wendi: Uh, negative emotion and you immediately want to fix it. And you immediately want to solve their problem. And you’re like, no, don’t go through this emotional pain. You shouldn’t what I’m offering you today is if you, the answer to that was yes. And you’ve been through those situations, which I’m pretty sure most of us have been through at least one situation where we don’t want our child.
- [00:17:46] Wendi: Or husbands. To feel sad or to feel. Disappointed and you immediately want to help and help them feel better. Then. I want to [00:18:00] offer you to just allow them to do that. And now here’s the thing. Let’s just say you’re the wife. That. You know, Wants to have these conversations. Right. And let’s just say, you know, that your husband’s upset, he’s upset. You know, something went down at work or his friends something happened or maybe somebody’s, um,
- [00:18:23] Wendi: Uh, at the light, I don’t know, on the road road, rage or something, he comes home. He’s angry. And he’s, you know, that it has nothing to do with you. And this person is angry. And when this person is angry, they may be say bad words. They may be. You know, used profanity. They may be just, um, maybe.
- [00:18:42] Wendi: Decided to like, just be very vocal about it. I know that the immediate reaction is to like go into like the conversation. With trying to fix it or trying to see who was right or wrong. What I want to [00:19:00] offer. And the reason I’m saying this is because that that’s something that I would want to do. No, thankfully my husband doesn’t yell or scream. And when he gets angry, he does opposite. He just doesn’t want to speak.
- [00:19:10] Wendi: And so if that’s your situation, Then, what I want to offer is just to hear them out, let them vent, let them. Say and do what they need to do, obviously. If there’s anything physical or, you know, any abuse or anything. Of that sort of course there’s a boundary. You immediately, you know, acknowledge that that’s not okay.
- [00:19:34] Wendi: But let’s just say this individual, your husband is just, you know, like, oh, I cannot believe they. Cut me off and, you know, they’re terrible people, yada, yada, yada, and just going off. I want to offer that you just allow them. To continue to react to their emotion. They’re angry, they’re upset. They’re, you know, very, um, just, I want to say like upset.
- [00:19:57] Wendi: I can’t even think of another word here. But maybe it [00:20:00] was just upset, furious. That’s the word I was looking for. You just allow them, you just let it be. When they are done when he is done or your child, right. When they’re like, oh, I can’t believe she did this or said this or whatever. It may be on my teacher. Yada, yada, yada.
- [00:20:15] Wendi: You just allow them. You’re like, you know what? Okay. Just, just go ahead. Everything you need to do, just say or say. And then later just like, you know, ask how so. Are you, you know, Uh, are you upset? You know, ask that question of, you know, are you okay? And if they’re like, no, and they keep going, just allow, let them, let them do that. Don’t immediately try to be like, yeah, they were wrong. Or.
- [00:20:41] Wendi: You’re right. They shouldn’t have done that now. Just. Be there. Hold that space of I’m here for you to just share that information with me. Or if it’s the opposite. They come home and they’re like, They don’t even say hi, he doesn’t even say [00:21:00] hi. They go straight to their office to the room. The garage or wherever outside their man cave, they get in the car and they go.
- [00:21:09] Wendi: Just be like, okay, well, They need some face and then later, At however time it takes, just ask, is this. You know, or, you know, can I ask you a question or, you know, is it okay if I ask what happened? If they’re like, not want to talk about it then. Fine. Okay. Well, let me know when you’re ready.
- [00:21:28] Wendi: I’m here for you. Sometimes that’s all they need to hear is that you’re there for them not to question them, not to tell them that they were wrong. They shouldn’t be angry. They shouldn’t have done that. No, we want to just hold the space and why is this important? You’re probably like, okay, Wendy.
- [00:21:44] Wendi: Well, how will this going to be beneficial? The benefit to this is that you get a moment to not only see and acknowledge how your loved one reacts. Or responds to a certain situation and how they are with [00:22:00] their emotions. And now you’re probably thinking like, okay, What if they start getting, you know, um, you know,
- [00:22:06] Wendi: You can set a control. Well, then you then communicate that to them. Okay. Like now you’re, there’s a boundary, right? Like we all have boundaries on what, you know, it’s, it’s a yes or no hard. No. And so if it’s something that you know, is like I said, they just go to their office or they go to their room and they’re like, okay, don’t want to talk about it.
- [00:22:24] Wendi: Then that’s it. What that’s also going to help you. Individually as either a mother as a significant other. Is to allow them. To come to you then. Afterwards to allow them to. Um, come from their own. Uh, willingness. Because now they’re not like, oh my gosh, I have to go explain it to my mom. I have to tell her, and she’s going to tell me that I was wrong and she’s gonna tell me that this person was right.
- [00:22:56] Wendi: And now I’m the bad guy or it’s, you know, waste of time because I’m going to get [00:23:00] in trouble. Cause I was mad and I shouldn’t have yelled and I shouldn’t have done this. What I’m saying here is that now you get to know your loved one at a different deeper level. Now you can have a conversation with this later, like days, weeks.
- [00:23:15] Wendi: Days later months, even. Because now you can talk about it from a place of, you know, you’re, you’re more aware of what really happened in that situation. And now you are like, oh, I forgot all about that. I, and that wouldn’t be me because I forget about every situation that happens. And I’m like, oh my gosh, I forgot that you had that argument with your friend. So yeah. What, what did happen? And now it’s more of a conversation and they are.
- [00:23:43] Wendi: Allowing you in. To how they’ve expressed themselves before and you’ve witnessed it. And I think that that’s the most. Important thing here. The key thing is that you’re allowing them to go cry. You’re allowing them to go have their own way to [00:24:00] process that negative emotion. In it’s hard. I don’t know about y’all, but I want to know, I want to be in the know.
- [00:24:07] Wendi: Of why my daughter isn’t, you know, Happy today. But here’s the thing. By me not allowing her to go to these emotional pain situations then. I’m pretty much saying it’s not okay for you to go through this. You shouldn’t be feeling disappointed. You shouldn’t be feeling sad or scared or, you know, doubtful.
- [00:24:31] Wendi: I know this. This is the part of life. This is the process of growing up. This is the process of you getting older and evolving. And you realizing. That certain things aren’t going to happen in your way. So now you’re allowing them to talk to you about what’s going on in their mind. And that’s like the most.
- [00:24:52] Wendi: Beautiful thing you could do, and I promise you, it will only get better. Like one of my biggest fears was for my daughter to never tell me or share with [00:25:00] me. Anything that she felt that was, um, you know, close to her. And like maybe something that she didn’t think was safe for her to discuss with me. And that was.
- [00:25:12] Wendi: Her motions. As crazy as it sounds, kids sometimes are scared. To share with their parents and even your husbands. That they want. They don’t want to share how they’re feeling, because they might think that you’re going to think that they’re now incompetent of whatever that situation may be. So for example, playing a sport, they’re like, okay, I really just feel very discouraged. And I think that I’m not good.
- [00:25:35] Wendi: Okay. So what w w. How, like, how would you describe that? And they show with you holidays. Describe the, well, I’m not doing this and I just feel this and yada, yada, yada. Okay. Well, I feel, I felt that way too, before. When I first joined the military, I felt like I wasn’t going to be able to do it, but I did it.
- [00:25:55] Wendi: No, I’m not saying it’s going to be the same situation, right? You’re not going to get the same outcome. But there are [00:26:00] some things that I failed. I failed in AF. There’s things that I just could not do. But I continued anyway. And so when you start sharing those stories and those stories start to resonate and they begin to.
- [00:26:15] Wendi: You know, relate to you, relate to these moments. Now they have something that they can relate to and be like, okay. If my mom has felt this way before, my dad has felt this way before. It’s okay. And it’s no longer a secret that they’re filling out for, or that they’re feeling insecure or. That they’re feeling sad or that they’re feeling upset.
- [00:26:36] Wendi: ’cause now. They’ve allowed themselves to feel that way in front of you. You witnessed it. And on top of that, it’s okay. Now of course. This conversation is something that you want to have. At a later time. When they have processed or at least allowed that negative emotion because it’s hard. Different people process and about [00:27:00] emotions differently.
- [00:27:01] Wendi: Some don’t want to talk about it. Don’t they just want to be left alone. And some yellow screen. And react differently. And some resistant emotions. They distract themselves with other things because they’re like, no, I don’t want to feel this. I don’t want to think about it. I’m just going to do something else until that one day.
- [00:27:19] Wendi: That they explode because they’ve been resisting for so long. And so that’s what I want to offer you today. I want to offer you to take a moment. And really ask herself. You don’t have I been given my loved ones, a safe space to allow and process their emotion. If the answer is no, I want to offer you to just simply be there for them for that.
- [00:27:41] Wendi: Situation for that circumstance that they go through. Because you can’t change your emotions no matter how happy you are, how loving you feel, you can’t inject that into your loved ones. It doesn’t happen that way. They have their own mind. They have their own way of thinking. And you have [00:28:00] to allow them.
- [00:28:01] Wendi: To go through the process of allowing emotions. At their own time, not at your time or how you process your emotions. You’re like, oh, I like to get, you know, angry and over with and done. And I move on. That’s probably not how your children or your husband or your family members. I do it all your coworkers.
- [00:28:20] Wendi: Maybe they need time. How much time we don’t know. Only they can tell you. And only you can witness it if you allow them. And then not wanting to fix. It right away. Because again, that’s something that I always want to do. I’m like, oh, how do I fix this? I don’t make this better. How do I make her feel better? How do I take this pain away?
- [00:28:39] Wendi: But I can’t. This is a part of life. This is a part of us living. In this broken world, unfortunately. So many times I want to just take pain away from my loved ones, because it sucks to see them suffer. But it’s not, what is the right thing for us to do? And also [00:29:00] we can’t do it. We think we may do it.
- [00:29:02] Wendi: But we’re just like putting a bandaid over a wound and that’s not what it’s all about. So I want to offer you today to think, and really be there when it comes to giving your loved one emotional space. And by that, it just simply means just being there. You don’t have to say anything. You don’t have to do anything. You just have to be there for them. Just hold that space.
- [00:29:25] Wendi: Of okay. My son is angry. My daughter’s angry. My husband’s angry there said this appointed, discourage, whatever it may be. You just allow them. To process their emotions. And if you want to take it a step further, you pray for them. That’s literally the only thing you can do. The only thing you can do.
- [00:29:47] Wendi: It’s pray for them. Pray for them too. Have the wisdom to deal with this. In a way that is of God, right? In a way that God wants us to solve this. You know, argument or [00:30:00] situation or whatever we’re in. And that’s the only thing you can do is pray for guidance for them. Too. You know, allow their minds to just.
- [00:30:12] Wendi: Be moved by the holy spirit, their words, their footsteps. That’s all you can do. You can’t fix anything emotionally, you have to allow them to process it. All right, ladies. I hope that this blesses is you. And listen, if this is you, you’re the one that’s reacting and resisting these negative emotions. And you just want to start prioritizing your mental and emotional health schedule. A free consultation with me. All you have to do is go to https://wendiwray.com/consult or you can just click on the link in the show notes and I’ll be happy.
- [00:30:45] Wendi: To get with you and discuss where we can help you so that you can start having better relationships and really just overall. Better emotional wellbeing. All right, ladies, have a beautiful rest of your week. Talk to you soon. Bye.
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- [00:00:31] Wendi: Uh, able to do this, not only for my home, but also I can do this whenever I can. Share any topic or a really anything that will be beneficial, like a tool, anything that help. Military women to help women in general. With their mental health, with their emotional well being with their family life career. I mean,
- [00:00:53] Wendi: And most importantly, our faith, right? Like, it’s just so crazy how we have so many different. [00:01:00] Um, avenues of how we get content, how we learn new things, how we, um, you know, spend our time. And I think that. For me, it’s been very beneficial from the very beginning when I first started listening to podcasts. And this was when I was in New York and Fort drum. When I was stationed there.
- [00:01:19] Wendi: One of our amazing, uh, Hard charging commanders recommended it to me. She’s like, have you. You know, tune in into a podcast. And I can’t remember now what podcast she recommended, but it was like the first time that I had heard about podcasts. And I’m like, no, what is that? And you can just, you know, listen to, and I’m like why I can actually be multitasking and listening and learning. And I’m all about, you know, self improvement and growth and personal growth and just learning like,
- [00:01:46] Wendi: Professional development. That’s me. Like I love to read. Anything professional development, especially when it comes to productivity. And also. Now that I’m in the word now I’m like picking up on so many other devotionals and not only, [00:02:00] um, hardcover, but also electronically. Just listening. Um, you know, for sermons, that’s something that’s happening a lot too through the podcast. And so I’m just really excited to be here and today’s topic I hope and, you know, really pray that it blesses you because it’s something that us women we struggle with. And.
- [00:02:17] Wendi: I mean, I’d be speaking to all of you, but I know at one point or another, it does bother us. And what I’m talking about here is actually providing in allowing emotional space, allowing for your loved ones to just be in their emotions. And it’s hard for us. It’s hard for us. For so many reasons. But the main one.
- [00:02:38] Wendi: Is because we care deeply for them. That’s like the biggest kind of like, um, I want to say. Challenge for a lot of women out there. We don’t want to see. And I think this is also for men, right? So like if you’re a guy listening, cause I know there’s a lot of guys at tune-in, which thank you so much for your support. And by the way, don’t forget to share this with another [00:03:00] military veteran, um, another woman, uh, one of your soldiers, but.
- [00:03:04] Wendi: I know for the most part, a lot of women struggle with this. The most. Because we care so much, we are just naturally like empathetic and we just want to nurture and care and take away any pain that we. You know, sometimes feel that it’s not necessary. But here’s the thing about that. I talk about this all the time, when it comes to allowing your emotions, allowing your negative emotions. I mean, it’s so easy for us to allow the positive ones, right. But when it comes down to our negative ones, when it comes to feeling discouraged, filling.
- [00:03:38] Wendi: Um, disappointed, feeling upset, feeling sad. Those emotions were like, oh my gosh, no, let me come over here. Let me protect you. Let me change that. Let me help you feel better. And so that’s what I want to talk about today. Not that we need to stop. Um, you know, The the emotion or that we need to, [00:04:00] you know,
- [00:04:00] Wendi: Stop how they’re feeling or help them to change an emotion right away, or, you know, not to not ever change it. Which, by the way, it’s kind of impossible that or something, you know, that. Will trigger in their brain that maybe will also help create that positive, emotional, or even if it’s a neutral emotion.
- [00:04:21] Wendi: But here’s what I want to offer today. And this is all I’m saying. All I’m seeing here is to take a step back. Just take one step. Back. In pause for a moment. Whenever one of your loved ones or even someone on your team, right? You. And I like love them. Like you do your child or your husband or your family member.
- [00:04:41] Wendi: But you care for them. And I know. For most of us, we don’t experience that level of emotion at work. We don’t, you know, we’re not like, oh my gosh, I wonder how Wendy’s feeling today. Why is she feeling so sad? You know, like, oh, I’m just not going to ask her because I got so much to do anyways.
- [00:04:58] Wendi: Or there’s so many [00:05:00] other important things that we need to get done, that, that right now it’s not a priority. Right. Which I think, you know, I beg to argue that. It is, if not more important to deal with what your team or your team members are dealing with emotionally, I think that that’s for sure a priority.
- [00:05:18] Wendi: And so what I’ve noticed, at least for me, in my relationship with my husband or with my kids, my loved ones that I just, you know, I’m like, oh, I don’t want them to ever go through any emotional pain. Like, that’s my thing. I’m like, Ugh, why are they like sad? Why are they upset at something? So, you know, small or.
- [00:05:36] Wendi: They just need to get over it. Right. Because that’s just the way my thinking is. But then I have to remember that these are 10 year olds and eight year old and my husband he’s, he’s an introvert, so he’s not going to be like, oh yeah, let’s talk about our feelings. Or I really want to talk about this right now.
- [00:05:51] Wendi: So I have to remind myself. That I’m the one that loves to talk about emotions. I love to share how I’m feeling. I will [00:06:00] literally tell you how I’m feeling without you asking me if we’re ever in a conversation. You and I, and so even, you know, when I come here, I’m like, Hey, I’m really excited. Or I’m not feeling too well, or, you know, today’s not, or this week has not been the best week or I’m tired. I’m exhausted. Right. Like I just love sharing.
- [00:06:17] Wendi: My emotions as if it were just an everyday news thing, um, you know, kind of like event. And so I know it’s not easy for everyone, but here’s the thing we notice. We notice people’s, um, physical gestures. We notice how they react, how they respond and maybe if they’re avoiding certain things, right. Or maybe how they’re reacting. And so then I know that they’re avoiding this emotion or this conversation with me.
- [00:06:45] Wendi: Because they know that I’m going to eventually get it out of them. So, for example, my son is just like, is that just like my husband? They don’t like to talk about. Much of their day. They, if they do share something, it’s [00:07:00] like very specific until the point there isn’t a story. It’s more of like, this is what happened.
- [00:07:05] Wendi: A B, C, D. And that’s it. My daughter and I, we love to give stories. We love to just share every single detail of the story itself. That sometimes it becomes a little overwhelming. And so. And that’s just the way we are wired when it comes to sharing certain things. Or we also give it away with how we are reacting or responding, right? Like, I will not talk much when I’m tired, if I’m tired or I’m not talking to you as much.
- [00:07:39] Wendi: It’s because I’m tired. Or I’m just not in the mood to talk and I need my own space. I need my own time. And so what we do, especially in, you know, what, let me just start with spouses. Let me just start with how we respond to our husbands reactions or slash emotions. Or there are emotions that then [00:08:00] result into that. Create an action, right.
- [00:08:04] Wendi: And then ultimately a result. So for example, let’s just say. My husband, I are like having a conversation and we disagree on something. And we know that. Okay. We’re disagreeing, but I like to push, I like to hear. His perspective on why he is disagreeing on a certain thing. And so he doesn’t like to share too much. He’s like, oh, just because I don’t want to, or because it doesn’t sound like a great idea.
- [00:08:28] Wendi: And like, that’s the explanation. But in my mind, I’m like, I want you to tell me more. That is not enough. I need you to share more. And so what I’ve noticed and what I’ve learned in the past now over 10 years now, That we’ve been together is that. When he doesn’t want to talk and continue to elaborate.
- [00:08:49] Wendi: Is because either he still processing it. Because he’s just very intuitive and he is a realist type of, you know, his mentality. And for me, I’m like a [00:09:00] dreamer I’m like, now this is possible. Like, even if it doesn’t seem realistic in my mind, I’m like, no, we could, we could probably do that. Like that, that seems pretty achievable.
- [00:09:11] Wendi: And so for him was like, no, but the numbers are, you know, like the, the facts are not showing us that. And so when I know that there’s a disagreement, I know now not to push for more, not to say that I won’t reengage in the future. But I know that at that moment, he’s processing. And he is being very intellectual when it comes to what his response will be, what his final response will be. So I give them time.
- [00:09:37] Wendi: For me, I want things to happen right now. Right? Like I want you to tell me yes or no. Because then I can move on or ask you the next question. Because I’m also a questioner. So far at work, you know, for really bad sometimes because I’m like asking a thousand questions. Or even with my kids, right. Like, oh, but what else happened? Oh, what did she do? What did she say? And it’s like, okay, mom,
- [00:09:58] Wendi: I’m not telling you another story again, [00:10:00] because you’re asking me 20 questions. That would be my son’s response, but to keep, you know, elaborating on this. We then sometimes want to push, right. We don’t allow them to process that possible. You know, maybe confusion. Maybe it’s, um, not encouraging for them, right. It’s not something that he’s excited about.
- [00:10:21] Wendi: And so instead of me pushing. Excuse me and, um, you know, wanting or demanding a response right away. Maybe he just needs some time. And I feel that most of the time. When I allow that space for us, it even benefits me because then I’m like thinking about it again. I’m like, okay, no, I think I get his, his point of view. I get his way of thinking. And so they will, we communicate again.
- [00:10:50] Wendi: It’s more of a conversation of like, I hear you. I get where you’re coming from. In a way where I’m allowing. [00:11:00] For his decision. To be okay in neutral. With my own decision. Right. And then we come together and we compromise. Because what ha what was happening before? Was for example, when we maybe got into an argument or, you know, it was a, um, a decision that we didn’t.
- [00:11:21] Wendi: Really agree on. And we would like argue our own perspective. But then it became an argument where you know what, like you’re right. I’m wrong or I’m wrong. You’re right. Or you’re wrong and I’m right. So on and so forth. And so then it became, uh, it. The issue wasn’t the decision or what we were discussing or the argument.
- [00:11:43] Wendi: But then it was more so, like you’re not hearing me out. It was more personal than, and so when we didn’t allow time for both of us to process from different perspectives, We were now not a lot allowing or I wasn’t allowing him the time that he [00:12:00] needed to process whatever he needed to process. Or another example when he’s bothered by something from work or even myself, when I’m, there’s something that is not going well, maybe I’m having a conversation with my family.
- [00:12:12] Wendi: Or, you know, my parents aren’t doing well, you know, Health-wise. And I’m just, you know, little like stressed out or just, you know, overwhelmed about something. He gives me the space. He doesn’t say, oh, Wendy, I’m going to give you, I’m going to give you space to feel overwhelmed. He doesn’t say that. But what he does do, he doesn’t question.
- [00:12:33] Wendi: Of, um, he doesn’t question like my reactions. When it’s happening. So for example, what I like to do, I like to close my door. I like to just be in my moment. Be by myself. Oh, I need to go to lick grocery store because I want to be alone. And he respects that he respects my time alone. He’s on like, Hey, what are you doing? Why, why were you gone so long? Or what is it that you’re doing inside your office? Or like what.
- [00:12:58] Wendi: You know, unless obviously he has a [00:13:00] meeting or something that we need to communicate. About when it comes to our work schedule. Or he has, you know, an appointment. And so again, you know, he gives me that space. And in order for me to. Um, process what I’m, what I’m going through. I need that. Right. And I think that most of the time.
- [00:13:21] Wendi: We’re like, no, we don’t want you to feel that way. What’s wrong. It’s going to get better. Your parents are going to feel better sooner. This is what’s going to, you know, Just to help me feel better. He’s not like, Hey, we should go eat some ice cream or, you know, we should do this. Like, no, he’s just like, okay.
- [00:13:33] Wendi: She communicated to me that this is what’s happening with her parents, or I overheard, and I’m going to give her space. And when she wants to talk to me about it, she will. And we do. And I think that, honestly, this has been a blessing to our relationship, like before I’d be like, what’s wrong? Why are you angry?
- [00:13:50] Wendi: Why are you mad? What’s bothering you. I need you to tell me right now details. I need to know it all because I want to fix it. My mind immediately went to, I want to make sure you feel better. I want you to feel disappointed. I [00:14:00] don’t want you to feel upset. I don’t want you to feel. Uh, angry. I don’t want you to feel discouraged. Like I want you to be positive all the time.
- [00:14:06] Wendi: I want you to have positive emotions all the time. And that’s exactly the same thing that I try to do with my kids. And I actually just caught myself doing this like a month ago. My daughter came home. There was this like, um, conversation at her and her, one of her best friends had, and it just didn’t go well.
- [00:14:23] Wendi: And so I immediately was, well, what are you going to do? No, like what’s the next step. And then she was like, I really don’t feel like talking about it right now. And when she said that, And immediately. What, like not woke. But I, like, I actually took a moment. I’m like, okay. She’s asking me. To give her some time and some space.
- [00:14:43] Wendi: For her to process her emotions. And I respect that and I was like, you’re okay. I’ll take as long as you need. I’m not going to ask you whenever you’re ready. You can share, you don’t have to share. If you want to, we can talk about it. If you don’t want [00:15:00] to, then we’ll just, you know, I’m going to let you figure it out and you know, we’ll go from there.
- [00:15:05] Wendi: This was a weekday. We didn’t talk about it until the weekend. And yes, of course in my head, I was like, oh my gosh, I really want to know what she’s going to do. Or are they still going to be friends? And, you know, I hope she’s feeling better. You know, I didn’t want to be like, Hey, do you want to go for a walk or anything of that sort? I just wanted her to do.
- [00:15:23] Wendi: What she needed to do. And that was her being in her room. She was in her room. Um, she started like, she has like this bracelet kit. She started doing that. And she then came out and she was showing me like what she hadn’t drawn or something on, on some piece of paper. And I really had the urge to be like, so what’s the next thing. And how are you feeling? And I’m like, you know what? No, she’s looks like she’s processing it. She’s drawing, she’s doing something.
- [00:15:49] Wendi: And. Now. I’m just going to let it be. But for the most part. The entire time. I’m like, okay, I really want to ask her, I really want her to feel better. [00:16:00] How do I, you know, distract her from, you know, these issues or these conversations that she’s having with her friends or, you know, these, um, not conversations, but these arguments that she’s having, right.
- [00:16:14] Wendi: Like how do I help her? You know, have these intellectual conversations and, you know, allow it to be better. But I had to really take a step back and I’m like, oh my gosh, I really need to talk about this because. I actually had a consult. And one of the issues, um, that someone had was. I don’t think that I am able to talk to.
- [00:16:38] Wendi: My spouse because of how we respond during our conversations, meaning someone disagrees, someone gets confront, um, When someone disagrees, someone gets defensive, so they don’t want to confront this defensive person. Because then this person becomes angry and so on and so forth. And so the whole problem wasn’t [00:17:00] that they had a disagreement or that they didn’t want to communicate.
- [00:17:05] Wendi: The problem was that they both weren’t allowing each other to allow their feelings. Or for them to be. In a negative emotion. And so my question to you is have you. Been in this position or this situation. Where, you know, you’re having a conversation. And you notice that someone is having or going through.
- [00:17:26] Wendi: Uh, negative emotion and you immediately want to fix it. And you immediately want to solve their problem. And you’re like, no, don’t go through this emotional pain. You shouldn’t what I’m offering you today is if you, the answer to that was yes. And you’ve been through those situations, which I’m pretty sure most of us have been through at least one situation where we don’t want our child.
- [00:17:46] Wendi: Or husbands. To feel sad or to feel. Disappointed and you immediately want to help and help them feel better. Then. I want to [00:18:00] offer you to just allow them to do that. And now here’s the thing. Let’s just say you’re the wife. That. You know, Wants to have these conversations. Right. And let’s just say, you know, that your husband’s upset, he’s upset. You know, something went down at work or his friends something happened or maybe somebody’s, um,
- [00:18:23] Wendi: Uh, at the light, I don’t know, on the road road, rage or something, he comes home. He’s angry. And he’s, you know, that it has nothing to do with you. And this person is angry. And when this person is angry, they may be say bad words. They may be. You know, used profanity. They may be just, um, maybe.
- [00:18:42] Wendi: Decided to like, just be very vocal about it. I know that the immediate reaction is to like go into like the conversation. With trying to fix it or trying to see who was right or wrong. What I want to [00:19:00] offer. And the reason I’m saying this is because that that’s something that I would want to do. No, thankfully my husband doesn’t yell or scream. And when he gets angry, he does opposite. He just doesn’t want to speak.
- [00:19:10] Wendi: And so if that’s your situation, Then, what I want to offer is just to hear them out, let them vent, let them. Say and do what they need to do, obviously. If there’s anything physical or, you know, any abuse or anything. Of that sort of course there’s a boundary. You immediately, you know, acknowledge that that’s not okay.
- [00:19:34] Wendi: But let’s just say this individual, your husband is just, you know, like, oh, I cannot believe they. Cut me off and, you know, they’re terrible people, yada, yada, yada, and just going off. I want to offer that you just allow them. To continue to react to their emotion. They’re angry, they’re upset. They’re, you know, very, um, just, I want to say like upset.
- [00:19:57] Wendi: I can’t even think of another word here. But maybe it [00:20:00] was just upset, furious. That’s the word I was looking for. You just allow them, you just let it be. When they are done when he is done or your child, right. When they’re like, oh, I can’t believe she did this or said this or whatever. It may be on my teacher. Yada, yada, yada.
- [00:20:15] Wendi: You just allow them. You’re like, you know what? Okay. Just, just go ahead. Everything you need to do, just say or say. And then later just like, you know, ask how so. Are you, you know, Uh, are you upset? You know, ask that question of, you know, are you okay? And if they’re like, no, and they keep going, just allow, let them, let them do that. Don’t immediately try to be like, yeah, they were wrong. Or.
- [00:20:41] Wendi: You’re right. They shouldn’t have done that now. Just. Be there. Hold that space of I’m here for you to just share that information with me. Or if it’s the opposite. They come home and they’re like, They don’t even say hi, he doesn’t even say [00:21:00] hi. They go straight to their office to the room. The garage or wherever outside their man cave, they get in the car and they go.
- [00:21:09] Wendi: Just be like, okay, well, They need some face and then later, At however time it takes, just ask, is this. You know, or, you know, can I ask you a question or, you know, is it okay if I ask what happened? If they’re like, not want to talk about it then. Fine. Okay. Well, let me know when you’re ready.
- [00:21:28] Wendi: I’m here for you. Sometimes that’s all they need to hear is that you’re there for them not to question them, not to tell them that they were wrong. They shouldn’t be angry. They shouldn’t have done that. No, we want to just hold the space and why is this important? You’re probably like, okay, Wendy.
- [00:21:44] Wendi: Well, how will this going to be beneficial? The benefit to this is that you get a moment to not only see and acknowledge how your loved one reacts. Or responds to a certain situation and how they are with [00:22:00] their emotions. And now you’re probably thinking like, okay, What if they start getting, you know, um, you know,
- [00:22:06] Wendi: You can set a control. Well, then you then communicate that to them. Okay. Like now you’re, there’s a boundary, right? Like we all have boundaries on what, you know, it’s, it’s a yes or no hard. No. And so if it’s something that you know, is like I said, they just go to their office or they go to their room and they’re like, okay, don’t want to talk about it.
- [00:22:24] Wendi: Then that’s it. What that’s also going to help you. Individually as either a mother as a significant other. Is to allow them. To come to you then. Afterwards to allow them to. Um, come from their own. Uh, willingness. Because now they’re not like, oh my gosh, I have to go explain it to my mom. I have to tell her, and she’s going to tell me that I was wrong and she’s gonna tell me that this person was right.
- [00:22:56] Wendi: And now I’m the bad guy or it’s, you know, waste of time because I’m going to get [00:23:00] in trouble. Cause I was mad and I shouldn’t have yelled and I shouldn’t have done this. What I’m saying here is that now you get to know your loved one at a different deeper level. Now you can have a conversation with this later, like days, weeks.
- [00:23:15] Wendi: Days later months, even. Because now you can talk about it from a place of, you know, you’re, you’re more aware of what really happened in that situation. And now you are like, oh, I forgot all about that. I, and that wouldn’t be me because I forget about every situation that happens. And I’m like, oh my gosh, I forgot that you had that argument with your friend. So yeah. What, what did happen? And now it’s more of a conversation and they are.
- [00:23:43] Wendi: Allowing you in. To how they’ve expressed themselves before and you’ve witnessed it. And I think that that’s the most. Important thing here. The key thing is that you’re allowing them to go cry. You’re allowing them to go have their own way to [00:24:00] process that negative emotion. In it’s hard. I don’t know about y’all, but I want to know, I want to be in the know.
- [00:24:07] Wendi: Of why my daughter isn’t, you know, Happy today. But here’s the thing. By me not allowing her to go to these emotional pain situations then. I’m pretty much saying it’s not okay for you to go through this. You shouldn’t be feeling disappointed. You shouldn’t be feeling sad or scared or, you know, doubtful.
- [00:24:31] Wendi: I know this. This is the part of life. This is the process of growing up. This is the process of you getting older and evolving. And you realizing. That certain things aren’t going to happen in your way. So now you’re allowing them to talk to you about what’s going on in their mind. And that’s like the most.
- [00:24:52] Wendi: Beautiful thing you could do, and I promise you, it will only get better. Like one of my biggest fears was for my daughter to never tell me or share with [00:25:00] me. Anything that she felt that was, um, you know, close to her. And like maybe something that she didn’t think was safe for her to discuss with me. And that was.
- [00:25:12] Wendi: Her motions. As crazy as it sounds, kids sometimes are scared. To share with their parents and even your husbands. That they want. They don’t want to share how they’re feeling, because they might think that you’re going to think that they’re now incompetent of whatever that situation may be. So for example, playing a sport, they’re like, okay, I really just feel very discouraged. And I think that I’m not good.
- [00:25:35] Wendi: Okay. So what w w. How, like, how would you describe that? And they show with you holidays. Describe the, well, I’m not doing this and I just feel this and yada, yada, yada. Okay. Well, I feel, I felt that way too, before. When I first joined the military, I felt like I wasn’t going to be able to do it, but I did it.
- [00:25:55] Wendi: No, I’m not saying it’s going to be the same situation, right? You’re not going to get the same outcome. But there are [00:26:00] some things that I failed. I failed in AF. There’s things that I just could not do. But I continued anyway. And so when you start sharing those stories and those stories start to resonate and they begin to.
- [00:26:15] Wendi: You know, relate to you, relate to these moments. Now they have something that they can relate to and be like, okay. If my mom has felt this way before, my dad has felt this way before. It’s okay. And it’s no longer a secret that they’re filling out for, or that they’re feeling insecure or. That they’re feeling sad or that they’re feeling upset.
- [00:26:36] Wendi: ’cause now. They’ve allowed themselves to feel that way in front of you. You witnessed it. And on top of that, it’s okay. Now of course. This conversation is something that you want to have. At a later time. When they have processed or at least allowed that negative emotion because it’s hard. Different people process and about [00:27:00] emotions differently.
- [00:27:01] Wendi: Some don’t want to talk about it. Don’t they just want to be left alone. And some yellow screen. And react differently. And some resistant emotions. They distract themselves with other things because they’re like, no, I don’t want to feel this. I don’t want to think about it. I’m just going to do something else until that one day.
- [00:27:19] Wendi: That they explode because they’ve been resisting for so long. And so that’s what I want to offer you today. I want to offer you to take a moment. And really ask herself. You don’t have I been given my loved ones, a safe space to allow and process their emotion. If the answer is no, I want to offer you to just simply be there for them for that.
- [00:27:41] Wendi: Situation for that circumstance that they go through. Because you can’t change your emotions no matter how happy you are, how loving you feel, you can’t inject that into your loved ones. It doesn’t happen that way. They have their own mind. They have their own way of thinking. And you have [00:28:00] to allow them.
- [00:28:01] Wendi: To go through the process of allowing emotions. At their own time, not at your time or how you process your emotions. You’re like, oh, I like to get, you know, angry and over with and done. And I move on. That’s probably not how your children or your husband or your family members. I do it all your coworkers.
- [00:28:20] Wendi: Maybe they need time. How much time we don’t know. Only they can tell you. And only you can witness it if you allow them. And then not wanting to fix. It right away. Because again, that’s something that I always want to do. I’m like, oh, how do I fix this? I don’t make this better. How do I make her feel better? How do I take this pain away?
- [00:28:39] Wendi: But I can’t. This is a part of life. This is a part of us living. In this broken world, unfortunately. So many times I want to just take pain away from my loved ones, because it sucks to see them suffer. But it’s not, what is the right thing for us to do? And also [00:29:00] we can’t do it. We think we may do it.
- [00:29:02] Wendi: But we’re just like putting a bandaid over a wound and that’s not what it’s all about. So I want to offer you today to think, and really be there when it comes to giving your loved one emotional space. And by that, it just simply means just being there. You don’t have to say anything. You don’t have to do anything. You just have to be there for them. Just hold that space.
- [00:29:25] Wendi: Of okay. My son is angry. My daughter’s angry. My husband’s angry there said this appointed, discourage, whatever it may be. You just allow them. To process their emotions. And if you want to take it a step further, you pray for them. That’s literally the only thing you can do. The only thing you can do.
- [00:29:47] Wendi: It’s pray for them. Pray for them too. Have the wisdom to deal with this. In a way that is of God, right? In a way that God wants us to solve this. You know, argument or [00:30:00] situation or whatever we’re in. And that’s the only thing you can do is pray for guidance for them. Too. You know, allow their minds to just.
- [00:30:12] Wendi: Be moved by the holy spirit, their words, their footsteps. That’s all you can do. You can’t fix anything emotionally, you have to allow them to process it. All right, ladies. I hope that this blesses is you. And listen, if this is you, you’re the one that’s reacting and resisting these negative emotions. And you just want to start prioritizing your mental and emotional health schedule. A free consultation with me. All you have to do is go to https://wendiwray.com/consult or you can just click on the link in the show notes and I’ll be happy.
- [00:30:45] Wendi: To get with you and discuss where we can help you so that you can start having better relationships and really just overall. Better emotional wellbeing. All right, ladies, have a beautiful rest of your week. Talk to you soon. Bye.
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